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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832983">Sense of Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/leanneegg/pseuds/wolfbrothers'>wolfbrothers (leanneegg)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, Diaz Brothers, F/F, Fix-It, Fix-it adjacent, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I guess? maybe more like, Life is Soft 2, M/M, Multi, Post-Redemption Ending (Life is Strange 2), Redemption Ending (Life is Strange 2), actually uh not entirely happines, but they recover from their trauma!, hwp (happiness without plot), i just want them to be happy ok, maybe lots of trauma, maybe some trauma, please</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>129,129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832983</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/leanneegg/pseuds/wolfbrothers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After surrendering at the border, Sean is only sentenced to one year in prison. Upon his release, it's time to find out what to do with the life that he had never been expecting to have. </p><p>An alternative redemption ending fic that spans the fifteen years after the events at the border, but in this version, the Diaz brothers get the lives they deserved. I just want to see my boys happy and safe, that's all I ask.</p><p>Fic title and all chapter titles are all either from the soundtrack, or my 'Songs that Radiate Life is Strange 2 energy' playlist on Spotify</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassidy &amp; Lyla Park, Cassidy/Lyla Park, Daniel Diaz &amp; Chris Eriksen, Daniel Diaz/Chris Eriksen, Sean Diaz &amp; Finn, Sean Diaz/Finn, Sean Diaz/Finn McNamara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>210</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Endings and Beginnings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>“So how does the story of the wolf brothers end?”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>“I think their story ends right here”</em> </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“So, you think there might be hope?” The look in Daniel’s eyes as he spoke made Sean feel suddenly tired. He caught his own cynicism reflected in Claire’s face as she placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. Sean wanted so badly to do the same, but not here. One hug on arrival, one as they left. They were strict on that rule here.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe, Daniel,” Sean said eventually, moving to run his hand through his hair before remembering it had been shaved close not long after his arrest.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I promised you, in the motel that night, remember? I promised you I wouldn’t lie.” Sean was fighting hard to keep his voice from breaking. “So I’m going to be honest, my odds are, uh, not great.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“But there’s proof now! He’s come forward, he’s gonna testify that you didn’t do it!”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Claire shook her head at the same time that Sean did. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“One witness isn’t likely-“ she began to say at the same time that Sean said “a cop died, Daniel.” He spoke a little more harshly than he had meant to.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">There was a long silence, and Sean could feel his own heart breaking as he watched Daniel wilt.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“It’s my fault” he said quietly. “I could come forward, I could-“</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“No, Daniel. We’ve been through this. It’s not your fault. And they wouldn’t believe you anyway.” Sean lowered his voice. “You saw how they reacted after you broke us out at the border. They want to pretend so badly that something like what you have couldn’t exist.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Daniel nodded, forced a smile. Sean wasn’t buying it, but he played along anyway.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey enano, you never know, maybe… Maybe Brett might actually help.” Sean hated getting Daniel’s hopes up like this. Mostly though, he was afraid of letting himself have hope. Especially putting his fate at the hands of that asshole, the reason they were here in the first place. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">The guard called out that visiting hours were ending, and Daniel stood abruptly, near tackling Sean into a hug. Sean held him back, tight and close. He felt the tears welling behind his eyes and scrunched them closed. He had been crying a lot recently - now that it was over, the running done, only the memories of the past year left now. Nothing to fight for anymore, nowhere to run. Only shared trauma, and Daniel not there to share it with him. He wondered if Daniel had been crying a lot too.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Team howl?” Daniel asked, his voice almost timid as they pulled apart. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Not here, Daniel” Claire started, looking around uneasily at the other kids saying goodbye to their families in the visitation room. Claire was always so on edge here. He wondered who she thought the other inmates were. These kids were no different from them. Everyone here had only done what they had to to survive. He hoped he’d be able to explain that to them one day - and to Daniel especially.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“aow-aow-aowwooooo” Sean half-whispered, smiling down at Daniel whose smile grew again, howling back. They were quiet, but it helped. Almost.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“That’s enough,” huffed the guard in the corner, and Daniel scowled. Sean watched as the guard turned his back, and as he looked back at Daniel, he saw the telltale glare of concentration on his face, the twitch of his hand.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Enano…”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Daniel just smirked, and Sean spun around as behind him, the guard tumbled down flat on his face, the shoelaces of his boots tied together.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He couldn’t help it, Sean let out a snort of laughter as Daniel doubled over in giggles. God, he wanted more of this. He had spent so long raising his brother, scolding him and teaching him best he could. Now all he wanted to do was laugh with him again. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Claire gave him a brisk hug too, before they were ushered out. It was a little stiff, a little awkward, but he appreciated it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“He doing ok?” Sean whispered as she held him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“As well as can be expected. He has Chris, at least, and us” she said quietly, giving his hand a squeeze as they parted.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, and before I forget,” she said as she turned to leave. “Your friend, Finn. He wants you to call him, now that the money we sent has cleared. We made sure he was on your list of contacts.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks, Claire.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean wondered if she could tell the way his heart had risen up in his chest at those words.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He waved over at Daniel, who would always wave until the last possible second when he was out of sight. And as Daniel disappeared, and Sean let his arm fall back down to his side, he was alone again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">***</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey there, sweetie.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Finn.” Sean’s voice was a breathy laugh as he clutched the receiver to his ear, the tears prickling his eyes again. He propped an arm on the phone box, leaning over towards it so that none of the other boys could see him cry.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“How have you been, Finn? It’s so fucking good to hear your voice.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Could be worse, man, could be worse. Community service sucks but…” He trailed off. “It’s no juvie that’s for sure. Sucks fucking ass that I can’t come visit though.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I miss you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It was a long while before anybody spoke, and for a second Sean wondered if he had come on too strong. It wasn’t often Finn was at a loss for words. At the hospital, he had told Sean he loved him, but he couldn’t help worrying that Finn was too much of a free spirit to lie awake missing him the way Sean did.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">When he finally spoke though, Finn’s voice broke in a way he had never heard before.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“How you holding up there, Sean?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Could be better.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I feel you man. I wish…”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“How’s our little super bro?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed. “You tell me, I think he speaks to you more than me these days.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Aw, come on man, we’re kindred spirits me and him. Plus you know he misses you like fucking crazy.” Another long pause from Finn. “Something else we’ve got in common.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean paused to wipe the tears from his eyes with a swipe of his hand.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll be honest, I’m worried about him. He’s too hopeful about Brett’s testimony.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah I heard about that. Something about a gas explosion?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what the lawyer told me, yeah. Said he’s made a full recovery and stepped up, he’s going to testify that me and Daniel were both still on the ground when… When the explosion happened.” There was no way these calls weren’t recorded. He had to be careful not to get Daniel mixed up in all this.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe he’s right Sean, maybe this is something-“</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t, Finn.” Sean snapped back, running his hands over his shaved head as he regained his composure. “I’m sorry, I just. I can’t hope.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“All good, man.” Finn said quietly. “I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck. What I wouldn’t give to be with you in San Diego right now.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Finn chuckled. “Yeah, super bro could use his, uh, special skills to help with my community service. And then we could go to the beach and get high, watch the sunset.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“That sounds perfect.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Move it along Diaz.” Sean started, turning to see a line forming behind him, angry faces waiting for the phone.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I gotta go, Finn, but listen. I’ve missed you so goddamn much. Stay out of trouble ok? So you can come visit soon.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I will do my best Sean, and you do the same. I know you don’t wanna give yourself hope, but you never know. Maybe you’ll be visiting me first.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“God I fucking love you Finn.” The words were out before he could stop them.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You too, sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean hung up, the kid behind him shoving just a little too hard on his way past to the phone. It was so very very hard not to hope for redemption when there were so many people he loved out there waiting for him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Someone to Stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My deepest apologies if you're here for plot. You get tearful reunions and soft moments instead.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>One year. The words rang out and Sean struggled to comprehend them. Just one year. Conditional on good behaviour of course. For running, and for the car. The car theft was the only really solid case they had on him in the end. Brett’s testimony had been what swayed the evidence in his favour to avoid a murder charge. It had been Daniel, though, who had captured the hearts of the jury. Daniel, who had gone up and talked for what felt like hours, who had recounted what parts of their journey he could without incriminating them further, without admitting to his powers. Daniel, who had cried in front of the court, who had spoken with the sincerity that only a ten year old can about how Sean had protected him all this time. </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Sean thought for the thousandth time about how his brother had been forced to grow up far too quickly. </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Just one year. He would be eighteen. One year of his life. That’s not so bad. Better than he could have dreamed, actually. One year, that’s all. </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"> <em>* * *</em> </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It had been the longest year of his life. Longer, even, than his time on the road. The months that, when he thought back on his life, seemed to take up most of it. Somehow, he found this waiting so much harder than running. Lying low and keeping his head down as he let the days and weeks wash over him until his release. He hadn’t slept the night before, though he wasn’t sure why. Excitement maybe? But also something closer to anxiety. Because, well, what now?</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">But he couldn’t get wrapped up in all of that. <em>Now</em> meant collecting his clothes and walking out of this place and hugging his family. It didn’t mean the rest of his life. Just the next twenty-four hours. Just make it through the day. He’d gotten good at this mentality over that last year.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It only truly felt real to him when they gave him his clothes back. As the guard left to let him change, the sight of his old patched up jeans and hoodie knocked the air from his lungs. Suddenly the last two years of his life felt like something tangible. The person he had been before it all started, the person he had been at the border, the person he was now. It all came together as he slipped back into the clothes that had seen him through it all. He put the backpack on, feeling the still-familiar weight of it for a moment before letting the guard know he was ready. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">At the gate, his eyes only had a moment to adjust to the sunlight. A blur of movement and Daniel had launched himself at him, throwing his arms around Sean and almost knocking the breath out of him. Fuck. When did he get so tall? He dropped to his knees and held Daniel tighter than he had ever held anyone before.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Okay, Sean,” Daniel said after a while. “I missed you but, you can let go now.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed, pulling apart from his brother, trying and failing to disguise the sob that rumbled beneath the laughter.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” a voice behind Daniel called. A thinner, shakier voice than he remembered. “You gotta share, kid,” came the voice as Lyla approached.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my god, Lyla.” He stood slowly, and she pulled him close too. Slower, maybe more tentatively at first than Daniel had, but just as tightly. He had been so alone the past year. With each hug he was finding it harder to let go. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You never get to do that to me again, asshole,” she cried into his ear. He laughed, but she didn’t. “I’m serious. I’m getting you an iPhone as a late birthday present and I’ll be watching you on Find My Friends constantly.” She laughed a little then, stepping aside to allow more embraces with Stephen as he approached, explaining that Claire was waiting for them back at Beaver Creek, setting something up. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean took a deep breath to steady himself. Took in the warmth and sunlight of the prison car park. It wasn’t so different to the yard, all concrete and cage, but it felt worlds apart. It was impossible not to notice how different it felt to be on the outside of the cage this time. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Feeling a little weak from the teary-eyed reunions, he turned to put his bag in the trunk of the car. That was when he saw her there, hovering just a little behind the rest of them.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Mom,” he breathed, dropping the backpack to his feet and running to her. The name had slipped out in shock, but he didn’t try to take it back. Instead he let her scoop him up into a hug and held her tight, thinking of the last time they had held each other like this, at Away.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“How are you even here?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I did a little time too, but that’s over now. I’m here. We both are.” She cupped his face in one hand, and with the other, she scooped Daniel over. Sean let himself feel, just for a moment, like a kid again. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He would have stayed there forever, if Stephen hadn’t cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Let’s get going,” he said, his voice gentle. “Claire’s looking forward to seeing you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Where, uh… How far are we? From Beaver Creek I mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed to be asking. He had only been in this prison for about a month, having been moved from juvie on his eighteenth birthday. Claire and Stephen had practically begged to have him sent close by. Everyone had been surprised when it had actually worked out. He knew that he was in Oregon somewhere, but that was about as far as his knowledge extended.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Karen seemed to understand his embarrassment. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Just a couple hours away in the car.” She placed a hand on his shoulder with a comforting squeeze, then chuckled. “Maybe longer with Dad driving.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Stephen laughed at that, nudging her. “Watch it, they haven’t taken my license away yet.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, only because they’ve forgotten you still have it.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean watched in bemusement as Karen and Stephen play-argued. How much had he missed? He knew that Daniel had moved in to Karen’s old room after he was put in Claire and Stephen’s custody. So, they had relaxed on that front at least. But to see them like this again, teasing and playful, was beyond strange. He threw a look to Daniel, a “what the hell?” Kind of expression. Daniel only beamed back.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know” he mouthed, putting an arm around Sean’s waist as they stood and watched their mother and grandpa joke and laugh as if the last ten years had never happened.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Lyla came up behind them, throwing one arm around Sean’s neck and ruffling Daniel’s hair with the other. Only Lyla could get away with that, Sean thought with a laugh.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Weird, right?” Lyla whispered to Sean, watching Karen too.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“So fucking weird,” Sean agreed. But he couldn’t stop smiling as he said it. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean was offered shotgun, but it would, he decided, have been stranger to sit apart from them all. Instead he sat stuffed into the back seat, Daniel wedged in between him and Lyla. Perfectly uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">There was silence for a long while. Sean couldn’t tell if it was an awkward silence or not, but he put an arm around Daniel anyway, enjoying the quiet together. Lyla did the same, holding Daniel and each other, and Sean smiled as he stared out at the road.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey Daniel,” Sean whispered eventually.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You got a new PlayBox for your birthday right?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah! I’ve got all the games I used to have plus some new ones!”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Can I have a turn, when we get back?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Sure!” His voice filled with excitement. “And we can play multi-player, and have a pizza and games night like we used to!”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Woah, you really did miss me,” Sean laughed “I don’t remember the last time you let me have a turn on the PlayBox without a fight.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Daniel looked away, face reddening. Sean ruffled his hair with a chuckle, and Daniel only halfheartedly shrugged him off.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, how come you don’t shrug Lyla off?”</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s1">“Because I’m awesome that’s why.” </span> <span class="s1">Lyla caught Sean’s eye and grinned. God, it was good to see her. She hadn’t been able to visit often, he had seen her maybe a handful of times over the last year. It had been difficult for anyone to visit, but especially Lyla. She didn’t drive, and her mom wasn’t Sean’s biggest fan.</span></p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“How long are you staying for?” Sean asked after a moment, his voice low</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“A couple days, I think. Still trying to figure some stuff out about school.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">She seemed unwilling to discuss it further, and they all settled back in to a comfortable silence for most of the drive. It was enough for Sean, watching the roads fly past, his brother and his best friend beside him. He knew he would have time for a real talk with Lyla soon, but for now, he enjoyed the drive.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It didn’t feel like a long journey. Soon enough, he started recognising streets and houses. The diner he used to go to as a kid with his parents and grandparents before Daniel was born, the park he nearly broke his arm in by throwing himself from the swing, not long before Karen left - desperate to win back the attention that tiny baby Daniel had stolen from him. The patch of land that had held the Christmas market, where he and Daniel had met Cass and Finn for the first time.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Seized by a sudden urge, Sean rolled down the window, extending his head out as he watched Beaver Creek roll by. He savoured the wind on his face as the chill of autumn began to creep in.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He took a deep breath, feeling rather than seeing Lyla and Daniel’s eyes on him. He ignored the stares.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Aoowwwwooooooooooo!” He howled, as loudly as his lungs would allow before turning back to grin at Daniel. It was his first real, ear-to-ear grin in almost two years. Daniel’s seat belt was off within seconds, clambering over Sean with no hesitation, sticking his head out the window to howl with him while Lyla laughed, clearly confused. Karen and Stephen rolled their eyes, smiles creeping across their faces too as they watched the residents of Beaver Creek stare on in shock.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">As they pulled close to Stephen and Claire’s house, Sean fell suddenly silent, listening. Daniel stopped just a moment later, watching him, a new kind of grin, a grin of mischief, spreading across his face.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Why’d you stop Sean?” Daniel asked, an almost taunting quality to his voice, still grinning like he knew something Sean didn’t.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Lyla, subtle as ever, shushed him, pulling Daniel back to his seat with a swat around the head. But Sean barely noticed, because the sound was getting louder now. Somebody was howling back.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Is that - Fuck!” Sean thumped his head on the car roof in his excitement, Daniel whooping with laughter behind him, but Sean was already trying to scramble out of the car, slowing but not entirely at a stop as it pulled in to the Reynolds’s driveway.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He launched himself towards the figure standing there, yanked back by the seat belt, which Daniel did nothing to help with, choosing instead to snort with laughter while Sean fumbled with the clasp.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Finally free of the car, Sean saw him clearly. Finn, standing there, holding an enormous bunch of “welcome back” balloons. He was smiling that easy lazy grin of his, as if this wasn’t their first time seeing each other in person in almost a year and a half.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean didn’t stop and let himself think. He had spent the last year thinking - thinking of this moment over and over again - instead he just let himself act. He dived at Finn, all inhibitions forgotten. Well, almost. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Do you - uh, is it okay if I kiss you?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean was holding Finn’s face in his hands, breathless from the run across the lawn, lips only a hair’s breadth from each other before he hesitated. The sensible voice in his head took over. But Finn only laughed.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hell fuckin’ yeah, my man.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">So Sean kissed him. Hard. And just like that a year of fantasy - of dreaming and imagining, of rehearsing pick-up lines to an empty cell - was real. And it was so much better than he’d hoped.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Daaamn, Sean,” Finn laughed, holding his forehead to Sean’s, tracing a thumb along his cheek. Sean thought about feeling embarrassed, wondered if he should be, but god, he was just so fucking happy. “And they say you’ve got no game.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean closed his eyes, let a shy smile play across his lips. He was still holding Finn’s face, could feel the outline of his jaw beneath his hand, and he trailed his fingers softly towards his neck, Finn’s pulse beating faster than he would have thought possible if it hadn’t been the perfect echo of his own.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Damn,” Finn repeated, still breathless. “If you’d kissed me like that back at camp maybe I’d have said fuck the money, let’s just go make sweet love under the stars.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean let out a whooping laugh, part surprise, part relief, and part rushing realisation that he was here, he was safe. He was surrounded by people he loved, and it was over. It was all, finally, over.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Too soon?” Finn asked, laughing along.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Not nearly soon enough.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Uh, so yeah, surprise!” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It was Daniel who had spoken. They both turned to see him only half paying attention to the balloons that Finn had forgotten at some point after Sean had thrown himself at him. He was using his powers to pull them back towards him with an ease that suggested he’d had a lot of practice over the last year. Mostly, Daniel was watching them with the kind of smug satisfaction of a kid who had engineered this whole thing.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t want to alarm you honey” Finn whispered into Sean’s ear as he registered this, “but I’m gonna go ahead and assume that most of our audience wasn’t aware of your fluid outlook on sexuality.” Finn’s voice had that lilting playful quality that Sean remembered so well. He looked around at the faces around him, knowing that he should be nervous or embarrassed. Knowing that a couple of years ago, maybe he would be. But it all seemed so trivial now, especially with Finn standing beside him, that all he wanted to do was laugh.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">The awkward averted gaze of Stephen, Karen’s eyebrows shooting up almost to her hairline, and Lyla’s jaw practically on the floor. Between them all, Daniel, smirking ear to ear, balloons now back in his hand.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” Sean said, holding back his laughter as best he could. “So this is Finn, everyone.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Lyla looked about ready to beat his ass. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Well,” Stephen cleared his throat. “My philosophy has always been to each their own Sean, but maybe I’d best go have a quick word with Claire before you head in. Just, a little forewarning.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Karen seemed to be recovering from the shock, rolling her eyes at Stephen as he made his way inside. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t worry about it kid. I live in a desert commune full of hippies. You also spent the last two years of your life either on the run or in prison. I doubt kissing a boy will be that big of a scandal in comparison. I’ll have a word with her.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">She exchanged a quick hug and a “great to finally meet you” with Finn before following Stephen inside.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean turned his attention to Daniel, still grinning up at him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You little-“</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You’re welcome,” Daniel beamed. Sean couldn’t help but smile back.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“How did you even-“</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“My dues have been paid,” Finn cut in. “Feds are finally fucking done with me. I wanted to come visit as soon as I could leave the state, but super bro here wanted to surprise you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Of course he did.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“There’s more!” Daniel was so contagiously giddy. “I’m gonna go check inside, make sure it’s all set up, ok? I’ll get you when it’s done.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Daniel sped off inside, until it was just Sean, Finn, and Lyla left. Lyla still hadn’t closed her mouth.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, look Lyla, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you I was bi sooner.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I knew you were bi, Sean, you’ve literally been wearing that bi pride wristband since freshman year.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean’s mouth opened slightly in surprise, and Finn doubled over in laughter beside him, a hand on his shoulder to prop himself up.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I just, I wish you’d told me that Finn was more than just a friend. You’ve told me so much about him you asswipe, you didn’t think to mention that little detail? From the look of whatever that was you’re clearly very into him. Jenn could only <em>dream…</em>”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Maybe it was something on his face, some instinctive reaction to the mention of Jenn. His old life. His old crushes and problems. The person he was back before he’d had any idea about what real problems could look like. Maybe there was just a flicker in his face that Lyla saw, reminding her that of course there were parts of Sean that she didn’t know any more. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t still try to get to know the new him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey Sean!” Daniel’s head poked out from around the front door. “You can come inside now!” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean nodded at Daniel before throwing an anxious glance at Lyla, who sighed.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You got any cute friends, Finn?” Lyla said eventually, rolling her eyes in the way that she always did to show that she was giving up on an argument.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“So many,” Finn said, throwing an arm around her as they turned to go inside. “Not as cute as Seany here but I’m sure we could come to some kind of arrangement.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Lyla snorted, and Sean was filled with a warmth as he watched, following them into the house. A kind of hope rose in his chest. He could never get his old life back. Not without his dad. Not after everything. But maybe this new life could be alright.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">* * *</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">The surprise Daniel had been so excited about had been a joint welcome home and belated birthday party. They ordered pizza and sushi, everyone lounging together in the living room, eating horrendous amounts and talking until late into the evening. Claire had been unexpectedly warm when he’d arrived, seeming genuinely happy to have him staying with them. Chris was there too, with his dad. He seemed happier. They both did.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">The night was everything he could have hoped for. He didn’t speak much - what did he have to offer? For him, every day had been the same. But it filled him with so much joy just to sit there and listen. As the night crept on, his eyelids grew heavy, but he forced them open whenever they drooped. The emotions of the day, the sleepless night, it all took its toll, but Sean would have given anything to make that night last forever.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It was Karen who noticed in the end.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Get yourself to sleep, Sean,” her voice was kind, something like understanding in it. “We’ll all still be here in the morning.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Lyla and Finn, it turned out, were staying at the Reynolds’s for the weekend. Lyla was taking the couch, while Finn was happy to pitch a tent in the back yard. Because Daniel had taken Karen's childhood bedroom, Karen had been in the guest room, but had an air mattress on the floor of Daniel's room for tonight. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“We thought you might appreciate the guest room to yourself” Claire explained, “after - well, we thought it would be nice. There are some clean clothes in there for you too.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you, Claire.” Sean stifled a yawn as he rose. “And, everyone. Thank you. I’m so -“ His voice hitched just slightly in his throat. “I’ll see you all in the morning,” he said eventually. The safest option, he decided, to avoid tears in his exhausted state.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean dragged himself to bed, the sounds of everyone else clearing up and readying themselves for sleep behind him as he climbed the stairs. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He was just beginning to drift off when he heard the door open softly.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, what’s up?” Sean’s voice was bleary with sleep, but Daniel didn’t say anything. Instead, he climbed quietly into the bed and curled up close to his big brother. Sean couldn’t do anything but wrap his arms tight around him. They lay there for a moment in silence. Daniel’s body began to shake, little hiccupping sobs muffled into Sean’s chest.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean hugged him closer, burying his face in his hair.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know, enano. I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">They lay like that for a long time, letting themselves feel the fullness of their trauma, holding each other as they cried. The wolf brothers howled their pain into the night until they fell asleep in each other’s arms.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">That night, for both of them, was the first night in over a year that hadn’t been plagued by nightmares.</span>
</p><p class="p4"> </p><p class="p4"> </p><p class="p4"> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Look for Sympathy, pt.1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean woke with the sunlight that dappled the room, creeping in through the shutters. It took a moment, stretching in the too-comfortable bed, to remember where he was. Daniel still slept beside him. Sean lay there for a while, smiling. It wasn’t that long ago, he remembered, that Daniel would invariably be up at the crack of dawn. But he was fast approaching teenage years, he realised with a start. Daniel gave a little snort in his sleep, and Sean couldn’t help himself. Knowing the risk he was taking, of crossing over from cool big brother to embarrassing parent figure, he leant over, planting a soft kiss on Daniel’s head, hesitating for a moment to breathe in his smell. He hadn’t even realised that his brother had smelled a certain way until that moment. Hadn’t realised he’d missed it until then. Daniel smelled like home. More like home than anything else by that time. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ok, that’s enough of that,” Sean said quietly to himself as he pulled away. “Got the rest of our lives to be the sentimental big brother.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He climbed out of the bed as lightly as he could to avoid waking Daniel, and pulled on the fresh pair of jeans hanging up in the closet that had been stocked full of clothes by Claire. He threw on a fresh t-shirt too, then, after a moment of hesitation, his wolf squad hoodie. He didn’t stop to analyze this decision too hard. He wondered if it was strange that he should have such an attachment to something so closely tied to the worst moments of his life. But it brought a kind of comfort with it, and who was he to deny himself moments of comfort after everything that had happened?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The house was silent as he crept down the stairs, catching sight of the clock in the kitchen as he passed. It was barely seven. Claire and Stephen usually woke early, but Finn and Karen he knew would sleep until near midday if left to their own devices. He snuck quietly into the living room.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Lyla” he stage-whispered, making his way towards the couch where she slept.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, Lyla” he tried again, louder this time. She stirred in her sleep, but didn’t wake.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He crept up behind her, crouching over the back of the couch, and very, very close to her ear, whispered her name once more.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fu- Sean!” She sat bolt upright, gasping, and Sean leant back on his heels trying to stifle his laughter.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sean. fucking. Diaz. You. Do not. Sneak up. On a girl. With. Anxiety!” She punctuated every other word with a blow from her pillow.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry,” Sean said, still smiling, and honestly not sounding very sorry at all.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“May I?” He gestured to the couch, and she rolled her eyes, moving aside to give him space as he clambered over the back of the couch and under the blanket with her. She lay her head on his shoulder, and when he wrapped his arm around her, he could feel her trembling.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shit Lyla. I really am sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t worry about it” she sighed, “you didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t know what to say to that for a moment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish I did. I wish I’d been there to help, that I hadn’t lost so much time with you.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“To be honest, Sean, if you’d been there, this wouldn’t have happened.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean’s heart dropped.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shit, Sean, that’s not what I - sorry. It’s obviously not your fault. Just suffering from dumb bitch syndrome.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She screwed her eyes shut tight, and lay her head on his chest, wrapping an arm around him. He lay his cheek on her head.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, Lyla, please don’t be sorry. It wasn’t my fault I had to run. It was neither of our faults that all that - shit - went down. But it still fucking sucks that it happened. You get to be angry that it did.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He felt her give a small nod.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Prison made you wise.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He let out a little breathy laugh, her hair shifting beneath him as he did.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sean?” She said after a moment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“At some point, as soon as you’re ready…” She trailed off, shaking her head. He gave the top of her head a nudge with his cheek, urging her to go on.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t have to, but… I know you couldn’t tell me everything in prison. Visitation was too short, and there was no privacy in the calls. But, I just, I want to know, Sean. I want to know everything. What you went through, who you met, where you went.” Her voice was so small.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took a deep breath.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He thought about saying no. He thought about telling her he wasn’t ready, not yet at least. He thought about keeping those memories locked away - the memories that he hadn’t gone a single day over the last year without playing on repeat. The worst of them. The hurt. The fear. The losses. But also the best of them. The long conversations. The nights by the campfire. Watching Daniel grow stronger and smarter and kinder. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He considered for a long moment the temptation to keep all of it inside, where it couldn’t hurt anybody but him. With a sigh, he realised that it would be his first time recounting the whole journey out loud. He needed this. Lyla did too.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve got some time now, if you do.” He said, eventually. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He sat upright a little, and he knew Lyla could feel his heart beating fast as he thought about where to start.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took a breath.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sean?” Daniel appeared in the living room, still bleary eyed and in his pyjamas.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Morning sleepyhead. C’mere.” He gestured to the couch, and Daniel climbed in with them. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I woke up and you weren’t there.” He seemed so young in that moment that it almost broke Sean’s heart.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, look at me.” Daniel wedged himself in between Sean and the back of the couch, looking up at Sean, who placed a hand on his back. “I’m not going anywhere enano.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Daniel nodded, and everyone was quiet for a moment.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was going to tell Lyla what happened. But it’s your story too. Do you think you’re up to it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think so. Could… could you tell it though? I think I’ll just listen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sure.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He took another deep breath.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was after Dad died..."</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Every word hurt to say, every memory hurt to recount, but each one brought with it a sense of peace that he hadn’t known for a long time. Laying there, with Daniel and Lyla, comfortable and finally, truly, safe.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They must have been there for hours. The sun crept across the sky, but nobody else in the house stirred. For hours, Sean talked, punctuated by Lyla’s gasps or cries or, at times, laughter. Daniel got braver as it went on, throwing in wild exaggerations that Sean let slide, and interjecting with his own additions for points that Sean had forgotten.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When we got back to the border, and the police were everywhere, I just…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean hesitated. He had no idea how to describe what had happened to him that day in the car after he had turned the ignition off.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was like I could see the future. I saw the paths ahead of us. I saw our options so clearly. None of them looked good. But, I guess, I knew that giving myself up could mean Daniel got a life here you know? Even if I got locked up for years.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No life without you.” Daniel mumbled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean shook his head, unsure what to say, and pulled Daniel tight to him.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The last year has been so fucking hard. But I’m lucky. I’m so glad to be back here.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They fell into silence for a long time. From the foot of the stairs, Karen cried silently with her head between her knees. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">* * *</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claire and Stephen, it turned out, had not been in bed at all, but out. They came in to find Karen still at the foot of the stairs, eyes red and puffy. She shook her head, placed a finger on her lips. They went on ahead to the living room to find the three kids lying together in a heap on the couch and decided not to ask too many questions.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry we couldn’t be back in time for breakfast,” Claire called as they rose to greet her. “We picked up lunch though.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean felt his stomach rumble and noticed the time. It was past noon.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Awesome, I’m starving,” Daniel said, rushing to the kitchen. Lyla was still wiping her eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll go wake Finn.” Sean slipped out the back door quietly while the others crowded the kitchen.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, Finn,” he called as he approached the tent. Listening for a response, Sean smiled at the soft snores that rose from part opened tent.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Slowly, he unzipped the tent, crawling in and zipping it closed again. Sean lay beside the sprawled-out Finn, turning to face him. He blew gently on his face.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The fuck? Oh!” Finn rubbed his face, and Sean grinned back.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“‘Sup, hot stuff. Back for round two?” Finn groaned and stretched as he spoke, turning to rest on his side, one arm propping up his head, the other thrown lazily around Sean.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wish. It’s nearly one. They’re all in the kitchen dishing out lunch. We should get in there fast if we want to eat.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The whole clan, huh?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What, meeting the family too much for you?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finn smiled, his eyes still half-closed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Actually it was kinda awesome. You’ve got one hell of a family there man.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah,” agreed Sean. “Almost perfect.” The absence of his dad had been felt all the more keenly when the whole family was together.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finn opened his eyes fully then, and met Sean’s. Sean looked away fast.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You know your mom asked me last night if I was your boyfriend?” Finn said after a long pause, smirking.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean groaned, grateful for the change in topic.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wow, very smooth Karen. What’d you say to that?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That gender’s all a construct, so like, what even is a boy anyway?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I bet she loved that answer.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finn let out a barking laugh. “I think she gets me man. Gets us. You’re more like her than you know.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean nodded, not sure what to say to that.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Besides,” Finn continued. “Didn’t want to step on any toes, who knows how many prison bitches a snack like you had.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This was one of those moments when Sean felt so unsure about Finn. Everything was a joke when Finn said it. He could never figure out what was real, what he really felt underneath the jokes and digs.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I actually kept pretty much to myself.” He said quietly. Then, heart thudding, “Plus, didn’t have much time for guys, too busy daydreaming about this.” He ignored the anxiety in his chest - the tightness that was always too concerned with rejection or looking like a loser to act - and pulled Finn close, kissing him softly.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That so?” Finn breathed back after a long moment. Sean smiled, his mouth still on Finn’s.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Mhm.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean pulled away, sitting up and moving to unzip the tent.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Food. Come on.” He said, laughing at the look of total disappointment on Finn’s face. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">He left, walking backwards towards the house, still laughing. Finn sat dazed, running a hand through his hair. It was the strangest thing in the world to Sean, the thought that he could have this effect on someone.</span> <b></b></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Finn’s on his way,” Sean called out once he got back inside. Only Lyla seemed to catch sight of the smile on his face, eyebrow raised.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Karen had joined them by then, and they were dishing out burgers and fries when Finn sauntered in.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It didn't take long for the food to be swept up in the chaos. Daniel seemed so giddy with excitement at being allowed to eat junk food. A lot had changed, Sean realised, since it had just been the two of them. They ate mostly in silence, but it was the kind of silence that Sean had longed for - the silence of people who knew that there was no rush. They'd all still be there when they were ready to talk again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When they had all finished eating, Claire cleared her throat.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sean,” her voice was sombre. “Stephen and I, we were sorting some things out in town this morning, we’d like to talk to you if you have a moment.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean nodded, wiping his mouth on a napkin and giving Daniel a look. Daniel just shrugged.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claire turned towards Stephen’s study, beckoning to Sean to follow, but before he did he saw that Karen had stood too. Things had been a little tense last night between Claire and Karen, and he hesitated, worried that an argument might be brewing. Instead, Stephen placed a hand on Karen’s arm. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Come on,” he said. “You’re his mother.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The three of them followed Claire into Stephen’s study, Sean feeling like a schoolboy about to be scolded.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claire sat down, offering Sean the seat beside her, while Stephen and Karen hovered nearby, leaning against the wall.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So Sean,” Claire began after a long pause. “We know you didn’t want to have to think about this kind of thing so soon after… coming home.” Claire always avoided talking directly about prison. Sean tried not to get too annoyed about it. She was being so good to him after all. He just wished she wouldn’t try to pretend that it had never happened. It’s not like he had the luxury of pretending.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But, well, we’ve been talking to the enrolment office at Beaver Creek High.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wait, this is about school?”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Sean,” Karen cut in, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We would completely understand if you’re not ready-”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She stopped talking when Claire gave her a look that could easily kill a lesser creature where it stood.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We know you’re eighteen.” Claire went on. “You are, yes, legally, well within your right to say no. But we also know that you were held back a year, when you arrived in… on account of not… being able to attend school for a while.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Karen rolled her eyes, and for a second Sean saw her as the teenager she had been, living with her parents in Beaver Creek. He wondered if this is how he used to act with his dad. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She means, that when you arrived at <em>juvie</em>, they started your education where you left off in Seattle. So you still need to sit your senior year to graduate.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We had a meeting at the high school here in Beaver Creek, and they will be more than happy to enrol you.” Claire finished. Her tone suggested that they hadn’t been anything close to happy before she’d made her voice heard. He was a little embarrassed at the thought of it, but something about Claire fighting his corner made him feel, well, safe almost. “Though they’ll be keeping a close eye on you. Your attendance and grades will need to be near perfect…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Claire kept talking, but Sean was only half listening. Attendance and grades felt like words from a life that he was worlds apart from now. Maybe the first few months after leaving Seattle, something like this - a return to normality - had been the kind of thing he dreamed about, but now… It felt so alien to him. Getting on a school bus each day, spending his evenings doing homework. Being tied down, he realised, would be the strangest part. He was out now, free. But would it feel like freedom, after all the time he had spent on the road, to be a high school student in sleepy Beaver Creek?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“…Now Daniel of course is already enrolled in the middle school here…”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And there it was. That was when Sean realised that school or no school, he was tied here anyway. No way was he leaving Daniel again. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Daniel’s in middle school already?” He realised as he spoke that he had interrupted Claire, but she only gave him a sad little smile.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“He’s growing up fast, Sean.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He put his head in his hands, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself. He couldn’t get angry at Claire. He knew she was only trying to help. But to act like she knew this better than he did - that she knew his brother better than he did - made him buzz with annoyance.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve got options, Sean.” Stephen said quietly. “There is some paperwork that needs to be done, but now that you’re eighteen, your dad… He had a will. The house in Seattle, and in Mexico. They belong to you. There was some money, too. Money he had been saving for you to go to college. A little for Daniel too.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But, Daniel’s here.” Sean said. It wasn’t a question.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes.” Stephen spoke softly. “He was placed into our custody, and he’ll stay here, at least until he’s eighteen.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean looked at Karen, who dropped her gaze.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then, no options. Not really. Leaving Daniel isn’t an option.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Nobody said anything to that.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re only a few weeks into the school year, Sean. Say the word and we can have you enrolled. But you need to decide soon.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sean hid his head in his hands, then slowly, reluctantly, gave a nod.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I think about it?” He said finally without looking up, his words muffled.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Of course.” Claire stood to leave, the others following, but Sean sat there for a moment longer. When they were all gone, he looked around the study, his eye caught by a framed photo that hadn’t been there the last time he was in here. Claire, Stephen, and Daniel stood smiling in front of the house. A banner behind them read <em>Welcome home, Daniel.</em></span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A lump formed in Sean’s throat and he blinked away the prickling in his eyes as he picked up the frame. This was Daniel’s home now. Sean didn’t think it ever could be for him, but his home was Daniel. So he would have to make it work, somehow.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(I do not know how or why Sean suddenly has game. He is however also filled with self doubt so, y’know, balance in all things)</p><p>(Also the fact that my love language is touch really jumped out in this chapter huh)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Look for Sympathy, pt.2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he got back to the living room, Daniel and Finn were playing some kind of car chase game on the PlayBox, with Lyla sat on the floor beside them cheering them on. The adults were nowhere to be found.</p><p>“Sean!” Daniel called, not tearing his eyes off the screen. “Come see this, I am beating Finn so hard at this game. You guys make such a perfect couple, you used to suck at this game too.”</p><p>Sean snorted, harder than he meant to, and Lyla gave him a look of confusion.</p><p>“Sorry,” he said, still chuckling as he sat cross-legged on the floor beside her. “It’s just funny, that of the three of us, Daniel’s the only one who doesn’t have a criminal record as a prolific car thief.”</p><p>“Wow,” Lyla said dryly. “You guys really said be gay do crime, huh?”</p><p>Finn let out a loud, booming laugh. “I like this one, Sean. Fuck - Hey little bro, how about you stop - shit, man…”</p><p>He half expected something defensive from Lyla. Maybe some comment about how, actually, it’s her that needs to approve of him, not the other way around. Instead, she just leant backwards a little on her arms, a poorly concealed smile playing across her face.</p><p>“When do you need to leave?” He asked quietly, while Finn and Daniel bickered about whether the race had been a fair one.</p><p>“Uh, today, I guess. I have school tomorrow.”</p><p>Sean groaned. “You too?”</p><p>“Yup, got held back. I guess not knowing if your best friend is dead or alive for months makes your grades suck a whole lot.” She gave him a playful nudge. “I’m joking, Sean. Not your fault.”</p><p>“I know, sorry. I’m just… Claire and Stephen want me to decide if I’m going back to school.”</p><p>“Weird.” </p><p>“Definitely.”</p><p>“I always pictured us graduating together.”</p><p>“I guess we’d still be graduating at the same time. That’s something.”</p><p>Daniel and Finn had stopped arguing, and Finn whipped his head around at Sean’s words.</p><p>“Wait, Sean, you’re graduating?”</p><p>Sean knew that Finn wasn’t much older than him. But something about him always made him seem so above things like school and grades. Like he was wiser than that, more experienced than school could ever make him. Sean rubbed the back of his neck, surprised at just how embarrassed he felt. </p><p>“Maybe,” he said, suddenly feeling deeply uncool just for considering it. “I don’t know. I mean, maybe it’s not for me.”</p><p>“Nah, man, you should go for it. I always kinda sucked ass at school, even before I did time. I got my education from the <em>school of life</em>. But you, Sean, you were like me. You got the same education as me, out on the road. We both had to get smart real quick. But now you got the chance to get the other kind. Might as well take it. The open road’ll still be there when you’re done.”</p><p>This seemed so totally unlike what Sean had expected from Finn that he just gaped for a moment, not sure what to say. But then, he remembered, Finn had always been the one of the gang who wanted to settle down. Finn had been through a lot, and he loved his life on the road, a life of chaos and freedom. But he hadn’t been the one to choose it - not at first. </p><p>“We could ride the bus together,” Daniel said quietly. “My school’s right next door.”</p><p>And that was it, wasn’t it? The decision was made. Daniel deserved normality. Even if Sean would never feel quite like it fit him any more.</p><p>Lyla had to leave pretty soon after that. They had put it off for as long as possible, and it would be past dark by the time she got back.</p><p>Karen was driving her home, and was planning on staying in a motel in Seattle for a few days before heading back, with some vague comment about having ‘things to deal with’ over there. She waited in the car while Lyla hugged them all goodbye at the door. It was, Sean realised absently, a car that he recognised from Away. Maybe Joan’s? </p><p>Lyla started her goodbyes with Claire and Stephen, thanking them for inviting her over. She hugged Finn, too, with an only partly joking “You treat him right, ok?” Finn of course, responded with a wink and a “sure will, sunshine.”</p><p>She hugged Sean next. And it hurt so bad to be saying goodbye to her after such a short time together.</p><p>“It’ll be ok,” she said, the two of them sniffling into each other’s shoulders, both reluctant to be the first to let go. “Because you’re gonna get yourself a phone and a laptop, like, tomorrow. At the latest. And we’re gonna FaceTime every day. And we can visit on weekends. It’s like, what, a four hour drive? You almost made it to Mexico from Seattle with one pair of shoes and forty bucks, if you don’t come visit then I’ll take it as a personal offence.”</p><p>They both laughed, but it was a weak, sad laugh.</p><p>She let go, wiping her eyes. “Ok, I’m really gonna go now-”</p><p>Sean pulled her back into another hug before she could step away. “It’s been so good to have you back, Lyla.” He didn’t even mind that his voice shattered as he said her name.</p><p>“You too.” She said, when he finally let her go again.</p><p>“Okay kid.” She turned to Daniel. “Come talk to me for a second.”</p><p>She led Daniel out to the car, out of earshot of the rest of them standing in the doorway, and knelt to look him in the eye. She didn’t really need to any more, but old habits die hard, Sean supposed. She spoke to him, both of them wearing a serious look, and he nodded. When she hugged him, he shut his eyes tight, wiping them fiercely with the back of his hand when they separated. She almost ran to join Karen in the car, like she was afraid she wouldn’t do it if she didn’t move quickly enough. </p><p>Sean saw Daniel run out into the road. He would wave them away the whole way down the street, like he always did. Sean, filled suddenly with an urge to join him, ran out to where Daniel stood, and waved emphatically at the car until it was out of sight.</p><p>When they turned a corner, Sean expected Daniel’s face to crumple. He knew how much his brother had missed Lyla, even if he had teased him about it in the past. Instead, Daniel placed a hand in his.</p><p>“You’ll be okay, Sean.”</p><p>Sean didn’t know what to say to that. He was so surprised that Daniel was trying to look after him that it took him a minute to realise that, actually, maybe he did need looking after. Seeing Lyla after all this time only to have her leave again. It hurt like hell.</p><p>“I know I will enano. As long as I’ve got you.”</p><p>They stood in the road for a moment longer, staring out at the spot on the horizon where the car had turned, then Sean put an arm around Daniel and turned back towards the house.</p><p>“What did she say to you, before she left?”</p><p>“Not telling.”</p><p>There he was. That was his annoying kid brother back.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Sean watched Daniel get ready for an early bedtime that night, groaning and complaining as Claire and Stephen insisted that he had school in the morning. There was something in that scene that felt so bizarrely normal. Seeing Daniel fit so well into that life again, he wanted it so badly for him. Normality would never quite fit Sean properly any more - he had outgrown it somewhere along the way - but it would be worth it if it meant that Daniel got to have it.</p><p>Long after Daniel was asleep, and Claire and Stephen had made their way up to bed, Sean and Finn still lounged on the couch downstairs. Finn sat at one end, his arm around Sean, who lay his weight against him, legs propped up along the length of the couch.</p><p>“I told them I would enrol.” Sean’s voice was soft and small.</p><p>“Is that what you want?”</p><p>“It’s what I want for Daniel.”</p><p>Finn let out a long breath. “I get you man. This shit’s hard, when there’s two of you. My brothers, we don’t look out for each other the way you and super bro do. It’s awesome, what you guys have. But…”</p><p>Sean braced himself for whatever was coming next.</p><p>“You’ll have to let him spread his wings eventually. Or whatever the wolf equivalent is. Stretch his haunches?”</p><p>Sean’s answering laugh was weak. He sat up, turning to face Finn.</p><p>“Dad left us money. For college. But, I guess, he’d saved enough for me. I think he thought he’d have more time to save for Daniel…”</p><p>“Well, that’s an option. Graduate high school, go to college. Become a super hot professor type.” </p><p>Even through the flirting, Sean could tell Finn didn’t seem convinced by this idea. He couldn’t blame him. The picture in his mind seemed like a wild fantasy, but not one he wanted for himself.</p><p>“You really think that’s me?”</p><p>“Honestly Sean, I have no idea. I know the you that I know. But the person you were before you got locked up, hell, the person you were before the road, none of that matters.” Finn tilted his head close to Sean’s, placing a finger on his chest. “It’s the person you wanna be that matters now.”</p><p>Sean leant in towards Finn, closing his eyes. He couldn’t picture wanting to be anyone but the person he had been with Finn in California. Maybe a less criminal version of that person, sure. But that freedom he had felt in the camp, with all of his friends, answering to nobody… He craved that so badly here, from his grandparents’ small-town suburb.</p><p>“One year.” Sean said finally, his voice filling with something close to resolution. “One year of playing pretend here. Pretend, normal, well-adjusted teenager. For Daniel’s sake. Then… Well then I figure it out.”</p><p>He hesitated, afraid to ask his next question. Afraid that he already knew the answer.</p><p>“And you?…”</p><p>Finn shook his head.</p><p>“I haven’t seen the others since… Since I fucked up. I’d like to get back out there, see them again. Back on the road.”</p><p>Sean had known this. He’d been expecting this. It didn’t make it easier.</p><p>“I guess, I’ll stay until you start school. You won’t have time for me after that anyway, you’re gonna have too many books and shit to read.” Finn gave a little laugh, but it faded quickly. “You know how it is… I miss my dog, man.”</p><p>Sean smiled at that. It was a sad smile, but it was real. He really did love Finn. After everything. He could be selfish, and reckless. Sometimes, there was such a thing as too carefree. But the things he did care about he cared for fiercely. Sean realised fully in that moment that he was one of those things, and with that awareness came the peace of knowing that no goodbye between him and Finn would ever truly be goodbye. Just like with Lyla. He had to keep reminding himself that he was free now. Not hiding or running, not holed up in Puerto Lobos, not behind bars. He could visit who he wanted, call whoever he wanted. Separation wouldn’t always be the permanent scar it had been for him so often recently.</p><p>“If you’re leaving soon,” Sean said after a long while, “how would you feel about sleeping in a real bed for a while first.”</p><p>“You know me,” Finn’s rare moment of solemnity passed as a grin crept back across his face. “I can get my head down anywhere there’s good company.”</p><p>“You’re in luck then,” Sean stood, extending a hand to Finn. “The particular bed I have in mind has excellent company.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>It had been hours later, Finn and Sean fast asleep, when the door opened and Daniel came running into the room. He didn’t seem to care at all that Finn was in the bed too. Instead, he climbed right in between them, and Sean in his half-asleep haze took a moment to realise that he was crying. He had nightmares most nights, he told him when Sean had asked. When he sleeps alone. Sean knew how he felt.</p><p>“Tell me about them, Daniel. The dreams. It might help.”</p><p>Finn had offered to leave at that, to go back to his tent and give the brothers some space to talk, but Daniel refused, saying that they were both his brothers. Sean wasn’t sure if he had seen right in the dark, but he could have sworn that Finn’s eyes had grown misty at those words.</p><p>“It’s about Haven point, most times. Sometimes about that night with Merrill. I keep dreaming that I’ve lost control of my power, or sometimes that I forget how to use it completely. And you get hurt, or die, or you do Finn, and-“ Sean held him while he cried, making empty reassurances. <em>It’s okay. You’re safe now.</em> Finn stroked Daniel’s hair in silence.</p><p>“I don’t want either of you to leave. Ever.” Daniel had said when he had calmed down. </p><p>Sean wanted so badly to say <em>I’m not going anywhere</em>.</p><p>He wanted to tell him that he would never leave his side ever again, and that they would always be close enough to share a bed when the nights got tough, but he couldn’t. He remembered the realisation that he’d had when Finn had told him he was leaving.</p><p>“It’s hard, enano.” Sean said after a long moment. “After what we went through, to think of goodbyes as something less than permanent. On the road, we had no idea when we would see anybody else again. We lost Dad, then Mushroom. We almost lost Finn.” He glanced up at Finn briefly in the dark before looking back to Daniel. “Brody, Claire and Stephen, Chris, Cassidy, Joan, hell even mom. We said so many goodbyes without ever knowing if we’d ever be able to meet again. But...” Sean struggled to find the words that he needed, realising even as he did that maybe he needed to hear this as badly as Daniel did. “What we went though, that’s not normal. We went through... So. Much. Shit. More than most people deal with in a lifetime. But one day, when the last two years are easier to cope with, further away… saying goodbye, being separated, it won’t hurt so much. I promise, Daniel. But I’m gonna stay by your side until then ok? I’ll stay with you until it stops hurting to say goodbye.”</p><p>It was, he realised, why he had found it so hard to make friends in juvie. Why he had kept so closely to himself. He had known, after his trial had ended and his unexpectedly short sentence was announced, that his time there had an expiry date. He was all too familiar with how it would feel to say goodbye to them when he left.</p><p>Their time on the road had fucked them up in a lot of ways, and they had a lot to unlearn. He wondered if, when the money came through from the will, he might be able to find someone for them to speak to. A therapist could help - even if Daniel could never be truly honest about some parts of himself.</p><p>“And hey,” Sean added after a moment, realising something as he thought about Daniel’s power. “There’s a lot of good reasons for you to feel out of control, but your power isn’t one of them. You’re amazing. Will it help with the bad dreams if we do some more training sessions after school? Remind you that you’ve got control over it.”</p><p>Daniel gave a small smile just visible in the grey light of almost-dawn. His eyes were beginning to droop. “I’d like that Sean.”</p><p>Sean watched his brother fall at last into a restful sleep. It was only when he knew Daniel was asleep that he allowed himself to cry.</p><p>“Look at me, Sean.” Finn whispered as the sobs wracked through Sean’s body. “Look at me.” Sean did, and Finn’s eyes were the most serious he had ever seen them. He reached over the sleeping Daniel and grasped Sean lightly by the back of the neck. </p><p>“You’re a cool big brother Sean. I don’t think you know how much you’ve helped that kid.” Sean couldn’t stem the flow of tears, though he felt embarrassed to have Finn witness them. He only shook his head and closed his eyes, stifling the sobs to keep from waking Daniel.</p><p>“No Sean, for real, look at me.” Sean forced his eyes back on to Finn’s, struggling for breath. “You. Are. Awesome. But, look. Daniel had to grow up too fast, and you hate that, I get it man, it sucks. But so did you. You were a kid too, and in the space of a day you had to become a man fast. I was the same. You gotta remember that, that sure Daniel deserved better, but so did you. He had you looking out for him, and in time he’s gonna live a happy life because of what you did for him. You gotta look out for yourself too, now ok? You gotta stop blaming yourself for every bad feeling Daniel has, because you’re not the cause. You’re the reason he’s happy, man. Every time that kid does some stupid kid shit, every time he laughs, or uses his power for some dumb fuckery like spooking Claire, you did that. He’s ok, 'cause of you.”</p><p>Sean wasn’t sure what to do with all of this sincerity from Finn. It was strange to hear, harder yet to accept when all he could think was how if he had truly done right by Daniel, truly helped him, then he wouldn’t be traumatised like this.  </p><p>“God Finn, I hope you’re right.”</p><p>“That’s me. I always am.” He saw Finn’s smirk in the dim light.</p><p>“There you are,” Sean said, smiling weakly as the tears began to slow and his lungs stopped gasping for air. “My light and breezy ‘everything’s a joke’ guy again.”</p><p>Finn chuckled softly. “Most things are a joke Sean. Most things. Not you, though. And not Daniel.”</p><p>Sean couldn’t say anything to that, his heart was so full and his body so exhausted, and the sobbing fit had drained the energy from his very soul. Daniel lay between them, and Sean put an arm around him, letting him curl up into his chest. On Daniel’s other side, Finn wrapped an arm around both of them.</p><p>Just as Sean began to let sleep take him, he heard Finn whisper.</p><p>“Fuck. I’ve fallen in so deep with you, it’s scary.”</p><p>He couldn’t even be certain he’d heard it right. Sleep took him fast then, holding his brother tight, and being held tight in return by the man who he felt pretty sure could be the love of his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(Fear of abandonment and separation anxiety? Maybe he’s born with it. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s a trauma response innit.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Anchor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">The rest of the week passed quickly. Too quickly for Sean. Claire and Stephen had informed the high school first thing Monday morning that he would be enrolling, and they would have everything ready for him to start the following Monday. It would be hard, they warned him, to catch up. Sean knew this. He knew how difficult the next year would be. Even more so because this meant that Finn would be leaving Sunday.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Early in the week, Claire took them out to look at phones and laptops, telling Sean that she would cover it as a late birthday present. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Really Sean, it’s no bother. Besides…” she added quietly when he protested, “consider it penance for the years of missed birthdays.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he had gratefully accepted, and it had felt amazing to FaceTime Lyla. He also set up a bank account, and registered with a nearby doctor so that he could seek some advice about his eye. Although, he supposed, it would be too late for school. He would be known as the new kid with the eyepatch for the rest of the year, even if he did get a glass eye after he started. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It was a strange feeling, all of this. Putting down roots here. Feeling like he was making a home for himself. Or, maybe home was a strong word for how Beaver Creek felt, but certainly something close to permanent. Finn helped some, though Finn’s carefree chaos, coupled with the knowledge that he would be leaving at the end of the week, made Sean crave all the more the freedom to leave with him. It was Daniel who got him through it most of all. During the days while Daniel was at school, he ran errands or explored the neighbouring woods with Finn. Then, in the evenings, the two boys would return to the Reynolds’s for dinner, back to the normality of a contented family life with Claire and Stephen. It all felt a bit alien to Sean. But seeing Daniel there, in such a homely setting, felt amazing. He got to be a kid again. He got to whine when he was told he couldn’t play video games before doing his homework. He got to play with Chris before dinner and would come home from school to regale Sean with stories about crazy shit his friends had gotten up to that day. It gave Sean such a warmth to see, despite the tinge of regret that he might never find joy in these things himself anymore.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean’s disconnectedness from this carefree kid life of school and homework and friends only grew with Karen’s return. The things she had been dealing with in Seattle, it turned out, were about the house. She’d been having some work done on it, fixing up the damage caused that day that had remained pretty much entirely untouched while the house had been in legal limbo until Sean’s eighteenth birthday.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“The deed is in your name now,” she told him privately when she had gotten back. “But the bills are in mine.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“What do you-”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You know, heating and power and water. I’ve set it up with the bank. If you ever want to go back there, even just for a visit, it can be a proper home. It’ll all be running.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Karen, you don’t have to-”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I want to Sean,” she had said with a sigh. “I should have been there for you and your brother as kids. I should have been there when Esteban died.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t be the mother you needed. Especially now, after you were acquitted of the murder charge. I can’t help but wonder… If I had been there, if you hadn’t run, maybe you wouldn’t have done any time at all.” She sighed, rubbing at her temples. It was something he had seen Claire do a lot since he had been back. He thought it best not to share this little resemblance with her. “I know I made the right choice in letting your dad raise you. But you were right, back at Haven Point. I should still have been… in touch, at least. Getting to know you. Supporting you. Consider this me making up for lost time.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You already made up for it, back at Haven Point, then in Away. You’ve already helped us.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“And it’s my job, as your mother, to keep helping you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It was a strange feeling, a feeling of falling down between the cracks of the childhood he missed and the adult he had been forced to become. He owned his dad’s house now. He had responsibilities, and assets. But alongside all of that, he felt such a rush of childlike joy at his mother’s words. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks, Ka- mom. Thanks, mom.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He hugged her then, letting himself pretend for a moment that he was just like any other teenager hugging his mom. Letting himself forget for a moment how badly he wished he could do the same with his dad.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Karen’s presence in the house made the evenings a little chaotic again, with the house so full when Daniel came back from school, and Sean used this time to make good on his promise to train Daniel. It helped Daniel, Sean knew, with the added bonus of getting them out of the house while Claire cooked dinner and Stephen and Karen watched, offering help which was refused, usually sparking an argument between Claire and Karen.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">When Finn and Sean took Daniel out to train, Chris would watch and cheer them on from the tree-house, sometimes throwing toys down for Daniel to catch, and Finn would sit nearby, eyes wide, shaking his head every time Daniel did something new. One night, Daniel managed to conduct a whole epic battle scene with what must have been every toy Chris owned. Sean did the voice-over. It was amazing, what Daniel could do with his power. It wasn’t just force - he had seen massive displays of force from Daniel before, though it didn’t get any less wild when he saw it even now. No, what impressed Sean was the intricacies of it. Each toy moved independently, Power Bear going head to head with Insectoid, while Shark Stinger fought a neck-and-neck battle with Sky Pirate. Amidst it all, the others planned an ambush, almost breaking out into a civil war amongst themselves. Sean struggled to keep up with the voices of each character, but Daniel kept them moving with ease. Only when he doubled over laughing at Sean’s terrible Dinosaur voice did the toys even falter in the air.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Damn.” Was all Sean had been able to say afterwards, “That was… Daniel you’re awesome. Look at what you just did! How are you not out of your mind with excitement right now?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“It was pretty cool, I guess.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You guess? Daniel that was- that was-” He just couldn’t find words strong enough.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Fucking magnificent, my man!” Interjected Finn, who had been stunned into silence throughout most of it.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“What’s the point?” Daniel said. “It’s not like this” he gestured at the toys now lying on the grass, “is any use to anybody.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Dude.” Sean sighed, crouching to look Daniel in the eye, but realising as he did so that he didn’t actually have to crouch very far any more. He put his hands on Daniel’s shoulders. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Your power doesn’t need to save lives to be awesome. You’ve had to use it to save our lives so many times, but you shouldn’t ever have had to. It’s like… It’s like my drawing. I’m not saving any lives with my sketches. It’s not really <em>useful</em> to anyone, but it’s something that I have. I’m good at it, and I like it, and that makes it something to be proud of.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">He realised with a pang of guilt that it had been a very long time since he had drawn seriously. He didn’t count his doodling during the school classes he’d had to take in juvie.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I <em>did </em>have fun making that sculpture with you and Joan last year.” Daniel said after a long pause, letting a smile pull at the corners of his mouth. “And that battle was pretty epic. You nailed the voices Sean.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Sean said with a laugh. “Something good came out of all those cartoons dad made me watch with you after all.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Daniel was smiling in earnest now, and Sean felt something like pride welling in his chest. Dad would have been proud, too, he realised. So god damn proud.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I’m wiped. I don’t think I can train any more tonight. I’m gonna go play with Chris for a while before dinner,” Daniel announced, turning towards Chris’s tree-house. “If- if that’s cool.” He was already most of the way there.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Sure bud, just, make sure you listen out for Claire when she calls you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks, Sean. For… Just, thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean nodded, smiling as he watched Daniel run towards the tree-house.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Fucking batshit man.” Finn said, throwing an arm around Sean and shaking his head as he followed his gaze. “He’s such a <em>kid.</em> And then he does shit like that.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know. I’m still not used to it.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll miss that kid like crazy, when I leave.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“He will too. And I don’t have to tell you how much I will.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Finn turned his head, planting a kiss on the side of Sean’s cheek.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He murmured. They watched Daniel disappear inside the tree-house then turned to go back inside, to the real world.</span>
</p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s1">* * *</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">On Sunday, their last day together, Finn and Sean woke late, each other’s arms their first waking thought, and spent an extra hour in bed, enjoying the lazy late morning haze while Claire and Stephen were out at church and Daniel was off getting breakfast with Karen. Today, Sean knew, would be difficult. But he couldn’t think about that yet. Especially when Finn lay with him in bed, trailing a finger idly across his forearm, tracing his wolf tattoo.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Cass did this?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, our last night.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Man, you know she had it bad for you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed. “You’re lying.” Cassidy was just confident, and friendly. She had been like that with everyone.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Nope. Girl couldn’t stop talking about you. Even before you joined us in Cali. Guess we were all under your spell.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean just shook his head. “She knew I was in to you.” </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t get it do you Diaz, your power defies logic. The heart wants what it wants, and most hearts want you.” He grinned, and Sean was again consumed by the uncertainty of whether or not Finn was being at all serious.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Besides,” Finn continued when Sean couldn’t give any answer other than to laugh and shake his head again. “How, in the hell, would she have known you were in to me? Shit, I didn’t even know, not until that night, when I gave you your sick new haircut. And even then I wasn’t sure...”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed then, glad that the memory was as strong in Finn’s mind as it had been in his all this time. He was struck by a sudden urge, and stretched as far as he could to reach his backpack without getting out of bed. He hadn’t opened this since being released. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face the memories in such a tangible form. The letters, the souvenirs. But he found what he had been looking for quickly, and tried to ignore the rest of the contents.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">For the first time in over a year, Sean opened his sketchbook. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Again, he tried not to look too hard at some of the sketches, flicking through quickly until he found the sketch of Finn as he lounged against a tree, whittling.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Cass caught me drawing this.” He said, handing the sketchbook over with only a small amount of trepidation. “Man,” he said, running a hand through his still too-short hair as he watched Finn’s face closely for his reaction. “I was so embarrassed. If she didn’t know before, she definitely did then.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Oh wow dude you were crushing hard, look how hot you made me.” He laughed, then turned the page slowly, flicking through some of the other sketches. Sean surprised himself by letting it happen. Part of him kind of wanted to show off. It was a strange feeling. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Shit, you’re good Sean.” A pause as Finn looked up at him. “Think you could do it again? Draw me now I mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not sure,” Sean’s voice was hesitant. “I didn’t get a lot of practice over the last year.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“All the more reason to try. Come on, paint me like one of your French girls.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed, and he realised then that this morning, this feeling, of lazy comfort with Finn, was the kind he wanted to remember. The kind of moment that, not so long ago, his first instinct would have been to put to the page. And after his conversation with Daniel earlier that week, he knew he needed to take his own advice. He took the sketchbook back warily, and Finn gave a celebratory little “fucking A!” before throwing some ridiculous poses.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Pick one and stick to it dude- hey! No peeking until it’s done...”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">They were silent for a while, Finn holding some dramatic pouting pose while Sean sketched, and when it was done, he handed the book back. The drawing had not been anything to do with Finn’s poses. Instead, it was an aerial view of the two of them a few minutes before, laying together, Finn’s head on his chest, trailing patterns on his arm with his fingers. The drawing was rough, but the moment had been beautiful. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Damn.” Was all Finn said when he saw it.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, Finn… I wanted to ask you something.” The words had taken Sean by as much surprise as they seemed to take Finn. He didn’t know what prompted him to say it. Maybe it was the look on Finn’s face when he saw the sketch, or maybe finding his confidence with drawing again made him more confident in himself. All he knew was that the words were spilling out before he could stop them.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I know, the other day… We were joking about Karen, when she asked…”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">So, maybe not as confident as he’d thought when he had started. The second Finn had looked away from the sketchbook and met his eye, the words began to stumble.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Sean Diaz,” Finn said, a lilt of amusement in his voice as he leant back to look at him. “Are you asking me to <em>go steady </em>with you?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean, as far as he was aware, was not a person who blushed. Though his face did feel hot and uncomfortable as he dropped Finn’s gaze.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I mean, I didn’t use those words, I’m not a <em>total </em>loser…”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Finn barked a laugh. “Aw, you’re cute when you’re being a dork.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Not helping, asshole.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Hey look.” Finn raised his hands in peace. “You know me, Sean, I fall hard and fast. There’s no pretending that I’m not madly in love with you.” Sean’s breath hitched in his throat. “But…”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">But. Of course, Sean thought, his stomach plummeting. There’s a but.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t commit easy, you know? Never been tied down, never lived a conventional…”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Finn seemed to interrupt himself, his words trailing off, and didn’t continue. Instead, as Sean watched in confusion, he simply lowered his head slowly into his hands with a groan.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Fuck,” he said after a pause that felt a thousand times longer than it was. His hands still covered his face and his words were muffled. “Who in the fuck am I kidding, Sean? I’ve been committed to you since the moment you even so much as <em>mentioned </em>you were into boys.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean couldn’t find the words to answer. He had no idea what he could even say to that. Instead he peeled Finn’s hands away and kissed him.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“hm.” Finn sighed eventually, holding his forehead against Sean’s. “Maybe this ‘boyfriend’ thing’s not so bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Damn right,” Sean grinned, the sheets tangling between them as Finn pulled him closer, “boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">It felt good to call him that. Good, and silly, and a bit corny, sure, but so damn good. It felt like all of the things a teenager should be allowed to feel.</span>
</p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s1">* * *</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">That evening, Sean and Daniel walked with Finn to the spot where, all that time ago, the two brothers had hopped on a train that would take them to him. And to everything that had come along with him, good and bad. This time it would be taking him away, and it hurt like hell. It hurt even worse knowing that he would be meeting up with the others who were waiting for him in Northern California. But it helped to know that Daniel was safe and happy here in Beaver Creek. It was almost calming, walking the same trail they had run down back then, knowing that later they would walk back, to a home, and to family.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I uh, I got you something.” Sean said once they had gotten there, sat in the same spot that he had given Daniel his Christmas present the last time they had been here. The look in Daniel’s eye suggested that he remembered too.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean pulled, from his jacket pocket, the power bank that he had tried hard to be subtle about buying when they were out shopping for phones.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“It holds enough power to charge your phone like twenty times or something. Probably more for that brick you call a phone.” Finn laughed, but he was looking at Sean with so much love in his eyes that Sean had to look away as he handed it over. “So, if you ever can’t get power or anything, we can still talk.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Finn took the power bank, saying nothing, then swept Sean into a kiss. Sean raised a hand to hold Finn’s face as he kissed him, his other arm holding his waist like he couldn’t bear even an inch of space between them in that moment. They stayed like that for a long time, interrupted only by an obvious cough from Daniel. They both laughed, a little awkward.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Alright if you’re done cockblocking little bro, come here.” Finn scooped Daniel up into a bear hug, spinning him in the air as he did, Daniel clinging to his neck just a few seconds longer after he had put him back down. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">They could hear the rumbling of the train in the distance, and Finn looked at each of them in turn, the perfect mirror of their own heartbreak. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not forever.” He said, walking, slowly, backwards towards the train. “Just until Christmas.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean nodded. Karen had invited them all to Christmas at Away. Just a few months of being long distance. He could handle that. He’d been through so much worse.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Love you both so fucking much,” he called out, getting further away now, raising his voice over the sound of the approaching train. “Take care, you hear?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">With a little salute, and a small shake of his head, he turned then, running for the train.</span>
</p><p class="p4">
  <span class="s1">* * *</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Later that night, while Sean lay awake, too concerned with missing Finn to even be worried about school the next day, Daniel crept in to the room. Sean sat up, worried that Daniel had been having nightmares again.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“I snuck you this from the fridge.” Daniel raised what seemed, in the darkness, to be a slice of pie. “Thought it might cheer you up.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Sean smiled.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks enano.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay that you’re sad, Sean.” Daniel said, handing him the plate and climbing into the bed beside him. “I can look after you.”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">Daniel lay his head on Sean’s shoulder, and he knew he was right. Sad was an understatement, but what he felt was a bearable kind of pain. A kind of pain that went hand in hand with hope. And he had his brother there with him. Daniel, and hope, this was all he needed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Consistency in chapter length? Idk her, sorry.<br/>Also if you wanna feel REAL emo about this chapter go listen to Blind You by Didirri, and think of Finn and Sean 😭</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Brother</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The next month passed in alternating waves of stress and mundanity. School had, he realised quickly, been harder to catch up on than he originally thought. He had sat his junior year while in juvie, and it had hardly been a perfect learning environment. His days passed in school, mostly alone - being the new kid in a small town with a publicly broadcast criminal record, a missing eye and a dead dad didn’t exactly lend itself to approachability. He got on well enough with a few of the stoner kids there, a small handful of ragtag rebels whose main goal was to get the hell out of Beaver Creek the second they graduated, but he felt a certain distance from them. All they wanted was to be on the road, they looked at him with such awe if he let slip something from his time on the run. Every time it happened he found himself feeling a disdain that he always felt guilty about afterwards. He couldn’t explain it. He just knew they didn’t really understand - few teenagers could.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He spent the evenings, more often than not, catching up with schoolwork and studying. When he could he trained with Daniel, but that was becoming more and more sporadic as the homework piled up. Karen left not long after Finn, and Sean could see why. She had left Beaver Creek a long time ago, and had never imagined being tied down to it again after all this time. They would see her at Christmas, they knew, but it was another difficult goodbye. They were becoming used to it by now. This one hit Daniel hard, but he seemed to be doing his best to hide it. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean got the feeling that Daniel was trying to stay strong for him. The slice of pie he brought him on the day that Finn left was the first of many little things that in equal parts warmed and hurt Sean’s heart. Daniel offering, unprompted, to let Sean use the PlayBox. Daniel washing Sean’s dishes after dinner, bringing him doodles he’d drawn at school, offering him snacks on the school bus that he’d saved just for him. It made Sean so proud to see Daniel being such a sweet kid, but he hated the thought that his little brother felt the need to take care of him.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Time passed like this, in a blur, until Halloween came. It had crept up on them. Last year he had counted down the days, his mind consumed with nothing else for weeks leading up to it. He had little else to think about. He had called Daniel that day, and they had been on the phone together for a long time, saying little. It had helped, some, just knowing he was there.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">This year, he had heard Daniel crying alone in his room the night before. A creak in the floorboards has given away his position, and Daniel had gone silent fast. He hesitated outside his door a moment longer, but decided not to knock. The next morning he had awoken to find Daniel curled up beside him.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, buddy.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel was already awake. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s-”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I know.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean turned on his side to face him.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You feeling a little sick today, dude?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“What? No?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Weird. I am. Wonder if there’s a bug going round. Don’t think I could possibly go to school today. Would be a shame if you’d caught it off me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel’s eyes widened. “Ohhh! I mean, ugggh” he clutched his stomach “yeah, I’m for sure sick.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean gave a small smile. “Guess we’ll just have to stay in bed today then.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, guess we will.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Claire had come in to check on them not long afterwards, and Daniel was a bad actor. There’s no way she bought it. She left them alone anyway. She told them she was here, if they needed anything.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They stayed there all day, talking about their dad. It was amazing the things that Daniel remembered that Sean didn’t. Little moments that had been background noise to one brother but had been defining milestones for the other. They laughed at some of them. Sean cried at most. Daniel scrunched his eyes closed more than once, swallowing hard.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s okay to cry about him, you know, Daniel.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He paused. “I do.” His voice was quiet. “But sometimes... sometimes I think you... you always end up looking after me. Lyla said- I mean. I need to look after you sometimes too.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Hey.” Sean sat up. “We look after each other, ok? That’s what we do. But right now, today, that means letting each other grieve.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel nodded. He sat up too.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I miss him so much.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Me too.” Daniel lay his head on his big brother’s shoulder, and finally let himself cry. They cried together, holding each other. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I wish we could have had a funeral or- or something.” Daniel said after a long while.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I get you. It still doesn’t feel real. I don’t know if it ever will.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think he’s... do you think there’s a grave, or something? That we can visit?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe, in Seattle.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Can we go Sean? To visit him? And maybe to... see the house?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean thought about telling him no, but he was right. Maybe it would help. Maybe it would be the closure that they needed after everything.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They decided to wait until thanksgiving break. Sean couldn’t really afford to miss any more school - he had been cutting it fine by taking a sick day already - but planning the trip gave the brothers something to set their sights on. It gave them a sense of purpose. School would be out all week, and they decided that they would leave early on Tuesday morning, use some of the money dad had left them for a greyhound, but they wouldn’t go straight to Seattle. Instead, they would start their journey near Mt. Rainier, at the campsite they had gone to right at the beginning of it all.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know Daniel. Doesn’t that sound kinda depressing?” Sean had asked when Daniel first suggested it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“That day, I mean parts of it sucked, yeah, I was sooo tired, and starving. But it was my last good memory. Before… everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Of course. Daniel hadn’t known, back then. Hadn’t known what had happened, that their old lives were over. He only knew that, for once, his older brother was being weirdly nice to him. To Daniel it had been all about spending time together - no matter how alone Sean had felt. He couldn’t bring himself to tell him no.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean had misgivings the whole bus ride there, but when the bus had stopped - a few miles away from the campsite - it had felt so good to be walking again. The wolf brothers, back on the move at last, but this time running from nothing. Just revisiting old territory.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’m glad our route doesn’t take us past the gas station” Daniel had said as they stopped to check the map.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Part of me sort of wants to go back. Is that weird?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Kind of, Sean, yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed. “Not to like, be nostalgic or anything. But to hold my head up high, you know? Go back as a free man, not trying to hide or anything. Tell the Stampers how I really feel.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“That… sounds like kind of a bad idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Look at you being the sensible one.” Sean smiled as they packed up the map and set off again. He was right, of course. While it ached, to see Daniel growing up so fast, it was kind of nice to be able to talk like this. Like to his brother, or a friend even. Not just his kid brother who needed to be protected. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The moment they saw the trees part, the entrance to the trail, Daniel broke in to a run.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“There it is, Sean look!” Sean picked up his pace a little, but lagged behind Daniel, taking it all in, his mind swarming.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It looks… Smaller.” Sean said after they reached the entrance. Maybe spending that time in among the redwoods had done it. Maybe it was because they weren’t lost this time. Maybe he had just gotten bigger.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Way less scary."</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Sure it is. We’re experienced woodsmen now. This old thing? pfft, baby stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel expressed his agreement the best way he knew how. A loud, enthusiastic howl. Sean joined him, laughing.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, uh, before we carry on… Do you gotta…” He gestured at the bathroom they had passed.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Sean, I’m eleven. You don’t need to tell me to go pee.” Daniel rolled his eyes. “But, actually I kinda do.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Ha. Some things don’t change.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean waited outside while Daniel went in. Being here felt so strange. The place was a little more overgrown than it had been two years ago, a little rougher around the edges. But then, so were they. So much had changed since they were here. He saw himself on the path, a skinny sixteen year old, with no idea what to do. Alone in his grief, with a nine year old suddenly in his care. He remembered that pain, and it felt fresh here, in the same late afternoon glow of the sun through the trees. He took a deep breath. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They were out the other side now. He was not alone. They were going home.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Come on,” Daniel had come out of the bathroom, and was charging ahead. Sean jogged a little to keep up.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Dude, it’s been two years, how do you even know where you’re going?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel stopped to point at the trailblaze. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You taught me, remember?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean had to swallow a rush of emotion. They had changed a lot in the last two years, he realised, and Daniel had grown so much. Their relationship had changed with them, not always for the better, but they loved each other, and they would always look out for each other. They always had done. Nothing could ever take away what they had gone through together.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel led them straight through the picnic area, to the wooden bench that overlooked the breathtaking view. Sean sat slowly, mind all wrapped up in the last time he had sat here. He had been so lost. So desperate. And then Daniel had appeared and snapped him out of it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Sean” Daniel said slowly, after a long moment of silence as they looked out over the water. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean turned to him in surprise. Daniel wasn’t looking at him, his gaze fixed straight ahead.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Daniel-”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I keep thinking about it. About how you knew already. And how you still taught me how to skip rocks and stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“That’s- that’s not your fault Daniel. I shouldn’t have lied to you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He thought about what Daniel’s memories of this place would be. He realised for the first time that of course they weren’t entirely happy. Not with hindsight at least. Daniel had gone on an adventure with his brother, and found out afterwards that he should have been grieving. Sean saw for the first time that Daniel felt a kind of guilt, much more heavy and complicated than an eleven year old should ever have to understand or feel.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He decided in that moment to be honest with him. More honest than he had ever really felt comfortable being with his baby brother. Daniel, he realised with a pang of hurt, could handle it. He’d handled much worse, after all.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“God, I felt so alone. Every time I had a second to think, I felt alone. There I was, my whole world broken, and you were complaining that your feet hurt.” He saw Daniel slump at his words, and put an arm around him. “I shouldn’t have lied. But lying to you helped, just a bit. Like, if I could just convince you that it was an adventure, maybe I could convince myself too. Doesn’t make it ok, or anything. But… Yeah.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean closed his eyes and placed his head on Daniel’s, trying to find the words that would help, fighting every instinct to make them softer or less true than they were.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think I lied because I thought you couldn’t handle it. I think that’s just what I told myself to feel less guilty. Telling you would make it real. Not your fault. I was just… Selfish.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Silence fell for a moment, the two of them looking out into the distance. “I’m still sorry though Sean.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I am too.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They spent the rest of the day hiking, the debris from the landslide that had blocked their path last time was gone now, and they got to explore new areas of the woods. Steep uphill climbs made Sean’s lungs and muscles burn, and he realised how much he had missed this. The exertion, the pushing through, the pounding of his heart as he climbed. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“hah” Daniel had run ahead up a particularly steep stretch of the trail, watching Sean struggle.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“What, no track team in prison? Gonna have to be faster than that to keep up with me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Breathless, Sean could only stick his tongue out at Daniel as a retort. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He was right, prison hadn’t exactly had many opportunities for cardio. He hadn’t even considered the track team at Beaver Creek as an option after a year of sitting still. Too out of practice. But, he realised, there was nothing stopping him from running for fun. Nothing stopping him anymore, from pursuing this feeling as often as he wanted it - pushing his body to its limits not for survival, or even for medals, but only for the pure ecstasy of overcoming those limits, of the blood rush and the thrill of beating a personal best. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Give me six months,” he said, grinning as he recovered his breath, “and you’ll be eating my dust.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You’re on.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They made their way back down to the river as the sun began to set, a feeling of peace settling into both of their hearts as they did.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my god, Daniel,” Sean picked up his pace as the camping spot came in to view. “Look.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Their fort had stayed in place, mostly. Had even been reinforced at some points along the way - branches and leaves tied with string to the sticks that Daniel had stuck in to the ground.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Weird to think other people have been here to do this.” Daniel said when he saw it. “This is our place.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe other kids, like us. Maybe your fort protected them too, Daniel.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“That’d be pretty cool.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, c’mere,” Sean gestured for Daniel to follow, running up to the tip of the outcropping of rock that jutted out over the campfire. Laying on his stomach, he found a small sharp rock and began carving away at the rock.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel scoffed when he saw what he was trying to do, laying down beside him to watch as Sean scraped ineffectively away with the stone</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“That’ll never work, let me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Wait, you really think you can?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Pfft, I know I can. What did you want to write?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">So Sean told him, watching in awe as Daniel, with only the smallest twitch of his hand, scrawled in his own handwriting, carved deeply into the stone:</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> <em>The Diaz Brothers</em> </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> <em>2016/2018</em> </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> <em>Welcome to El Río Del Lobos</em> </span>
</p><p class="p4"> </p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Jesus Daniel, that looked too easy.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been practicing precision things a lot. They’re easier to do without getting caught.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean wanted so badly to ask how many times he’d done stuff like this in public. To tell him that he shouldn’t be using his powers at all where someone could catch him, even if he could be subtle or precise about it, but he didn’t want to ruin this. They were finally brothers again, not a lost son and a stand-in guardian. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Awesome.” Was all he said after a long pause. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They rolled on to their backs, watching the sky turn shades of orange and purple as the evening stretched on.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You think we’ll ever go there?” Daniel said after a long time. “Puerto Lobos, I mean.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Definitely. Maybe not for a long time, but… It feels right to go someday.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel nodded.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You’ve still gotta teach me Spanish, like you promised, remember? I’ve been learning it at school but, I don’t know as much as you.” Daniel giggled suddenly. “I used the word enano in my homework once. We had to write a paper about our family. The teacher didn’t know what it meant.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed at that. “See, you’re an expert.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if you can call me enano any more.” Daniel said, turning on his side to look at Sean. “I’m almost as tall as you are now.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Not quite.” Sean smiled. “But, even when you are, you could be twice my height and you’d still be enano to me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He was half expecting Daniel to pout, or throw some kind of fit about not being little any more. He only nodded. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. That’s ok with me, just… I’m allowed to be embarrassed about it sometimes.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean laughed. “Sounds like a fair deal.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They went and lit a fire not long after that, this time they had been sure to pack real food, and ate like kings. Daniel had even brought marshmallows to toast. No sticks needed, Sean lent back on his elbows watching the fire crackle as two marshmallows floated above the flames. Beyond the orange glow of the campfire, Sean looked out at the clearing ahead, and saw them so clearly as they had been two years ago. He saw them skipping stones on the river, and playing at sword fighting. He saw himself sketch as Daniel tried to fish, and felt the distance that they had put between the people they had been and the people they became. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The realisation hit him in full force in that moment, of how close his decisions had taken him to being separated for a long time - maybe a lifetime - from his brother. He tried to imagine them as adults, a whole murder charge apart from each other, revisiting this spot after years of distance. Hesitant and unsure about the strangers that they had become to each other, trying to recover that lost bond as they felt their shared pain. He couldn’t picture it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, Daniel?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Mm?” His focus was on the marshmallows, turning them slowly as one side began to blacken.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You know I love you, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He could see the embarrassment in Daniel’s face and suppressed a laugh.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah… you too, Sean.” He removed the marshmallows from the fire and floated one towards Sean, who had to warn him not to stuff the whole thing in his mouth until it cooled. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He watched as Daniel moved the marshmallows around in the air, circling each other as they rose and fell. An alternative, he supposed, to blowing on them. He remembered as he watched, all the times his dad had tried to have sentimental moments - to tell him he loved him, was proud of him, believed in him. He remembered, too, the embarrassment and awkwardness of his teenage self trying to brush past it. His dad knew, even when he didn’t say it back. He must have known how much Sean had loved him. He saw that now. He must have, because he saw a perfect mirror of himself in Daniel now. He was glad that Daniel still got to have this with someone - even if it could never be their dad. For the first time, Sean felt proud to act as a kind of father figure for Daniel, rather than just shit-scared of getting it wrong, or resentful of the responsibility. He looked forward to years of embarrassed hugs, of standing up and cheering at his high school graduation in front of all of his friends, of showing him that kind of over-the-top love and appreciation that no kid ever admitted to enjoying.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You know,” Sean said after they had finished eating. The stars were out in earnest by then, and they sat full of food and content in the fire’s warmth. “I think the story of the wolf brothers needs a sequel.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel beamed. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You’re getting a little old to be told bedtime stories now though…” He hesitated just long enough to see Daniel’s smile falter before continuing, “So how about you tell this one?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">That had the desired affect. Daniel sat up straighter, excitement lighting up his face in the glow of the fire.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know if I can tell it as well as you but…”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I think you can tell it even better.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Uhh…” He thought for a long moment, staring up at the sky as he considered where to start.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“So, okay. So. The wolf brothers were found by the hunters, who thought that the big wolf needed to be in a cage for fighting to protect them.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean felt tears prickle behind his eyes as he leaned back to listen, his heart so full of pride.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“For a year, the wolf brothers only saw each other a few times, but nothing could separate them, and eventually the big wolf came home, and… Uh, they started a new pack! Yeah, they started a new pack, with their grandparents, who were beavers.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He looked at Sean, as if for approval.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Sure, why not.” Sean laughed.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They stayed like this until late into the night. No more tears were shed by the campfire that night, and when they settled in to sleep - in comfortable, expensive looking sleeping bags provided by Claire and Stephen - They slept restfully, with no nightmares, only dreams of the next day when the wolf brothers would at last be returning to the home of their papa wolf. </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, apologies for the lack of consistency in chapter length. The camping scene during the redemption ending is,,, possibly the most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen and this chapter felt super important in showing how their relationship has healed in this version. I felt like a longer chapter was needed to really do it justice.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Welcome Home Son, pt.1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The next day, they woke early with the sun, packing up fast, but hanging around just a little longer before they left.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“We should get started, we’ve got a long walk to the bus stop.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I know,” Daniel said, not turning from the rocks he was skipping. “I’m gonna miss it here. Is that weird?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Kind of, Daniel, yeah.” Sean said, echoing Daniel’s words from the day before.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“ha.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Nah, I get it. It’s still weird but, I get it.” He looked around, at the sun dappled trees that had once felt so tall.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He sat then, on a rock by the river’s edge, and took out his sketchbook.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel, noticing, sat in front of him, smiling for the sketch like he was posing for a photo. Sean drew slowly, savouring the moment, capturing the details of the river behind him. When he was done, he looked up at Daniel’s smiling face, and decided to add something else.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“How do I look?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Come see.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel came and perched behind him, peering over his shoulder.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Woah.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They both looked at Sean’s addition to the sketch. Daniel sat cross-legged in front of the lake, and beside him sat another Daniel. This one was two years younger, a little shorter, wearing a red space mission t-shirt with a plaid shirt over it, covered in zombie blood. The younger Daniel was looking up at the older, smiling.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“That’s… Really cool.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’m glad you like it.” He tore the page out of his sketchbook. “It’s for you. Y’know, something to remember this place by.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel wrapped his arms around Sean, his chin on his shoulder. They stayed there a moment longer, listening to the quiet hush of the birds.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They had a long walk ahead of them. They wouldn’t be walking all the way back to Seattle, but they were planning on spending most of the day hiking out towards a spot they had found on the map shortly after Halloween. There was a diner there, where they would get burgers and shakes, before catching a bus back towards the city. Back towards home.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">The walk wasn’t so bad, moving helped, and he and Daniel joked and laughed and talked the whole way. It had been when they boarded the bus - sitting still and watching the road fly by too fast - that Sean began to feel anxious.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“What do you think it’ll be like?” Daniel said quietly after a few minutes of watching Sean’s leg bounce up and down in place.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Karen said that most of the police investigation had been outside, that the inside was pretty much just as we left it. The front will look different though. She… had to have parts of it rebuilt.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel said nothing.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Not your fault, Daniel. Remember that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He nodded.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’ll be… Weird, that’s for sure.” Sean made an effort to keep his leg still as he looked over at Daniel. “But hey.” He waited until Daniel looked up at him. “We’re going home.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They smiled then, watching Seattle pass them by outside. Watching home grow closer.</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">* * *</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Standing outside the house had been the hardest part. Seeing where he died. Seeing where the policeman, Brett, his dad, and Daniel, had all lain around him as he, in the chaos, felt only panic and the searing pain of knowing that everything would be different now.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel stood next to Sean and took his hand, following his gaze.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Is that where…”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He still didn’t remember. It was better that way. Sean knew that he could never forget. The way he had looked. He would remember that moment enough for the two of them. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean couldn’t speak. He just shook his head, tearing his eyes away from the spot. It looked so peaceful now. Untouched.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He tried to walk away, towards the house, but Daniel stayed rooted to the spot, still holding his hand</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Please, Daniel.” It had come out as a whisper, his voice breaking.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel snapped his gaze away too then, looking into Sean’s eyes. He nodded when he saw the pain in them.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Slipping his key into the lock came with a rush of familiarity, and as he stepped inside he found himself tossing the keys into the bowl on the kitchen counter without a second thought. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It... it smells the same.” Daniel’s voice was small beside him as they closed the front door behind them.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He was right. A little mustier, sure, but it was there, familiar and welcoming. Sean hadn’t even known that the house had smelled of anything. But when he inhaled, he realised that this smell had been the backdrop of every memory, good and bad, of his childhood.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It smells like home.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He squeezed Daniel’s shoulder, looking around the room which felt both so familiar and so distant at the same time. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They walked around slowly, getting their bearings. Daniel headed straight to his room, while Sean lingered. He tried to think back to the day he had left. There had been a mess, he was sure, but Karen must have cleaned up when she’d come by. All the food had been taken away from the fridge and cupboards when he checked them, except a few tins.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Shit.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Daniel’s head poked out from his bedroom to find Sean, gazing with dismay into the empty cupboard.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I forgot. We were gonna go buy groceries for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. The store’ll be closing soon.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel didn’t say anything, but Sean knew how he felt. Now that they were here, Sean couldn’t bear the thought of leaving.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“We’ll order pizza tonight. And, tomorrow we’ll figure something out.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He really wanted them to have a proper thanksgiving dinner, even if it was just the two of them. Even if he had no clue how to cook it. It felt important.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure there’ll be some stuff left tomorrow morning. And if not… Lyla’s mom always makes too much. Maybe she can come sneak us some.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel lingered a moment longer in the doorway to his bedroom.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Hey Sean?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Can we check out Dad’s room?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean was silent for a moment. He wanted to. He wanted so badly to have more than just a lighter to remember him by. But his palms had broken out in a sweat at the thought of it. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He took a deep breath. He had vowed to be honest with Daniel.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah. Just… I’m a little scared.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Of what?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Of being a wreck. In front of you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel bowed his head, looking uncertain. He pulled at one of his fingernails.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“How about, we wait a little while. We’ve got all week. Do you mind if we wait?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Sure, Sean.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t sound sure.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“We could go see his garage instead, if you wanted?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel definitely wanted. They went downstairs together, and for a fleeting heartbeat as they turned the corner, there was a jolt of awful surprise when they didn’t see his legs sticking out from beneath the car. Daniel must have felt it too. He grasped Sean’s hand as they recovered from the moment. They hadn’t forgotten. How could they? But the ease and familiarity of this place, a place that had only ever been associated with <em>before, </em>had tricked their instincts for a moment.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Wait, what’s this?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean approached the car, examining a post-it that had been stuck on the hood. </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> <em>I finished fixing it up for you. Least I could do. He’d be so proud of the man you’ve become.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1"> <em>- Love, mom x </em> </span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">He showed it to Daniel, beaming. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Guess we’ve got a sweet ride home now.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Mom’s awesome.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean smiled. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“She kinda is, isn’t she?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean watched as Daniel snooped around, looking into drawers and shelves as if he’d never seen this place before. Neither of them had spent much time down here, not really. They tried to stay out of their dad’s way while he worked. But they felt closer to him down here somehow. If his spirit was lingering anywhere, it would for sure be here. A whisper of an idea came to Sean, but he wasn’t quite ready to voice it to Daniel yet.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">They had spent an hour or so just reacquainting themselves with home. Sean’s bedroom seemed to have shrunk significantly since he saw it last. Like a perfect doll house replica of his teenage life. Everything in it felt… quaint, almost. Like relics from a past that he was trying to re-enact. Daniel’s room was even stranger, but for sort of the opposite reason. Mostly it still seemed so fundamentally <em>Daniel. </em>Like no matter how far they had come and how much they had grown, he would always be at home there. That realisation settled something in him, the realisation that he had done something right - Daniel hadn’t had all of his childhood snatched from him, not yet. He wondered if that was really on his part at all, or just another magical part of who Daniel was - the kid who would never really grow out of the best parts of being a kid. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">After they had explored, they settled in the living room. While Daniel fired up the PlayBox - which was a little dusty but seemed to be working fine - he ordered pizza from the home phone which, thanks to Karen, was still connected. When he’d finished, he hung up the phone but hesitated over it for a moment. Picking it back up, he dialled Lyla’s number.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Woah. Throwback.” She said when she answered.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Weird, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s been a long ass time since anybody’s called me from this number.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“It’s been a long ass time since I called anybody from it.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“You made it okay then?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, the trip was - mad. Good though. Good for both of us. Who-?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">There was laughter in the background on Lyla’s end, then frantic shushing.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Sorry. Got family here for the break.” He could practically hear her eyes roll.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“No chance you’ll be able to get away tomorrow, then?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Uhhh…” There was a slight rustling as the phone was fumbled a little, and the background noise stopped with what sounded like the slam of a door. “I’ll give it a try. You guys have dinner plans?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“We forgot to go to the store today, but we’ll see what we can scavenge tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Let me know if you need anything?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“We will. Happy thanksgiving, Lyla.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“Happy thanksgiving, Sean. And… Welcome home.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean and Daniel played games until the pizza arrived, and when it did, he sent Daniel to go pick a DVD to watch. He fully expected to come back to some boring cartoon that he’d have to pretend to enjoy because that’s what dad would have done, but instead he returned to the couch to find a pile of home videos. They sat there all night, stuffed out on pizza, laughing so hard their bellies hurt watching their dad narrate their childhoods like some kind of wildlife documentary. For a few hours, they felt more at home than they had in two years - moreso, maybe, than before, because now they truly <em>felt </em>it. That kind of peace of safety and stability that you never truly feel until it’s lost. The only problem was that, when the last DVD ended, the absence of their dad seemed to pulse through the whole house.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">“I think… I might be ready to go into his room.” Sean said after they had turned the TV off, the laughter had died out and the silence lingered for a moment too long as they both felt the missing piece. “I have an idea for something, but it’s late now. Think you can hold out until tomorrow morning?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Daniel yawned as if on cue. He didn’t look happy about it, but nodded, eyes drooping. He went off to get ready for bed, and they brushed their teeth together, Daniel wearing his old pyjamas, much too short on the arms and legs for him now. Sean got a kick of nostalgia when he saw that. He went in to Daniel’s room as he got himself to bed - he was far too old to be tucked in, but he hovered in the doorway anyway, to say goodnight and to switch the light off. Daniel passed out almost as soon as the light was off, looking the most comfortable Sean had seen him in a long time. He smiled, and before turning to leave, went and picked up Bobby the Yeti. He slipped the plush into Daniel’s arms as he slept. He might be too old to admit to sleeping with stuffed animals, but he wasn’t too old to want to.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s1">Sean closed the door behind him softly and headed to his own bed. He kind of saw why Daniel had fallen asleep so fast. Being back in this bed, it felt so right. Like he was realising then that he hadn’t been truly comfortable since he left it. He hardly had a moment to appreciate it before he was out.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Had to split this chapter up to keep it from being waayy too long, but pt.2 will come v soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Welcome Home Son, pt.2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">“Happy thanksgiving, dork.” Sean stood in the doorway of Daniel’s bedroom, pelting scrunched up paper balls at him until he woke up.</p><p class="p2">“Hey! What-?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel’s voice was thick with sleep and his eyes only half open when he woke, catching one of the paper balls with his power and launching it back at Sean. He dodged out of the way, laughing.</p><p class="p2">“Well I for one am thankful that you’re still a bad shot, even with telekinesis on your side.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel stuck his tongue out at him as he stretched and sat up in bed.</p><p class="p2">“Doesn’t count. I’m still sleepy.”</p><p class="p2">“Sure bud, whatever you- hey!” Another one of the paper balls flew at Sean, this time hitting him right between the eyes. “Okay, rude.”</p><p class="p2">It was Daniel’s turn to laugh.</p><p class="p2">“And I’m thankful that you’ve still got no reflexes.”</p><p class="p2">“Ooh reflexes, big word.”</p><p class="p2">“Smarter than <em>you</em>.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh yeah? Who almost got us all the way to Mexico?”</p><p class="p2">“My powers.”</p><p class="p2">“Ouch, you got me there. Fair enough, you win this one. You want some leftover breakfast pizza?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel climbed out of bed, his face split into a beaming grin. Sean was a little relieved - he’d been worried that the play fighting might have pissed Daniel off. It was nice though, being back here, pretending for a moment that they were the same brothers they had been when they left. The ones constantly at each other’s throats. They knew by now that they would still fight in each other’s corner in a heartbeat when shit got real. But it was nice, for a time, to act like they would never have to worry about all that. He decided to let them both enjoy it for a little longer, waiting until after breakfast to suggest his idea.</p><p class="p2">Before waking Daniel, Sean had gathered some things from around the house. Some family photos, his Dad’s certificate declaring him a <em>Master Automobile Technician, </em>a Puerto Lobos postcard. Part of him wanted to set it up before waking Daniel, but he thought Daniel might be hurt if he’d gone inside without him. That and… Well, he didn’t really want to go in alone.</p><p class="p2">“So…” Daniel wasted no time in saying as soon as they had finished eating. “You said we could-”</p><p class="p2">“Alright alright, you don’t fuck around do you?” Sean stood. “Sorry. I know. Let’s go.”</p><p class="p2">Sean picked up his bundle of objects and, with a deep breath, they went inside their Dad’s room together.</p><p class="p2">It smelled so like him in here. He felt, in those first few moments, every hug, every lazy evening on the couch together, every serious talk they’d ever had, come tumbling down on him all at once. Daniel gave a little gasp, and Sean knew he felt it too. He put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, blinking away the tears.</p><p class="p2">It felt wrong, to rummage. Like an invasion of his privacy. Like he would come in any minute and yell at them for breaking his rule about coming in here. They stood there a moment too long, uncertain of what to do. Sean lay his things down on the bed and, after some consideration, went for the closet.</p><p class="p2">He chose one of his dad’s shirts, and, checking from the corner of his eye that Daniel - who was hesitantly considering opening one of the drawers - wasn’t watching, he held the collar close to his face, and breathed. He wiped his eyes with a harsh swipe from the back of his hand. After another pause, he slipped the shirt on over his t-shirt. It almost fit. That was too strange, he decided, replacing the shirt back on its hanger.</p><p class="p2">He hovered for another second, before sitting down on his dad’s bed and patting the space next to him.</p><p class="p2">“Hey enano, come sit for a minute.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel put down the sweatshirt he’d been examining and joined him.</p><p class="p2">“What do you know about Día de Muertos?”</p><p class="p2">“Day of the Dead, right? I’ve heard of it. I know a little.”</p><p class="p2">“It’s a Mexican tradition. We’ve, uh, we’ve missed it this year. It was actually a few weeks ago. But I was thinking yesterday, about how close Dad feels here. Like his spirit or... something. If he was anywhere, he wouldn’t be hanging out at a graveyard right? He’d be here.” He felt himself rambling. “So I thought... if we couldn’t have a funeral?” He trailed off.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah Sean, that sounds… Let’s do it. What should we do?” Daniel’s voice was full of encouragement.</p><p class="p2">“Well... I don’t really know much about it either. Just what I’ve heard from other kids at school who celebrated it. Dad never did, not that I saw anyway. You know he never talked about his family much. I guess, in Mexico, they make shrines, and use them to remember and honour the dead. But we don’t have all the right stuff, and it’s the wrong day, and...” it was starting to feel like a stupid idea. He gestured to the pile of stuff beside him. Daniel raised it all into the air, examining it as he did. Seeing it there, photos of dad’s smiling face, bits and pieces of his belongings and achievements, floating in front of him, it was almost too much.</p><p class="p2">“Where do we put it?”</p><p class="p2">“How about the nightstand?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel, with great care, arranged the photos and the framed certificate on the nightstand, laying the tea lights that Sean had found in the basement in front of them.</p><p class="p2">“Like that?”</p><p class="p2">“It’s perfect.” Sean didn’t trust himself to say anything more. His voice was hoarse, the love and the pain of it all - of seeing his Dad’s life laid out like this, of having Daniel beside him here, in this house, after everything - it surged, threatening to overwhelm him. He had been through so much these past two years, but this could be what broke him.</p><p class="p2">He took his Dad’s lighter from his pocket and lit the tea lights. He hesitated then, and instead of putting the lighter back in his pocket, he placed it down on the nightstand too.</p><p class="p2">“Hey, Sean?”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah.”</p><p class="p2">“If his spirit is here, does that mean he’s not in heaven?”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t know Daniel, I think the idea is that they can come visit. I’m not an expert on this I just-” He let out a huff of air, running his hand along the back of his neck. “I like the idea that he’s here, you know? That we could, I don’t know, talk to him. Say a real goodbye. And he might hear us.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel nodded.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah. I like that too.”</p><p class="p2">Sean put an arm around his brother, watching the candlelight flicker in silence.</p><p class="p2">“Hey Papito.” His voice broke, and Daniel wrapped an arm tight around him in return. “We’ve missed you. You won’t believe how much you’ve missed.”</p><p class="p2">“Sean isn’t mean to me any more. Much. It’s weird, I know.”</p><p class="p2">A half laugh broke through, all tangled up in a hiccuping sob, and Sean leant his head against Daniel’s for a moment.</p><p class="p2">“You’d be so proud of our enano. He’s tougher now. But, he’s still Daniel. He’s a good kid.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel looked up at him, tears in his eyes.</p><p class="p2">“That’s because I had Sean. He almost got us there, dad, to Puerto Lobos. All the way there. He… He looked out for me.”</p><p class="p2">“We looked out for each other.” A pause, for the briefest of moments. “How weirded out do you think he is right now, by this?”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t think he is. I think he knows how close we are, because he’s seen us. Everything that happened.” His eyes widened briefly then, and he dropped his gaze. “Sorry about all the swearing, dad.”</p><p class="p2">Sean gave a little smile and placed a hand on the back of Daniel’s head.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, I guess, while we’re at it, I’m sorry about all the, you know… Stealing cars and stuff.”</p><p class="p2">“I hope you love Mushroom as much as we do. She was a good puppy. Sean says you won’t have to worry about your allergies in heaven, so I know you’re looking after her.”</p><p class="p2">“Mom came back.” Sean’s voice was quiet. He didn’t know what made him say it. “She was there for us, Dad. I think…” He hesitated, not looking at Daniel. “I think I forgive her, for everything. I know you would. You were always better than me at that kind of thing. Claire and Stephen have been a big help to Daniel.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah they got me a new PlayBox and everything! It’s not as fun though, without you. Sean’s really bad at games.”</p><p class="p2">Sean gave Daniel a nudge, a hand on his chest, playing hurt. Just as he did, the sound of the doorbell rang out.</p><p class="p2">“Who the fuck?”</p><p class="p2">“See dad, it’s not my fault that I swore.”</p><p class="p2">Sean stood then, distracted. Who would be ringing the doorbell on Thanksgiving? Who even knew they were here?</p><p class="p2">“Stay here, Daniel. I’m gonna get that.”</p><p class="p2">He hesitated at the door for a moment, listening, as another peal of the doorbell rang out, followed by a knock.</p><p class="p2">“Open up, Sean!” Came a voice from outside, “You wouldn’t want to leave your favourite gal hanging around outside, especially not when she’s got the <em>best </em>surprise for you.”</p><p class="p2">“Lyla?”</p><p class="p2">He opened the door. Lyla stood in front of him, beaming.</p><p class="p2">“Happy thanksgiving.” She couldn’t look more smug if she tried. Sean stood in shock for a moment, taking it all in.</p><p class="p2">Behind her was, well, everyone. Cassidy, Hannah, Penny, Jacob <em>and </em>Sarah.</p><p class="p2">“Happy thanksgiving, boyfriend.”</p><p class="p2">Finn.</p><p class="p2">“What the fu-”</p><p class="p2">“You’re welcome, Sean Diaz.” Lyla pulled him into a hug. “I know you planned to spend it alone with Daniel” she whispered as she held him. “But I thought you might need some cheering up.”</p><p class="p2">Behind him Daniel came running to the front door, stopping dead still when he saw Lyla, and she scooped him into a hug, giving Sean a chance to greet the others. Finn had sauntered up towards him. Sean stood blinking for a moment, disbelieving.</p><p class="p2">“Holy shit, Finn,” was all he could say, pulling him in for a kiss.</p><p class="p2">“I gotta keep surprising you like this.” Finn said, grinning. “You’re way smoother when you’re caught off guard.”</p><p class="p2">“Five bucks,” Hannah said with a smirk. She was nudging Penny, who looked deeply unhappy to see the scene play out.</p><p class="p2">“Damn Sean,” Penny was pulling a handful of change out of his pocket with a look of total shock. “I really did think he was joking.”</p><p class="p2">“With the way these two were making moony eyes at each other back at camp?” Cassidy said. “Not a chance.”</p><p class="p2">“I can’t believe you’re all here, it’s- I’m so glad you’re here.”</p><p class="p2">He greeted them all in turn, with hugs and laughs of disbelief. He barely got a “Hi Sean” out of Sarah who had run off instantly to see Daniel. Jacob seemed more hesitant than the others. His eyes lingered over Sean’s face for a long moment, and Sean realised with discomfort that his eyes must still be red and bloodshot.</p><p class="p2">“We weren’t interrupting, were we Sean? We can come back.”</p><p class="p2">“Nah, man, you’re good. Seriously.”</p><p class="p2">He invited them all in, hurrying over to blow out the candles and close the door to his dad’s room. He didn’t think he was quite ready to share that moment with the rest of them yet. They piled in, Lyla running back to her car and coming out with piles of dishes, some of them coming out to help with the drinks. There really were a lot of drinks.</p><p class="p2">Just like that, the empty house, the broken home, became filled with life and laughter again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Banquet/On the Flip of a Coin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw: panic attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">“They were all over at your house?” Sean repeated, incredulous. “And your mom was just, cool with that.”</p><p class="p2">Lyla laughed. They were scattered around the living room, mostly sat on the floor drinking, while Daniel and Sarah Lee played with the dog on the couch. The smell of turkey was drifting out from the kitchen, and the side dishes were left untouched while they waited for the turkey to be ready - not for lack of trying, but Lyla could be scary when she wanted to be.</p><p class="p2">“Nah, mom and dad are out visiting family in Port Angeles. She wasn’t thrilled about me staying but, hey, I’m eighteen now. Every time we go head to head I just threaten to drop out of school and I’ve got her.”</p><p class="p2">Sean laughed. He’d missed his best friend so much. FaceTime just hadn’t been the same.</p><p class="p2">“And you guys really made all this food?” He knew he was starting to sound like a broken record, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around it.</p><p class="p2">“Well, I did mostly. These assholes couldn’t follow a recipe if their lives depended on it.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah,” Cassidy was grinning at Lyla, “and you were acting like our lives did depend on it.”</p><p class="p2">Lyla gave her a little shove, and they both laughed. Sean watched as Lyla looked away, a smile still on her face as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. It was something she would always do when she was nervous or embarrassed.</p><p class="p2">Sean didn’t have time to unpack that fully before Finn, who had one arm thrown lazily around Sean, raised the other hand into the air.</p><p class="p2">“I made the cranberry sauce. Like the domestic goddess that I am.”</p><p class="p2">“I tried that sauce before we packed it away, Finn. It tasted like ass.”</p><p class="p2">“Well you would know, wouldn’t you Hans.”</p><p class="p2">“Dude, my sister.” Jacob hissed.</p><p class="p2">They all stifled their laughter, throwing quick glances at Sarah and Daniel, both too preoccupied with the dog and each other to be paying them any attention.</p><p class="p2">“I just still can’t believe you got out, Sean.” Penny shook his head. “For real, I thought you’d be locked up for life.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah.” Sean exhaled, running his hand through his hair. It was beginning to grow out again now. “Me too. I was lucky. Most people there weren’t.”</p><p class="p2">Most of them gave solemn nods. Talking to these guys came with such a sense of comfort and mutual understanding. Other than Finn, they were the only ones who really got how he’d felt after his year in juvie. They’d all been through hard times, and life had thrown them all into paths that were incompatible with the law.</p><p class="p2">“System’s fucked.” Hannah said, leaning back on her elbows.</p><p class="p2">“You can say that again.” Penny sighed.</p><p class="p2">“I mean... at least he did get out? That’s something right?” Lyla held her knees, looking uncertain even as she spoke. He remembered Lyla begging him to come back when he’d called her at the motel, insisting that they could work it out. Maybe she just had more faith in it all than he did.</p><p class="p2">“Exception to the rule sweetheart.” Was Finn’s reply.</p><p class="p2">“Too many good people thrown away for life in those places.” Hannah said.</p><p class="p2">“Wow. You guys really know how to brighten up a thanksgiving dinner huh?” Cassidy laughed. “Come on guys! It’s not like I’ve been to a lot of these, but aren’t we meant to, oh, I don’t know, be thankful and shit?”</p><p class="p2">Lyla shot Cassidy a look of gratitude for the change in subject.</p><p class="p2">“Well, me, I’m thankful for my family." Cassidy continued when nobody offered a response. "Not those assholes back in Texas, but my found family. You assholes. And, for the people that come up along the way.”</p><p class="p2">She looked at Lyla as she spoke. She was doing it again, the hair tuck. Sean caught her eye across the room, eyebrows raised. Her smile was poorly hidden, but she shook her head just slightly.</p><p class="p2">“I’m thankful for Sean.” Everybody turned to look at Jacob, who up until then had been pretty quiet. “Without you - what you did for us - Sarah would still be sick, or worse. And we wouldn’t be safe, away from Haven Point.”</p><p class="p2">“Dude, really it’s-”</p><p class="p2">“I know.” Jacob said. “But that’s what I’m thankful for.”</p><p class="p2">“To Sean.” Lyla said, raising her can of beer. Everyone else followed suit, Daniel and Sarah even raising their cans of soda. Sean’s face was warm, and he avoided looking directly at anyone, smiling instead at the floor, hoping they’d know how touched he was.</p><p class="p2">“Aww,” Cass crooned, “We’ve embarrassed him. Come on, Sean, what about you? Tell us what you’re thankful for and then you can go back into hiding.”</p><p class="p2">“I guess…” He still felt flushed and uncomfortable, as everybody watched him. “Daniel. For sure. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” He made a point of looking anywhere but at Daniel as he said it.</p><p class="p2">“Well, Super Bro,” Finn turned to Daniel. “Now you gotta say Sean, or it’s gonna look real bad.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel rolled his eyes. “Well yeah Sean, obviously. But my powers too. They saved our lives a bunch. It feels weird, having them now. Not being able to use them for anything real. But I’m thankful they could help us, before.”</p><p class="p2">Sean looked up at Daniel then, and Daniel gave a small smile back.</p><p class="p2">They moved on, Penny talking about how he was thankful for the freedom to travel, Hannah for the simple joys of nature, which Sean found surprising and touching. Lyla was thankful for technology, which, she expanded when everyone gave her a look, was the best way to keep in touch with far away friends. They all seemed to get that part. Sarah, bless her, was thankful for God.</p><p class="p2">Finn was last.</p><p class="p2">“How about you, Finn?”</p><p class="p2">Finn shrugged and, seeing that it wasn’t enough to discourage them, said after a pause. “Kush?”</p><p class="p2">There was a chorus of groans and rolled eyes.</p><p class="p2">“What can I say?” Finn threw his arms up, laughing. “I’m a man of simple pleasures.”</p><p class="p2">“You guys, just… do <em>not </em>make sense to me as a couple.” Cassidy said to Sean.</p><p class="p2">Sean laughed, a little awkwardly. “Opposites attract, and all that I guess.”</p><p class="p2">Cass just continued to shake her head in disbelief, until her attention was caught by Lyla, who turned to talk quietly to her.</p><p class="p2">It was a heartbeat later, when everyone else had moved on to other topics, that Finn leaned in very close to Sean.</p><p class="p2">“Us,” he whispered in his ear. Sean looked back at him in confusion.</p><p class="p2">“That’s what I’m thankful for.” He clarified quietly.</p><p class="p2">Sean couldn’t hide the smile that crept across his face.</p><p class="p2">“Don’t tell the others, I’ve got a rep to uphold.”</p><p class="p2">“You aren’t fooling anyone Finn,” Sean whispered back, and - he couldn’t stop himself - he pulled Finn in by his t-shirt and kissed him.</p><p class="p2">“You know we’re still in the room, right?” Penny called to them.</p><p class="p2">“And that’s my cue to go get the turkey,” Lyla laughed, getting up.</p><p class="p2">“I’ll help.” Cassidy said, jumping up with her.</p><p class="p2">“How many people does it take to get a turkey out the oven?” Hannah asked, smirking.</p><p class="p2">“Two.” Said Finn, loudly. “One to take out the turkey and another to stare longingly while she does.”</p><p class="p2">Penny, Hannah, and Finn all laughed. Even Jacob allowed himself a chuckle. Over in the kitchen, Lyla was turning an alarming shade of red, while Cassidy gave them all the finger.</p><p class="p2">Daniel’s head had snapped over to stare at Lyla at that, before looking back at Sean, his face the picture of shock and confusion. Sean suppressed a laugh, opting instead to simply shrug.</p><p class="p2">He would grill Lyla for information later, he decided, on whatever <em>this </em>was.</p><p class="p2">They ate until they could barely move, and the lit fireplace gave Sean a feeling of being back at camp - only warmer, and better washed and fed.</p><p class="p2">“There’s pie.”</p><p class="p2">At least three people groaned at Lyla’s announcement.</p><p class="p2">“Do you want me to die?”</p><p class="p2">“If I even think about pie right now I might actually split open.”</p><p class="p2">Most of them were lying down at this point, empty plates resting beside them. Sean heard rather than saw Lyla haul herself up with a groan.</p><p class="p2">“Where are you going?”</p><p class="p2">“Post-feast cigarette.”</p><p class="p2">“The best kind. You want company?”</p><p class="p2">“Depends, who did you have in mind.”</p><p class="p2">“ha ha.” Sean pulled himself up with difficulty, disentangling himself from Finn’s arm.</p><p class="p2">“You kids enjoy,” Finn said with a halfhearted wave. “I don’t think I’ll ever move again.”</p><p class="p2">They slipped on their jackets and shoes and stepped out into the front yard. The air outside was brisk, waking them up a little from their food coma as they made their way around to the steps to smoke - Sean averting his gaze from the spot by the sidewalk.</p><p class="p2">“Can I get a light?”</p><p class="p2">“You don’t have your dad’s?”</p><p class="p2">“It’s inside. We, uh, we lit some candles for him this morning.”</p><p class="p2">Lyla nodded, handing him her lighter.</p><p class="p2">“How’s it been? Being back here I mean.”</p><p class="p2">Sean was silent for a long moment as they each took a drag on their cigarettes.</p><p class="p2">“Hard.” He said eventually. “Really fucking hard. It’s like, it still feels so fresh, you know? Even after all this time. But I guess that’s the point. We didn’t get to feel this two years ago. So, right now it sucks but, maybe it’ll help.”</p><p class="p2">Lyla nodded again.</p><p class="p2">“Think you’ll ever move back here, for good?”</p><p class="p2">“I doubt it. It was good to see it again. To come home. But I don’t think I’d be able to start a new life here. Not with so many reminders.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, that makes sense.”</p><p class="p2">They smoked in silence for a while, Sean throwing the end to the ground, both of them watching as he stubbed out the last of the embers beneath his shoe.</p><p class="p2">“So...” Sean turned to Lyla, the smile on his face making it clear that the conversation was headed in an entirely different direction. “You want to tell me what that was back there with Cass?”</p><p class="p2">“Oh god.” She took one last drag on her cigarette too before stubbing it out.</p><p class="p2">“Hey, don’t <em>oh god</em> me, Ms. Ready-to-beat-me-to-a-pulp-because-I-didn’t-tell-you-I-kissed-Finn-one-time-a-year-ago! You want in on my love life you’ve got to let me in on yours.”</p><p class="p2">“It’s hardly a love life Sean, there’s no way Cass likes me like that, she’s just flirty.”</p><p class="p2">Sean scoffed. “But you didn’t deny liking her.”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t even know if I like girls, Sean!”</p><p class="p2">“Oh believe me, the way you were blushing back there, you like girls.”</p><p class="p2">“I will kill you.”</p><p class="p2">“Not if lovesickness gets you first.”</p><p class="p2">“Sean I swear to god-”</p><p class="p2">“Sean?”</p><p class="p2">They both turned in the direction of the voice. It was dark out, but they could just make him out in the murky November night. Brett, standing there holding a bag of trash. Gaping at them, like he’d seen a ghost.</p><p class="p2">“You’d better step the fuck back Brett.” Lyla had leapt up towards him the moment she saw him. Sean stood too, rushing forward to put an arm out to hold her back, trying to at least act the part of calming her down. His face gave him away though. He knew that Brett had helped him during his trial. He knew that. He also knew that Brett was standing there in his slippers, and had turned a concerning shade of grey at the sight of him. But it didn’t stop the rage from contorting his face, even as he tried to keep calm.</p><p class="p2">“I’m sorry Sean I didn’t know - I’m just home for the break and-”</p><p class="p2">“Oh you’re home for the break?” Lyla spat. “From college? Which you got to go to while Sean had to put his life on hold because you’re a racist piece of shit who couldn’t even let a nine year old play on his own front lawn?”</p><p class="p2">He had, if nothing else, the decency to look ashamed.</p><p class="p2">“I’m really, really sorry about your Dad Sean.”</p><p class="p2">“Don’t you dare talk about my Dad.” It had surprised him, the venom with which the words had spilled out.</p><p class="p2">He felt then, everything he had been keeping inside him, pressed down deep since the first moment he had lied to Daniel after they ran. Something huge, pushing out from him. It had happened to Daniel too, when the shot was fired, and later in the motel. It had pushed out through his powers. For Sean, it had stayed inside. It had strangled him. He felt it in its fullest form now. It was the realisation that there had been a point in time - five minutes, at most - where everything could have gone differently. Their lives had been ripped apart in a series of split-second decisions. If Daniel hadn’t gone outside, if Brett hadn’t been a dick, if the cops hadn’t been called, if his dad hadn’t come out.</p><p class="p2">If he hadn’t pushed Brett. If he hadn’t chased Daniel from his room in the first place.</p><p class="p2">Everything had changed. One small decision, made differently, could have prevented all of this. His hatred, the one he had been harbouring for Brett, even after his trial, he realised in that moment had been partly directed at himself. He blamed himself.</p><p class="p2">“Fuck off, Brett.” Was all he could muster.</p><p class="p2">Brett dropped the bag where he stood and ran back inside. Sean waited until the door had closed behind him before falling to his knees.</p><p class="p2">An involuntary sob tore through Sean, and Lyla - only for a heartbeat - seemed frightened, until she dropped to the ground beside him and held him.</p><p class="p2">He tried to explain through ragged breaths what he was feeling.</p><p class="p2">“I hate him, I hate him for the part he had in this.” He gasped, and she rocked him, nodding, making quiet sounds of affirmation. “I hate myself too. If I’d have acted differently. If I hadn’t come outside at all. I-”</p><p class="p2">Lyla turned at that, pulling his face up to hers.</p><p class="p2">“You fucking listen to me Sean Diaz. Nothing about this was your fault.”</p><p class="p2">His head spun. He was breathing fast, but couldn’t seem to inhale deeply enough. It felt like the world was collapsing and the whole pressure of the universe was falling directly on him.</p><p class="p2">“Sean. Maybe you’re right, and Brett isn’t entirely at fault. He didn’t know what would happen, sure. But neither did you. You acted like a teenager, that’s not a crime. The only person to blame here was the cop. And he got what was coming to him.” She spoke through gritted teeth.</p><p class="p2">Sean tried to nod, but he still couldn’t seem to breathe as deeply as his lungs needed him to.</p><p class="p2">“You’re having a panic attack, Sean. It’ll pass, ok? Believe me, I’ve had enough of them to know. Just- Just keep looking at me ok?”</p><p class="p2">She held his face, and didn’t take her eyes off his. They stayed there, sat on the wet grass, for god knows how long, until his breathing slowed to match hers.</p><p class="p2">“You don’t have to forgive him.” She said quietly. “He might not have pulled the trigger, but he was still a racist dick. He’s learning from it, I guess, trying to make amends. But you don’t have to forgive him. You do need to forgive yourself though. You can’t live like that.”</p><p class="p2">“I know.”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t think you do though. You can’t trace every decision back to its root to try and find blame. Like. What if I’d asked you to come and get ready at mine, huh? Or - Or I hadn’t asked you to Skype me and you’d left already. What if- what if Daniel’s zombie blood experiment had failed first time, and your dad had to take him to the store to get more. Do you blame me? Or Daniel?”</p><p class="p2">He shook his head. He was beginning to shiver, as his pulse slowed and the sweat on his brow met the cool wintry wind.</p><p class="p2">He leant back against the damp grass, trying to keep his breathing level.</p><p class="p2">“Just promise me something, Sean?” Lyla asked after a long moment. “Promise me you’ll see someone, when you get back. A therapist, I mean. It helps.”</p><p class="p2">He nodded, and took her hand. She lay down with him.</p><p class="p2">“Do you think the others heard, or- or saw?”</p><p class="p2">“Honest answer or nice answer?”</p><p class="p2">“Honest.”</p><p class="p2">“Definitely.”</p><p class="p2">“Great.”</p><p class="p2">“I can go in first. Make sure everyone’s asleep before you go in?”</p><p class="p2">He resisted the urge to tell her no, that he didn’t need to be babied like that. That he didn’t want to ruin everyone’s night. But he was so drained. He couldn’t explain all of, whatever just happened, to everyone right now.</p><p class="p2">“Thanks, Lyla.”</p><p class="p2">“It’s what best friends are for.” She gave his hand a squeeze and got up. He watched her go back into the house, and, after a beat, sat up. His head felt so heavy.</p><p class="p2">He remembered Lyla telling him about her panic attacks. She’d had them even before. He remembered how tired she would get after. He always did what he could for her, to be there for her, but had always felt a little awkward. Like he could never quite wrap his head around what was happening. He could never imagine anything happening in their small lives to make a person feel like that. He got it now, though. Shit builds up. It lies there, un-noticed until it can’t be contained any more, and then your whole being shatters to let it out.</p><p class="p2">He was still holding Lyla’s lighter. He wondered how long it would take for Lyla to explain, for them to all convincingly pretend to be asleep long enough for him to sneak off to his room.</p><p class="p2">He decided to light another cigarette while he waited. Watching the smoke curl up towards the stars as he thought about all the minuscule decisions that had let to this moment. Lyla was right, logically, he knew. Some little part of him gnawed away still, telling him that logic didn’t matter. But it helped just slightly knowing that the logic was there.</p><p class="p2">When his cigarette was done, he got up and slipped in through the door as quietly as he could. The fire had been put out, and the room was dark and silent. He could make out the figures of Jacob and Sarah, curled up together on the couch. The others lay in sleeping bags on the living room floor.</p><p class="p2">On his way to his room, he went and checked in on Daniel. It was hard to tell if he was really sleeping, but he lay still in his own bed, and that was good enough for now.</p><p class="p2">In his own room, Finn was sitting on the bed, flicking through one of his art books.</p><p class="p2">“Hey.” He said as he entered. His voice sounded weak.</p><p class="p2">“Wanna talk about it?”</p><p class="p2">Sean shook his head.</p><p class="p2">“Let’s just get some sleep then.”</p><p class="p2">Sean got undressed and climbed into bed, grateful beyond belief to have people like Lyla and Finn still in his life. His eye burned when he closed it, his head still felt heavy and sweaty, but Finn’s arms wrapped around him. Everything was awful, but maybe the world wasn’t ending. Not tonight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Carry You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">During the panic attack, the world had felt like it would end there and then. Like nothing else could ever happen beyond the pain and the crushing terror that didn’t just feel inside of him, but outside too, pushing in towards him from every angle.</p><p class="p1">In the morning light, with the sound of laughter drifting in from the living room, the smell of bacon from the kitchen, he felt embarrassed for even thinking that. He remembered his dad, years ago, reminding him that everything always felt better after a good night’s sleep. He remembered thinking it was ridiculous when he’d said it. As if his problems would go away overnight. And they never did, but he had been right in a sense. The next morning, at least, he had always felt stronger, and his problems smaller. He would always feel more able to deal with them. He felt like that now. His problems didn’t necessarily feel smaller this time, his grief still weighed heavy on him, his guilt still hung in his chest, but he could carry them now.</p><p class="p1">Finn was up and about, freshly showered and wearing a towel, snooping around the room.</p><p class="p1">“Hey.” Sean’s eye still felt raw. He rubbed it in a daze as he stretched.</p><p class="p1">Finn didn’t even look embarrassed to be caught. He just lifted the name tag on the desk, a name tag from a job that belonged to another life.</p><p class="p1">“Babes assistant, huh?”</p><p class="p1">“Lyla,” Sean laughed. It was weak, but it was good to know that laughter was still possible.</p><p class="p1">Finn, to his surprise, set the name tag down, his face uncharacteristically serious.</p><p class="p1">“How you holding up, sweetheart?”</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to. He sat up on the edge of the bed and just shook his head. Finn came and sat next to him.</p><p class="p1">“Lyla’s gone full all-out distraction mode. Shit’s terrifying. One step out this door and you <em>will </em>be convinced into becoming Seattle Tour-guide extraordinaire for the day. Be warned. Give me the word and I’ll do whatever I can to make it all go away. Just tell me what you need, Sean, I got you.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a small smile, leaning his head on Finn’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“Thanks Finn. But I think she might be right. Distraction could be good.”</p><p class="p1">“Then let’s fuckin’ go, space needle and shit man, let’s do this.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a soft laugh.</p><p class="p1">“She’s really gone full Lyla?”</p><p class="p1">“Twenty minutes ago I’d have had no fucking clue what that meant, but yep. Full Lyla.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll need a shower first then. And coffee.”</p><p class="p1">“The coffee is being held hostage in the kitchen. She did a Starbucks run this morning. You go shower, I’ll sneak you one back.”</p><p class="p1">It was amazing how much healing could take place during the ten minutes spent in a hot shower. Even more so to arrive back to the bedroom where Finn waited with a coffee.</p><p class="p1">Finn had been right, Lyla accosted him the moment he appeared, washed and dressed and holding his coffee, in the kitchen.</p><p class="p1">“Sean! These guys have never been to Seattle before, can you believe this? We’ve got to show them around. It’s, like our sacred duty or something.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah” he laughed. “Fine by me, but no boring tourist spots. We can maybe glance at the space needle but that’s it, we’ll show them <em>our </em>Seattle.”</p><p class="p1">He had thought about it while he showered. The chance to revisit old haunts could be good for him. This house held so many good memories within it, but the bad memory overshadowed them all. The rest of Seattle could be the trauma-free nostalgia kick he needed.</p><p class="p1">Lyla beamed.</p><p class="p1">They started with the space needle, which only Sarah-Lee found exciting. Daniel, who had always been bored by it, was acting like it was the coolest thing he’d ever seen as a result.</p><p class="p1">“Okay so now we’ve established that we are, in fact, in Seattle... where next?”</p><p class="p1">Lyla was looking expectantly at Sean, who pretended to consider. He didn’t want it to be too obvious that he’d been compiling a list in his head the whole trip here, of places he missed, places he’d loved.</p><p class="p1">“Our spot.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla nodded, smiling.</p><p class="p1">He and Lyla took the others to the skate park downtown. The second they saw it, Sean’s heart became full, full of memories of spending late nights here with Lyla, Ellery, and everyone. Of being a terrible skater, usually hanging out on the top of the ramp smoking and heckling while Lyla turned heads.</p><p class="p1">“Wish I’d brought my board.” Lyla sighed, and Sean realised she’d had the same flood of memories as him.</p><p class="p1">Finn placed an arm around both of them.</p><p class="p1">“Leave it to me, my good friends.”</p><p class="p1">Finn sauntered off in the general direction of a girl with purple hair and more piercings than Sean had even known a person could have. She was sitting just a little away from the ramps, talking to a friend, her board beside her. Finn approached with an easy-going smile. They didn’t hear what he said, but the second they saw him wink, Sean knew that Finn had her. She basically swooned. Finn returned, board in tow.</p><p class="p1">“Your man provides.” He grinned, raising the board above his head. “At least until she wants it back. Sean, ready to show us some sick moves?”</p><p class="p1">“God no, I was always awful.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla practically jumped at it. He watched Cassidy watch Lyla as she skated.</p><p class="p1">“Awesome, huh?” He said, smirking.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, she is.” Cass barely seemed to notice him, eyes fixed on Lyla.</p><p class="p1">“Maybe she can teach you. Maybe she’ll even put a hand gently on your waist to correct your-”</p><p class="p1">“Sean Diaz!” She pushed him, laughing. “You’re fucking with me. I think I liked you better when you were the timid new kid.”</p><p class="p1">“Ha. I only speak what I see.”</p><p class="p1">Cassidy seemed to have a retort ready, but Lyla was waving her over.</p><p class="p1">“Bae’s waiting,” Sean teased.</p><p class="p1">“Really wanna get into this? With your boooyyyfriend over there?” She laughed, Sean flipping her the middle finger as she turned to walk towards Lyla.</p><p class="p1">Cassidy was not bad, actually. Lyla seemed impressed at least. Daniel took a turn next, on the smaller ramp, and Sean knew for a fact that he was using his powers to guide the board, but it looked so effortless. Nobody else watching could have noticed anything. He watched as he convinced Sarah-Lee to take a turn, and he whispered something to her. She stepped on, nervously, and Daniel, one hand in hers, raised the other hand to move her forward gently on the board. To anybody looking, he would have just looked like he was holding out a hand to catch her if she fell.</p><p class="p1">This is what he wanted for Daniel, he realised. To use his powers for stupid shit like impressing girls and messing around with friends. He hoped he’d be able to find more people, as he grew, who he could trust with it.</p><p class="p1">Jacob declined to take a turn, sitting on the sidelines with Sean as they laughed about Daniel and Sarah’s obvious crush on each other. Penny and Hannah kicked ass, of course, cajoling Finn into having a go, which was hilariously, adorably, disastrous. Finn had just fallen down for what might have been the fourth time when the girl with the piercings came back to collect.</p><p class="p1">“Guess you just lost her favour,” Sean teased as Finn returned looking like a kicked puppy. “Nice.”</p><p class="p1">“Life is all about the getting back up, my man. Have I taught you nothing?”</p><p class="p1">“Bullshit, you’re just terrible at skating.”</p><p class="p1">“But I’m so good at so many other things,” Finn said, leaning in close to Sean.</p><p class="p1">“Alright, where next?” Hannah cleared her throat loudly.</p><p class="p1">“More coffee?” Sean suggested, feeling warm in the face as Finn smirked and moved aside.</p><p class="p1">“At that one place?” Lyla asked.</p><p class="p1">“Exactly.”</p><p class="p1">They were both thinking of this one, independent and incredibly hipster coffee shop that he and Lyla had hung out in often, drinking iced coffees and not-really-studying as they vented to each other with their schoolbooks open. All of their deepest conversations happened there - the first time Lyla admitted to having chronic anxiety, the time that Sean had confessed to having a crush on Jenn, even the time that they both admitted to previously having had crushes on each other and being too cowardly to act on it, both with a disclaimer of <em>oh god, not any more, could you imagine?</em> - they would complain for hours about Lyla’s parents, about Daniel being a little brat, about school and politics. It all happened over iced coffee, with Lo-fi indie music playing in the background.</p><p class="p1">When they arrived, they found the biggest table in the place, pulling chairs from other tables to accommodate everyone. Sean offered to pay. Most tried to refuse, but he insisted. This probably wasn’t what his dad had in mind when he’d left Sean the money in his will, but he knew he was being careful with it. Claire and Stephen had set up a savings account, where the vast majority of the money had gone to get Daniel through college, if he wanted. But he kept some of it in a separate account, paying a himself a small allowance each month.</p><p class="p1">“Look, it’s not like I have any bills to pay up in Beaver Creek, Claire and Stephen do all the grocery shopping and I hardly have a thriving social life. Just… Let me pay my dues, after all you guys did for us down in California.”</p><p class="p1">They finally accepted, on the basis that Sean, Daniel, and Lyla got to go sit while they brought the drinks over.</p><p class="p1">“I never understood why you guys spent so much time here,” Daniel said, wrinkling his nose. “Coffee’s gross.”</p><p class="p1">“Good. No coffee for you, or you’ll stay <em>enano </em>forever. Plus you already have enough energy without-”</p><p class="p1">Sean saw Lyla waving over at someone from across the room and stopped short.</p><p class="p1">“Holy shit Lyla is that-”</p><p class="p1">“Jenn!”</p><p class="p1">She was blonde now, and it suited her. She looked good, wearing a chunky cable-knit sweater over a pair of jeans, hair in a messy bun that he knew would have just killed him back in high school. She waved back at Lyla, and approached, but froze at the sight of Sean and Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck, Lyla, no!" He hissed until she was in earshot. "H-hey… Jenn.”</p><p class="p1">“Sean! Hey! Woah, I did not expect to see you here.”</p><p class="p1">“No shit,” Lyla said, saving Sean from the need to reply. “You too, aren’t you supposed to be all the way off in Harvard or something?”</p><p class="p1">“Princeton, actually.” Jenn seemed embarrassed. “Go, Tigers… I guess.” She raised her coffee feebly in the air as she spoke before turning a deep shade of crimson. “I’m just back for the break to see my folks, mom’s dragged me out for black friday shopping. Slipped away for caffeine and some peace.” She didn’t seem to be able to stop herself from talking. “How, uh, how’ve you been, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, you know…” He hesitated, realising with every moment that passed, saying <em>good </em>would have become less and less convincing. He also realised that she almost certainly <em>did</em> know. Everything. From the news, from school gossip. From her Dad“Not bad.” He finished, feebly. He suddenly had no idea where to put his hands, and became horribly aware of Daniel and Lyla’s eyes on him, looking at him like he’d just sprouted a second head.</p><p class="p1">“Well, shit, Sean, if I’d known you liked your coffee this fancy I’d have bet way lower on how long you’d have lasted in Humboldt.” Finn arrived at the table, pulling up a chair beside Sean. He handed Daniel a cocoa, and Sean an iced coffee, before throwing an arm around Sean, looking up as he did to notice Jenn.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, yeah, hey… Jenn this is Finn. My, uh, my boyfriend. Finn, this is Jenn. An old friend.”</p><p class="p1">Jenn’s eyes widened as she took in Finn in his entirety.</p><p class="p1">“The boy’s got range,” he heard Lyla murmur not quite quietly enough. Sean tried to step on her foot beneath the table, but missed, hitting the table leg instead.</p><p class="p1">“Sooo…” Jenn said, after a too-long pause. “How did you guys meet?”</p><p class="p1">“In prison” Finn said with total confidence, at the same time that Sean said “On the road.”</p><p class="p1">They both looked at each other, Sean gaping and Finn grinning.</p><p class="p1">“We worked together for a while” Sean explained, at the same time that Finn said “I was his bitch.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla rolled her eyes, and Daniel was howling with laughter. Sean wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by the ground.</p><p class="p1">“O…kay. Well, I’d better get back to my mom. But, I’m glad you’re out Sean. And doing ok. Lyla says you’re down in Oregon now? Just keep in touch, ok?”</p><p class="p1">“Sure, Jenn.” Sean grimaced, giving her a little wave as she turned to leave.</p><p class="p1">“The fuck was that?” Hannah asked, as she returned with the others.</p><p class="p1">“Sean being a little bitch.” Lyla groaned.</p><p class="p1">“Was that your schoolboy crush?” Finn smirked, his voice teasing.</p><p class="p1">“That was hard to watch, is what it was, even from where we were stood.” Cassidy chipped in.</p><p class="p1">“Guys…” Sean groaned. Finn just laughed, planting a kiss on his cheek.</p><p class="p1">“No worries Sean, Clearly you had good taste, better now of course. It was good to see the old, awkward-as-fuck Sean come back out for a minute.”</p><p class="p1">“Glad someone enjoyed it.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, we all did, Sean” Daniel was still laughing.</p><p class="p1">They spent a little longer in the coffee shop, drinking and teasing Sean for still being incapable of talking like a person to a girl he hadn’t crushed on for two years. When the coffee and jokes were exhausted, they took them all to a music store, where Sean used to dream of starting a record collection despite never owning a record player. At Daniel’s insistence, they also let him drag them to his favourite comic book store, and ice cream place, before Sean and Lyla took them down to a secluded spot on the edges of a park, where they would always go to get high.</p><p class="p1">They got back late, exhausted, but happy. Sean realised, as he unlocked the front door, that he hard hardly thought about Brett all day. Naturally, the realisation brought with it the weight of the returning thoughts, but they weren’t as heavy as they had been. He was surrounded by his family, both blood and found, and he wondered if maybe he didn’t have to carry this alone.</p><p class="p1">They ate yesterday’s leftovers, and drank what remained of the beer. As they did, Sean held Daniel close and, before he wriggled away, felt an intense gratitude to be surrounded by so many people he loved.</p><p class="p1">They all went to sleep not long after that, Finn accompanying Sean back to his room. As Sean readied himself for bed, Finn continued to peer around the room, examining the photos and trophies and posters with a smile on his face.</p><p class="p1">“Wild that you had a whole life here, man, shit.”</p><p class="p1">“You think, if I’d known you then somehow, that we’d have still hooked up?”</p><p class="p1">“Not if that display in the coffee shop is anything to go by.”</p><p class="p1">“Ha ha.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, for real though? I don’t know. Who can? Like, this kid?” He gestured at one of the photos, Sean, Daniel, and their Dad after one of Sean’s races. “You’re not him any more. But, shit man, you don’t have to let him go completely you know?” Finn pulled out his wallet and sat down on the bed, removing a photo from within it. Sean sat beside him as he unfolded it. It was a photo that Sean knew from camp, it had been taped up in Finn’s tent there.</p><p class="p1">“That’s me, and my brothers.” Sean stayed quiet as he watched Finn, his eyes serious and his jaw set. “I spent so long trying to act like that kid there wasn’t me any more, that I’d gone through all that shit and come out the other side a different person. It’s bullshit. I figured that out doing community service down at my brother’s place. I’m still that kid. I’m just, that kid, plus all the shit, you know?”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I get that. Like, this room feels like part of another lifetime, but it’s still part of who I was. And that means it’s a part of who I am.”</p><p class="p1">“Deep shit.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a small laugh, laying his head on Finn’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“Thank you, Finn.”</p><p class="p1">“Sure, any time you like, I’m here all week folks.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, seriously. Not just for this, but... for being here. For helping me through it.”</p><p class="p1">Finn wrapped an arm around him, leaning in close.</p><p class="p1">“I got you Sean. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through here, but I got you.”</p><p class="p1">Sean knew he was right. He knew he still had a long way to go for both he and Daniel to recover from everything, but he also knew that they weren’t alone. And that helped, just enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. I Found a Way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p3">The next day was their last full day in Seattle, the rain was falling down hard, and even Lyla couldn’t think of any wild plans to take their minds off it. Mostly, they just hung about the house. Talking, watching movies, even attempting to play a board game that got quickly derailed by the inability of Finn and Cass to follow any rules, and the inability of most of them to pay attention to one thing long enough to finish. It was late afternoon when the board game was abandoned, and Daniel took Sarah-Lee to go play in his room.</p><p class="p3">“Hey,” Sean leaned over and whispered to Finn, while the rest of the room was absorbed in the argument Cassidy and Hannah were having about wether or not Cass had cheated.</p><p class="p3">“I have an idea for something I’d like to do.”</p><p class="p3">“Oh really?” Finn raised an eyebrow.</p><p class="p3">“Not like that, asshole.” Sean laughed. “It’s, uh, you might think it’s a bit weird. But I wanna ask Daniel about it first. I’ll be back in a minute ok?”</p><p class="p3">Finn looked confused, but nodded, and Sean got up and went to knock on Daniel’s door, opening it before waiting for an answer, and realising as he did how warmly familiar that small act of annoying big brotherhood felt.</p><p class="p3">“Sean drew this one, it’s Power Bear, remember like I showed you in- Sean!”</p><p class="p3">“Hey,” Sean laughed. “Sorry, I’ll knock louder next time. Uh, Sarah, you mind if I talk to Daniel for a minute?”</p><p class="p3">“Of course, Sean.” Sarah-Lee smiled sweetly. “You can show me the rest of your toys later, ok Daniel?” He gave her a little wave as she darted out of the room. It was good, Sean thought, to see her looking so healthy and energetic.</p><p class="p3">“Sorry if I cramped your style.” Sean laughed, closing the door behind him while Daniel pouted. “I’ll be quick. I just wanted to ask… Dad’s room. We never finished our talk with him.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel’s pout fell away as he listened. “Yeah, I was wondering about that. Think we could do it tonight?”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, dude, let’s do that.” He hesitated, unsure how to approach the topic. “I was also kind of hoping - only, if you’re okay with it - that maybe…” he scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably as he struggled to get the words out. “Maybe, if you wouldn’t mind, I could take Finn to… Meet him, I guess.”</p><p class="p3">“That’s it, Sean? Geez, don’t look so worried about it, you scared me. Sure.”</p><p class="p3">“Really?”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah. I mean, Dad was always bugging you that he’d want to meet any girlfriends you had… If you’d ever been cool enough to have any” Daniel’s voice was mocking, and Sean sent a playful swat of his hand at his head, Daniel ducking out of the way. “I guess it’s the same with a boyfriend right? So yeah. Just so long as we get to talk to him again together soon.”</p><p class="p3">“Sure, Daniel. I promise. And, thanks.”</p><p class="p3">“Can Sarah-Lee come back in now?”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, yeah, no time for your lame older brother, I get it.”</p><p class="p4">* * *</p><p class="p3">Sean convinced Lyla to take the others out to get takeout at this one place that - she insisted, under Sean’s instructions - absolutely wouldn’t deliver under any circumstances. And, she pressed, everybody but Finn, Sean and Daniel absolutely had to go to pick up the food. Nobody bought it, but they went anyway, probably just glad to get out the house after being stuck indoors all day.</p><p class="p3">“So what’s your plan, Seanie boy?” Finn said when Lyla closed the door behind them. Daniel was still in his room after, in a sudden and inexplicable burst of politeness, offering to give Sean and Finn some privacy until it was his turn to talk to their dad.</p><p class="p3">Sean took Finn’s hand, leading him in the direction of his dad’s room, but stopped just short of the door.</p><p class="p3">“Uh, well I was going to... you know what, it’s stupid, it’s fine.”</p><p class="p3">“Sean.”</p><p class="p3">“No, it’s okay really, it’s embarrassing. I thought it would be a good idea, it’s not, let’s just go do literally anything else.”</p><p class="p3">Sean went to walk away, but Finn still held his hand. He pulled Sean in close.</p><p class="p3">“Sean. Whatever anxious mess is happening in that head of yours right now?” He raised his free hand to the back of Sean’s head. “Cut that shit out. What did you want to do?”</p><p class="p3">Sean felt himself relax into Finn. He couldn’t look him in the eye when he spoke.</p><p class="p3">“I uh, I wanted to introduce you to my dad.”</p><p class="p3">“Your... dad?”</p><p class="p3">“We made a Día de Muertos shrine for him, and Daniel and I used it as a way to, I don’t know, speak to him, and then you arrived and I thought...”</p><p class="p3">Sean tried to throw his hands up in the air, but one was still entwined in Finn’s, who smiled down at him, as if he was being unbelievably adorable instead of weird and stressed and anxious.</p><p class="p3">“Do you think it’s weird?” He said after a long pause, looking up at Finn.</p><p class="p3">“I don’t pretend to know more about Mexican culture than you do my man, but... wasn’t that like a month ago?”</p><p class="p3">Sean laughed, and Finn’s eyes lit up at the sound of it.</p><p class="p3">“That’s really your only issue with it?”</p><p class="p3">“Well I’ll be honest, Dads aren’t exactly my strong suit but, if it means a lot to you, I’m in man, fucking A.”</p><p class="p3">“I mean, it means <em>something</em>, but like, not so much that-”</p><p class="p3">“Sean. It means a lot to you.”</p><p class="p3">He looked up at Finn for another moment, once again seeing that startling sincerity in his eyes.</p><p class="p3">“Thanks, Finn.”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, come on, you fucking dork.”</p><p class="p3">They sat down together in his Dad’s room, and Sean relit the candles from the other night. He picked at a piece of skin at his nail bed, looking down at that as he spoke.</p><p class="p3">“So. Uh. Hey, dad.” He started quietly. “This is the guy, I told you about. Back in Nevada.” He felt Finn’s puzzled eyes on him as he spoke and didn’t look up to meet them. He wasn’t about to explain that one time he came out to his dead dad in a dream in the middle of the desert. “Finn. He’s, well, he’s my boyfriend.”</p><p class="p3">This felt all kinds of weird. He imagined what would have happened if his dad was still alive. What he would have thought of Finn. He didn’t exactly look like the most trustworthy person to bring home. Particularly if that person was your first introduction to your son liking guys.</p><p class="p3">“Hey, Mr. Diaz.” Finn seemed a little uncomfortable too. Sean felt a lump form in his throat at the realisation of how far out of his comfort zone Finn had been willing to go for him here.</p><p class="p3">“I, uh, I guess I’m the bad influence. My bad.”</p><p class="p3">Sean’s stomach plummeted. He remembered what Daniel had said on thanksgiving. That if his dad really was listening, he’d know it all already. He’d have seen what went down in Humboldt. Just how much of a bad influence Finn had been, how much danger both he and Daniel had gotten into because of the effect that he had on both of them. This willingness to go anywhere, do anything, if Finn wanted it badly enough.</p><p class="p3">This had been a huge mistake. His dad would have hated Finn.</p><p class="p3">“I know I’m not the guy parents love, shit, even <em>my</em> dad wasn’t a fan.” He gave a humourless laugh. “But, I’m… honoured to know your son.”</p><p class="p3">Holy shit. Finn was really taking this seriously.</p><p class="p3">“Both of them, actually. Hell, you raised em good. And then, when you couldn’t, Sean stepped the fuck up. He’s been the world to super bro, and, uh...” he shifted uncomfortably, looking at the ceiling for a moment as Sean turned towards him. “And to me too.”</p><p class="p3">And that was when Sean remembered that his dad was a smart guy. He always saw - maybe not the best in people - but he saw what was beneath the surface. He saw in Sean the capacity to love and care for Daniel even when they would scrap at every chance they got. He saw in Karen, even before her own parents did, the need to be free. He saw in his own friends second chances that most people didn’t. He realised that maybe his dad would have seen the side of Finn that Sean saw. The side of him that, beneath all of the bravado, was willing to talk to a shrine of a man he’d never met just to bring some kind of comfort to Sean. Sure, he might have seen the effect that Finn had on Sean, and the not so great influence he’d had on Daniel, but he would have seen - he <em>must </em>have seen - what Sean was only then seeing for the first time. That, sure, Sean would have risked his life to pull whatever reckless stunt Finn asked of him if he looked at him with those eyes. But Finn would do exactly the same for him. For both of them.</p><p class="p3">“I love him, Dad.” And he felt his voice break and the tears spill over, and he felt Finn’s fingers entwine in his, and though his breathing felt shallow he felt himself stay grounded. He felt safe. “And god it’s so unfair that you never got to meet him. It’s so unfair that if you <em>had</em> been here then maybe I’d have never met him. It’s so cruel that to get something so good I had to have something so awful happen. I wish you were here to tell me to be careful with my heart. Or to embarrass me with stories and baby photos. Or try to have the awkward dad talk about something way out of both of our depths. I just, wish you were here.” He let himself sob, then, in Finn’s arms.</p><p class="p3">“I love your son, too.” Finn said after a long time, after Sean had cried himself out into the front of Finn’s T-shirt, after he had held him, quietly.</p><p class="p3">“I need you to know that, Mr. Diaz. I don’t know if you can hear me, or if you’d approve of me, but if there is anything, anything at all, that you can comprehend from where you’re at right now it’s that I love the fuck out of Sean. And that I will be here for him. He’s got me, and Daniel, and Karen, and his weird friend Lyla, and our weird friends too. He’s got his grandparents. He’s not alone.”</p><p class="p3">Then, more quietly. “I need you to know that too, Sean. I love you so fucking much. And even if we’re hours away from each other I am always, always gonna be there for you. Gonna come running when you call.”</p><p class="p3">“Finn, I-”</p><p class="p3">“Don’t worry about it Sean, you don’t have to say anything. I mean, I’m no Jenn, but...”</p><p class="p3">“Dude!”</p><p class="p3">Finn raised his arms into the air, the ghost of his usual bravado shifting his lips into a weak smile, but his eyes were still red.</p><p class="p3">“Maybe you two would get along.” Sean said after a long pause. “He liked to tease me about girls too.” He smiled, leaning in to Finn again.</p><p class="p3">“Thank you for this.”</p><p class="p3">“All good, man. I’m… Actually real touched you trusted me with this.”</p><p class="p3">Finn leaned in to kiss him, stopping just short. “Oh. Uh…”</p><p class="p3">Sean smiled, and closed the distance, darting in for the briefest of kisses. “The kinda kiss he’d have taken about seven photos of when you showed up to pick me up on prom night anyway.”</p><p class="p3">Finn gave a little laugh.</p><p class="p3">“Hey, do you mind going to get Daniel? I want to talk to dad, just the two of us, if that’s chill.”</p><p class="p3">Finn nodded, and stood, opening the door. Daniel tumbled in as it opened.</p><p class="p3">“Got him.” Finn said, grinning.</p><p class="p3">“Hey, dude, didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s rude to eavesdrop?”</p><p class="p3">“Nope.”</p><p class="p3">Finn closed the door behind him as Daniel picked himself up, and Sean put an arm out for Daniel who came to sit beside him.</p><p class="p3">“For what it’s worth, Sean, I think he’d have liked him.” He said when Finn was gone.</p><p class="p3">“Me too. Unless he saw him teach you how to throw knives. That, I don’t think he’d have liked so much.”</p><p class="p3">“Can, uh, can I talk to him now?”</p><p class="p3">Sean extended a had towards the nightstand.</p><p class="p3">“Hi, Dad. I’m sorry we got interrupted.”</p><p class="p3">“Dad wouldn’t mind.” Sean said, placing an arm around Daniel. “He’d be glad we’ve got people.”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, I guess. But... we still miss you Dad.</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, we do.” Sean took a deep breath, looking around the room. His room. With marks of their dad everywhere he turned. “This place doesn’t feel so much like home without you.”</p><p class="p3">There was a long silence. He heard Daniel sniff, and when he looked down, he saw his little brother straining to keep his chin from trembling.</p><p class="p3">“I don’t know what to say, Sean.”</p><p class="p3">“What do you mean?”</p><p class="p3">“I mean. I don’t know what to say. I miss him so much and that’s all I can think. I wanted to talk to him but now that I’m here.... it’s not really him is it, he can’t answer. What’s the point?”</p><p class="p3">“Hey. Hey, enano, come on.”</p><p class="p3">“How don’t I have anything to say to Dad?” He held back the tears, but the waver in his voice gave him away.</p><p class="p3">Sean got down from the bed, kneeling in front of Daniel, an attempt to meet his lowered gaze.</p><p class="p3">“Look. Daniel. Maybe he can’t talk back. Maybe you’re right, maybe he already knows everything that’s happened and there’s no point telling him about it. But this is for us, right? We get to, just, be here with him. We don’t even have to talk, we just have to know he’s here. Or... or, I’ll do the talking, if you want?”</p><p class="p3">Daniel wiped his nose on the sleeve of his sweater, but said nothing.</p><p class="p3">“Okay.” Sean said, sitting back up on the bed, clearing his throat. “So yeah, Dad, Daniel’s pretty bummed, as you can see.” He chanced a glance down at Daniel, to see if there was even a whisper of a smile there at his words. “I’m sure you get it. I think you’d be bummed too if the roles were reversed. But, hey. I know how much you love us. And I know you miss us too. I’ll pass it on to Daniel.”</p><p class="p3">He waited a beat, to see if Daniel would add anything. Nothing happened.</p><p class="p3">“Has Daniel told you about Sarah-Lee yet? Lyla’s gonna have to watch out. She’s got competition.”</p><p class="p3">“Hey!”</p><p class="p3">Sean had never been more relieved to hear his brother whine. “Well, either you can tell him or I can.”</p><p class="p3">“She’s cool, I guess.” Daniel said, staring down at his hands in his lap. “I showed her the comic book I’m working on. The drawings aren’t very good, but she said she liked them.”</p><p class="p3">“Hey, you’re working on a comic book?”</p><p class="p3">“Sean, I’m telling Dad, not you!”</p><p class="p3">Sean put a hand on his chest, and mimed zipping his mouth shut.</p><p class="p3">“It’s... about the wolf brothers. And their adventures. But, I don’t know. I don’t think a comic book is the right way to tell it. I’ve been working on it for ages. When Sean was gone. It helped a lot. I missed him. You too, Dad. But in my story, you came with us. So, I didn’t miss either of you so much when I worked on it.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel paused again, still sullen, still staring at his hands, but Sean didn’t speak. He knew there would be more.</p><p class="p3">“I know you want us to be happy.” Daniel’s voice was quiet. “And, I am sometimes. But then I feel bad again. Because I feel bad about, you know, being happy. And then I feel bad about feeling bad because I know you want us to be happy.” He bit down hard on his lip as it started to tremble again.</p><p class="p3">“Me too.” Sean stepped in. “All the time. It’s like, I’m guilty when I don’t think about you, but then I feel guilty for not moving on like you’d want us to. It’s hard. I know exactly how Daniel feels. He’s not alone in that.”</p><p class="p3">He looked directly at the nightstand as he spoke, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Daniel look up at him.</p><p class="p3">“We’re gonna talk to each other about you more.” Sean pressed on, feeling Daniel watching him. “I promise, dad, because I know you’d want us to. And I’m going to make Daniel promise to let himself be sad sometimes. He’s strong, you know. But I think he’s too strong sometimes. I’ve gotta teach him that it’s okay to cry, because I know you would have taught him that some day. And then, when we get back, Lyla made me promise we’d speak to someone. A grief counsellor maybe. And maybe, someone to talk to about my panic attacks.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel hugged him then, hard. He wrapped his arms around his little brother, but he kept going. He couldn’t cut this short, not now. Not when everything finally felt so open. Now was the time to rip everything apart, let it hurt. There would be time for healing later.</p><p class="p3">“You see, Dad. I’ve been guilty of it too. Of trying to stay strong around Daniel. Of trying to pretend that things were okay when they weren’t. But we’re the wolf brothers. We can’t keep things like that from each other.”</p><p class="p3">They stayed there like that for a long time. The candles sputtered as they came close to burning out. The room darkened around them. They heard the sound of the others return, of Finn’s hushed voice from the living room, catching them as they arrived, trying to tell them to keep it down without revealing what Sean and Daniel were doing. It didn’t matter. They had nothing more to say. They loved their dad, and they missed him. He knew that. They both knew it too. They just sat there together, in the silence, remembering him. And when the candles burned out, they stood. Sean kissed Daniel lightly on the head, and Daniel didn’t squirm away. He just took his hand.</p><p class="p3">“Thanks, Sean.”</p><p class="p3">“Any time, Daniel. We’re in this together, okay?” <em>To the end</em>, he wanted to add, but it didn’t seem quite right any more. There might never be an end to this grief. But he knew they would learn to live with it, and recover together, piece by piece. “Forever,” he settled on instead.</p><p class="p4">* * *</p><p class="p3">The next day, Lyla hurried Finn and the others out early, amid much complaining.</p><p class="p3">“I thought you guys would want some time alone, to say goodbye to this place.” She told him, when he asked about the rush.</p><p class="p3">Sean was grateful about that, even if he lamented having to say goodbye to everyone sooner.</p><p class="p3">“Where are you off to next?” He asked Finn as they were saying their goodbyes.</p><p class="p3">“Staying in Washington, actually. Got work on a farm not too far from here, harvesting Christmas trees.”</p><p class="p3">“Maybe some of them will make their way to the Beaver Creek Christmas market.”</p><p class="p3">“Hah, poetic as fuck.”</p><p class="p3">Behind Finn, Sean caught sight of Lyla, leaning against the wall as Cassidy packed up her bag, the two of them laughing and teasing each other.</p><p class="p3">“Bet she’s gonna be thrilled you’re staying close by.”</p><p class="p3">“Who, Lyla? Or Cass?”</p><p class="p3">“Both if you ask me. Hey Finn, do me a favour, do a little matchmaking for me while I’m gone? Lyla just needs a little push.”</p><p class="p3">“Sean Diaz, look at you. Happily in love and now you’re pushing it on everyone else?”</p><p class="p3">“Come on, look at them.”</p><p class="p3">They both turned to look, just as Cassidy reached out to push a lock of Lyla’s hair back behind her ear.</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, I don’t think they need our help.”</p><p class="p3">They both laughed, and Sean wrapped his arms around Finn’s neck.</p><p class="p3">“Hey, I am, by the way.”</p><p class="p3">“You what?”</p><p class="p3">“Happily in love. I’ve got a lot of reasons not to be happy right now, but if there’s anything I’m happy about, it’s that I’m in love with you.”</p><p class="p3">Finn opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He looked, inexplicably, choked up.</p><p class="p3">“Dude, we’ve said that to each other before. A bunch of times.”</p><p class="p3">“I know but, always when one of us is in danger, or in tears, or not sure if we’re ever gonna see each other again. It’s weird, hearing you just say it like that. All chill. It’s nice. It’s fucking nice Sean.”</p><p class="p3">“So what you’re saying is you love me too?”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah man, I’m saying I love you too.”</p><p class="p3">“Glad to get that sorted out.”</p><p class="p3">They kissed, followed by a promise from Finn to come visit with Lyla in a couple weeks, and Sean and Daniel said their goodbyes to everyone else. It was strange, saying goodbye this time. Back in Humboldt, during his goodbye party, it had been a vague ‘<em>I’ll remember you’</em> kind of goodbye. This time, Sean didn’t exactly know when he’d be back on the road with these guys, but he knew - with more certainty than he had known anything since his release - that he would, someday.</p><p class="p3">The house felt strange and empty when they left. The absence of not only their father now, but their friends, rang out around the brothers as they stood in the doorway, waving everyone off.</p><p class="p3">“Where’s your head at Daniel?” Sean asked as the closed the door, Daniel eerily quiet.</p><p class="p3">“Dunno. Just. It’s weird. I’ve missed this place a lot. But, I don’t know how I feel about leaving.”</p><p class="p3">“I get you. I think I’ve figured it out though. This house is just... stuff. That’s where all the memories are. So, let’s pack up the stuff. We’ve got the car now. We take everything that has happy memories, and we leave everything with bad memories.”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, I guess. I like that Sean.”</p><p class="p3">They spent the next few hours packing up their own rooms, doors open, Sean’s music filling the space that their friends had left, one occasionally running into the other’s room to show something they’d found. Sean felt the day growing later, knowing they had a long drive back, with school the next morning, but couldn’t bring himself to rush the process.</p><p class="p3">They did their dad’s room together, each choosing some articles of clothing, some prized possessions to keep. They said one last goodbye to their dad before Sean bagged everything they had used for the shrine, promising a real Día de los Muertos celebration next year. They kept it short. In just a few days, both brothers had cried enough tears to last a lifetime. They were both, Sean realised, feeling pretty eager to start the whole healing part of the process.</p><p class="p3">By the time they were ready to leave, the back seat and trunk of the car were bursting with bags and boxes</p><p class="p3">“You think we’ll ever come back here?” Daniel said as the keys turned in the ignition.</p><p class="p3">“I don’t know Daniel. Would you even want to?”</p><p class="p3">“Maybe. I don’t know.”</p><p class="p3">“We’ll see it again. Even if it’s just to take the last of our stuff out to sell it. But, maybe it’s not our home any more.”</p><p class="p3">Sean fell silent then. Where was home, if not here? Not Beaver Creek. Maybe to Daniel, but not to him. For so long now he felt like home was wherever Daniel was, but maybe he needed to find his own sense of home too.</p><p class="p3">“How are we gonna do it, Sean?” For a moment Sean didn’t know what he meant. “Move on, I mean? Like nothing happened?”</p><p class="p3">“We don’t. Not like nothing happened at least. But, I guess, we figure it out. We found a way last time. We just, kept moving. I guess we just do the same. Though, maybe in a less literal sense.”</p><p class="p3">“Okay, Sean. I trust you.”</p><p class="p3">The words were spoke with such sincerity, but they stung. Namely because Sean didn’t even know if he trusted himself on this. To keep moving, though, was their only option. They couldn’t just lie down and give up. They couldn’t just decide that this was all too hard and stop going about their lives. He had wanted to, so badly, when they first left Seattle. There was nobody on their tails this time, nothing to run from. But it helped, this time around, feeling that maybe there was everything to run towards.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(I've been writing this fic for less than a month, and it's already overtaken in word count the novel I've been working on since 2017 lmaaao. Thank you all for indulging my craving for a happy ending. And I swear this is the end of the miserable chapters for now)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. This Modern Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">Back in Beaver Creek, life went back to something close to normal for a while. School continued, mundane and stressful as ever. Sean got in touch with two therapists for him and Daniel, so that each of them could talk to somebody independently. The first few sessions were rough, leaving them drained for the rest of the day, but they had been warned about this - trauma therapy often made things worse before making them better. Digging around in the past tended to leave you raw and exposed until you could find a way to heal the wounds that had been revealed. Running helped. After every session he’d run, until he couldn’t think about anything but picking up his foot for the next leap, the next pound of his heart, the next gasp for breath. He was nowhere near as fit as he used to be, but that didn’t matter. It was the exertion that he needed.</p><p class="p2">When he wasn’t studying, running, or in therapy, Sean was working away at Daniel’s Christmas present. He’d had the idea for it back in Seattle, when they’d been packing up their Dad’s clothes, but it required a degree of craftiness that he wasn’t quite sure he had. Claire helped with that as much as she could.</p><p class="p2">“It’s strange to think,” she said to him one evening while she was helping him to use the sewing machine. “You’ve never spent a Christmas here.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah,” Sean said, feeling a little awkward at the sudden turn in conversation. “I’m sorry about leaving for Away this year, just, you know, Daniel’s first real Christmas with Karen. He’s excited about it.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh, of course, I understand that Sean, don’t sound so apologetic.” She smiled, but her attention was absorbed by replacing the thread in the machine. “It’s just strange, that’s all. We had Daniel, last year. It wasn’t the merriest of Christmases. He missed you, and your father.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah. Last Christmas was a little underwhelming for me too.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh, shoot, I’m sorry Sean. I shouldn’t have-”</p><p class="p2">“No, you’re okay Claire. You didn’t say anything wrong. Just trying to… Talk about it more, I guess. My therapist is really pushy about that.”</p><p class="p2">“Ah.”</p><p class="p2">She finished replacing the thread, sitting back and looking at Sean.</p><p class="p2">“Stephen and I are very glad you’re here, Sean. We’re happy you’re letting us be a part of your life. I just worry. About Daniel, and you. I can see how restless you are, Sean. It’s clear you won’t be here long after you graduate. We can’t stop you, just…” He waved her hands in front of her a little feebly as she hesitated, searching for the right words. “Your mother, she had her reasons for leaving. I can’t say I understand all of them, but she had her reasons. But she went about it all wrong, Sean. You have your reasons too, just please know that you always have a home, here.”</p><p class="p2">“No worries Claire,” Sean gave her a small smile. “I’m not going to go off to Away for Christmas and get inspired to follow in Karen’s footsteps. Wherever I go after I graduate, <em>if </em>I go, I won’t go far from Daniel for long.”</p><p class="p2">“That’s all we ask, Sean. There. Looks like that should be fine now. You’re good to go.”</p><p class="p2">She stood.</p><p class="p2">“This is a nice thing you’re doing for Daniel” Claire said, hesitating at the door. “He’s lucky to have you in his life.”</p><p class="p2">“Thanks, Claire.”</p><p class="p2">He stayed up late that night, sewing Daniel’s present. In between swearing at the machine and messing up the fabric, he thought about what Claire had said. He thought about after graduation, what he would do, where he would go. He thought about Daniel, still here. Growing up without him. He tried not to think about Karen, who he would be seeing in a few days, for their first Christmas together in about eleven years. Karen, who had missed out on almost all of Daniel’s life.He didn’t want to be like that, he didn’t want that kind of escape. But an escape of some sort, that sounded pretty good to him. He wouldn’t have admitted it to Claire, but he was buzzing with excitement at the thought of Christmas at Away.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p2">They flew out early on Christmas Eve, with a suitcase full of gifts, some to give out, and some from Claire and Stephen, who insisted on Sean and Daniel packing them so that they could open them on Christmas Day.</p><p class="p2">“Mom said she was going to be waiting for us, right?” Daniel asked as they walked out into arrivals, craning his neck.</p><p class="p2">Sean laughed, pointing over at the giant sign, glitter and all, that read “the wolf brothers.”</p><p class="p2">“Mom!” Sean waved over at them, a smile splitting across his face.</p><p class="p2">“Joan!” Daniel called, running through the crowds.</p><p class="p2">“Wow, clearly we know who his favourite is” Karen laughed, hugging Sean while Daniel clung to Joan.</p><p class="p2">“He saw you a couple months ago,” Sean said, and he waited for Joan to free up so he could greet her too. “He missed you, but he’s been talking about Joan for the last year and a half.”</p><p class="p2">“You’ve got hair!” They heard Daniel cry into Joan’s arms.</p><p class="p2">“Ha! So have you.”</p><p class="p2">“Hey Daniel, wanna give your wounded mother a hug too?” Sean laughed, prying him away. He moved quickly to Karen, enveloping her in an equally enthusiastic hug. He smiled at Joan, who was wiping tears from her eyes.</p><p class="p2">“You look well, Joan, it’s good to see you.”</p><p class="p2">“Come here you,” she said pulling him into a hug. “God, have you gotten even taller? Look at you!” She held on to him when the hug ended, examining him. “Looks like we’re both out of hot water now, huh?”</p><p class="p2">“Guess we are.” She really was looking well. Her hair must have been growing for a while now, it was longer that Karen’s already, fine and frizzy and mostly upright. It seemed completely on brand for her.</p><p class="p2">“So when’s the boy getting here?” Joan asked, grinning.</p><p class="p2">“Ah, yes” Karen laughed, straightening up as she finished hugging Daniel. “The evasive <em>not-boyfriend</em> who, despite not being the boyfriend, is apparently close enough to run out of moving cars for, and is willing to spend Christmas with your hermit mother.”</p><p class="p2">“Actually, now he’s the <em>yes-boyfriend</em>.” Sean smiled a little nervously, remembering the look on Karen’s face after he’d thrown himself at Finn at the Reynolds’s. “And, he should be here soon. I booked him on a flight that would time up with ours.”</p><p class="p2">“Ooooh, I’m so excited to see this one,” Joan laughed. “I hear there are face tattoos involved?”</p><p class="p2">“Geez guys, you’ve got nothing better to do than gossip, huh?”</p><p class="p2">“We live in a desert, Sean.”</p><p class="p2">“Finn!” It was Daniel who’d spotted him, waving him over. Finn, who must have heard his name being called, scanned the room to no avail until Karen grabbed Daniel by the waist, raising him up above the mass of the packed airport.</p><p class="p2">Sean darted ahead to greet him, pulling him into a kiss.</p><p class="p2">“They literally saw each other like two weeks ago,” he heard Daniel groan to Joan as she laughed. “Seriously, he came with Lyla for a whole weekend, you’d think it’s been years.”</p><p class="p2">“Dude!” Sean hissed, breaking apart from Finn.</p><p class="p2">“Oh, no need to be embarrassed on our part, not after that show back at Beaver Creek.” Karen laughed.</p><p class="p2">“Embarrassed, Sean here? Never.” Finn laughed, greeting Karen with a hug before being accosted by Joan.</p><p class="p2">Karen and Joan drove them down to Away, filling them in on who would be there, whose family was visiting and who of the regulars would be spending Christmas there. There was a list of names, but Sean and Daniel didn’t retain any of it. They smiled at each other from the backseat, taking in the desert views. Finn had lost the game of rock paper scissors that would decide who would be sandwiched in the middle seat, leaving Sean with an opportunity.</p><p class="p2">Sean put his window down, looking at Daniel as he did. Finn watched, confused, as Daniel’s eyes lit up, understanding dawning before he followed suit.</p><p class="p2">“You guys aren’t cold back there?”</p><p class="p2">“Nah, Karen, we’re good. We left Beaver Creek under about a foot of snow, this is practically tropical.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh yeah, wow, I do not miss those winters. What are-?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel and Sean already had a head out of each window, howling out into the desert. Sean was laughing so hard he had to stop until Daniel yelled at him to keep going, Finn laughing along with him as he wrapped an arm around each brother to keep them from falling out. There really was nothing like this. The sun shone on the flat expanse of desert. Nothing on the horizon but canyons, and the pale sky. This was what freedom felt like.</p><p class="p2">Joan laughed, joining them with a little howl inside the car.</p><p class="p2">“I swear,” Karen said in mock exasperation, “you’re as much a kid as they are.” But her smile gave her away.</p><p class="p2">They had howled themselves out just as Away appeared in the distance.</p><p class="p2">“We heard you kids coming from a mile off!” Arthur was waving them in as they arrived, Stanley standing with him. David was there too, standing just a little behind with a few new faces. The brothers were passed around, hugged and greeted, Finn inspected with open and unashamed curiosity.</p><p class="p2">“God is it good to see you two safe on the other side of that whole shit show” Stanley said, holding Sean’s face in his hands.</p><p class="p2">“Maybe not quite on the other side yet, but, safe for sure. And getting there.”</p><p class="p2">He didn’t know what had made him say it. He had wanted to say something along the lines of <em>thanks, it’s good to see you too,</em> but there was something in the warmth of Stanley and Arthur, of this, the last safe place before the border, that made Sean feel so relaxed, so open.</p><p class="p2">Stanley seemed to get it, he nodded, tears swelling in his eyes as Arthur came and wrapped an arm around him.</p><p class="p2">“That’s all you can ask, at this point. As long as you have space to heal.” Arthur said.</p><p class="p2">David approached, shaking his hand before pulling him into a somewhat awkward hug.</p><p class="p2">“It’s good to see you Sean. I can’t tell you how happy I was when I found out you were going to be released. I knew you kids had a life ahead of you yet.”</p><p class="p2">They were introduced to the visiting family members then, Arthur’s daughter Becky who seemed friendly enough, and her partner Ryan, who didn’t look thrilled to be there. David introduced Sean to his step-daughter, Chloe, who looked considerably more at ease there than Becky and Ryan did, with her bright blue-green hair and a sleeve full of tats. One hand in her back pocket, she raised another in a wave when David proudly introduced her.</p><p class="p2">“The infamous Diaz brothers,” She said in way of greeting. “We’ve heard hella stories about you.”</p><p class="p2">“Not all good, I assume.”</p><p class="p2">“Eh, plenty good from this one,” she gestured to David, who was moving away to talk to Finn, “and from the news? Well it depends how deeply you care about the law.”</p><p class="p2">“Which, in Chloe’s case is not a lot,” the girl beside her chimed in, smiling. “I’m Max, by the way, nice to finally meet you.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah you too, I think David mentioned you, Chloe’s friend right?”</p><p class="p2">“Ha, classic David.” Chloe rolled her eyes, but it seemed a loving kind of exasperation. “Friend in the same kinda way you and Face Tats over there seem to be friends.”</p><p class="p2">“Ah. Right. Sorry.”</p><p class="p2">“No big deal, princess here gets mistaken for straight all the time.”</p><p class="p2">“Rude,” Max laughed. “But fair.”</p><p class="p2">Sean watched as Max nudged Chloe, who in return placed a small kiss on her forehead. Behind them, Finn was talking to David, who Sean was sure would be interrogating him, but they seemed to be getting along just fine, if a little awkwardly. Beside them, Stanley and Arthur were cooing over Daniel. This, Sean realised, was how it felt to belong. Truly belong somewhere, among people like him, and people who were accepting and completely non-judgemental. No wonder his mom had settled here for nearly seven years now.</p><p class="p2">There were fold-out chairs scattered around near Joan’s trailer, and Karen called on Daniel to help her set them up. He saw, from the corner of his eye, Daniel raise a hand.</p><p class="p2">“Sorry guys,” Sean said frantically to Chloe and Max, “Just need to go speak with my brother.”</p><p class="p2">He sped off towards Daniel.</p><p class="p2">“Dude, no powers remember?”</p><p class="p2">“But everyone here already knows!”</p><p class="p2">“Not the families. We don’t know if we can trust them. You really think Ryan the accountant or whatever isn’t gonna shit himself if he sees you levitating chairs around the place?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel grumbled at the idea of helping with the chairs without the use of his power, so Sean helped to speed things along. They spent the rest of the evening out there, all the residents and their families catching up, sharing stories as the sky darkened and the stars - even brighter than Sean remembered - emerged above them. Max and Chloe were only a few years older than him, and seemed cool. Becky was sweet, if a little sheltered - he remembered Arthur telling him that she was the only one of his daughters that still spoke to him, and he could see that she was doing her best to be a loving daughter to him, despite her grumpy looking partner complaining about the lack of cell-signal. Joan shared a joint around with Finn and Chloe, the three of them sitting a little apart from everybody for politeness’s sake, giggling. They offered it to Sean a few times too, but he would have felt weird accepting in front of Karen.</p><p class="p2">Max caught sight of Sean, watching and smiling as Joan, Finn and Chloe tried to contain their laughter at some joke that nobody else heard.</p><p class="p2">“I really love it out here.” She said to Sean. She hadn’t spoken much until then, seeming to prefer to keep to herself while Chloe did the talking. He offered her a smile and a nod in return, still watching as his boyfriend passed the joint to her girlfriend.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, it’s really something. So close to redneck country, here’s this little haven of peace.”</p><p class="p2">Max nodded.</p><p class="p2">“Chloe and I travel a lot, and we’ve been to a lot of big cities. Most are pretty liberal, but somehow we’ve never quite felt as safe to be us as we do here, in the middle of the desert. You should see the effect it had on David.”</p><p class="p2">“Man, I remember seeing pictures of him in his trailer last time I was here. He looked… Different.”</p><p class="p2">Max laughed. “I’ll say. We all went through a lot together back in Oregon, and that started the shift I think. Nothing like shared trauma to change a person’s worldview. But when he found Away, I mean… It was so bizarre. He was like a new man. He had a real hard time accepting me and Chloe, until he met Stanley and Arthur. Then, I don’t know, something just seemed to click.”</p><p class="p2">Sean smiled, remembering something.</p><p class="p2">“Stanley and Arthur did something similar for my brother too. I mean, he’s a good kid, I’m sure it would have been fine anyway, but seeing them together, so happy and in love, made it easier to come out, to tell him about Finn.”</p><p class="p2">“You and Finn make a cute couple.”</p><p class="p2">Sean gave a little laugh. “Thanks, I know we don’t look like the most obvious match.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, well, neither do me and Chloe. Love’s funny like that.”</p><p class="p2">They sat in silence for a moment, watching.</p><p class="p2">“Hey wallflowers, come say hi!” Stanley and Arthur were waving them over.</p><p class="p2">“We’d come to you,” Stanley added, “But this old man couldn’t get out of that folding chair if he wanted to.”</p><p class="p2">“Hah, speak for yourself.”</p><p class="p2">Max and Sean laughed, making their way over to sit near Stanley and Arthur.</p><p class="p2">“Were your ears burning?” Max laughed.</p><p class="p2">“Call it the intuition of the Old Gays,” Stanley said with a wink.</p><p class="p2">“It really is beautiful, you know, seeing you kids so free to be yourselves.” Arthur sighed, placing and arm around Stanley.</p><p class="p2">“We were just saying, actually, how much you both have helped with that.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh, Sean.” Stanley said, misty eyed.</p><p class="p2">“Hey, no tears on Christmas Eve!” Karen called over at them.</p><p class="p2">Stanley waved her away with a laugh.</p><p class="p2">“I do wonder,” Arthur added then, “what our lives could have been with some idea that a life like this could be possible, when we were young.”</p><p class="p2">“Well, I still am young thank you, but… Yes. It’s bittersweet. We lost a lot of time, but we got there in the end. It’s just so good to see you all figuring this stuff out at your age. Gives me hope.”</p><p class="p2">Stanley leant in close to Arthur then, resting their foreheads together, so much love in both of their eyes. Max and Sean averted their gaze from the tender moment at the same time, catching each other as they did. Sean could see the echo of his smile in Max’s face.</p><p class="p2">Finn, Joan, and Chloe re-joined the group not long after that, and Sean felt so at peace here, among friends and family and strangers. He remembered feeling something similar back in Humboldt, surrounded for the first time by a group of people who answered to no rules of society, just their own needs and wants. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed it. How much he had craved it, to experience that again - not out of necessity, like last time, but because it was what fit him best. He remembered his conversation with Claire back in Beaver Creek, about not straying too far from Daniel. There had to be a middle ground, surely? One where he could live the life that was best for him without separating from his brother for too long? He had to believe that this could be true.</p><p class="p2">They decided to go to bed when the cold became too much for them, even under a mountain of blankets and sweatshirts, the sky offered no clouds to protect from the bitter winter cold in the sun’s absence.</p><p class="p2">“Hey Finn?” He heard Daniel ask in a small voice as they all got up to go to bed. “You think Santa knows anyone lives here? He won’t skip us, will he?”</p><p class="p2">Sean suppressed a snort as he watched Finn’s eyes widen. He saw in them the fear of a man who had forgotten Daniel was a kid, realising that he actually had no idea how to talk to kids.</p><p class="p2">“He’s fucking with you Finn.” Sean leant in, causing Daniel to groan and roll his eyes. “Some asshole told him in school like three years ago.”</p><p class="p2">“No fair, Sean, you ruined it!”</p><p class="p2">“You still got him for a second, did you see his face?” He reached out to high-five Daniel, whose pout turned to a grin as he returned it.</p><p class="p2">They watched as Finn visibly relaxed. “You little shit.”</p><p class="p2">“Yup, that’s Daniel.”</p><p class="p2">“Merry fucking Christmas” Finn grumbled as Sean and Daniel continued laughing.</p><p class="p2">There was a palpable excitement as everybody left to go to their trailers, wishing each other a goodnight. Maybe it was the presence of family members, or maybe it was just Daniel - the youngest of them all, carrying enough excitement in every step for all of them - but everyone seemed to feel it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. King of the World</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“Sean. Sean. Sean.”</p><p class="p1">Sean woke to find Daniel looming over him.</p><p class="p1">“Sean.”</p><p class="p1">He might have thought he was whispering it, but he was definitely not. And he was not-whispering very close to his face.</p><p class="p1">“Sean.”</p><p class="p1">“Daniel?” He pulled the covers over his face. Daniel pulled them back, grinning.</p><p class="p1">“It’s Christmas Sean.”</p><p class="p1">He groaned at the light, but he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over his face.</p><p class="p1">“Has he come?”</p><p class="p1">They had been the first words they’d said to each other every Christmas morning back in Seattle. Sometime as a question, sometimes as an excited announcement. He waited for Daniel to roll his eyes, to remind him that he didn’t even believe in Santa any more, but Daniel just beamed back at him.</p><p class="p1">“Yep, he came. But you gotta get out of bed first.”</p><p class="p1">“What time is it?”</p><p class="p1">“Dunno, but sun’s up. So it’s late enough.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, sitting up in bed, rubbing his face. Karen and Finn were still asleep. They had taken a couch each, Finn’s legs dangling comically over the side. Sean tried to offer, but nobody could say no to Daniel, who had wanted so desperately to share the bed that he had shared with Sean the last time they were here. Probably, also, he wanted to be able to do this in the morning, bounce up and down excitedly at a sleepy Sean at the first sight of the sun.</p><p class="p1">“Fine, you get Mom, I’ll get Finn.”</p><p class="p1">Sean made to get up, but Daniel put out an arm to stop him.</p><p class="p1">“Better idea.” He reached down beside the bed to grab his bag, pulling from them a Santa hat and a reindeer antler headband.</p><p class="p1">“Who gets which?”</p><p class="p1">“Oh the antlers on Finn for sure.”</p><p class="p1">With the utmost delicacy, Daniel raised his hand, and guided the Santa hat gently onto Karen’s head, waking her with a start. The headband required a little more finesse, but he managed it, Finn blinking awake slowly with a <em>huh?</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“</em>Merry Christmas” Daniel grinned down at the two confused faces from the bed.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They threw on sweatshirts over their pyjamas and went straight outside with mugs of coffee in hand, each trying to be subtle about carrying armfuls of gifts out with them.</p><p class="p1">From in front of Karen’s trailer, they could see some of the others waking, Chloe giving them a little wave from where she sat smoking in front of David’s trailer, Stanley and Arthur bustling around inside their house, the curtains pulled back and the windows open wide.</p><p class="p1">Karen seemed happier than Sean remembered ever having seen her. She placed a gift in front of each of them - Finn included - as soon as they all sat down, a grin splitting across her face.</p><p class="p1">“Woah Karen, who’s the excited kid here?”</p><p class="p1">“Come on, Sean, let me enjoy this. It’s been years. I’ve missed this.”</p><p class="p1">He reached out a hand across the table to hold hers, even as he smothered the voice in his head that wanted to say <em>and whose fault is that?</em></p><p class="p1">“Okay,” he settled on. “Who first?” He asked, just as the sound of ripping paper came from beside him.</p><p class="p1">“Oh. Oops. Sorry.”</p><p class="p1">“I guess Daniel,” Sean laughed. “What’d you get?”</p><p class="p1">“Cool! Chris is gonna be so jealous! Thanks mom.”</p><p class="p1">He tackled her into a hug while Sean inspected it. A build-your-own-superhero kit, complete with everything a kid could ever need to customise their own superhero costume. She’d nailed it.</p><p class="p1">Sean opened his own next, a huge A3 sketchbook filled with thick, expensive-looking paper.</p><p class="p1">“Woah. Mom, thank you. You didn’t need-”</p><p class="p1">“Shit. Sorry Sean, I just realised. You needed to open my mom and dad’s present first, it doesn’t make sense without it.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s cool, they made us pack them.” He laughed, sifting through the pile to find the one addressed to him. He opened it, revealing a set of oil paints in a wooden case. They looked more high quality than anything he’d worked with before. “Holy shit.”</p><p class="p1">“See? You’ll need the thicker paper, for the paints.”</p><p class="p1">He thought of Karen, Claire and Stephen co-ordinating these gifts, planning together to find the perfect combination. The thought made him a little choked up. Finn squeezed his shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“Want me to go?” He whispered. Sean nodded, grateful for the distraction. He did not want to be seen crying over a set of paints and a sketchbook.</p><p class="p1">Karen had gotten Finn a keychain of an intricately carved four-leaf-clover. It was beautiful, with small uniquely patterned designs on each leaf.</p><p class="p1">“I figured, something small for when you’re travelling. Plus, McNamara’s Irish right? And, to be honest, from the stories I hear you could do with a good luck charm.”</p><p class="p1">“That is… Mad thoughtful, Karen. Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “Abort, Sean. She’s about to have me bawling too.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, pulling more presents from the pile to dish out.</p><p class="p1">Daniel was thrilled with the leather bracelet Finn gave him, Sean having told Finn about the one he’d found left on the nightstand in Haven Point. Daniel presented Finn with a mini-comic he had made with Sean’s help, of Finn the In-finncible, the mighty crime fighting vigilante whose power was his complete disregard for authority. Sean had helped him brainstorm a little too, but the plot had been all Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“Kid’s got skills,” Finn said in awe, flicking through it. “Never thought I’d see myself <em>fighting</em> crime instead of doing it.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel and Sean had both chipped in and gotten Karen a locket, containing a photo of the three of them that Claire had taken the day Sean had gotten out of prison. He had worried it seemed a little, well, vain, but she had put it on right away, misty-eyed, and her hand kept fluttering up to touch it constantly throughout the rest of the day.</p><p class="p1">Finn gave Sean a ring, a thick metal band that matched his own, which he immediately put on.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel, mom, avert your eyes.”</p><p class="p1">Karen laughed, covering Daniel’s eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Wait,” Finn said as Sean pulled him close. From his pocket, Finn pulled a sprig of mistletoe. “Chloe gave it to me last night,” he laughed. “Apparently Max brought a shit load with her.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, reaching out to raise Finn’s arm above them, kissing beneath the mistletoe while Daniel fake retched behind Karen’s hand.</p><p class="p1">“My gift seems a little corny after yours.”</p><p class="p1">“Nothing looks corny after mistletoe Sean.”</p><p class="p1">He handed it to Finn, who tore off the paper.</p><p class="p1">“This is-” He held up the mug, designed to look like a coconut.</p><p class="p1">“To tide you over, until you get the real thing. For Costa Rica”</p><p class="p1">Finn looked at it, eyes wide, like this cheap novelty mug was the most precious thing he’d ever owned. He looked up at Sean then, who was struck in that moment by how off-guard he looked. How emotional this had made him.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck, I love you Sean Diaz.”</p><p class="p1">“Geez, no more mistletoe okay?” Daniel sighed.</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, opting for a hug instead, while Daniel held out his gift for Sean. It was a map of the world, with foil that could be scratched off when you visited a place. “It’s for when you travel. but… It’s too big to take with you. So you gotta pin it on the wall and come back between each place.” He said it with smugness in his voice, like he’d figured out the perfect loophole. Sean laughed, wondering how much say Claire had had in this gift-buying process.</p><p class="p1">“I love it enano. But if I travel the world, I’ll be coming back to tell you all about it anyway. You don’t need a map to trick me into it.”</p><p class="p1">“I guess. Still cool though right?”</p><p class="p1">“Very. Here, this one’s for you.”</p><p class="p1">Sean presented his gift to Daniel with a little nervousness, watching his face for a reaction as he tore off the wrapping paper.</p><p class="p1">He raised the blanket above them with his powers, letting it unfold with a flourish, eyes wide as he took it in. Karen gasped as she realised what it was.</p><p class="p1">The blanket was made up of dozens of patches. Front and centre, the logo of Sean’s wolf squad hoodie, and Daniel’s space mission t-shirt beside it, padded out - a little shoddily - with material at the back to keep them a similar thickness. The surrounding patches were taken from all sorts, the blankets they had carried with them on the road, some of their Dad’s clothes, even one of Finn’s bandanas, with his permission.</p><p class="p1">“I thought you might like to hold on to some of the memories.” Sean said, when Daniel just stared. “But, a blanket is like, a safety thing right? So you can remember, but you can be safe, and comfortable, and…” He trailed off. “Daniel?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel knocked the wind out of Sean with the force of his hug.</p><p class="p1">“Merry Christmas enano,” Sean laughed, holding his brother tight.</p><p class="p1">“I love it, Sean. Thank you."</p><p class="p1">“Hey kids, save a little love for the rest of us, will you?”</p><p class="p1">Joan called, approaching from her trailer.</p><p class="p1">“Look at you guys over here, making the rest of our christmases look sad and boring in comparison.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel proceeded to show off each of his presents to Joan individually, and Karen went inside to make more coffee and some breakfast, and the morning melted into another communal gathering, everyone coming and going from each other’s trailers, wishing each other a happy holidays and sharing coffee and pancakes.</p><p class="p1">Sean was standing near Stanley and Arthur’s house, talking to Arthur about his trip back to Seattle when he spotted Max and Chloe struggling to carry something big from Joan’s trailer.</p><p class="p1">“Go offer them some help will you Sean?” Arthur laughed, shaking his head. “That’s just hard to watch.”</p><p class="p1">Sean approached, about to offer help, when he saw what they were carrying.</p><p class="p1">“Woah.” He said.</p><p class="p1">They stopped to rest for a second, placing the frame down between them. It was a huge image of Max and Chloe, arms around each other, smiling for the camera. It looked vaguely familiar. It must have been a recreation of the one hanging in David’s trailer. But this one was made of what looked to be thousands of cut up polaroids.</p><p class="p1">“Gorgeous right?” Max said, smiling. “David made it for us.”</p><p class="p1">“With Joan’s help, I’m guessing.” Chloe added. “Fuck knows how we’re getting it back to New York but, it’s pretty sick.”</p><p class="p1">“He was keeping it in Joan’s trailer to keep it a surprise.” Max laughed. “God, it still freaks me out sometimes how nice he is now.”</p><p class="p1">Sean offered to help carry it back to David’s trailer, and he and Max each took a corner, Chloe insisting on taking two because, as she put it “I’ve got those mad hench mechanic arms now, not like you two pussy artists."</p><p class="p1">When it was moved, Max went straight inside to google how best to get it shipped to their apartment in New York, and Chloe offered to repay Sean’s help with a smoke.</p><p class="p1">They sat together on the table outside David’s trailer.</p><p class="p1">“Where’s your brother at?” Chloe asked, as she offered him her lighter. He declined, taking out his dad’s, a little confused at the question. “He could have been hella useful helping with that frame.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t-”</p><p class="p1">“Come on, man. That kid is <em>not </em>subtle. That, and David gave away the game a little. He didn’t say anything, but, man the way he talks about Daniel.” She lowered her voice, a bad imitation of David’s. “<em>He’s special that boy. Really special. I mean… uh, he’s just… a good kid.” </em>She laughed. “Then shit just keeps flying around. I, personally, would say I’m a genius, but even if I wasn’t, it doesn’t take much to put it together.”</p><p class="p1">Sean took a long drag on his cigarette, his heart pounding as Chloe watched. She had a pretty intense stare, and it felt a little unsettling in that moment.</p><p class="p1">“I… Uh, I mean most people wouldn’t. Put it together I mean. It’s not like superpowers are most people’s first conclusion to that kind of thing.”</p><p class="p1">He hoped it was noncommittal enough.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well, Max and I aren’t most people, dude.”</p><p class="p1">What the hell did that mean?</p><p class="p1">“You been to Arcadia Bay recently, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t think-” He stopped, remembering something. It wasn’t a pleasant memory, but it had stuck with him. A ghost town, Daniel asleep in the car. Falling to pieces as he spoke out loud for the first time the reality of his dad’s death to Brody. “Actually, I think I’ve seen it. Coast of Oregon, right? Big lighthouse? Pretty much abandoned.”</p><p class="p1">“The very same. Big ass storm’s what did it. But Max still blames herself.”</p><p class="p1">Sean just frowned as Chloe paused to take a pull on her cigarette. When she spoke again, she kept her voice low.</p><p class="p1">“Hers aren’t the same as your brother’s.” She said, bouncing her leg up and down as she spoke. “She can rewind time. Fucking wild, I know.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, what?”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, lower your voice. Thought you got the whole secrecy thing.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. Sorry. I just…” he ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. “I had no idea there were others.”</p><p class="p1">“Neither did we, until we noticed Daniel. Makes sense though, right? If the universe is crazy and fucked up enough to give one person powers, it checks out that maybe there would be others too.”</p><p class="p1">He didn’t know what to say to that. He just sat for a moment, taking it all in.</p><p class="p1">“Man. Time. That would have come in useful.”</p><p class="p1">Chloe gave a small, sharp laugh. “Yeah, according to Max she’s saved my life a bunch of times. Problem is, the whole time thing fucks shit up way more than Daniel’s thing seems to. Hence, big ass storm. Bye bye Arcadia Bay.” Her voice softened. “And pretty much everyone in it.”</p><p class="p1">“Jesus, Chloe, I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">A lot made sense to him then. David’s wife, Chloe’s mom. The reason why they had come together afterwards, even though Chloe had supposedly hated David before. What was it Max had said to him last night? <em>Nothing like shared trauma to change a person’s worldview. </em>That, at least, he could relate to.</p><p class="p1">She waved a hand dismissively at his condolences.</p><p class="p1">“From what I hear we’ve got a lot in common, us two. Both went through too much shit as teenagers. Uprooted. And we’re both sidekicks to kick-ass superheroes.”</p><p class="p1">“Ouch. Sidekicks?”</p><p class="p1">“Well, you know, the sexy badass kind. No powers, but we’ve got all the charm.” She grinned.</p><p class="p1">“Maybe I could get behind that.”</p><p class="p1">He laughed, and they stubbed out their cigarettes. Chloe produced one of those plastic sealed wallets for storing the butts when there are no ash trays around.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah, I fucking know. Max has me carry it around, big fan of the environment since, you know, a massive storm killed all our friends and family.” She threw a peace sign, the universal hand gesture of <em>haha, trauma am I right?</em> before stuffing the cigarette butts into the wallet.</p><p class="p1">“Ah. Well, that makes sense.”</p><p class="p1">He hesitated a minute.</p><p class="p1">“Look, Chloe, I get it, if she doesn’t want to. I really, <em>really </em>get not wanting to. But, do you think she’d be up for talking to Daniel about her powers? I think it’d be really good for him, to talk to someone else like him.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll ask.” She said. “But, she’s Max, she’ll say yes. Plus your bother is adorable, she can’t say no to his little face. Do me a favour though, tell him to be at least a bit of a brat will you? She doesn’t need more encouragement. I am too young and hot for babies.”</p><p class="p1">“Babies, man, how old are you guys?”</p><p class="p1">“Twenty three. I know. But, I guess, we had to grow up pretty fast.”</p><p class="p1">“Now that I can understand.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh god.”</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">Chloe just leaned over, pointing in the direction of Stanley and Arthur’s house, where David stood, wearing a horribly knit Christmas sweater. He had more, and was waving them over.</p><p class="p1">“Who are we betting knit them?”</p><p class="p1">“Not a chance in hell it’s Karen.”</p><p class="p1">“Same with David. And it’s not psychedelic enough to be Joan.”</p><p class="p1">“Stanley?”</p><p class="p1">“Arthur.”</p><p class="p1">“Come on kids, we’ve got gifts!” Stanley was calling from the doorstep, thrusting one in Finn’s arms. “We knit them together, aren’t they festive?”</p><p class="p1">“Both right, I guess.”</p><p class="p1">“See?” She grinned, nudging him. “The sidekicks are good for something after all.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">Christmas dinner was a barbecue, with a few Away twists to it. Most of the ‘meat’ was plant-based, and the sides were a mismatched selection from all of the residents, each bringing a little piece of their own traditions. Karen unveiled a dish of parsnips, roasted in butter and garlic and rosemary. She showed them to Sean, excitement shining through in her face, and he simply stared back, puzzled, until the smell hit him.</p><p class="p1">“Oh my god, I remember these!”</p><p class="p1">“Yep, you went crazy for them, every year. Even as a baby, you’d cry until I mashed some up for you. Esteban thought they were awful.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh they totally are, there’s enough butter in those things to clog the arteries of a small army. But the army would have the time of their lives before they went so, hey, it works out for the best.” Sean grinned. “Daniel, you have to try one of these.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel wrinkled his nose.</p><p class="p1">“Suit yourself, more for me.” Sean made to take the dish from Karen.</p><p class="p1">“Wait! Don’t eat all of them Sean, I’ll try a <em>bit.</em>”</p><p class="p1">Sean and Karen both laughed. It was strange, this little Christmas tradition that he had forgotten. Everyone’s side dishes seemed to have a story. Everyone here had past lives they’d run from, they all had things they’d left behind and people they’d hurt in the process - but here, today, with their families here, the people of Away had brought little slices of home out to share.</p><p class="p1">Unlike thanksgiving, they didn’t stuff themselves full. It was hardly a sit-down dinner at all. Rather, over the course of the day, they ate a little, then they ate some more. They talked, told stories (or rather, Daniel told stories, egged on by a willing audience of adoring adults), played games, shared embarrassing memories of Sean, Chloe and Becky as kids. All the while with good food to hand. Becky’s partner brought a bunch of Christmas crackers back from a recent business trip to London, which seemed sweet but had definitely been at Becky’s insistence. Ryan didn’t look like he had a festive bone in his body.</p><p class="p1">“What do I do with this?” Daniel frowned at the little bow-shaped cardboard tube.</p><p class="p1">“I think we pull it, dude.”</p><p class="p1">“Why?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, taking one end and offering the other to Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“Try and find out.”</p><p class="p1">They did, Daniel coming away with the bigger end, a paper crown and some other pieces flying out as it split. All confusion gone, Daniel was suddenly thrilled with his new hat, and the little plastic spinning top that had been inside. He giggled to himself as he unwrapped a little slip of paper from inside.</p><p class="p1">“Hey Sean. What do you get if Santa forgets his underwear?”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know, Daniel,” Sean said, with a laugh that was part sigh. “What do you get?”</p><p class="p1">“Saint Knicker-less.” Daniel said, whooping with laughter.</p><p class="p1">“I… Don’t get it.”</p><p class="p1">“Me either, but it sounds funny.”</p><p class="p1">A few minutes later, everyone had a paper crown. Finn trying his best to fit his over the reindeer headband he’d been wearing ever since Daniel forced it on him.</p><p class="p1">“Wow am I lucky to have such a fashion-forward boyfriend.” Sean said, grinning as he watched Finn struggle to manoeuvre the crepe paper over the antlers without splitting it.</p><p class="p1">“Yes you are, Sean Diaz. Ya boy is Gucci ready, look at me, I’m flawless.” The hat split, falling down the side of his face when he flipped his head as he spoke.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry Finn,” Daniel cut in while Sean was doubled over laughing. “It’s because you’re an impostor. I was the first one with the crown, which makes me the true king.”</p><p class="p1">“Look out folks,” Joan called out, grinning. “We’re in the presence of royalty. And, uh, what are you king of exactly, Daniel?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel shrugged. “The world.” He stood, announcing to everyone that actually, they really should be bowing.</p><p class="p1">“Well, Daniel,” Sean added after he had caught his breath from laughing. “As the older brother, doesn’t that mean that <em>technically, </em>if we’re going by monarchy rules, then I’m the king first.”</p><p class="p1">“Ohh, look at Sean, soon-to-be high school graduate, talking <em>monarchy rules </em>and shit.” Finn smirked. Sean threw the remnants of one of the Christmas crackers at him.</p><p class="p1">“Ugh, whatever Sean fine. You’re the king of the world, and I’m, uh… I’m the king of Away. I’ll take over the rest when you retire.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Sure thing buddy, that sounds fair.”</p><p class="p1">“And if I’m the king of Away, the bowing thing still stands.”</p><p class="p1">Everyone laughed. Chloe and Max at the forefront, Chloe with an overdramatic bow and Max curtseying beside her.</p><p class="p1">Sean couldn’t bring himself to ask Max to talk about her past just yet. Not today. Today wasn’t about that. Today, nothing outside of Away existed. Just these people, and this food, and these stupid jokes. Today, that was more than enough for all of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Uhhhh, sorry. This chapter became FAR longer than intended. The present-giving scene was only supposed to be brief, but then I had much too much fun overthinking what they would have gotten each other.</p><p>Also I learned from researching for this chapter that the US doesn’t have?? Christmas Crackers?? And I’m so sorry you have to live like this so I shoehorned them in anyway.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Moon and Moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">Chloe sought Sean out the next day outside Karen's trailer, when most people were nursing hangovers, but Daniel, beacon of energy that he was, had insisted on taking a hike with Karen first thing in the morning.</p><p class="p2">“What’s up, Diaz, got good news for you, super max and super mini are a-go.”</p><p class="p2">Sean blinked.</p><p class="p2">“Max and Daniel, dude, keep up.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh… Oh! I get it, hah.” The feeble belated laugh triggered an eye roll from Chloe.</p><p class="p2">“We were thinking of a little camping trip tonight, if you guys are up for it? Give the old folks a chance to rest up, give the superheroes a chance to talk, win-win. Finn’s welcome too, just… Maybe not Becky and banker asshole or whatever he does.”</p><p class="p2">“Fair enough” Sean laughed. “I’ll let him know when he gets back. And uh, thanks for this Chloe.”</p><p class="p2">She nodded, rolling up the sleeves of her jacket a little uncomfortably, clearly unsure how to accept his gratitude.</p><p class="p2">“Hey, if you don’t mind me asking. David, he doesn’t know about Max does he?”</p><p class="p2">“Nope, not a clue.”</p><p class="p2">“He was pretty chill about Daniel. Well, no, he was freaked out, but… as chill as he could be I guess. I don’t think you’d need to keep it a secret from him.”</p><p class="p2">“Not the same thing, dude. It’s complicated. If we told him about her powers, we’d have to tell him about… the storm, and a choice she made… It’s tied up in a lot. I’m sure Max’ll explain later.”</p><p class="p2">“Ah. Sorry.”</p><p class="p2">“All good, man. Just maybe prep super bro a little before we go. Don’t want the kid freaking out and going all Magneto on our asses.”</p><p class="p2">Sean gave a little laugh. “No worries. He hasn’t done that… For a while.” He watched Chloe’s eyes widen at the addition and smiled. “Nah, seriously, we’re safe. He’s got complete control.”</p><p class="p2">Chloe just shook her head, looking a little bewildered. “You’d think it’d get less weird right? Like, you live with someone with powers, you think it’d be less fucking freaky when someone else has them but it just… doesn’t, right?”</p><p class="p2">“Honestly even Daniel having them is still weird sometimes. Like, he’ll use them for something so casual, and it’ll just blow my mind.”</p><p class="p2">“You ever try?”</p><p class="p2">“What?”</p><p class="p2">“Try to see if you’ve got powers. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been late for a shift and stared really hard at the clock on my phone to try to get it to go backwards. Always feel stupid as hell after. I bet it’s even more tempting when you guys share genetics and shit.”</p><p class="p2">Sean thought about back at the cabin with Daniel and Mushroom. Back when he had felt so impressed by Daniel’s progress, and so - annoyingly, infuriatingly - powerless. He had, for a moment, envied Daniel’s powers.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, I tried. Same as you, felt dumb as all hell after. I don’t think I’d want them though, you know? Like, they’re cool, but… Too much responsibility.”</p><p class="p2">“That’s for sure.” Chloe scoffed. She seemed to be remembering something too, and her gaze became distant for a moment. “Anyway, David wants to have a sit down lunch together so I’d better get going, but talk to the kid ok? We’ll head out after dinner?”</p><p class="p2">Sean nodded, and Chloe turned to head back, her hands in her pockets. He sat outside Karen’s trailer, thinking while he waited for Daniel, about whether he meant what he’d said about not wanting powers. There had been times that he’d wished, from a noble big brother standpoint, that it had been him saddled with the responsibility of powers - that Daniel hadn’t needed to be the one to protect them, or faced with the moral dilemmas that come along with the ability to hurt people like that. It was easy to reassure himself that these noble reasons were the only ones that had taken root, but he knew there had been a selfish desire in him at times too. He wanted to feel special sometimes, too. He wanted to feel invincible.</p><p class="p2">He was still sat there when Daniel and Karen returned from their hike, and when Karen went inside to brew some more coffee, Sean called Daniel over.</p><p class="p2">“Hey, so, I think you should have a talk with Max - pretty sure you’ll like her.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, Sean, we’ve spoken. She’s pretty cool. Chloe is cooler though. She’s hella awesome.”</p><p class="p2">“Dude. You did not just say hella.”</p><p class="p2">“So what?”</p><p class="p2">Sean shook his head, laughing. “Never mind, I just meant, you should talk to Max.” There really was no gentle way to reveal this news, he realised. He settled for lowering his voice. “She’s got powers too.”</p><p class="p2">“No way.”</p><p class="p2">“Yup. Chloe told me. Different powers. Time stuff, apparently. They keep it pretty quiet. But she saw you. Showing off.” He tried to keep the sternness out of his voice, he really did. He failed. Daniel was too preoccupied with the news to care.</p><p class="p2">“Awesome. Woah. That’s… Woah.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too.” Sean laughed. “She’s up for talking to you about them if you want to take a little camping trip tonight?” Daniel was already nodding.</p><p class="p2">“I want to warn you though, it sounds… pretty heavy. Time powers sound a lot more complicated than what you can do. It messed up her town a lot. I think it hurt a lot of people. So just, take it easy with her ok? Don’t be too pushy.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel nodded, taking it all in.</p><p class="p2">“You don’t think-?”</p><p class="p2">“Nah, you used your powers a bunch in Beaver Creek, and nothing’s ever happened. Sounds like she didn’t have hers long before it went bad. I think you’re safe.”</p><p class="p2">The rest of the day passed slowly. Daniel was excited and restless, asking a constant stream of questions that Sean couldn’t answer.</p><p class="p2">“How long has she had them? Do you think she had to train like I did? I wonder how she found out about them. Does she still use them?”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t know, man, try asking <em>her</em> when you talk.” Was the response Sean hissed back every time. When it was time to set out, though, Daniel suddenly became inexplicably shy around Max, choosing instead to chat excitedly to Chloe the whole walk up.</p><p class="p2">“I think you’ve been replaced, Finn.” Sean laughed as they trudged along a little further back. “Chloe’s snatching the title of bad-influence cool kid rebel from right under you.”</p><p class="p2">“Not a chance, Sean my man, I was here first.”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t know…” Max laughed “That description kind of sums Chloe up perfectly. Plus, it’s the colourful hair. Kids love it.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh god,” Sean groaned. “He met Finn and started wearing bandanas around his neck. Now I’m gonna have to keep him <em>so</em> far away from the hair dye aisle of the drug store when we get back.”</p><p class="p2">It didn’t take them long to reach the spot they would camp out at, the same spot that Sean and Daniel had gone to all that time ago, overlooking the canyons and the darkening velvet sky that unfolded above it all.</p><p class="p2">When they sat, there was an awkward few minutes, everyone aware that an important conversation was about to unfold, and everybody unsure about how to start it. Cans were offered out of Chloe’s bag, beer for everyone but Daniel, who had a soda, and for a while the only sound was the opening of the cans.</p><p class="p2">“So, Daniel.” Max said, a little stiffly after a long time. “Chloe said you wanted to know more about my… powers?” Sean realised as she stumbled over the word that this must have been the first time she’d talked about this to anyone but Chloe. No wonder it felt unnatural.</p><p class="p2">Daniel nodded, sitting up straighter. Sean watched as the dozens of questions that had spilled out of him earlier fought for priority.</p><p class="p2">“When did you get them? How?”</p><p class="p2">“I was about Sean’s age. This guy Nathan tried to… hurt Chloe at school. He shot her. I didn’t know what was going to happen, I didn’t think. I just reached out for her, and.” She looked down at her hand. “I was back in class, where I’d been a few minutes before. Thought it was a dream or something, but everything in class happened exactly how I remembered it. So I went back and managed to stop Nathan from pulling the trigger.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel was listening in wide-eyed awe.</p><p class="p2">“That’s- that’s kind of what happened to me. I think.” He looked up at Sean.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah. He doesn’t remember it but, it was when our dad… was shot.” He tried to resist the usual urge to meander around the words.“The shot was fired and he screamed and, everything just kind of blew up.”</p><p class="p2">“So, we’ve both got the traumatic event thing down” Max said. “Though we still don’t know what it does. If it brings out latent powers that we were born with, or if it somehow creates those powers.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, I guess not.”</p><p class="p2">“It’s weird though. It worked differently that first time, for me. That first time it was like I passed out, and woke up exactly where I had been before. Every time I used it afterwards, the world would rewind, but I stayed where I was. We, uh… We broke into a lot of places that way.”</p><p class="p2">Max, bless her, looked genuinely guilty. Chloe on the other hand was nodding and smirking.</p><p class="p2">“Okay but hear me out,” Finn whispered to Sean. “What if we’d had <em>her and Daniel </em>at Merrill’s?”</p><p class="p2">Sean just rolled his eyes, swatting him away.</p><p class="p2">“That’s strange. Nothing like that happened with you, Daniel. Right? I mean you didn’t really explode much again after that, but that was because we trained, not because the power worked differently.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah. It was different when I learned to control it, but it still felt the same. Which I think means it worked the same. And. Uh, I did explode. One other time.”</p><p class="p2">Oh. Right. Of course. Sean’s eye flew to his eye patch instinctively. He saw Max and Chloe notice, and tried to brush it off.</p><p class="p2">“But they still have to be the same thing right? Like sure that’s a difference, but, it’s too similar to be two completely unconnected random superpowers?” Sean asked by way of distraction.</p><p class="p2">“I have a theory about mine, actually.” Max wrapped one arm around herself. As she spoke, shrinking a little. “I think… I think my brain knew how dangerous these were. Or the powers did. I think it was giving me an out. Make it feel like a dream. Put me back in the position of safety I started out at. If I wanted to, I could pretend nothing had happened, assume it was a dream, never use the powers again. Theoretically. Like I was protecting myself somehow.”</p><p class="p2">“Like Daniel forgetting.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh.” Daniel gasped, making the connection. “Woah. So… did you train too? Can you use them better now? Like, did you get to go back further and stuff the more you practiced?” Daniel’s excitement was building as he spoke, like he was about to start showing off how much he could do now that he’d been training. But Max shook her head firmly, and something in her eyes seemed to ward even Daniel off from further questions.</p><p class="p2">“I don’t want you to worry that this will happen to you. Because, I guess, time is a pretty big thing. From what I’ve heard, yours are fine. But I only had my powers for a few days before…” She seemed to choke on her words, and Chloe immediately wrapped an arm around her. She seemed to take some strength from this.</p><p class="p2">“We used them a lot. It’s a reaaally long story, but we had to save a lot of lives a lot of times. And… We just didn’t know. We used them for so much stupid shit. So, I guess we used them too often, in too short a time. It’s what caused the storm.”</p><p class="p2">“Allegedly” Chloe cut in.</p><p class="p2">“Well, I mean, we were pretty sure. And, in the end, I had a choice. Oh. Yeah. I forgot to tell you I could go back in time through photos too.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel and Sean’s mouths dropped open.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah…” She pushed her bangs back, a little embarrassed. “So, I guess, yeah I kind of did train a little. To be able to do that. But, the point being that I took a photo, that first day everything started. And as the storm was about to hit, I realised that I could go back in time to that day, never use my powers to save Chloe. Never use them at all. Stop the storm, save the town. Kill the love of my life.”</p><p class="p2">Sean and Daniel were both still wrapping their head around the photo thing when the depth of the situation hit them. Sean knew that they had lost almost everyone they loved in that town - with the exception, from what he could tell, of Max’s parents, who didn’t seem to live in the town at the time, and David, who had been safe in a bunker of some kind - that enough was a lifetime of trauma. But to have had to choose? Sean couldn’t imagine it. To lose everyone but one person, or to sacrifice that person to save the rest. His heart broke for Max, and he wished he hadn’t asked her to open up about this. Although, maybe this had been an important conversation for her too, if they were the first people other than Chloe who she had opened up to. It’s not exactly a conversation she could have with her therapist.</p><p class="p2">“So… Yeah.” Max cleared her throat, not looking anybody in the eye, choosing instead to look at a patch of dirt in front of her that she pushed around with her fingers. Sean saw a tear fall onto her hand as she did. “Basically, I had to choose whether to sacrifice Chloe to save the town. And I couldn’t do it. So It’s my fault that everybody… Chloe’s mom… My friends Warren and Kate… Yeah.”</p><p class="p2">“Except though, it’s not.” Chloe cut in, with an edge to her voice that suggested they’d had this conversation a thousand times before. “This is some real trolley problem shit. Sure, the powers caused the storm, but you didn’t know that at the time. That day, at the lighthouse, the trolley was headed for the town. You didn’t send it that way. Whatever fucked up plan the universe had by giving you the powers did. Your choice wasn’t about sacrificing anyone. You could let what was already happening run its course, or you could go back and actively choose to let a life be taken. Even aside from the fact that I’m pretty fucking grateful I’m still alive… You didn’t make a selfish choice, you took the path where <em>you personally</em> caused the least harm. The rest of the harm was caused by the powers you didn’t ask for. And we don’t even know for sure that going back and letting me die would have worked.”</p><p class="p2">Chloe pulled Max closer to her, who nodded, but the tears still falling on the ground suggested that she didn’t quite believe the speech.</p><p class="p2">“I get it.” Daniel’s voice was small. “I mean… I don’t… It’s not the same. I’m sorry. But I kind of get it. I killed someone.”</p><p class="p2">Sean didn’t mean to, but his head snapped towards Daniel, eyes wide.</p><p class="p2">“I mean, it was the cop who killed my dad so, he probably deserved it or… or something. And I don’t remember it. But I did it. Or, my powers did. I didn’t mean to. I hate him, for what he did. But I don’t like knowing that… That my powers killed someone. That I killed someone.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel had never said any of this to Sean. Guilt rose in his chest at the realisation that he had never even considered that this would be eating at Daniel. He hadn’t even looked at it that way. Daniel didn’t have control over his powers then. Something exploded when the shot was fired, something that was within Daniel - but it hadn’t been Daniel who did it.</p><p class="p2">He tried to voice this to his brother, but nothing came out. He thought about the lengthy and articulate speech that Chloe had prepared for Max - Chloe who, from their brief conversations, hadn’t seemed to be much for speeches. He wondered how many times she had needed to give it for it to become so polished.</p><p class="p2">Instead, he settled for simply putting an arm around Daniel. He looked up to see in Chloe’s eyes the perfect mirror of his own concern.</p><p class="p2">He thought about how he and Chloe were maybe as alike as Daniel and Max were. The differences in their powers set Daniel and Max apart somewhat, but for him and Chloe, they shared something almost identical. They both loved and cared for someone who had struggled and suffered because of their powers. They both felt a strong protectiveness over someone who, objectively, was a thousand times more powerful than they were. And they both had no idea how to help, had no idea what it felt like to be burdened by a power like that. All they had to offer was empty comfort.</p><p class="p2">It was Max who spoke up. Looking up from the ground, eyes red, but determined.</p><p class="p2">“You know, Daniel. I know it seems… kind of hypocritical after everything I just said. But, that wasn’t your fault. Maybe it takes seeing someone else in the same position to see it. But as much as I blame myself for what happened, you shouldn’t be blaming yourself. It’s like Chloe said. The harm was done by the powers that you didn’t ask for, not you.”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t think you should blame yourself either.”</p><p class="p2">“I think you might be right.” She gave him a weak smile. “It might be hard to internalise…” She hesitated, and Sean could see her brow furrow as she figured out how to explain the concept to an eleven year old. “It might be hard to really believe it, even though part of you knows it’s true. But we can both promise to try right?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel nodded.</p><p class="p2">“You really don’t use your powers at all any more?” He asked after a moment.</p><p class="p2">“Not if I can help it. Sometimes, accidentally, when Chloe crosses the road without looking properly, or I see an accident happen to a stranger, sometimes when I’m startled. It’s like a reflex. It’s happened a few times. We always leave the city or town we’re in when it happens. So far no reports of freak incidents, but… I don’t like to risk it. We don’t know where the line is and it’s not worth it to find out.”</p><p class="p2">“Our grandparents don’t like me using mine in the house. And Sean’s always afraid of me getting caught.”</p><p class="p2">Chloe interrupted with a laugh. Everyone turned to look at her. “Well, I mean, we caught you. You were pretty obvious.” She explained, grinning when they looked at her.</p><p class="p2">“I like that I can use them though. When we’re not in danger.”</p><p class="p2">“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” Max said. “I would do the same, if things were different. I think it could help, using them for small or silly reasons. If it’s safe, if it’s not hurting anyone, why not? They’re a part of you, and it’s got to be nice, to be able to associate that part of you with something more than fear and fighting.”</p><p class="p2">“Woah.” Sean said, looking at Max. “You know I’ve been trying to explain that for months and you just said it so much better than I ever could.”</p><p class="p2">“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.” She laughed.</p><p class="p2">“You think there are others?” Daniel asked suddenly.</p><p class="p2">“There must be.” Max said. “I didn’t think so until Chloe noticed you. I thought I was some weird freak of nature. But… if there’s two of us, there’s probably more, right? I mean, what makes us so special that we’d be the only two people in the world or even in history that have them, you know?”</p><p class="p2">“Dude, he’s eleven. Don’t tell him he isn’t special.” Chloe hissed, seeming genuinely alarmed. Sean laughed at that, and Daniel smiled.</p><p class="p2">“It’s okay. A while back, I let my friend Chris believe that he was the one with powers. When I told him it was me, he was… really upset. I think he felt like he wasn’t special any more. But I knew he was. So. I’m not mad about it. It’s cool that there are others. I’m glad we met you guys.”</p><p class="p2">“You too, Daniel.” Max smiled.</p><p class="p2">“Holy shit this kid’s deep.” Chloe said, shaking her head.</p><p class="p2">Finn, who had been keeping quiet throughout most of the conversation, must have felt more within his depth to contribute to this.</p><p class="p2">“You’re tellin’ me.” He laughed. “Super bro’s gonna be unstoppable, telekinesis <em>plus </em>a phd in philosophy or some shit.”</p><p class="p2">The tension had fizzled out, Max had dried her eyes, and the conversation fell back into an easier rhythm. Chloe and Max demanded demonstrations of Daniel’s power, and Daniel was - as ever - more than happy to show off. They talked into the night, about powers, but also about Max and Sean’s art. About life on the road, being on the move, struggling to settle down. The restlessness of the uprooted. They watched as the brightest stars they’d ever seen spilled out from the massive sky above them. They huddled under blankets as the night grew cold, and slept.</p><p class="p2">The next day, when they woke, Sean could see in both Max and Daniel a new kind of lightness. The lightness of finding maybe the only other person in the world who truly understood. As they packed up their things to head back to Away, Max laughing at some joke Daniel had told, Sean caught Chloe’s eye, and she beamed back at him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's been a really busy couple of weeks, so I'm sorry I've not been able to reply to comments as much as I used to! But I read and love every single comment, thank you guys ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Sunrise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Sean, Finn, and Daniel were staying until after the new year, and the days in between Christmas and New Year's passed in a sort of haze of lazy conversations and good company.</p><p class="p1">The night of New Year’s Eve, they had all planned to hike up to a spot high above the canyons, where they would release lanterns at midnight and ring in the new year beneath the stars. The day buzzed with anticipation, and there was a sort of restlessness among the residents and the visitors.</p><p class="p1">Sean and Finn sat on the table outside Karen’s trailer, examining the scratch-off map that Daniel had gotten Sean for Christmas. The United States was split off into states, so they scratched off the ones he had been to already with a penny.</p><p class="p1">“So where next, world traveller?” Finn asked when Sean sat back and admired his work.</p><p class="p1">“Mexico.” Sean surprised himself with how quickly the answer formed. “I want to go with Daniel to Puerto Lobos in the summer. After I graduate. The Seattle house had too much bad history, but maybe the one in Puerto Lobos is more like looking to the future.”</p><p class="p1">“Big shit, man. You think you’d live there?”</p><p class="p1">“I… don’t know. I’ve never been. It’d be nice to spend a summer there, fixing it up. It’s been empty a long time. And then after that, who knows?” He beamed at Finn. “No more school. I could go anywhere.”</p><p class="p1">“We could go anywhere, you mean. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”</p><p class="p1">Sean wrapped his fingers in Finn’s. “Good answer.” He hesitated just a moment. “There is the issue of, well, money. Dad left some but, most of it is for if Daniel ever wants to go to college.”</p><p class="p1">“You could re-join the gang, we’ve never had much but we get by.” He traced a finger across the states he had visited, a considerably wider range than Sean’s. “Train hop, hitch-hike. Work where we can get it.”</p><p class="p1">“That sounds amazing. But I’m thinking bigger than America. Think Egypt, London, Prague, Japan. I want to go everywhere.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I don’t know if we could hop a train to any of those places. But, get us in the right continent and I’m sure we could figure it out.” He grinned.</p><p class="p1">“I’ll get a job. I’m doing fucking awful in school already so, it’s not like it can hurt my grades that much. I don’t exactly have any bills to pay, or a social life. I pay for enough gas to take me and Daniel to school and back, and that’s about it. So, I could save.”</p><p class="p1">“Well fuck me, Sean, look at you bringing home the bacon.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know how much bacon I’ll be bringing back exactly” he laughed. “It’ll be some kind of minimum wage part time gig if I can get it, but, what, two eight hour shifts over the weekend, a few hours after school when I can, that’s gotta be enough to get us somewhere right?”</p><p class="p1">“Hell yeah my man! And if it doesn’t, I got us.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, what do you mean?”</p><p class="p1">“I mean, I got us. Community service changed me man, I got a bank account and everything.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gaped. “You’ve been saving?”</p><p class="p1">“You know I’m a man of simple pleasures, I don’t have much reason to spend, so all the paid work I’ve had I’ve been stashing it away. Like we talked about back in Humboldt, you know. Life on the road, moving from state to state, it’s fun but, it’s not forever man. I wanna chill the fuck out someday. But that shit costs money.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, so that’s your Costa Rica money! You can’t spend what you’ve been saving for that.”</p><p class="p1">Finn leaned in close to Sean, placing a hand on his shoulder as he looked him dead in the eye. There it was again, that serious look. The one that surprised Sean every time he saw it. “If you’re gonna go see the pyramids, and the Eiffel tower, and whatever cool shit is in Japan, I wanna be there when you do. I still got time to save for Costa Rica when we’re done seeing the world.”</p><p class="p1">Sean leaned his forehead against Finn’s and closed his eyes. It had been a little over two years now since they had met at the Christmas market. Almost two years since they met again in Humboldt. For so much of that time, they had been apart. He had spent so much of that time missing Finn, and looking back he couldn’t work out how they had come so far so fast. How he had gone from being a scared kid, unwilling or unable to accept Finn’s flirtation for what it was because he was so afraid he’d let himself fall for him. How he had gone from being kissed by Finn on his last night in camp, feeling, as he did, some part of him come alive that he hadn’t even known had been lying dormant. How he had gone from lying awake during his nights in juvie, wishing Finn was there to make some joke about it all, wondering what it would feel like to kiss him again, even just once more, regretting that he’d only had the one chance. He couldn’t work out how he had gone from all of that, to this. Finn, his boyfriend, about to ring in 2019 with him. The year where they would travel the world - something that was only possible because Finn was willing to put his dreams on hold. Because maybe, this was his new dream. Seeing the world with Sean.</p><p class="p1">“Then let’s see the fucking world.” Sean smiled, after a long moment, pulling Finn in by his shirt and kissing him.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">As the day went on, and dark fell, the people of Away began gathering up snacks and bottles of sparkling wine. They hiked up to an outcrop overlooking a canyon, where the horizon stretched out so far that they truly felt, when they saw it, how far from the rest of the world they were.</p><p class="p1">Chloe brought bluetooth speakers and started blasting music out from her phone, which sparked a heated group discussion about music taste - namely, whether or not Chloe had any at all. The general consensus was no, even from Max, but no such consensus was reached when the question was raised of who would be willing instead to take over the responsibility of DJ for the night.</p><p class="p1">Instead, a playlist was constructed of everyone’s suggestions, as eccentric and patchwork as Away itself, with Led Zeppelin melding into Kate Bush, into The Streets, into Taylor Swift. It worked, in the end, because every song that came on - regardless of how many people actually enjoyed it - at best, prompted a discussion and terrible sing-alongs, and at worst prompted a slew of mockery aimed at whoever had chosen it, which was at least fun for everyone else.</p><p class="p1">There was an awful lot of wine to go around, and whoever had sneaked Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off into the playlist had included it multiple times. It was around the fourth play through that Finn pulled Sean up to dance, surprising everyone by knowing all the words.</p><p class="p1">“What?” Sean laughed, when Karen had laughed at them. “It’s been on four times, don’t act like you don’t know every word too.”</p><p class="p1">She began to shake her head, when Joan pulled her up, laughing, the two of them singing along too, all attempts at denial forgotten. Then suddenly everyone was up. Chloe was doing her absolute best to headbang, and Max pulled Daniel and David over, while Stanley and Arthur joined a circle with Karen and Joan. Even Ryan cracked a smile as Becky pulled him into a twirl.</p><p class="p1">They kept it up for the next few songs too, everyone particularly enjoying Joan’s dramatic rendition of Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights.</p><p class="p1">“Well, I think we all know who chose that one then.” Karen laughed afterwards.</p><p class="p1">“Absolutely fucking criminal, if you ask me” Joan was breathless from all the dancing, “that she was never appreciated in this country.”</p><p class="p1">“Hear hear,” Sean raised his glass.</p><p class="p1">“I knew you’d raised a good’un, Karen.” Joan winked. “Impeccable music taste that one.”</p><p class="p1">“Shit!”</p><p class="p1">Everyone turned to Chloe who had picked up her phone to change the song. She raised the display to everyone. It was already a minute past midnight.</p><p class="p1">“Well, fuck. Nobody thought to keep an eye on the time on New Year’s Eve?” Joan said, though she was still laughing.</p><p class="p1">“All having too good a time, I guess.” Chloe shrugged.</p><p class="p1">“Well, screw it.” Karen piped up, “I don’t know about you kids but here at Away we’re not exactly sticklers for the rules. We’re free spirits, we’re not gonna let ourselves be ruled by time!”</p><p class="p1">Max gave a little snort that triggered a few confused looks. She widened her eyes, her hand flying to cover her mouth, as though shocked that the noise had even come out at all. This set Chloe, Sean, Daniel and Finn off too, all of them trying to smother their laughter while the adults looked on, baffled. Before anybody could ask any questions, Karen started handing out the paper lanterns they had brought.</p><p class="p1">“We’ll do our own countdown!” She beamed, as lighters got passed around, and Sean pulled himself together long enough to light his and Daniel’s lanterns. There was no haste, no rush. Sean knew that she had been joking about not being ruled by time, but Karen had been kind of right about that. Here, in the desert, it was impossible to know that the rest of the world had rung in the new year. Hell, the rest of the world hadn’t, only this particular time zone. So who was stopping them from forming their own timezone here, in the middle of nowhere? That’s what it felt like here, tipsy and lightheaded from the dancing and the laughing, so far away from anybody else. It felt like somewhere in-between. The new year wouldn’t start until they said it did.</p><p class="p5">“Five!” Karen called out, when all the lanterns were lit, beckoning for everyone to join her. A few other voices began calling out with her. “Four…”</p><p class="p5">They huddled close to the edge of the canyon, readying their lanterns, everyone counting together now.</p><p class="p5">“Three… Two…”</p><p class="p5">Sean looked at the people around him, flickering in the light of the lanterns, the people he loved, the people who understood him, bathed in an orange glow.</p><p class="p5">“One!”</p><p class="p5">The released their lanterns, amid cheers of “Happy new year!”</p><p class="p5">Daniel was trying to use his powers to do something with the lanterns, but Sean scooped him up into a hug.</p><p class="p5">“Don’t worry about that, just, enjoy the moment yeah?”</p><p class="p5">Daniel let his hand drop, hugging Sean back.</p><p class="p5">“Yeah. Happy new year Sean.”</p><p class="p5">“It’s gonna be a good one. I can tell”</p><p class="p5">“Finally.”</p><p class="p5">They broke apart, and Sean turned Finn, who leant in slowly.</p><p class="p5">“Happy new year,” he whispered, their faces barely an inch apart, Finn’s hand on the back of Sean’s neck, his thumb making slow circles.</p><p class="p5">“Not at all how I imagined my first new year’s kiss would go.”</p><p class="p5">Finn smiled.</p><p class="p5">“Oh, you mean, you didn’t picture it being with a guy you met on the run in the middle of a desert with a bunch of hippies?”</p><p class="p5">Sean closed the distance, kissing him slowly. He felt Finn’s hand on his back, pulling him in close, and realised that even if he had been wrong - even if this year turned out to be awful - it didn’t matter, because he had started it off exactly right.</p><p class="p5">“No,” he said when they pulled apart. “Just didn’t imagine it would be so amazing.”</p><p class="p5">There was chaos, everyone hugging and wishing a happy new year, trying to make sure everyone was covered. It wasn’t until the lanterns were almost completely out of sight that Finn turned to Sean, a grin spreading across his face.</p><p class="p5">He crossed his arms, offering his right hand to Sean on his left, and his left hand to Daniel on his right. They both just frowned, uncertain.</p><p class="p5">“Dude, take it.”</p><p class="p5">Finn laughed as Sean cautiously took his hand. Joan caught sight of what was happening and jumped in, extending the circle. She winked at Finn while Sean and Daniel watched, puzzled.</p><p class="p5">Finn took a deep breath, and he and Joan began to sing, in unison but wildly off key. Finn was putting on a bad Scottish accent again.</p><p class="p5">“Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and nevEerr brought to mind?”</p><p class="p5">“Oh my god.”</p><p class="p5">“Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and daaays of auld lang sYyyne?”</p><p class="p5">Sean barely knew the words, and Daniel didn’t know them at all, but Finn and Joan were belting out the song like their life depended on it. The rest of them had joined by now, forming a circle, holding each other’s hands and shaking them at least vaguely in time to the song. Karen was laughing too hard to sing.</p><p class="p5">“For AAAUUUuld lang syne, my dear, for AAAAUUUlllld laaang syyyne. We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, for days of auld lang syne.”</p><p class="p5">The chorus came with a redoubling of Finn and Joan’s effort, their voices getting even louder, and those that hadn’t known most of the words knew, at least, this. The effect was, despite the total lack of harmonies and the inability of literally anyone to hit the right note at the right time, kind of beautiful. Sean felt himself, with surprise, tear up. Their voices and laughter echoed, ringing around the canyon.</p><p class="p5">This, he realised, was the best start to a year he’d had for a very long time. Certainly better than the last two years, in juvie, or homeless and broke with Daniel trying to get by in California. The potential of everything the next year held in store hit him fully then. Graduation. Summer with Daniel, at long last in Puerto Lobos. Then, if Finn had really meant it, travelling the world. The rest of his life.</p><p class="p5">It was an excitement that buoyed him up, an excitement that was impossible to ignore here, with so many loved ones laughing and singing and sharing wine and food. The others must have felt it too, because they stayed out late into the night, only heading back in the early hours of the morning after Daniel fell right asleep where he sat.</p><p class="p5">Sean carried him back to the trailer, and everyone seemed to realise with this just how tired they were too. Almost everyone crawled into bed exhausted after they got back, with more hugs and kisses and final, sleepy proclamations of ‘happy new year,’ but after Sean put Daniel to bed, he and Finn went up to the top of Karen’s trailer and lit a cigarette each. They talked in whispers about their plans for the next year, and as they saw the sky begin to shift, the light of the first sunrise of 2019 on the horizon, Sean laid a head on Finn’s shoulder. He was growing tired, but he had more energy than he’d had in the longest time. He was truly happy, and for once, nothing but excited for the future.</p><p class="p4"> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Promise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The New Year’s buzz lasted about as long as the Christmas break did, but the start of a new semester put something of a dampener on Sean’s excitement. He pinned the scratch-off map that Daniel had gotten him over his bed in what was now his bedroom, though it still felt something like a guest room. This was the first mark he had made on it to make it feel like his own. He looked at the map when he finished his homework each day, exhausted, knowing that to scratch off the places he wanted to see, he had to keep looking for jobs, keep working on his resumé and cover letters. He was learning fairly quickly that a two year gap in which your only experience is ‘pot farm’ and ‘juvie’ is pretty hard to spin.</p><p class="p1">Claire and Stephen’s suggestion - to go around the local businesses handing out paper resumés - seemed, well, ridiculous to Sean and, as far as he was concerned, anybody else who had looked for a job in the last decade. But Beaver Creek was a small town, and the only jobs he found advertised online were full time office jobs, so it wasn’t long before he gave in.</p><p class="p1">“Where are you going, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">Claire called out to him as he grabbed his coat, early on a Saturday morning towards the end of January. He resented the question, but he also couldn’t blame her curiosity. It wasn’t like he went out very often.</p><p class="p1">He raised the handful of resumés up and gave them a halfhearted wave, trying his best to not channel the moody teenager feelings that still surprised him sometimes. He had thought, after everything, that he was past this. But living with his grandparents brought it out sometimes. He wondered if that ever really went away - even Karen seemed to have fallen into that trap while she had stayed here.</p><p class="p1">“Taking your suggestion,” he added, in case the resumés didn’t make it clear enough. “Going to go apply for some jobs, I guess.”</p><p class="p1">“Can I come?” Daniel poked his head over the bannister from upstairs, where he had been playing with Stephen’s train set.</p><p class="p1">“No dude, I’m literally just walking around asking people if they’re hiring. It’s not like, a fun day out.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel practically ran down the stairs, pouting in front of Sean.</p><p class="p1">“Pleaassee, Sean? I <em>never </em>see you any more. You’re always studying, or on the phone with Lyla or Finn, or looking for stupid jobs.”</p><p class="p1">Wow, so they really were back here, Sean thought. If he’d been worried about regressing back to moody teenager, he had nothing on Daniel’s pouty child routine.</p><p class="p1">“Geez Daniel, I thought you’d outgrown this.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s brow furrowed, his expression turning from pleading to angry alarmingly fast. He opened his mouth to protest.</p><p class="p1">“Take your brother Sean.” Claire interjected.</p><p class="p1">Sean heard the groan that he let out. He didn’t like how it sounded on him. How much it reminded him of the resentment he’d feel when their dad made him babysit Daniel. He didn’t take it back, though.</p><p class="p1">Daniel just stuck his tongue out at him and grabbed his coat.</p><p class="p1">“So, what’s up with you lately?” Daniel asked after a long silence as they walked into town, and Sean looked over at him. He realised that Daniel was mirroring his own stance exactly, hands in his pockets, eyes trained directly on the ground.</p><p class="p1">“Uh, what’s up with me? Dude, what’s up with <em>you? </em>You were ready to throw a tantrum back there, like you were seven years old or something.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel hunched in on himself, burying his hands deeper into his pockets, head lowered even further.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Sean, I was pissed.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t say pissed.”</p><p class="p1">“Sorry. But, I was though! Because you’re always busy and- and when you’re not, you’re acting like the old Sean.” He lowered his voice just slightly. “Like you can’t wait to get away from us.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well, I had a taste of freedom. Again. And now I’m stuck in this town, and school, <em>again. </em>Like some kid. So, sorry if I’m not Mr. Cheerful.”</p><p class="p1">“But, we are kids, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">Sean rolled his eyes. “Not after everything.” He stopped outside a grocery store, and put an arm out to Daniel to stop him too. “Wait here, I’m going to ask about jobs inside.”</p><p class="p1">He took a second before entering, to rearrange his face. Fighting with Daniel had made him seethe, and he couldn’t ask for a job like this. He tried on his best ‘polite young man’ face.</p><p class="p1">“Excuse me, sir?” He said to the man behind the counter. “I was wondering if you were hiring?” He thrust his resumé out towards the man before he could respond. He seemed to take it instinctively, still looking somewhat warily at Sean, before he scanned the paper.</p><p class="p1">“Sean Reynolds?” The man asked after a moment.</p><p class="p1">Sean hated that he had felt like he needed to do this - put Claire and Stephen’s surname down instead of his own, his dad’s. But he saw the man’s eyes light up with recognition as he read it.</p><p class="p1">“Claire and Stephen’s boy, right? Grandkid?”</p><p class="p1">“That’s right, sir.” Sean gave the forced smile that he had perfected in his last retail job in Seattle. Good to know these things never fall out of practice.</p><p class="p1">This man had, clearly, no such polite mask - Sean watched his face fly through multiple emotions as he mentally ran through everything he knew about the Reynolds’ grandkids.</p><p class="p1">“They speak very highly of you boys.” He settled on, after a moment. “After everything you’ve uh, you’ve been through.” He gave a little cough, and Sean felt himself deflate. Of course he knew. Everyone in this tiny fucking town knew. Every single one of these upstanding citizens who would never give a job to the kid fresh out of juvie.</p><p class="p1">“We’re not hiring at the moment.” The man said, clearing his throat, already folding Sean’s resume in half as he spoke. “But, we’ll keep this on file, for when we are.”</p><p class="p1">Sean kept the smile plastered on his face.</p><p class="p1">“Thank you, sir. My contact number’s at the top when there’s a vacancy.” He hated sucking up like this.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck!” He called out to nobody in particular when he got outside, making sure the doors were closed fully behind him before he did.</p><p class="p1">Daniel was leaning against the shop front, and he looked up at Sean’s shout, but didn’t ask.</p><p class="p1">“Come on, let’s try the next place.” Was all Sean could say. They trudged around town, the two of them mostly in tense silence, Sean putting on his best customer service smile every time they went into a new place. He went pretty much everywhere, shops, cafes, restaurants, the local bed and breakfast. Anywhere that had staff now also had his resumé. The vast majority of them told him they weren’t hiring, and every time it was after they realised who he was.</p><p class="p1">“Well, that’s the last of them,” Sean muttered, as he came outside to where Daniel was waiting outside the local cinema. “Don’t think I’ll have much luck, but we’ll see I guess.” He ran a hand through his hair.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, sure, because if you couldn’t afford to leave as soon as school ends then that’d just be the <em>worst</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, what is up with you?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel turned to him, his face contorted with the kind of anger that he hadn’t seen on him since Haven Point. It scared him a little.</p><p class="p1">“What’s up with me?” He was yelling, and a few other people walking down the sidewalk glared up at them. “Other than how obvious you've been about how badly you wanna leave?”</p><p class="p1">“Daniel we’ve talked about this, we’re leaving together, for the summer.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh yeah, and then what? After I go back to school?”</p><p class="p1">“Well, yeah, then I want to travel.”</p><p class="p1">“Exactly. It’s all you can talk about. I never even see you because you’re busy trying to leave without me.” His face crumpled at the last word. Sean’s anger fizzled out at the look on his brother’s face, and he crouched in front of Daniel to meet his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“hey, hey, enano, that’s not what I’m doing.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel turned away from him, wiping his eyes furiously with the sleeve of his coat.</p><p class="p1">“We’ve talked about this. I won’t be gone too long. If I could take you with me, I would, but you’ve got school. What did you think I was gonna do with you at school all day?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel shrugged. “Paint?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed a little at that, but it only seemed to make Daniel angrier.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry, sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I just… I can’t bunk with Claire and Stephen forever, you know that right? You’re a kid in their custody, but me? In a few years I’d be in my twenties, living with my grandparents. I gotta go sometime, you know?”</p><p class="p1">“I know.” Daniel’s voice was small. “But, you promised. Not until I was ready. Not until it stops hurting.”</p><p class="p1">Sean was silent for a long moment.</p><p class="p1">“You’ll get it, when you’re…” He stumbled over his words. “Sorry, that’s a stupid thing to say. I always hated it when people said that to me. But you will, I promise. When it’s time for you to graduate. Because, I know that we’re so far apart in age, but we both went through the same thing, right? So you get it, I know you do. You loved it back there in Humboldt, not having to answer to anyone, being able to do what you wanted. I know because it was me trying to boss you around and that didn’t go so well.”</p><p class="p1">That brought something almost like a smile to Daniel’s face.</p><p class="p1">“Look, Daniel, we’ve got time okay. September is a really long way off. And the first trip I go on, I’ll make it a small one. Like a test run. And I can come back and tell you all about it. Then one day we’ll go travel together, right?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, you want to go get shakes or something?”</p><p class="p1">“You sure you want to spend your travel <em>savings</em>?”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t be an asshole, Daniel, take the fucking olive branch.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel, begrudgingly at first, did. They went back to one of the diners that Sean had applied for earlier, and once they had sat down and ordered, Sean decided to steer the conversation down a different path.</p><p class="p1">“So, are you excited for Mexico, at least?”</p><p class="p1">“I guess.” Daniel muttered, but his eyes had widened, there was no hiding his enthusiasm. As soon as Sean had suggested it to him after New Year’s, he knew he had been thrilled.</p><p class="p1">“So, where do we start, do you think? In rebuilding the house?”</p><p class="p1">And that was it. Daniel was back, talking non-stop about what they could do there, how much fun they would have, how he could use his powers to fix the place up.</p><p class="p1">Sean listened, glad that the tension was gone, but feeling a little guilty for the way he’d been acting the last few weeks. He knew he’d been moody, resentful of Beaver Creek and school, and by extension, Claire and Stephen, but he hadn’t realised how much that would be hurting Daniel. He hadn’t stopped to think about what the future really meant for them as brothers. A future in which he travelled the world, while Daniel stayed here, in Beaver Creek.</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” he said after they had finished their burgers and shakes. “We’ve still got the afternoon, you want to go back and train?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that. Thanks, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">“You don’t have to thank me. You know I like spending time with you right? It’s not a favour or a responsibility. I know I don’t act like it much any more. But I really do love getting to hang out with you.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel dropped his gaze, embarrassed, but he couldn’t smother his smile completely.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“Any luck?” Stephen called out to them from the living room when they got back.</p><p class="p1">“Uh, not much.” Sean hung up his coat and made his way inside. “Nobody’s really hiring, I guess.”</p><p class="p1">Claire, who was sat beside Stephen, set down her book, narrowing her eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Are you sure? A lot of the places around here tend to hire over the school breaks, then lose all their staff when school starts up again. I know for a fact that Robert at the grocery store has been run ragged since Lara quit to focus on her classes.”</p><p class="p1">“Ah, yep. Robert… Gave me the impression that he uh,” he scratched the back of his neck, struggling to find the politest way to phrase it. “He and everyone else in the area seemed to know a fair bit about my past. I don’t think it painted me in the best light.”</p><p class="p1">Claire took off her reading glasses, setting them down slowly on the side table. There was a tense silence as she did so. She stood, then, everybody watching her.</p><p class="p1">“Well, that’s not very neighbourly of him. I believe I have a few pieces to pick up for dinner tonight, I just need to pop by, I won’t be long.”</p><p class="p1">She was already walking past Sean to collect her coat when realisation dawned on him.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, Claire, you really don’t need-“</p><p class="p1">She waved him away, already pulling her scarf on tight. “Pork chops tonight, how does that sound?”</p><p class="p1">Sean just nodded, mouth hanging open slightly.</p><p class="p1">“I… Thanks, Claire.” He said feebly, after the door had already closed.</p><p class="p1">From the couch, Stephen chuckled. “I would not want to be Robert, right now, would you?”</p><p class="p1">Sean blinked, still registering what had just happened.</p><p class="p1">“Not even a little bit.”</p><p class="p1">“Sean?” Daniel’s voice pulled him away from the mental image of Claire going full boomer on the guy at the grocery store. “Did you wanna go train?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I just…” He held up a finger. “Give me a second.”</p><p class="p1">He left Daniel for a minute to run upstairs, and returned with his paints and new art book.</p><p class="p1">“You don’t really need my help any more with training.” He said in answer to Daniel’s questioning look. “So I thought I’d get some painting done while we’re out there. I haven’t used them yet."</p><p class="p1">“Uh, yeah, you have, I’ve seen you.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, they were just little test patches, to get the feel of them. I haven’t done anything real with them yet.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just shrugged, eager to get outside. He hadn’t even taken his coat off, just headed straight for the back door, only hesitating for a moment as he went to open it.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, you’re not going to paint me are you?”</p><p class="p1">“Well, I’m not going to paint the snowman you and Chris built.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s eyes lit up. “Well, wait a second then. I’ve got the <em>coolest </em>idea.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel hurtled past him, back upstairs, and Sean turned to Stephen, who simply shrugged as the sounds of crashing and rummaging came from Daniel’s bedroom.</p><p class="p1">When he came back down, he was decked out in a full superhero costume. Cape and everything. Courtesy of Karen’s Christmas present. He was grinning ear to ear. Sean realised how long it had been since they’d goofed off like this - since he’d seen Daniel this happy. He hadn’t realised how much he’d been ignoring Daniel since they got back from Away, and how all Daniel had needed to stop him freaking out and picking fights was just to spend some time with him. He felt like a bad big brother.</p><p class="p1">“Let’s go,” Daniel was already rushing off outside, and Sean followed, allowing himself a laugh at how ridiculous he looked with his cape on over his coat.</p><p class="p1">He had Daniel pull a bunch of different poses, moving stuff around that had been abandoned out there since their last training session, figuring out what looked the most dramatic. They settled on building a new snowman - the snow hadn’t fallen heavily for a while now, and it might be their last chance to do it this winter - and shaping him as much as possible like a super villain. Daniel wanted to sculpt him with his powers, but Sean insisted on building him together. It helped a little, he thought, to work together on this. To remind them that sure, things had been tense the past couple weeks, but they were still Sean and Daniel, an unstoppable team.</p><p class="p1">“Okay, now blow him up.” He said, stepping back to admire their work.</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">“Well, don’t actually blow him up yet. Just look like you are. Then, you might have to actually blow him up in a bit.”</p><p class="p1">“But we just worked so hard on him!”</p><p class="p1">Sean considered.</p><p class="p1">“Just, pretend, for a minute? I need to sketch it first.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel still looked concerned, but he posed anyway, one arm held out far more dramatically than he ever actually needed to now that he’d been practicing so much. The other hand went straight to his hip, and Sean had to bite back a laugh.</p><p class="p1">As he sketched, Daniel started getting bored, rearranging the snowman’s features absentmindedly, floating the stick arms away from the body, giggling to himself as he made them wave at Sean, who had been struck by an idea.</p><p class="p1">“Okay, sketch finished. But, you can’t see yet. Trust me, you don’t have to blow him up, just keep doing what you’re doing.”</p><p class="p1">The paints were hard to work with at first. He knew they would be. It was why he had spent the last couple of weeks making swatches and trying out brushwork, unable to admit that he was terrified of trying to make any real paintings with them, afraid that they would turn out terribly. But with Daniel there, making stupid jokes and laughing as he used his powers to give the snowman a mouth, practicing some awful attempt at ventriloquy on his poor snow-victim, he wasn’t so in his head about it all.</p><p class="p1">They were out there a while, the cold biting at them, taking short breaks to play tag and have snowball fights - never a fair fight when one brother has powers - the movement warming them. Sean agonised over the final details of the painting as the sky darkened, but in the end the diminishing light forced him to accept that the painting was done. It wasn’t perfect, but no amount of fiddling would fix that.</p><p class="p1">He called Daniel over. In the painting, the snowman was no longer a super-villain. Daniel was piecing him back together rather than blowing him up. He had done what he could to paint relief into the snowman’s expression. Across the top of the page, in a comic-book style text box, he had written <em>Super Wolf saves another life.</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“</em>Sean! That’s awesome!”</p><p class="p1">“You think?” Sean smiled as he took it all in. His eye was automatically drawn to the smudges, the imperfections, but seeing it as Daniel saw it made him swell with pride.</p><p class="p1">“You’ve got to sign it right? That’s what all the famous painters do.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “You’re right.” He picked up a pencil, thinking of scrawling something like <em>El Diazblo Loco </em>or <em>Not so super bro </em>in the corner. He hesitated then, thinking of the resumés he had handed out, the ones that read Sean Reynolds. He thought about the look that had passed over each of the business owners’ faces as they took him in. As they connected the Reynolds - the polite family friends, upstanding citizens of Beaver Creek - with what they knew about him, Sean Diaz. He had hated the concession that it had been, the slice of his identity that he had shaved away with every resumé he handed out.</p><p class="p1">He wrote his name. His full name, <em>Sean Diaz </em>just visible in the bottom right corner of the page, and held it up to admire. He would go over it later in marker, he decided. He liked having it there. It wasn’t his best work, the paints still needed some getting used to, and his fingers had started growing numb, but he was proud of it. And he felt a rush of joy at putting his name to something he was proud of.</p><p class="p1">Daniel practically tackled Sean into a hug then, surprising both of them. After lifting the painting high into the air to avoid smudging it before it dried, Sean wrapped his other arm around Daniel, squeezing tight.</p><p class="p1">“Hey. About before. I’m gonna keep my promise ok? I really do think, by September, it’ll be easier. But if it’s not, we’ll talk about it. I won’t go until you’re ready.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel was quiet for a moment, head still pressed into Sean’s chest.</p><p class="p1">“Love you, Sean.” He said, so quietly it was almost imperceptible.</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “What was that?”</p><p class="p1">“You heard.” Daniel muttered, causing Sean to laugh harder.</p><p class="p1">“Love you too, Daniel.” Sean yelled as loudly as he could, prompting a groan from Daniel as he turned to head back inside, Sean still chuckling as he followed him.</p><p class="p1">“Good news, Sean.” Claire, who must have arrived back some time ago, announced when they stepped back in. She held up a vest, a hideous shade of orange, with the supermarket’s logo on it. “You’ve a trial shift tomorrow.” She gave him something of a smug smile.</p><p class="p1">Sean was mortified at the thought of facing the guy - Robert - after whatever Claire had said to him, but was once again reminded of how nice it felt to know you had someone fighting in your corner. And he was in no position to turn this down. He was on his way to making the future happen for him. Even if that future came with the complicated disentangling of the bond he had formed with Daniel. All he could do now was plan ahead as far as he could, and hope that Daniel would forgive him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Escapist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Sean’s trial shift had gone well, with Robert - now Mr. Holloway - looking incredibly apologetic after his talk with Claire. Sean worked almost every weekend, plus a few shifts after school whenever he could get them, but Thursday nights, he had decided, were for him and Daniel. He had established this rule almost immediately, still ridden with guilt over his talk with Daniel that weekend. He never seemed to have any free time between work and school, but every Thursday night, without fail, he would refuse any shift he was offered, and do something with Daniel. Usually this meant grabbing dinner out together, sometimes they’d go to the movies if there was something they could both agree on showing, or sometimes just go for a drive and talk.</p><p class="p1">These nights, and their drives to and from school, gave Sean the chance to find out what was happening in Daniel’s life. It was strange that - with Daniel in the middle school and Sean in the high school - they led relatively separate lives outside of the Reynolds’ house. So Sean would use these chances to catch up with Daniel’s life, the dramas of his middle school friend group, who his friends were crushing on, and which kid had forgotten to invite another kid to their birthday party.</p><p class="p1">Occasionally, at first - and then as time went on, more often than not - Sean had these conversations with Daniel in Spanish. He had struggled to begin with, but he picked it up fast. Daniel had understood a fair amount of Spanish already before leaving Seattle. Like with Sean, their dad had tried to use it around the house from time to time, and he understood more than most of his classmates, but he had never been so confident in speaking Spanish himself. Between his classes in school, and his conversations with Sean, Daniel became more and more confident for their upcoming trip to Puerto Lobos, and as a result, increasingly excited about it.</p><p class="p1">The friction seemed to be gone after their fight. Daniel, Sean supposed, just needed to get this off his chest. The argument had still happened though, the words spoken, and no matter how well things seemed to be going, Sean was left feeling a little on edge. He was anxious, whenever he felt he was spending too much time at work, to make sure Daniel wasn’t feeling neglected. But at the same time, he was concerned that coddling him would make it even harder when he left. He found that whenever he talked about leaving, Daniel could be easily placated by adding some comment about Puerto Lobos, which replaced any anxieties with excitement.</p><p class="p1">The guidance counsellor at school had been less easy to win over when it came to his future plans.</p><p class="p1">“You know, your grades aren’t as poor as you seem to think - There are lots of colleges you could apply to, and many with excellent art programs.”</p><p class="p1">Sean did his absolute best not to roll his eyes during these sessions, but it became more difficult with every repetition of this same conversation.</p><p class="p1">“It’s not because of my grades, Ms. Rowan, I swear. College just isn’t for me.”</p><p class="p1">“There are lots of financial aid options available for you, many created especially to give opportunities for troubled-”</p><p class="p1">“With all due respect, that isn’t an issue either.” He sighed. It would certainly have made things difficult, had he wanted to go, since using his dad’s money to pay for college would make it harder for Daniel to go. But he wasn’t going to tell her this. He knew she would just latch on to it. “I really just don’t want to go. If I went to college, I would do exactly the same thing when I graduate as I plan on doing now. It’d just be a few years later. I don’t see the point of waiting around, I’ve done enough of that.”</p><p class="p1">“And what is it, Sean, that you plan on doing?”</p><p class="p1">This time he really couldn’t stop the eye roll.</p><p class="p1">“Travelling.” He told her for the hundredth time. “With my boyfriend.” He threw in for good measure. This one was just for fun.</p><p class="p1">Her eyes widened briefly before she closed them, taking a deep breath, and Sean took that moment to rearrange his face to smother the smirk that he knew was growing. He didn’t want to be rude, he really didn’t. He knew she was trying to help.</p><p class="p1">“Escaping the world like that only works for so long, Sean. Eventually, whether it’s in three years or thirty, you will need to return to real life. And you’ll be glad to have the options that a college degree provides.”</p><p class="p1">“But, Ms. Rowan. I don’t want to escape the world. I want to see it, that’s the point.”</p><p class="p1">She had seemed genuinely stumped by this, and let him go, but he knew she’d only call him back for another meeting next week.</p><p class="p1">“I think she’s been waiting her whole life for a kid like me to come along,” Sean laughed to Lyla over FaceTime after his shift that evening. “Don’t get a lot of <em>troubled youths </em>in Beaver Creek, poor woman was practically sweating with excitement.”</p><p class="p1">Sean lay on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, and Lyla laughed into the camera from her own bed.</p><p class="p1">“I can picture it now, seeing your criminal record, the eyepatch, working herself up into a frenzy. Talking to herself in the bathroom mirror like <em>come on Laura, you got this. This is what your whole career has been leading up to.</em>”</p><p class="p1">Sean was laughing so hard he was worried he’d wake the rest of the house, but stifling it only resulted in a sort of snort-laugh.</p><p class="p1">“I hope she isn’t too disappointed. Maybe I’ll send her a postcard when I’m gone.”</p><p class="p1">“Eh, she’ll get over it, you’ll be out of there soon, I’m sure she’ll find some other troubled kid to mold.”</p><p class="p1">“Not soon enough. Just got to hold out until graduation now. And finals, I guess, but I don’t have high hopes for those.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, yeah, but first prom.”</p><p class="p1">Sean chuckled. “Yeah sure, prom, as if I’m going to that.”</p><p class="p1">“What do you mean you’re not going? I thought you’d be taking Finn.”</p><p class="p1">Sean actually laughed out loud at that. Judging from the frown Lyla was wearing, this was not the reaction she had expected.</p><p class="p1">“Uh, Lyla, can you picture that in your head? Finn, in a tux. At a high school prom. In Beaver Creek”</p><p class="p1">“Yes and it’s magnificent.”</p><p class="p1">“He would not want to do that.”</p><p class="p1">“Have you asked?”</p><p class="p1">“Well, no-”</p><p class="p1">“Exactly! So-”</p><p class="p1">“Lyla we barely get to see each other recently, we’ve both been working like crazy to save up to travel, and he takes on long term work that don’t exactly offer paid vacation leave. He’d never be able to get down for a visit, and even if he did, he wouldn’t want to waste it on <em>prom.</em>”</p><p class="p1">“Well, what if I told you that Cassidy - Close personal friend of Finn’s and, as I recall, a person who works the same jobs as him - has agreed to come be <em>my </em>date to prom?”</p><p class="p1">“Lyla, what the fuck? Cass is your date? This is- Why didn’t you tell me? This is one hell of a development!”</p><p class="p1">“No no, Diaz, stop trying to make this about me. The point here is that if <em>she </em>can get away from whatever job the gang is currently on, so can Finn.”</p><p class="p1">Sean was still desperately trying to prod further on the <em>date </em>part of the news.</p><p class="p1">“But wait, there’s more!” She cut his protests short. “What if told you that Cass and I both decided that going to a prom that we’re both actually allowed to go to would be far too boring and way off brand, so we’ve decided to crash yours instead?”</p><p class="p1">Sean gaped for a second in silence, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tried to register what she had said and formulate a response.</p><p class="p1">“What if I reminded you that Beaver Creek is like the tiniest town in the universe and you would absolutely get busted?”</p><p class="p1">“All part of the fun.” She winked.</p><p class="p1">Sean groaned and rolled onto his back, holding the phone up above him. He closed his eyes for a second, thinking, and when he opened them, Lyla was still grinning down at him.</p><p class="p1">“You know, Cass is a bad influence on you.”</p><p class="p1">“And you’re a good influence on Finn. So, Yin and Yang. I think it’s pretty fucking cool.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah sure, the poetic symmetry makes it okay that you’re gonna get me expelled like, a month and a half before graduation.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, you won’t get expelled, wuss. You can buy your little tickets for you and your plus one, we’ll be the rebels.”</p><p class="p1">Sean just rolled his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“So, you’ll invite him?”</p><p class="p1">“I can only promise to try. On the condition that you tell me everything about whatever the hell seems to have happened between you and Cass.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla beamed.</p><p class="p1">“Sounds like a story for prom night if you ask me.” She made a kiss face at the camera, threw a peace sign, and immediately hung up.</p><p class="p1">Sean gave an exasperated laugh, rolling back over onto his stomach to send her a text.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>S: Nice</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>L: Texting me implies you aren’t calling him xo</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>S: Hate you xoxo</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>L: Love you too bby</em>
</p><p class="p1">He closed his messages, hovering over Finn’s number, feeling ridiculous. His heart pounding in his chest. This was exactly the feeling he had wanted to avoid. Feeling like a teenager, terrified of asking the cute boy to the prom. Finn was above all of this. Hell, Sean was above all this. But still, gnawing at the edges of his imagination, the thought lingered - Him and Finn, hand in hand in their tuxes, the scandal of this sleepy town. The smile this image gave him still on his lips, he called Finn.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“So,” Sean said to Daniel during the drive to school the next day. “You’ll never guess what Lyla bullied me into doing last night.”</p><p class="p1">“Probably something lame.”</p><p class="p1">“Ha-ha, you’re funny.”</p><p class="p1">“So? What was it?”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, so now it’s not lame?” Sean laughed as Daniel rolled his eyes. “She convinced me to ask Finn to prom.”</p><p class="p1">It was Daniel’s turn to laugh. “Seriously?”</p><p class="p1">“Yep,” Sean grinned. “Even weirder, he said yes.”</p><p class="p1">“No way. Grandma and grandpa are going to take pictures of you guys on the staircase.” He was doubled over with laughter.</p><p class="p1">Sean smiled, imagining that scene with glee.</p><p class="p1">“So yeah, early birthday present for you there, getting to see the look on Claire’s face when Finn shows up wearing whatever wild outfit he’s bound to be planning. He already sounded like he was plotting something over the phone.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, when is prom?”</p><p class="p1">“The weekend before your birthday. I wanted to ask about it, did you want him to stay until your birthday? I could ask him.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh,” Sean glanced at Daniel before training his gaze back to the road, noticing as he did that his face had turned serious. “I mean. Finn’s cool, but. I was kind of hoping we’d spend my birthday together. Just you and me.”</p><p class="p1">“Sure,” Sean said, seeming to surprise Daniel with how easily he agreed. “I mean, I’ve missed your last two birthdays. I’m happy to spend it together. But, don’t you want a party with your friends?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, grandma and grandpa are talking about having a party the next weekend. But my birthday is on a Wednesday. So I was thinking we could move our Thursday plans to Wednesday…”</p><p class="p1">“Dude,” Sean grinned, “Why not both days? Birthday double feature.”</p><p class="p1">“Really?” Daniel beamed at him as Sean pulled into the parking lot for the middle school.</p><p class="p1">“Why not? I can pull a double shift on Tuesday or something instead.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s smile faltered as he remembered, for a moment, why Sean needed the extra money.</p><p class="p1">“So you come up with a plan, ok? We’ll do whatever you want to do after school on those days.”</p><p class="p1">The smile was back in full force as Daniel ran through the possibilities. He took off his seatbelt, but hesitated as he picked up his school bag.</p><p class="p1">“Thanks, Sean,” he said, enveloping him in a slightly awkward sideways hug before barrelling out of the car.</p><p class="p1">“Oh,” he stopped, turning around before he closed the passenger door. “Don’t tell grandma and grandpa about prom without me. I wanna see their faces.”</p><p class="p1">“Sure buddy,” Sean laughed as Daniel closed the door, running off towards his friends gathered outside the school.</p><p class="p1">As Sean finished the two-minute drive from the middle school to the high school, he felt a lightness in his chest that he hadn’t felt since New Year’s Eve. He thought about what the next month would bring. The chance to be a teenager one last time, at prom. Him and his no-good boyfriend and their best friends causing chaos at the sleepy senior prom. And the chance to be the big brother that Daniel deserved after two years of missed birthdays. The weeks had passed so slowly between work and school, but with these to look forward to, graduation - and freedom - didn’t seem so far off any more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. D.A.N.C.E pt.1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Sean fiddled with his cuffs in Daniel’s room. The thing about your boyfriend visiting you just for prom was that there was none of the classic pick-me-up-at-eight, meet at the front door stuff. Finn was getting ready in Sean’s room. So, this is where Sean went, stooping over to check himself out in the Daniel-sized mirror, because Finn had the grand idea of getting ready in separate rooms to capture at least some of the romance - and the surprise. Sean didn’t know any more than that, only that whatever he was expecting from Finn, it was probably not as much as he was going to bring. All he knew was that Finn and Cass were off getting ready in his room, while he and Lyla had commandeered Daniel’s, who had gotten bored of watching Sean fuss over his outfit, and left for the living room a long time ago.</p><p class="p1">He had been staring at himself in the mirror for longer than he cared to admit, but it was just so strange, seeing himself like this. The formal clothes were one thing, but this paired with his new eye was just bizarre. The appointment for the glass eye had been a long time in the making, and when he had told Claire he’d be going to his senior prom after all, she had freaked out, as if him wearing an eyepatch to prom would have been the worst thing in the world, and pushed the appointment forward. He had gone for the cheaper, less realistic option, the space where his iris would be was instead just a stretch of white. But, it was eye-shaped at least. And it was a relief to finally lose the patch. He kind of liked the white eye. His reasoning was that it wasn’t like like everybody didn’t already know he was missing an eye. No point spending a fortune trying to pretend he wasn’t. It was something different, he realised, as he leaned closer to the mirror under the pretence of fixing his hair. Maybe not as immediately noticeable as the eyepatch, but something that made him stand out a little. He’d never fit into a town like this, and he wasn’t so mad about that.</p><p class="p1">Pretending to fix his hair distracted him briefly, as he realised it actually did require some attention. His hair had grown long again, and he had been hesitant to cut it after keeping it shaved short in juvie, but he was realising now that it was, in fact, much too long. He had tried to buy some hair gel, but made the mistake of mentioning this to Lyla, who had informed him that gel was out of fashion ten years ago, and that he needed to get his ass out to get some wax of some kind, which he was now attempting to use to style the front of his hair, while Lyla - who had been ready for thirty minutes - laughed from the end of Daniel’s bed.</p><p class="p1">“Dude, if you’re going to laugh, at least help.”</p><p class="p1">“But I’m enjoying this so much more.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, the sooner I’m ready, the sooner you see Cass. So.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla gave a little pout, and got up to help Sean. She looked stunning, in a gold coloured dress with a short tulle skirt that seemed to defy gravity. He hadn’t gotten it at first, it hadn’t looked like her at all, but when she put it on, with her doc Martens and a black leather jacket, he realised he couldn’t imagine her wearing anything else to prom.</p><p class="p1">“You still haven’t given me the full story on that, by the way.”</p><p class="p1">He said, turning to her as she sighed, a worrying frown forming between her eyebrows as she examined his hair.</p><p class="p1">“What’s to tell? We stayed in touch after thanksgiving, now, I guess, she’s my date to prom.”</p><p class="p1">She was running her hands through his hair, and he had no idea what she was doing to it. He sighed, and tried to trust her.</p><p class="p1">“Feels like you skipped out a bunch of steps there. What happened to <em>‘I don’t even know if I like girls?’”</em></p><p class="p1">“Do not mock me while your hair is at my mercy Sean Diaz. But also, look who’s talking Mr. <em>Uh yeah, I’m so straight haha Megan fox, am I right boys?”</em></p><p class="p1">“Well first of all I’m bi, so I stand by the Megan Fox thing.” She rolled her eyes, and he laughed. “And second, no mocking. Just curiosity. You’re my best friend, I want to know these things.”</p><p class="p1">She allowed herself the smallest of smiles.</p><p class="p1">“She kissed me, before Christmas. When they were all still working in Washington.” She took a step back, admiring her handiwork. “That’s done, take a look.”</p><p class="p1">She waited for him to turn around to look in the mirror before she continued. “We went for a walk. A long walk. Through the city. And we were out pretty much all night, we just weren’t watching the time. And when we realised everything was closing, all the bars and everything, we noticed how long we’d spent together.”</p><p class="p1">Sean, by this point, had already successfully admired his hair. Lyla had done a good job, creating a kind of artful pushed-back look that he had never been able to manage. He stayed where he was though, pretending to still be looking. He caught a glimpse of Lyla behind him in the mirror, and she was smiling in earnest now. He knew her, and she would not want to be seen like this, so obviously in love.</p><p class="p1">“And I made some joke about it, and how, I don’t know,” she waved her hands around as though she was trying to recall it, and Sean decided not to outwardly call bullshit. She definitely remembered every word from that conversation, if the look in her eyes was anything to go by. “Something about spending time with her, and…” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, oblivious to the wax still on her hands. “She just pulled me in. Like. She just, hooked a finger onto my <em>belt</em>, and pulled me towards her. And just kissed me.”</p><p class="p1">Sean turned around, beaming. “Oh my god, Lyla.”</p><p class="p1">“I fucking know, right?” She was grinning too, even though she had her arms wrapped around herself a little nervously. “And I mean. I swear to god Sean, is there like a specific kink for that because it was the hottest thing anyone has ever done to me.”</p><p class="p1">“I think you might just have a Cassidy kink.”</p><p class="p1">She laughed, lowering her voice even more. “Sean I’m gay. I’m so fucking gay. Like, if that’s what kissing someone you’re attracted to feels like, then I haven’t been attracted to any of the guys I’ve made out with.”</p><p class="p1">“Woah you really just had to one-up me with the bi thing, huh?”</p><p class="p1">“Well I couldn’t let you have all the spotlight.” Lyla grinned, before Sean scooped her up into a hug.</p><p class="p1">“I’m so happy for you both,” he breathed as he held her.</p><p class="p1">“It’s gross but, me too.” She laughed. “It’s <em>really</em> gross, I’m all mushy for her.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait,” Sean said as they broke apart. “So, you kissed before Christmas right? So how did you get from that to prom-date mushy feelings?”</p><p class="p1">She shrugged, still smiling. “I don’t know, we just kept in touch I guess. Spoke on the phone most nights, I went to visit a couple weekends.”</p><p class="p1">“Weren’t they in Minnesota the past few months? You <em>flew </em>to Minnesota to see her on weekends?”</p><p class="p1">“Ugh you make it sound so <em>gay” </em></p><p class="p1">“Well, it is gay, Lyla. You’re literally a lesbian.”</p><p class="p1">She blinked, staring at him for just a moment, before letting out a snort that snowballed into bellowing laughter, setting Sean off too, the kind of infectious, unstoppable laughter that had Sean’s stomach hurting</p><p class="p1">“Are… You guys ok?” Daniel stuck his head around the bedroom door as Lyla let out a little whimper and Sean placed a hand over his mouth to stifle himself.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Daniel, we’re-” Lyla was still doubled over, and Sean was struggling to keep a straight face. “We’re good.”</p><p class="p1">“You look really pretty, Lyla.” Daniel’s voice was small, and Sean felt terrible, but he couldn’t stop his face from crumpling, his laughter from redoubling. “I’m sorry, Daniel.” He managed to get out. “We’re not laughing at you, it’s just. Lyla’s just-”</p><p class="p1">“A raging lesbian,” she wheezed between shallow breaths, setting them both off again in earnest while Daniel just backed away slowly, eyebrows raised.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“This is your fault,” She told him later, still chuckling as she re-applied her eye makeup.</p><p class="p1">“Me? I hardly even know what we were laughing at, I was just laughing at you laughing.”</p><p class="p1">“Exactly. You know there’s no-one else who’s ever made me laugh so hard I almost peed all over my prom dress.”</p><p class="p1">“I hope not, mostly just because that’s really specific.”</p><p class="p1">She set the eyeliner down, blinking a couple of times. “Seriously though? I miss you so much, Diaz. I can’t believe I’m crashing your prom.”</p><p class="p1">“Me too,” he smiled, taking her hand. “And me neither. I still can’t believe you think you’re going to get away with it.”</p><p class="p1">She winked, spinning around to grab Sean’s jacket from where it was hanging on Daniel’s closet.</p><p class="p1">“Time to go, put that on.”</p><p class="p1">He did as he was told, taking a moment to adjust the suit jacket where it fell on his shoulders. It was still strange to him that it fit so well.</p><p class="p1">“He must have been young,” Lyla said, and he looked up to find her watching. He nodded.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t think I ever saw him wear it that I remember.”</p><p class="p1">“It wasn’t from his… Was it?”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, his wedding tux is in a covered bag. I left it in Seattle, but, I’ll go back for it some day. It’s not exactly a good-luck tux, but he kept it for a reason.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla stepped backwards to let Sean take one last look in the mirror. He had bought a dark green button up shirt for the occasion, and a pair of wildly uncomfortable dress pants, that matched the black suit jacket he had taken from his dad’s room in Seattle.</p><p class="p1">“You clean up good, kid.” Lyla smiled, leaning over his shoulder to fix the tie that everybody knew would be quickly loosened before being taken off completely within an hour or two, max.</p><p class="p1">“It’s a bit stiff.” He said, adjusting his shirt cuffs under the jacket again.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sure it is, bud, but save that for after the dancing ok?”</p><p class="p1">“hah-hah,” Sean rolled his eyes as Lyla picked up her phone, chuckling.</p><p class="p1">“Ok, they’re going to meet us downstairs.” She said, stuffing the phone back into her purse. She beamed. “Ready for the reveal?”</p><p class="p1">“We’ve really got to do the staircase thing?”</p><p class="p1">“It’s Oregon, we’re channelling basic white bitch this prom season. It’s practically the theme.”</p><p class="p1">He laughed, letting her take his hand and drag him out into the hallway. At the top of the stairs, she offered him an elbow, which Sean rolled his eyes at before linking his arm in hers as they descended the stairs together.</p><p class="p1">Standing at the bottom of the stairs, in some real Jack from Titanic style shit, was Finn, beaming up at him as he turned the corner. Sean’s step faltered, mouth actually falling open as he took him in.</p><p class="p1">Finn, who was laughing out loud at his reaction, had definitely taken Sean’s jokes about being the most scandalous couple at prom to heart. He wore, from the waist up, a full tux. Bow-tie, cummerbund and everything. This alone was so wildly out of place on Finn it would have been a shock, but from the waist down, he had paired it with a light pink silk skirt. His bow-tie matched the shade exactly. As did, Sean noticed as he took him in, his lipstick. The whole look was finished off by his usual boots.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck, Finn, look at you.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla, who had been forced, by their linked arms, to hesitate with Sean, let out a low whistle. “Hell,” she murmured to Sean. “Maybe I spoke too soon about the whole <em>no men</em> thing.”</p><p class="p1">She grinned, but something else caught her attention, and Sean felt her intake of breath. He tore his gaze away from Finn long enough to follow hers to where Cassidy stood a little behind him, in a pair of high-waisted dress pants, and a loose white shirt tucked in to them, the top few buttons undone, a bandana around her neck, looking for all the world like a cravat, and a pair of suspenders pulling the outfit together.</p><p class="p1">“Nope, yep.” Lyla said, her eyes fixed on Cass. “I take that back. Raging lesbian.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, extricating his arm from Lyla’s, giving her a little nudge in Cass’s general direction, watching as Lyla noticeably reminded herself that she needed to give her brain oxygen and move her legs. As she did, Sean made his way towards Finn.</p><p class="p1">“You look…” Sean breathed. He was pretty sure he didn’t even need to say it. He had never in his life felt more aware of making visible heart-eyes at a person.</p><p class="p1">“Is it too much?” Finn asked, but it wasn’t a self-conscious or nervous question. He was grinning as he asked it.</p><p class="p1">“Oh absolutely,” Sean grinned back. “It’s perfect.” He pulled Finn in by his lapel and kissed him.</p><p class="p1">From somewhere behind Finn, Claire coughed.</p><p class="p1">Sean pulled away, chuckling.</p><p class="p1">“You, uh, you got a little something there,” Finn smirked, raising a thumb to wipe away the pink lipstick that had found its way on to Sean’s face.</p><p class="p1">The cough came again, this time from both Claire and Daniel, and they pulled apart properly then, both still smirking, but when they turned, they realised it hadn’t even been directed at them. Cass and Lyla were in some other world entirely. What world, Sean couldn’t be sure, but it was a world in which their mouths were latched pretty firmly together, their hands in each others’ hair.</p><p class="p1">“They… They know we’re still here, right?” Sean laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, like we can talk,” Finn chucked.</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s face was like thunder.</p><p class="p1">“My good dudes.” Finn raised his voice after catching sight of Daniel. “There’s a child in the room, let’s keep this shit PG-13 maybe?”</p><p class="p1">They broke apart, looking around the room as if they were just now noticing everyone’s eyes on them. There was a tense, awkward silence for just a moment.</p><p class="p1">“Oops,” Lyla said quietly, and the four of them started laughing. Daniel still wore an expression that quite plainly revealed that he was trying to turn Cass to stone with his mind - which was honestly a little concerning because it would be just like him to find out that he actually could, in that moment - and Claire didn’t look all too impressed, but to her credit, if she was at all uncomfortable, she kept it to herself.</p><p class="p1">“Alright kids,” Stephen said, chuckling. “Think you can keep the hormones in check long enough for photos?”</p><p class="p1">They were there for a long time, posing for a few formal and group pictures on Stephen and Claire’s camera, before devolving into chaos, taking selfies on each others’ phones, throwing peace signs, pulling faces. They got an Uber to the prom, Stephen telling them that - despite Claire seeming obviously unhappy with this - he couldn’t stop them from drinking, but all he asked was that nobody drove. The Uber driver seemed a little taken aback by the four of them, his wide eyes their first taste of what would be in store for them the rest of the night, and everyone seemed to love it. Lyla, Cass and Finn seemed to thrive off exactly this kind of chaos, but what surprised Sean most of all was that he was enjoying it too. The stares, the scandal, it was funny to him. It was exciting. He had once been so bothered by what everyone at school thought of him - back in Seattle, he had been so nervous, so afraid of making a fool out of himself, of looking bad in front of people cooler than him. Here, he felt the freedom of knowing that none of it mattered. Even if they got kicked out of prom the second Lyla and Cass got busted, Sean realised, this would be enough. The four of them, here together, having the time of their lives, being themselves loudly and unashamedly. Getting to be, one last time, dumb kids together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please just indulge me in two fluffy chapters where they all just get to be dumb gay and happy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. D.A.N.C.E pt.2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Lyla and Cass broke off from the group as they climbed out of the uber once they reached the hall, with vague answers and a wink when Sean asked, again, how they were going to get inside without tickets.</p><p class="p1">“Just, trust them,” Finn said, winding an arm around Sean as they got in line, a grin spreading across his face. “Between them, they’ve got this shit down. I thought Cass would be a bad influence on Lyla there but uh, I think they’ve both got the bad bitch thing down on their own.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “That sounds about right.”</p><p class="p1">They reached the front of the line, Sean handing over the two tickets, the man sitting at the booth - a Geography teacher that Sean had never had much interaction with - looked them up and down, poorly concealing the look of distaste on his face. Finn shot the man a wink, and Sean pressed his lips together, stifling a chuckle.</p><p class="p1">“I checked the rules.” Sean said after a long moment of the teacher not taking their tickets, just sizing them up in silence. “There isn’t anything that explicitly says you can’t bring someone of the same gender as a date. Also the- the dress code? Says suits, tuxes and formal dresses, but nothing about what genders are allowed to wear which so, you can... you can check the guidelines if you want, they’re on the school’s website.”</p><p class="p1">“The school has a website?” The teacher said after a long silence.</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a nod, feeling himself start to sweat a little.</p><p class="p1">“Whatever,” the man at the booth said eventually, taking the tickets.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, seriously?”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t question it man” Finn hissed.</p><p class="p1">The teacher shrugged. “You paid for these tickets, not my battle to fight.”</p><p class="p1">A smile split across Sean’s face.</p><p class="p1">“I’ll take it.” He grabbed Finn’s hand, pulling him inside to where the music swelled.</p><p class="p1">Sean had not been expecting the Beaver Creek high school prom to be a grand affair. The population of this town was small, the class sizes were tiny, but apparently the prom mania was huge. The outfits looked expensive, and the hall had been transformed into a forest. The theme, he worked out based on the banner that hung at the far end of the room, was A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and they had gone for a full fairy garden aesthetic. Every doorway boasted an archway of greenery, sprouting flowers and leaves. People who, apparently, had known about the theme in advance - people who were clearly more invested than Sean - wore flower crowns. The ceiling teemed with string lights, which gave the effect of a night sky, and pillars of fake ivy dotted the room.</p><p class="p1">“Woah,” Sean breathed, taking in the room.</p><p class="p1">“Woah in-fucking-deed,” Finn agreed, head tilted to the ceiling. After a moment of looking around, Finn raised a hand sharply to his head. “Fuck. I forgot!”</p><p class="p1">Sean turned to him, puzzled.</p><p class="p1">“I got an idea, cover me ok?”</p><p class="p1">Sean, who had no idea what was going on, watched as Finn turned to the nearest floral archway and pulled a small knife from his sock.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, okay, this is happening,” Sean said out loud, before turning around trying to use his body to shield whatever Finn was doing from sight, eyes darting nervously around the room to see if anybody had noticed before Finn, chill as ever, placed a hand on his shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“Stand down, comrade,” Finn laughed. The knife was gone, in its place, two fake flowers, with plastic stems.</p><p class="p1">“I forgot about corsages, so these’ll do. I… Don’t know which of us is supposed to wear one, so, fuck it, one each.” He was grinning down at Sean, who felt somehow both hopelessly in love and wildly moronic. He decided to lean in to the <em>in love</em> part, offering his wrist to Finn, who tied the plastic stem around his wrist like a bracelet, Sean doing the same for him when he was done.</p><p class="p1">Cass and Lyla barrelled into view, just as Sean was admiring his makeshift corsage, accosting them where they stood.</p><p class="p1">“Took you guys long enough,” Cass laughed, while Sean gaped.</p><p class="p1">“How did you even-”</p><p class="p1">“Sweet talked our way through the back door” Lyla winked. “Plus we’ve already spiked the punch. Made friends with the other guy spiking the punch. Says he knows you.” She nodded in the direction of one of the stoner kids that could be, loosely termed, a friend. One of the group that practically worshipped Sean for his time on the road. Sean glanced away quickly, careful not to make eye contact. Tonight was not for small talk with the kids that didn’t get it.</p><p class="p1">“Come on,” Cass said, pulling them towards the punch. “Try it, it’s strong.” Lyla laughed, and it was infectious. Music that Sean only vaguely recognised was blaring out across the room, and people were dancing. Badly, sure, but there didn’t seem to be a person in the room not enjoying themselves, and it was impossible not to feel uplifted by that kind of feeling.</p><p class="p1">They downed their punch, and Lyla started trying to coax them onto the dance floor. Finn was eager enough, but Sean and Cass both hesitated.</p><p class="p1">“Fine, be pussies,” Lyla called out over the beat. “Finn?” She extended a hand, and Finn took it with a curtsey.</p><p class="p1">“Drink more,” he shouted as she pulled him away, “then join us when you’ve got less shame.”</p><p class="p1">“Not a dancer, huh? I for one am shocked” Cass smirked at him as they watched Lyla and Finn dance.</p><p class="p1">“Not a good one. And definitely not sober.”</p><p class="p1">He refilled his cup, and she followed suit, tapping their cups together before drinking.</p><p class="p1">“I’m surprised you wanted to come,” he said to Cass after a moment. “This,” he extended an arm to indicate the room in general, “is kind of the opposite of your scene.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” she laughed. “It’s not. At all. It wasn’t even my scene in high school. But, she is.”</p><p class="p1">He followed her gaze to Lyla, who was now attempting to lift Finn in a weird ballroom dance routine they seemed to be coming up with on the spot. They both laughed as they watched.</p><p class="p1">“It’s mad, but if Lyla told me, let’s walk off a cliff, it’ll be fun, I’d probably fucking do it.”</p><p class="p1">He smiled. “I’m so glad you guys are happy.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well, we’re not the only ones. You <em>know </em>Finn wouldn’t do this shit for just anyone. Look at him, he’s wearing a fucking <em>bow tie.</em>”</p><p class="p1">He watched Finn dance for a moment, unable to keep the smile from his face. He noticed the stares from some of the others on the dance floor. Whether they were frowning at the terrible routine, or at the total lack of recognition of either of those people, he couldn’t tell, but he wanted to be up there with them, sharing the spotlight.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well, I guess I did lose an eye for his last grand plan. So, the bow tie feels like a fair exchange.”</p><p class="p1">Cass’s expression hardened.</p><p class="p1">“Too soon?” He asked, nudging her just slightly.</p><p class="p1">“Yes, asshole.” She rolled her eyes then, and her face fell into a more playfully exasperated expression. “But, as much as I stand by that was the dumbest fucking move either of you could’ve pulled, I get why you did it. Why you said yes. Finn told me he pretty much seduced you into it.”</p><p class="p1">Sean opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off.</p><p class="p1">“I mean. Like I said, If Lyla had looked at me with those eyes and leant in close enough, I’d do anything she asked.”</p><p class="p1">He put an arm around her, leaning his head against hers as they continued watching Finn and Lyla dance.</p><p class="p1">“You drunk already Seanie boy?” She laughed as he did, but wrapped an arm around his waist nonetheless. “Look at you, all casual and confident. Back at camp every time I touched you, you looked like I’d bite your arm off.”</p><p class="p1">He gave a loud laugh, surprising himself with how easily it slipped out. She was right, to be fair. They had all intimidated him a little at camp. Finn and Cass included. They all just seemed so much cooler than him, so much freer. It was nice, realising how far he had come. He wasn’t sure if it was him who had grown, or just his relationship with them both, but it felt good, to not be self-conscious, to not be second-guessing his every word or movement.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, just sentimental. Plus you were badass back at camp.” He grinned, “You’re way less intimidating now that you’re a lovesick puppy.” He laughed as she pulled away to swat at him.</p><p class="p1">“Come on,” he said, chuckling. “One more cup of this poison you created, then we…” He pretended to shudder. “Dance.”</p><p class="p1">They downed another drink, before Sean pulled Cass onto the dance floor to join the others, who were already looking sweaty and bedraggled, but thrilled to see them. Lyla took Cass’s hand, and Finn took Sean’s, and Sean began to move, a little stiffly at first, but Sean began mimicking Finn’s movements. Neither of them were exactly on-beat, but they moved in harmony with each other, and that was enough.</p><p class="p1">Dancing had ever exactly been Sean’s strong-suit, especially if he felt like he was being watched. He had let go a few times at gigs, the kind of cramped sweaty intimate rock shows where it was impossible not to move and jump and sway with the mass of bodies pressed into yours. He had loved those, feeling the kind of anonymity that came with becoming part of a sea of people. School dances though, and parties, he had always been the kid hanging back, in the corners of the room, talking to Ellery while Lyla danced.</p><p class="p1">He didn’t know what made this easier - maybe Finn’s hand in his, or his newly discovered total disregard of what any of these kids thought of him - but it should have been impossible. The stares had only increased in number and intensity when he and Cassidy had joined, and there had been some pointed whispers breaking out over the lulls in the music whenever Sean got a little too close to Finn. Everyone in the school knew of Sean, even if so few students had actually spoken to him. Having a hardened criminal enrol for senior year was big news in a town like this. So, he thought, let’s give them a show. Something to gossip about for years to come.</p><p class="p1">He pulled Finn in, kissing him hard. When they pulled apart, Sean kept his arms wrapped around Finn’s neck.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, I see,” Finn smirked, eyes darting around to see the stares and the whispers. “The skirt’s not enough, we’re just, making it clear? Right then let’s make it fucking clear.”</p><p class="p1">Finn dived in for another kiss, this time visibly biting Sean’s lip for just a moment too long as he pulled away, moving down to kiss his neck as Sean laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Okay okay,” Sean said, still laughing when Finn pulled away with a wink, “I think we got the message across fairly well. We’ll be the talk of this town for years.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, we’re not doing that,” Cass’s voice rose up above the music beside them.</p><p class="p1">“Are you kidding me?” Lyla laughed. “The straight boys would enjoy it way too much. I’m not giving them the satisfaction.”</p><p class="p1">The music changed then, to something slow. It was a song Sean knew from the radio at work, a soft ballad that had everyone on the dance floor either leaving or pairing off.</p><p class="p1">Finn pulled him closer.</p><p class="p1">“We don’t have to-” Sean began to say. Making up ridiculous dance routines was one thing, but this was something different entirely. He was reminded for the first time since getting here how afraid he’d been to ask Finn to come, how strongly he’d felt that Finn would be so embarrassed by the whole concept of going to prom. Finn just continued to hold him close.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, fuck that. We’re gonna slow-dance on your prom, man.”</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t have it in him to protest. He didn’t want to. He just wrapped his arms around Finn’s neck and leant his forehead agains Finn’s, moving in slow circles with him. He closed his eyes. Nobody on the dance floor seemed to be staring any more, all those left were couples, having their own moments. He didn’t know if those who had left the dance floor were still watching, but he didn’t want to. Causing a commotion had been fun, but this moment wasn’t about anybody else. Finn’s hands on the small of his back, his own hands tracing patterns on the back of his neck.</p><p class="p1">“Hey Finn,” Sean whispered as they danced. “Thank you, for this. For coming with me tonight.”</p><p class="p1">“Anytime, man. I’m glad I’m here.”</p><p class="p1">“I didn’t think I’d be into this. Prom. But, I don’t think there’s anything I would change about tonight.”</p><p class="p1">Finn gave a little laugh that Sean felt rather than heard. He smiled, uncertain. “What?”</p><p class="p1">Finn laughed again, shaking his head just slightly.</p><p class="p1">“There’s maybe one thing I’d change.”</p><p class="p1">“What?” Sean pressed, still smiling.</p><p class="p1">“You gotta let me give you another haircut, man.” Finn said eventually, and Sean had to break apart to let out a barking laugh.</p><p class="p1">“Seriously?” He said, still laughing amidst glares from the other slow-dancing couples. “You’re criticising my hair, on prom night?”</p><p class="p1">Finn grinned, stepping close again, wrapping his arms back around Sean and leaning in to kiss him softly on the cheek, he lingered there for a moment, whispering his next words.</p><p class="p1">“I mean no offence, Sean. Just that you look like you’re about to burst into song over a car or some shit.”</p><p class="p1">Everything happened very quickly then, Sean gave a gasp of mock horror as Finn laughed, raising his hands quickly, messing up Sean’s artfully waxed hair before Sean could stop him.</p><p class="p1">“Hey!” Lyla cut in behind them. “That’s my artistry you’re destroying.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t quit your day job, sunshine.” Finn laughed, as Sean felt his too-long hair fall down into his face again.</p><p class="p1">Cass started snorting with laughter, again somewhat ruining the last few bars of the ballad as the other couples glared.</p><p class="p1">“No, he’s right.” She said with an apologetic glance at Lyla. “He looked like he was about to judge a beauty pageant or something. Finn just did an act of charity.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla put a hand on her chest. “<em>et tu, Brute?” </em>She gasped.</p><p class="p1">“For what it’s worth” Sean pulled a face at Finn before turning to Lyla. “I liked it.”</p><p class="p1">She gave a defeated shrug as the music changed again to something more upbeat. “Well your vote only counts for like 50%.”</p><p class="p1">He frowned, confused, until she gestured vaguely at his missing eye. It took him a moment to understand before he was laughing again.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“You know,” Finn said as he lit his cigarette off Sean’s on the steps outside the hall. “We’ve been subjecting these poor suburban folks to our shitty dancing for what, at least an hour now? And I think this might be what gets us kicked out.”</p><p class="p1">He tilted his head just slightly to the faculty chaperone that stood in the doorway, watching them light up with a pained look on his face - like he wasn’t quite sure whether what he was seeing was allowed or not, and what to do about it if it wasn’t.</p><p class="p1">Sean chuckled, passing his lighter to Lyla and Cass.</p><p class="p1">“What’re they gonna do, we’re all over eighteen anyway.”</p><p class="p1">“Uh, Sean,” Lyla said, “legal age for tobacco is twenty-one now. In Oregon at least”</p><p class="p1">Sean gaped.</p><p class="p1">“No fucking way. How did I miss that?”</p><p class="p1">Lyla shrugged. “It was like, god, must have been over a year ago, while you were still in juvie. You had other shit to worry about.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude I’ve bought so many packs since I got here.”</p><p class="p1">Cass laughed. “They’re all too afraid to ask the criminal with an eyepatch for ID.”</p><p class="p1">Finn grinned. “Look at my guy, breaking the law fresh out of juvie.” Sean felt his face grow warm.</p><p class="p1">“To be fair,” Lyla added, “We were buying cigarettes before we were eighteen anyway.”</p><p class="p1">“Well yeah,” Sean said, “but at least I <em>knew </em>I was doing something wrong then. And I could feel appropriately nervous about it.”</p><p class="p1">“My man,” Finn added, pausing to take a long drag on his cigarette. “Not to reopen old woulds and shit but, we literally broke into a drug dealer’s safe, on the pot farm we worked on illegally. I don’t think you need to worry about underage smoking.”</p><p class="p1">There came a stammering sound from behind them, and they all turned to see the faculty chaperone, who must have decided to bite the bullet and approach at exactly the wrong time.</p><p class="p1">“Anyway,” Finn said loudly. “So that was what happened in that dream I had last night. Fucking wild right?”</p><p class="p1">Sean stifled a laugh with his hand.</p><p class="p1">“I think you kids should leave,” the teacher said after a long moment, his voice wavering just slightly. Sean was enjoying this much more than he thought he should be.</p><p class="p1">“Oh but <em>sir.</em>” They all turned in shock to Lyla, who had just surprised them all with what could only be described as her best attempt at Cassidy’s accent. “But, this is <em>prom</em>, sir! I’ve been waiting my whole life for this magical night.” Cass bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. The accent was much too strong to be believable, and wildly out of place here, but it served the purpose of stunning the teacher into silence. “My mama made me this dress,” she pleaded, giving a little twirl to show off the tulle before turning back to pout at the teacher.</p><p class="p1">“Do… Do I know you?” The teacher just said, frowning.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, she goes here.” Sean added, wildly unconvincingly. “She just keeps to herself. See, she’s been waiting so long for prom, where she could finally come out of her shell. You probably just don’t recognise her without her glasses on and a book in her hand. Please, sir, it’s her dream.”</p><p class="p1">Finn and Cass were not helping the cause by poorly concealing their laughter.</p><p class="p1">The teacher stared back, his gaze fluttering between each of them in obvious discomfort.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t get paid enough for this,” he said quietly to himself after a long silence. “Just, first sign of trouble and you’re out, ok?”</p><p class="p1">“You got it sir,” Lyla beamed, dropping her cigarette and pulling the others back inside, all of them laughing while the teacher stood back, shaking his head slowly.</p><p class="p1">They had a few more drinks, which tasted, by now, even stronger. The odds of another kid or two having spiked the punch since their entrance were fairly high. They spent another couple of hours dancing, no longer eliciting the stares they did at the start, the other kids starting to let loose a little too - either that or they had just gotten used to the new kid at school with his gender-bending boyfriend and their punk sapphic friends by now.</p><p class="p1">By the end they were all sweaty and bedraggled, exhausted, but laughing.</p><p class="p1">“You tired, Diaz?” Finn taunted, when Sean yawned during a break from the dancing, sitting against the wall with a drink in their hands. “See, this is what a lack of manual labour does to a man. Sitting behind a desk all day, you’ve gone soft.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a weak laugh, laying his head on Finn’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“For real though, we can go back. This thing’s almost over, and,” he kissed the top of Sean’s head, “curling up in bed with you right now doesn’t sound half bad.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t want this night to end,” Sean said, sleepily. He realised as he did that the words were a little slurred. He’d had the same amount to drink as Finn, who seemed fine, but Finn’s tolerance was way higher - this he’d already learned back in Humboldt. “Best night of my life.” He said, too drunk to be embarrassed at the sentimentality of it all.</p><p class="p1">“For now,” Finn grinned. “That’s the best fucking thing about our lives. We’ve still got so much of them to live.”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded, smiling. “If you’d said that to me a year ago, or two. I’d have laughed at you. But, you’re right.” He tried to stand, swaying a little, but recovering enough to pull Finn up too.</p><p class="p1">“Let’s go.” He waved over at Lyla, who was still dragging an exhausted looking Cass across the dance floor. Sean had never seen so much relief in a person’s face as when Cass noticed them waving, even if Lyla didn’t look too thrilled about it.</p><p class="p1">“You going to miss all this?” Finn asked, gesturing to the room before they left. “When you graduate?”</p><p class="p1">“High school? God no.”</p><p class="p1">“Strong words from someone who just had the best night of his life.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah but, that’s you guys who did that. No more school means nights like this every night. Us two, travelling the world. And let’s be honest Cass and Lyla aren’t going to be so easily separated either, so I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of them.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m joining the gaaaang!” Lyla called out, apparently overhearing them, and, apparently, a little drunk too. Cass reached out an arm to steady her, laughing.</p><p class="p1">“She means she’s gonna join us, Hannah and Penny after graduation.” Cass couldn’t keep the smile from her face. “But, I’m gonna let her make that decision again once she’s sober.”</p><p class="p1">“Good choice,” Sean laughed. “But, honestly, I don’t think she’ll change her mind.”</p><p class="p1">He watched as Cass tried her best to play it cool.</p><p class="p1">“How about we walk back to the house?” Sean said, chuckling. “I think we might need to sober up a little before we stumble in.”</p><p class="p1">They left then, taking their time walking back, stumbling a little, laughing a lot. If this was what life after school had in store for him, Sean thought to himself as they walked, then bring on graduation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Free Spirits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Lyla had to leave the next day to be back in time for school on Monday, and Finn and Cass left with her. Lyla and Sean had split the cost of their flights, and they’d be flying back from Seattle to finish up the last couple weeks of their job in Minnesota.</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t let himself think too hard about it - he was still riding a buzz from prom, so instead of letting himself feel their absence, he took a double shift on Sunday to make up for the hours he’d be giving up for Daniel’s birthday.</p><p class="p1">On Monday, he endured the stares and whispers that, despite having died down recently after almost a full academic year at the school, seemed to have redoubled with enthusiasm after the show he and Finn had put on at prom. He took them in with a smile. It just reminded him of prom, of his time with Finn, Lyla, and Cass. It helped, too, knowing that he wouldn’t be here much longer.</p><p class="p1">One kid, who barely looked old enough to be a freshman, approached him in the corridor on Monday, all smiles and nervousness, to tell him how brave he thought he was.</p><p class="p1">“I wanna say thank you.” The kid beamed, while Sean just blinked.</p><p class="p1">“I… uh, why?”</p><p class="p1">“Because I don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough to bring a boy to prom, but now I at least know that if I wanna, I can.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh,” Sean gave a nervous laugh, “Sure, glad I… helped?”</p><p class="p1">Some of the other kids were a little more hostile, he’d heard a few muttered slurs as he passed, but many just seemed genuinely curious, fascinated even. It didn’t matter much. He just got through the day, picking up shifts both Monday and Tuesday after work too, knowing that nobody would be whispering about them in Paris, or Rome, or wherever they went after summer.</p><p class="p1">When Wednesday came around, he got up early, clambering into Daniel’s bed, noisily and with force, jumping up and down a little for good measure as Daniel groaned.</p><p class="p1">“Happy birthday, Daniel,” Sean grinned.</p><p class="p1">“Mmmm, I'm up.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, hey, what happened to the kid who would be up at the crack of dawn on his birthday every year?”</p><p class="p1">“He’s tired.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Too bad. Smell that? Claire’s making birthday pancakes.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel opened one eye. “Think she’ll bring me breakfast in bed?”</p><p class="p1">“You think Claire would ever allow food of any kind to be consumed in bed?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel groaned again.</p><p class="p1">“Up, sleepyhead. Pancakes and presents await.”</p><p class="p1">That seemed to do it, Daniel sat upright, slowly, and with much grumbling, but he did it, and Sean made sure he was actually up and ready to get washed and dressed before he left to do the same.</p><p class="p1">He met him downstairs, just in time for pancakes.</p><p class="p1">“Present before or after school?” He asked him as he sat down to join him at the kitchen island.</p><p class="p1">“It’s behind your back isn’t it?”</p><p class="p1">“… No?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel raised his hand, and the gift behind Sean’s back rose out of his hand. Claire gave a little tutting sound when she saw, but for once decided not to scold him for using his powers in the house.</p><p class="p1">“Well that’s just cheating.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel pulled his tongue out, laughing. He tore open the paper when Sean confirmed he was fine to do so, and revealed a kid’s book with tips and advice on how to write your own comic book. Inside, a heavily decorated fake coupon for unlimited free drawings.</p><p class="p1">“Awesome Sean, thank you!” Daniel beamed, diving in for a hug.</p><p class="p1">“No problem, dude. I figured if you wrote the comic, you could use your coupon to commission me for the art.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel turned a little shifty all of a sudden, becoming very invested in his pancakes.</p><p class="p1">“I… Actually, I don’t think I want to write comics any more. I think I want to write stories instead. Like, books. But…” his eyes were wide, as though desperate not to offend Sean. “I’ve seen this book before, it’s got some really cool advice about all kinds of stories. And, some books still have pictures right? So I can still use your coupon!”</p><p class="p1">Sean smiled back at him, eager to show he wasn’t hurt. He was a little, not because he was worried Daniel didn’t like the gift, but because it made him realise he didn’t know his brother as well as he thought he did any more. But Daniel seemed so thrilled, he brushed past it.</p><p class="p1">“Sounds perfect.”</p><p class="p1">Sean drove Daniel to school shortly after, and as he dropped him off at the middle school, he turned to him before he got out of the car.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, today, at lunch, meet me outside your cafeteria okay?”</p><p class="p1">“Why?”</p><p class="p1">“No reason.” Sean grinned.</p><p class="p1">He had wanted it to be more of a surprise, but he couldn’t text him to tell him to come meet him when the time came. Stephen and Claire had somewhat antiquated views on the appropriate age to have your own cell phone.</p><p class="p1">So, when lunch came, Sean found Daniel waiting outside when he walked over to the middle school, holding a paper bag behind his back.</p><p class="p1">Daniel clocked it instantly.</p><p class="p1">“What do you have there?” Daniel asked instead of a greeting.</p><p class="p1">“Just a sec,” Sean grinned, spinning around and fumbling with his lighter for a second.</p><p class="p1">When he turned back around, he was brandishing a cupcake with a lit candle in the middle. He took a deep breath and, as loudly and off-key as possible, started singing Happy Birthday, drawing stares from some of the other kids.</p><p class="p1">Daniel was a little red in the face by the end, but laughing uncontrollably as he blew out the candle.</p><p class="p1">“You know Grandma’s making me a cake right?” Daniel said, when he had taken the it, still beaming.</p><p class="p1">“I know, but this one’s from me.”</p><p class="p1">“I love it.”</p><p class="p1">“Of course you do, just, maybe don’t tell Claire I got you it, ok?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed, shoving the whole cupcake in his mouth at once while Sean watched in horror.</p><p class="p1">“Got me what?” He said, through a mouthful of cake, causing Sean to double over laughing.</p><p class="p1">“Dude, you’re gonna make yourself sick”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just shook his head, unable to speak as he chewed.</p><p class="p1">“I’m gonna head back to school,” Sean laughed, shaking his head. “But I’ll pick you up here as soon as we get out, okay? Then we’ll go do whatever you want.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel gave him a thumbs up, still laughing through the cake.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">The afternoon had been very similar to their usual weekly evenings together - They went for food together, went to see a movie. Sean was being extra nice to Daniel, but this wasn’t so unusual, he often was on their Thursday evenings together anyway, especially if he had worked extra shifts that week. The difference this time that it was part one of two, they knew they’d have tomorrow to spend together too. Even still, Daniel was in no rush to get back after the movie, despite knowing that Claire and Stephen were waiting at home with his birthday present. He insisted, once the movie was over, that they hiked up to the spot in the woods overlooking the train-tracks where they had hopped the train all that time ago, and said goodbye to Finn not so long ago.</p><p class="p1">“So, why here?” Sean said, as they sat down, the sun setting on the horizon, reminding him of the lengthening days, and the hope of summer stretching ahead. “It’s not exactly good memories.”</p><p class="p1">“No, but, I like it here. It’s quiet. And it feels like an adventure, the walk up”</p><p class="p1">“What, you a regular here or something?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel looked away as he sat down.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, seriously? You come up here alone?”</p><p class="p1">“Not alone! Chris comes with me, or some other friends from school sometimes.”</p><p class="p1">“And Claire and Stephen are just cool with that?”</p><p class="p1">“They don’t know about it.”</p><p class="p1">“Daniel!”</p><p class="p1">“Sean!”</p><p class="p1">Sean shook his head. He didn’t want to scold Daniel on his birthday. And he was realising, for the first time, that Daniel must have felt it too. The absence of their freedom. The feeling of having to be so independent, so self-sufficient, only to be forced back to the mundanity of real life - of rules, and chores, and homework.</p><p class="p1">Sean had assumed that Daniel hadn’t been feeling it to the same extent as him. He’d thought because he was eighteen already, basically an adult, held back a year but old enough to leave, that he was the only one. But even if Daniel wasn’t feeling it quite as keenly as Sean did, he clearly still craved that freedom.</p><p class="p1">“Just, be careful, ok? Let someone know when you come up here. Leave me a note or something, or tell one of the other kids’ parents?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel looked like he was considering fighting him on this, but after a long moment of frowning, he sighed. “Yeah. That’s fair.”</p><p class="p1">“It’ll get easier, you know?” Sean said after a moment where they watched the sunset in silence. “Being a kid.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel didn’t say anything to that.</p><p class="p1">“I mean, you’re twelve now. And you’ll be a teenager soon. I know Claire and Stephen are stricter than Dad was, but I’ll be fighting your corner when it comes to setting new rules, relaxing old ones.”</p><p class="p1">“I dunno,” Daniel said, picking at the grass in front of him. “Feels like ages away.”</p><p class="p1">“I know it does. But it won’t when you get there. One day you’ll be sixteen, going to parties, and you’ll think about how quickly it’s all gone by.” Sean heard the words come out and winced. He sounded like a grandpa.</p><p class="p1">“Quick for you maybe, I’m sure the time passes plenty fast when you’re travelling the world.” Daniel mumbled. He hesitated for a beat, looking up at Sean with wide eyes. “Sorry. That was mean. I didn’t mean that.”</p><p class="p1">“I know. It’s okay.” It hit Sean then that Daniel wasn’t just mad about him leaving because he’d miss him. He was jealous. If he really was feeling that restlessness, the urge for adventure, then of course he’d be pissed that he couldn’t travel with Sean and Finn.</p><p class="p1">Daniel stopped picking at the grass in front of him, and instead focused on using his powers to levitate some small rocks for no particular reason. This was something, Sean was learning, that Daniel did when he was uncomfortable. He couldn’t be sure, but Sean thought it might be his way of feeling more in control.</p><p class="p1">“I meant what I said, Daniel.” Sean said eventually. “I won’t go until you’re really ready.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel dropped the rocks, but still didn’t look at Sean directly. “I talked to my therapist about it.”</p><p class="p1">“Me too.”</p><p class="p1">“She thinks it’s good, that we have separate lives.”</p><p class="p1">“I think she might be right. But it doesn’t have to be completely separate, right?”</p><p class="p1">“No. Definitely not. I think she’s right too. I’m still gonna be sad when you leave though.”</p><p class="p1">“I know, buddy. That’s okay. I will be too. I’ll miss you a lot.” He reached an arm out then to pull Daniel close to him, and he didn’t resist.</p><p class="p1">“I was thinking,” Sean said hesitantly. “I could start off small, right? Travel the country for a while in September. Just for a couple weeks. We could call all the time, then I can come back and see how you feel. Like a trial run, before I go anywhere that needs a plane.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s… a pretty good plan.”</p><p class="p1">“Plus, we’ll be seeing each other ever day in Puerto Lobos all summer. You’ll be sick of me by then.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed, “Yeah, I will.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Sean grinned. “You’re not supposed to agree.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel pushed him away, laughing, and they fell back into a more comfortable silence. Sean lent back on his elbows as they watched the sun sink deeper into the horizon, the air around them growing brisk and the sky darkening.</p><p class="p1">“You’ve got good friends here, right? You and Chris are close, and you’ve got your friends at school.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded. “Yeah, Chris is my best friend. I’ve got lots of friends at school too, but…” he shrugged. “We’re not close.”</p><p class="p1">“How come?”</p><p class="p1">He shrugged again.</p><p class="p1">“You’ll need friends, Daniel. One best friend is good, but, in a place like this, it’s better to have a group. To stop you going insane.” He didn’t add, <em>when I’m gone, </em>but he didn’t need to. Daniel was a smart kid, he knew what he meant.</p><p class="p1">“There’s maybe one or two that, I think, one day I might be able to trust. With…” He used his power on the rocks again, showing rather than saying what he meant.</p><p class="p1">“Ah.” Sean said, feeling stupid for not considering it. This was a huge part of his brother’s life. Something he had to keep secret. It hit him hard in that moment that it always would be. It would always affect his life, this thing that he could only tell his most trusted people about. He felt bad for not realising the seriousness of it until now. “It’s good, that you’re being cautious. But you’ll find people you can trust. I know you will. You’re good at figuring people out. Better than I am.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel grinned at that. “You think?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, man. Seriously. You’ve got, I don’t know, like a sense for these things. You’re a people person. It’s why everyone loves you. And it’s why you always trust the right people. Most of the time.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel winced as they both remembered Lisbeth. It was getting easier to remember stuff like that now, but it still hurt. Sean hadn’t meant to say it out loud.</p><p class="p1">The sky was darkening fast now, and Sean insisted that they get back to the house. Claire and Stephen would surely want to spend at least some of Daniel’s birthday with him - though he was sure they’d understand. They got him last year, but Sean had missed two birthdays already.</p><p class="p1">“So, as birthdays go?…”</p><p class="p1">Sean asked as they walked back down to the house.</p><p class="p1">“It was awesome Sean. Tomorrow, let’s get pizza okay?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Sure.”</p><p class="p1">“And, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“Thank you. For your promise. It helps a lot, knowing you’ll stay close. Ish. After the summer.”</p><p class="p1">Sean reached out and squeezed Daniel’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“It helps me too, Daniel. Remember that, I don’t want to be away from you either. It sucks.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, but something about him lightened then, and Sean thought his words might have finally stuck.</p><p class="p1">When they got back, Claire and Stephen produced the cake they’d made for him, with exactly twelve candles, and gave him his birthday present - a cell phone. Claire had grimaced a little as Daniel unwrapped it, making her thoughts on the gift pretty clear, but the gift meant progress. It was an ancient model, and they’d put a bunch of parental locks on it, but it was a little taste of freedom.</p><p class="p1">“See?” Sean said quietly when Claire got up to put away the leftover cake. “Bit by bit. It’ll get better.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just beamed back.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">The conversation on Daniel’s birthday seemed to shift something between them. Sean’s promise healed some wound that Daniel had clearly been harbouring, despite his best efforts to pretend he had been okay. For Sean, the reminder that Daniel had that rebellious streak in him, that desire for freedom, helped him relate just a little more to his brother, not just as a sibling or a guardian, but as a friend.</p><p class="p1">The next day they went out again after school, driving a little out of town for a game of laser tag (Sean unequivocally ruled out paintball, on the basis of how easy it would be for Daniel to cheat). On the way there, and when they grabbed food after, they talked about everything but the future. The little things in their lives that felt, suddenly, just as important. Something funny Lyla had said over FaceTime, something embarrassing that happened to Daniel’s friend in class.</p><p class="p1">When the weekend came, Daniel showed Sean off to the friends who had come over for his birthday party, and though Daniel would never admit to having bragged about him, Sean found himself surrounded by awe-struck middle schoolers who all seemed to think he was the coolest guy in the world. He played stupid games with his friends, finding himself surprised to be enjoying getting to know this part of Daniel’s life, and as the days went on he took fewer shifts than usual. This was, in part, because he didn’t need the money as desperately if he wouldn’t be booking flights out of America come September, but also in part because finals were fast approaching, and Sean had barely studied since Christmas.</p><p class="p1">He wasn’t particularly stressed, but he tried to study as much as he could in those coming weeks. Sometimes, when he got bored of studying, he would just walk into Daniel’s room and start reciting something from his text book to annoy him. Other times, he’d go out to ‘train’ with Daniel, which meant Daniel quizzed him from the book and if Sean got an answer wrong, Daniel would use his powers to throw something at him.</p><p class="p1">Nothing about it should have been enjoyable, but Sean enjoyed it anyway. He enjoyed annoying his brother, and the simple boredom of studying for tests he didn’t particularly care about. He enjoyed the looming excitement of graduation, but it wasn’t just that any more. School itself was still boring, and lonely, and he wouldn’t wait to be rid of that, but the evenings and weekends were something different. He found himself looking forward instead to Puerto Lobos, to the summer with Daniel.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. First Day of My Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this chapter is a few days late!! Things have been busy, and head very full. But I should be back to posting regularly on Thursdays and Sundays after this :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“Okay,” Lyla said over FaceTime to Sean, who was in the backseat of Claire and Stephen’s car with Finn. “And your mom has the backup charger so your cell won’t die?”</p><p class="p1">“Yes Lyla,” Sean laughed, “she’s got it with her.”</p><p class="p1">“Show me.”</p><p class="p1">Sean rolled his eyes at Finn, who laughed.</p><p class="p1">“I saw that Diaz.”</p><p class="p1">“I meant for you to see it. We didn’t all fit in the same car, Karen’s driving separately with Daniel, you’ll just have to trust that she has it.”</p><p class="p1">“I swear to god, Sean, if we have to spend one moment of our graduations apart because you or your mom forgot the backup charger-”</p><p class="p1">“I promise Lyla,” Sean said, trying to keep the laughter from his voice. “It’ll be fine, okay? We’ve got it all figured out. Just, try and enjoy the day.”</p><p class="p1">“Ugh, easy for you to say, Mr. Nothing-stresses-me-out-any-more.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, it’s the trauma.” He shrugged. Finn laughed at that, and Claire and Stephen exchanged a concerned look.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Lyla, I’m going to hang up now. I’m still in the car. But I promise you I’ll call you back when I get in line for the cap and gown, and then we’ll stay on the call through both ceremonies, okay?”</p><p class="p1">“You’d better,” she said before hanging up.</p><p class="p1">“So, Lyla’s handling it well?”</p><p class="p1">Finn smirked as Sean, shaking his head, put his phone back into his pocket.</p><p class="p1">“It’s one thing that we’re graduating from different schools, but finding out that we were graduating on the same day was the last straw. I mean, I get it, I wanted to see her graduate, and I wanted her to be here for mine. She’s actually got a pretty good system going.”</p><p class="p1">“You’re just gonna stay on FaceTime the whole day?”</p><p class="p1">“Yep.” Sean grinned. “Hers is a little later than mine, so Karen will hold the phone up for her to see me cross the stage first, then later when she graduates, she’ll give the phone to her mom so I can see her collect her diploma.”</p><p class="p1">“Man, you thought finals were complicated.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Whoever writes the curriculum needs to take a page out of Lyla Park’s book.” Finals had been, in the end, surprisingly bearable. His grades had been nothing special, particularly, but he hadn’t been concerned much about that. They weren’t bad either. If the guidance counsellor’s words ever haunted him enough to finally convince him to apply to college in the future, he’d have a fair shot, even if he’d never exactly be hitting the ivy leagues. For now, he was just happy to be graduating.</p><p class="p1">Claire pulled into the school parking lot, which was as close to full as Sean had ever seen it.</p><p class="p1">Karen had been right behind them with Daniel, pulling into the spot behind them. Karen hadn’t lost the smile she’d been holding since she arrived last night - this was nearly twelve years of <em>proud mom </em>energy that she’d missed out on, she’d explained. Daniel, beside her, was wearing the shirt and tie that Claire had forced him into. He looked a little grumpy about it, but Karen seemed to think it was adorable.</p><p class="p1">“Well, I thought we were early…” Sean said, looking around as they all convened in the parking lot. “But I think that’s the line for the cap and gowns, and uh…” He gestured to the line, which was enormous, and still growing.</p><p class="p1">“Well, hurry!” Karen said, “We’ll see if we can find our seats then come back to keep you company.”</p><p class="p1">She turned him by the shoulders towards the line, before seeming to change her mind. She turned him back around, pulling him into a tight hug.</p><p class="p1">“Esteban would have been so proud of you, kid.” She said, her eyes misting up. “I mean it. He really valued a good education. He’d have hated for you to miss out because of… Everything.”</p><p class="p1">“Thanks, mom. I know.” She smiled then, giving his shoulders a squeeze before she turned him back towards the line in earnest.</p><p class="p1">“Go! Get in line!”</p><p class="p1">“They’re not going to start without me” he called back, but still picked up his pace as he made his way over there.</p><p class="p1">He took out his phone once he had made a space for himself in the line, calling Lyla.</p><p class="p1">“Pro-tip,” he said when she answered, “If you think you’re on time, you’re not. You’re late.” He showed her the line of people still growing behind him. “You’d think having the smallest class sizes in the world would help, but apparently not.”</p><p class="p1">“Good to know,” she laughed, drying her hair. “But I don’t think I’m on time. I’m definitely running late.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“Look at you!” Karen called out as she, Daniel and Finn approached to where Sean had stepped to one side to put on his cap and gown.</p><p class="p1">“I’m trying” Lyla’s voice came faintly from his phone “But the asshole’s put me in his pocket.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed as Karen pulled him in for another hug, careful not to knock his cap off.</p><p class="p1">“Here,” Sean said, taking his phone out and handing it to Karen. “Before she kills me.” He took a step back, allowing Karen to point the camera at him. Lyla wolf-whistled.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry, Lyla,” Karen said after a second, “You’re going back in the pocket, I’ve got to get a picture of this.”</p><p class="p1">“No, no, just minimise the call, you can still open the camera, Sean show her!”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, coming over to show Karen how to get his phone’s camera open before getting back into position to pose, pulling Daniel in with him, letting Daniel try on the cap and laughing. Karen pushed Finn towards him then, making sure to get pictures of the three of them, and some of just Sean and Finn, Finn swooping in to kiss Sean’s cheek, almost knocking his cap clean off - later, when Sean was scrolling through the photos, he would make this one the background on his phone, and keep it this way all summer.</p><p class="p1">He left Karen with the phone then, as she, Finn and Daniel went back to where Claire and Stephen were minding the seats. He was ushered towards a crowd of his classmates that were forming where one of the teachers was explaining how the ceremony would work before they were siphoned off into the first few rows of seats.</p><p class="p1">As he sat, the principal and valedictorian gave speeches about how this was <em>the first day of the rest of their lives </em>and how the memories of this school would <em>be in their hearts forever </em>and the usual. He didn’t pay much attention. Instead, he thought about what Karen had said earlier - about how proud his dad would have been of him today. It had been impossible not to be consumed by thoughts of his dad on this day particularly. What he would have done or said, how embarrassingly loud he would have cheered when he walked the stage, how happy he would have been to see Sean in his cap and gown. Sean had decided to wear his dad’s suit jacket again today, and he carried his dad’s lighter in his pocket. The valedictorian was quoting from a poem, but Sean could think only of his dad. There was a sadness, of course, that he hadn’t been here with him, but the longer he thought, the more he found himself smiling. His dad would have been proud of him. That’s what Karen had said, and she was right. He had completed his senior year mostly for Daniel, to give them both time to adjust to normality again for a while, but he realised that part of him had done it for his Dad. He would have hated the idea that, because of his death, because of the injustices that followed, Sean hadn’t gotten an education. Sean wasn’t so sure he agreed with the idea that this education - the formal, academic kind - was the most important kind, but he knew if nothing else how happy it would have made his dad. He wiped a tear away quickly, glancing instinctively around to make sure that nobody had caught it, only to find himself surrounded by rows of weeping students. Whatever the valedictorian was saying must have been good. So, in the relative anonymity of this, he let himself feel all of the emotions that pushed at him. Pride, grief, love, excitement. He let himself cry, there, on his graduation. The kind of cry that wasn’t entirely sad or happy, but a knot of emotions that he realised then had been threatening to overwhelm him for a while. They wouldn’t overwhelm him now. He was letting them out, here, on the day that - to quote the valedictorian’s final cliche lines - the next chapter of his life would begin.</p><p class="p1">There was applause as the speeches ended, and a standing ovation from many of the students around him. Sean rose with them, and the students to his right began to file out, being ushered by a teacher towards the stage.</p><p class="p1">He didn’t have to wait long before the list reached Diaz. There was some polite applause from the families, some hushed whispers from the students, but mostly - Sean heard it with a beaming grin - there was cheering from his small, patchwork, brilliant family.</p><p class="p1">Karen was stood, whooping as he crossed the stage - one arm punching the air, the other holding up his phone, from which he faintly heard Lyla cheering. He laughed, slowing as he did, waving towards them. He couldn’t tell if Karen was really as excited as she claimed, if she really felt those years of missed proud parenting, or if she was doubling down on her excitement to make up somehow for the absence of his dad’s, but either way he found it sweet. Lyla, he knew, would be on her way to her own ceremony by now, either in her mom’s car, or waiting in line for her own cap and gown, and to be audible from the stage she must be screaming at the top of her lungs. Beside Karen, Finn stood, with Daniel on his shoulders, both cheering and shouting. On Karen’s other side, Claire and Stephen looked mortified, but had stood along with the others too, heads bowed a little sheepishly as they applauded.</p><p class="p1">Sean had to remind himself that he needed to keep walking - that he couldn’t stay there on the stage, in full view, feeling this swell of love and pride for his family. He shook hands with the principal, collected his diploma and waved it in the air towards his family as, with his other hand, he moved the tassel on his cap to the left, still beaming as he left the stage.</p><p class="p1">When the ceremony was over, he rushed over to meet everyone.</p><p class="p1">“Lyla’s has started, but they’re still giving speeches, you’ve got a minute” Karen said as she pulled him into a hug. He hugged everyone then, Claire and Stephen tearing up, Finn kissing him, even Daniel seemed unreservedly thrilled for him. He accepted the congratulations from everybody before turning to his phone.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Sean” he heard a whisper from a voice that was unmistakably Cassidy’s, though the camera was facing the stage.</p><p class="p1">“Cass! I thought Lyla’s mom…”</p><p class="p1">“Didn’t like the idea of focusing more on the camera than on her daughter’s graduation. We’re good though, they’ve just started on the A’s, this is a big-ass school, we’re gonna be here a while before we get to P.”</p><p class="p1">“Thanks, Cass.” Sean beamed as he watched people he knew cross the stage he should have been crossing today. Most of his friends had graduated last year, but he still recognised more of the faces on the phone than he had here. Finn and Daniel leaned in, watching with him as Sean tried to hide the fact that he was tearing up again. Finn must have noticed, because he slipped a comforting arm around him, but Daniel was distracted by calling out the names of everyone he knew, older siblings of friends, or just the occasional “I recognise her!”</p><p class="p1">He was excited, to see this safe little slice of home, and Sean couldn’t blame him. It hurt a little, seeing the school and people he missed, the things he associated with <em>before. </em>But it was nice to see it without it all being horribly tangled up in grief and trauma. It was even better, when Lyla’s name was called, to see her cross the stage and turn to him. To hear Cassidy shout and cheer, and to join in with Finn and Daniel, watching as Lyla looked at them and waved, laughing. He wasn’t the only one who had gone through hell these past few years, and he felt a pride for his best friend that he struggled to contain as he watched her do what he had just done, collect her diploma and move her tassel, laughing as she threw a peace sign in their general direction.</p><p class="p1">While he waited for her ceremony to finish, Claire and Stephen decided it was time for photos, everyone swapping in and out of various group combinations, Finn slipping him a flask during the chaos while people switched out.</p><p class="p1">“Sean!” Lyla’s voice rang out from the phone in his hand after they had taken considerably too many photos.</p><p class="p1">“Hey! Congrats, genius!”</p><p class="p1">“You too,” she beamed at him.</p><p class="p1">“You still with everyone?”</p><p class="p1">“Cass is here, mom and dad have gone to ask about professional photos.”</p><p class="p1">“So, how’s that going? Cass being there with your parents?”</p><p class="p1">“Not fun” Cass chimed in, her face appearing behind Lyla’s. Lyla laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Uh yeah, I think it’s hilarious. But let’s just say they’re not her biggest fan. No worries though, this time tomorrow I am <em>outta here.</em>” She threw her cap up in celebration, almost dropping her phone as she hurried to catch it.</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, and Finn tapped him over the shoulder, pointing to Karen. She was waving them back towards the parking lot.</p><p class="p1">“I think Karen wants us to leave.” He told Lyla after waving back at Karen to let her know he’d seen. “If I know Claire and Stephen they’ve got some celebration party planned back at the house. “</p><p class="p1">“Ugh fine,” Lyla rolled her eyes “Leave, if you must. I’ll continue having fun insinuating to my parents that Cass and I are more then friends. But remember, I’m only letting you leave because I know we’ll be seeing each other in person tomorrow.”</p><p class="p1">“Of course,” Sean grinned. “I wouldn’t dream of leaving otherwise.”</p><p class="p1">“We’ve got tickets for greyhound down tomorrow, I’ll text you the time later” Lyla said, “Then we’re all set for our big road trip!”</p><p class="p1">They said their goodbyes and hung up, heading back to the car where Karen absolutely forbade him to remove his cap and gown. Sean and Finn would be driving back with Karen, this time, while Daniel went ahead with Claire and Stephen. Sean didn’t bother asking why, he had no doubt they’d be throwing some kind of graduation/going away party for him.</p><p class="p1">Sean got in the car, distracted by Lyla’s parting words about their road trip. He had expected his excitement to build, but instead, at her words, he felt something more like peace settle in his chest.</p><p class="p1">They’d be driving to Mexico, stopping at motels along the way, and they’d be driving via California, where they would drop Lyla, Cass, and Finn off near San Diego so that they could meet with Hannah and Penny and have an adventure of their own. It would take them almost four days to get to Puerto Lobos, they had worked out, if they stuck to driving about eight hours every day - which Sean suspected they wouldn’t. It didn’t matter though. A week or so of road tripping was nothing compared to how long it had taken them last time. They had the whole summer stretching out before them, and if they didn’t get the house sorted by then, even after Daniel had to get back to school, Sean could always go back. Sean felt the freedom finally set in as he realised that he didn’t just have the rest of the summer to do with as he liked, he had the rest of his life.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Oceans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The party back at the Reynolds’ was a small but truly enjoyable affair. It felt strange to Sean, to have everyone celebrating what he had, for the past nine months, perceived only as something that was only a roadblock to the rest of his life. He found himself surprised to feel, along with everyone else, proud of himself. He hadn’t felt like he was achieving anything particularly impressive, going to school every day, putting up with the small and petty problems of normal life after everything. But maybe he had been. Maybe, after everything he and Daniel had been through, the ability to achieve this, to finish high school, was something almost equally impressive as surviving it all in the first place.</p><p class="p1">He voiced this to Lyla, when she arrived the next day with Cass, and she had agreed with him.</p><p class="p1">“Of course, dipshit.” She had said with an eye roll. “Surviving trauma is just luck. Coping with real life after it? That’s the hard work.”</p><p class="p1">That had stuck with him for the rest of the day, and he found himself being unusually affectionate towards Daniel because of it. Daniel, of course, was suspicious.</p><p class="p1">“Are you dying? Or like, planning to leave me behind tomorrow?” Daniel said as he shrugged Sean off from what was maybe the third hug of the day.</p><p class="p1">“Wow, I can’t be proud of my brother?” Sean laughed.</p><p class="p1">“I thought we were all supposed to be proud of <em>you.</em>”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah well, we both did it didn’t we?”</p><p class="p1">“Graduated high school?”</p><p class="p1">“Loving the sarcasm Daniel, keep that up the rest of the summer it’ll be heaps of fun.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel stuck his tongue out.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, seriously, I mean it. We both went through… hell. And look at us. Carrying on. People aren’t just proud of me for graduating, they’re proud of me for graduating in spite of everything. And, you get to share that. Because you’re doing it too.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel considered that for a moment. “I guess.” He said with a shrug, reaching out to pull Sean back into the hug he had tried to refuse a moment before. “Thanks, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">Sean smiled, holding him close.</p><p class="p1">There were a lot of emotions that day, from everyone. Claire and Stephen seemed anxious about Daniel leaving with Sean for the summer, though Karen reassured them countless times how capable Sean was of looking after him. He remembered then that as far as Claire and Stephen could see, Sean had arrived on their doorstep back then, a skinny teenager, with a sick and underfed Daniel. Karen, however, stuck up for them. She had seen their bond, the person that Sean had helped Daniel become after everything. She was sad to see them leave for the summer, but she had been so excited for them to finally visit Esteban’s old home.</p><p class="p1">Lyla was thrilled to finally be getting a glimpse into Cass, Finn, and Sean’s time together in California and, mostly, to get away from her parents while she figured out what she wanted to do with her life. Finn was mostly just buzzed to spend a few more days with Sean on the way there, and Daniel was doing his best to play it cool, but did a poor job of hiding how excited he was to spend the summer in Puerto Lobos. Sean couldn’t blame him. The past few months of school and work had actually made him kind of miss Daniel, which had been unexpected. He loved his brother, but after spending a year raising him on the road, part of him had expected to enjoy having some distance. This hadn’t exactly gone to plan. As excited as he was to travel the world, he found a pull of sadness every time he remembered that he’d be doing so without Daniel.</p><p class="p1">This feeling wasn’t always present, of course. The morning of the trip, they woke up early, hoping to drive at least seven hours on the first day before reaching a motel in California.</p><p class="p1">“Shotgun!” Daniel called as they were piling their backpacks into the car.</p><p class="p1">“Dude, no way.” Sean laughed, watching Daniel’s face turn cloudy. “We’ve gotta fit three people back there, you’re the smallest. It’s only fair.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s what everyone always says though,” Daniel’s voice turned high and whiny. “Which makes it not fair because if it was fair, everyone would take turns.”</p><p class="p1">“Gotta admire the kid’s grasp of socialism if nothing else.” Finn laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Ha.” Cass said, arriving with hers and Lyla’s bags to stuff in the trunk. “If it helps, kid, Lyla’s got the same problem.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just scowled at that, Sean stifling his laugh. Clearly Cass dating Lyla had done nothing to improve Daniel’s perception of her.</p><p class="p1">“The backseat is where all the fun’s at anyway.” Lyla chimed in, ruffling his hair. “We’ll make fun of them from back there so bad that by four hours in they’ll be <em>begging </em>to switch with us.”</p><p class="p1">That perked him up enough to agree at least to getting into the car. They said their goodbyes to Claire, Stephen and Karen. The mood dampened a little at that, Claire and Stephen getting a little teary eyed as they hugged Daniel goodbye, but as they were about to leave, Karen turned to whisper something to Claire, who gasped.</p><p class="p1">“I almost forgot, Sean! Stay right there.” She hurried back inside, as Stephen seemed to remember something too, and Karen rolled her eyes. When Claire got back, she was holding an envelope.</p><p class="p1">“Your graduation present. From all three of us. You’ve already got a car, so that wasn’t an option.” She laughed, handing him the envelope. “We’re proud of you. We wanted you to have a little freedom to celebrate. You’ve worked so hard saving this year but… Well…”</p><p class="p1">Sean gaped, opening the envelope in which there were enough pesos to live off all summer in Puerto Lobos.</p><p class="p1">“Claire, I can’t…”</p><p class="p1">“Oh yes you can kid, you’ve earned it.” Karen cut in, reaching out to push Sean’s outstretched arm holding the envelope back towards him, while Stephen nodded.</p><p class="p1">“I… Thank you, all of you. Thanks so much.”</p><p class="p1">He gave them all one more hug as everyone else piled into the car. “We’ll call when we get there,” he said as he turned to leave. “And, like I said, we won’t have power for a while but I’ll call from a payphone or whenever I can charge my phone. And we’ll send postcards.”</p><p class="p1">They nodded, waving him off, and Sean found himself a little choked up as he got into the driver’s seat. He waved from the window as he pulled out, admonishing himself for feeling that pull of sadness again. From the passenger seat, Finn reached over and placed a hand on Sean’s leg.</p><p class="p1">“It’s allowed, you know.”</p><p class="p1">“What?” Sean said, distracted as he signalled to turn off the Reynolds’ street.</p><p class="p1">“To be bummed. It’s allowed. Even if you’re excited to leave.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Sean.” Lyla chimed in from the backseat. “Two things can be true.”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded, reaching up to brush a tear away before he turned on the playlist he’d made especially for the road trip, rolling the window down as he drove away from Beaver Creek.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">For the first stretch, they drove a little out of their way to hit the Pacific Coast Highway, on which Lyla had marked a whole list of seaside spots and roadside attractions to visit, most of which Sean had scoffed at, but something about the view when they reached the highway made Sean want to take his time. They made their first stop at something called the Devil’s Punchbowl, which Sean did his best to pretend not to be intrigued by, arguing that he just needed to stretch his legs after almost three hours of driving.</p><p class="p1">“God, it’s beautiful.” Lyla sighed when they saw it, leaning against the wooden railings up against the cliff edge.</p><p class="p1">Sean looked out, to the sunken cave that formed a pit in the ocean, slowly filling with water that churned and foamed as the tide turned.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah it’s…”</p><p class="p1">“Fucking woah.” Finn breathed.</p><p class="p1">“Exactly.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Sean,” Daniel whispered then, appearing at his side. “Look.”</p><p class="p1">“Daniel don’t you da-”</p><p class="p1">There was a crashing of waves and Sean snapped his head toward the sound, where a wave crashed up against the rocks to the side of the bowl. The smattering of other tourists and road trippers gasped and shouted as the wave rose unnaturally high only to crash down inside the bowl, the mist and spray forming a rainbow.</p><p class="p1">Sean took a step back.</p><p class="p1">“I swear to god Daniel don’t you ever do that again.” He hissed as the applause from a nearby family died down. “But… God…” he shook his head, still staring at the rainbow the mist had left, hanging over the rocks. “That was beautiful.”</p><p class="p1">They didn't hang around long after that. The logical part of Sean's brain knew that none of the tourists would dream that they'd just witnessed something supernatural, but he wasn't anxious to stick around, just in case. They drove for a few more hours, stopping at a roadside diner for lunch before powering through, but not before Finn finally caved and convinced Daniel to let him swap seats.</p><p class="p1">“We don’t stop now until we’re out of Oregon ok?” He announced, pulling out of the parking lot of the diner and heading back towards the highway. “We can take our time the second we cross state lines into California but I want OUT of this state.”</p><p class="p1">He was filled with more energy than he’d had in months, and it was contagious.</p><p class="p1">“Aow-aow-aooowww!” Daniel howled in agreement beside him, Finn and Lyla joining in from the back, Cass laughing but joining after a moment of confusion.</p><p class="p1">“For real though, I appreciate the go-getter attitude there Sean my man, but uh… We’re gonna need to stretch out legs before we get to cali,” Finn said after they had howled themselves out.</p><p class="p1">Sean checked the clock on his dashboard. They had left about 9am, and with the time they’d spent at the Devil’s Punchbowl, and lunch, it was almost 3pm now.</p><p class="p1">“We’ve only got about three hours, maybe four to go.”</p><p class="p1">“I was blessed with the long legs of a model, don’t make me suffer because you wish they were yours.”</p><p class="p1">“They <em>are </em>his” Lyla teased.</p><p class="p1">“Excuse me,” Sean sneered from the front, “his body is his own. I just get to enjoy it.”</p><p class="p1">“Gross.” Daniel wrinkled his nose.</p><p class="p1">“Maybe,” Cass chimed in, “if you picked up the speed a little, Sean, we’d be able to take all the breaks we want.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Sean,” Lyla added, “For someone who stole a car and out-drove the cops from north California to Haven Point, you think you’d be a little more <em>too fast too furious</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t like you two as a couple, you gang up on people.”</p><p class="p1">“Not people,” Lyla said sweetly, grinning as she took Cass’s hand. “Just you.”</p><p class="p1">“Okay, fine, how’s this. If I don’t get us to California in, uh, three hours? I’ll pull over, wherever we are, and we take a break.”</p><p class="p1">“Better suggestion.”</p><p class="p1">“Enano, you can’t even drive, who said you could give suggestions?”</p><p class="p1">“Me, I did. But… It’s more of a wager than a suggestion.”</p><p class="p1">There were jeers from the back seat. “Eyyyy, the littlest Diaz is offering a wager?”</p><p class="p1">“Ah,” Lyla sighed, clutching her chest. “I’m so proud of my boy.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Alright Daniel, I’ll hear you out, what’s the wager?”</p><p class="p1">“You get us to California in two and a half hours and if you don’t… We don’t stay in a motel tonight.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, what do you have against motels?”</p><p class="p1">“Nothing I just… if you don’t, we make camp instead. You know. At camp.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, I…”</p><p class="p1">“No fucking way,” Finn gasped. “Seriously?”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, seriously what?” Sean was trying to look between Daniel’s smirking face and Finn’s shocked expression while desperately trying not to take his eyes off the road for too long. Then Cassidy gasped too.</p><p class="p1">“Y’all really think that’s a good idea?”</p><p class="p1">“What is? Guys!”</p><p class="p1">Finn leaned over and placed a hand on Sean’s shoulder from the back seat. “He’s suggesting we make camp. In Humboldt.”</p><p class="p1">“W- Dude, why?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel shrugged. “We had a good time there. You know, until-”</p><p class="p1">“Until we broke into a drug dealer’s house and you and Finn nearly died and I lost an eye?”</p><p class="p1">Lyla gasped then, clearly realising in that moment what they were all talking about. Daniel, though, just nodded.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, until that.”</p><p class="p1">“Also, weren’t you miserable there? Like, you basically hated me.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah but I liked Finn.”</p><p class="p1">Finn barked a laugh from the backseat. “Dude, you were supposed to disagree there”</p><p class="p1">“Plus, it’s where you and Finn first <em>kissed,</em> don’t you wanna go?”</p><p class="p1">Sean thought for a moment as he drove.</p><p class="p1">“Not my place,” Lyla said quietly, “but… I’d like to see it.”</p><p class="p1">Sean sighed. “I mean. I did feel kind of at home there. But, I don’t know. It seems like a bad idea.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh,” Cass said quietly, “<em>Now </em>you’re concerned with things being a bad idea.” Lyla snorted, but gave her a playful swat.</p><p class="p1">“If it helps,” Finn added, “Merrill and Big Joe left ages ago, since kush was legalised they upped and moved somewhere else. Don’t know where, but they won’t be a problem.”</p><p class="p1">“And we can stay waaayyy away from, you know… The scene of the crime.” Daniel shuddered.</p><p class="p1">“That much we can agree on.” Sean murmured. He hesitated for a moment, taking in the view of the coast as he drove. “Fuck it.” He said eventually.</p><p class="p1">“Fucking A!” Finn called as the others cheered.</p><p class="p1">“Conditions!” Sean added, looking at the others in the rearview mirror. “We get the hell out of Oregon first. No breaks. We take a break once we reach cali, grab some food, stretch our legs, but don’t stay long. If we’re driving as far as Humboldt tonight it’s going to be getting dark by the time we make camp.”</p><p class="p1">They all nodded, Daniel beaming.</p><p class="p1">“You know,” Sean said quietly to Daniel then “I really don’t get you sometimes.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s okay,” he grinned. “Me either.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Into the Wild</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">They took a long and meandering route to camp, Finn swapping back out with Daniel once they took their rest stop in California so that he could give directions. Sean suspected that he had gone out of his way to give strange and complicated directions to avoid driving up the dirt road that would take them past what used to be Merrill and Big Joe’s houses, and he appreciated that. It did mean, however, that they had to drive for a while through an area that was absolutely not meant to be driven through, before eventually giving up and walking the rest of the way.</p><p class="p1">Finn, Cass, and Lyla were all ready to camp, knowing that after they arrived in San Diego, they would be spending the rest of the summer on the road. Sean had packed a tent and sleeping bags for him and Daniel, not really expecting to use it, but just in case the roof of the Puerto Lobos house wasn’t quite up to scratch. He was grateful for it as he grabbed his and Daniel’s backpacks from the trunk, attaching them onto the bags before they made their way towards camp.</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Finn said quietly as they walked, Sean craning his head to take in the redwoods. Finn took his hand. “You good?”</p><p class="p1">Sean took a moment to consider. “I think so. Yeah. Also not good. But good too.”</p><p class="p1">Finn nodded, just giving his hand a squeeze.</p><p class="p1">Lyla, meanwhile, was buzzing with excitement the closer they got. “I can’t believe I get to see where it all went down.”</p><p class="p1">“It’ll look a little different now,” Cass said. “We took most of the stuff when we left, and what we couldn’t pack up in a hurry must be in god knows what state since it’s been empty a while.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s... for the best.” Sean called, stepping over a fallen branch as he looked back at them, “Same good vibes, less traumatic flashback material.”</p><p class="p1">They conversation was cut short by Daniel, who waved over at them from way ahead. “Wait, hold on a second guys,” he called out.</p><p class="p1">They stopped, Daniel holding up his hands. All the overgrown weeds and fallen branches that Daniel had already clambered over and slipped around were ripped out of the way, clearing a path for them as Daniel beamed.</p><p class="p1">“Sick” Finn whispered.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah let’s not try to landscape too much though” Sean rolled his eyes. “It’s only the natural wonders of California we’re bulldozing through here.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh stop whining, Sean” Lyla laughed. “We’re adults now, we do as we please.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t think that’s what being an adult is, Lyla.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh easy for you to say, you got all your crime out of the way as a kid.”</p><p class="p1">Sean scoffed, opening his mouth to speak, but ahead of him, Daniel stopped in his tracks. Sean picked up his pace, jogging up to see whatever Daniel was seeing.</p><p class="p1">“Hey enano, what’s…” He stopped beside Daniel, following his gaze. “oh.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah.”</p><p class="p1">They both stood still, looking out at the clearing that they had, for a while, known so well.</p><p class="p1">Finn, Cass, and Lyla caught up after a moment.</p><p class="p1">“Woah,” Finn breathed behind them. “Wild, seeing it now.”</p><p class="p1">“You guys knew it better than us.” Sean said, unable to take his eyes off it. “And it’s weird enough for me, must be even weirder for you.”</p><p class="p1">Finn shrugged. “No difference. Doesn’t matter how long we spent here. It was home for all of us, for a while.”</p><p class="p1">Cass, who had been quiet for a while, spoke up. “And now it’s…”</p><p class="p1">Cass never finished her sentence, and the silence hung for a moment as they all took it in. It was different, for sure. Overgrown a little. Parts of the kitchen were still left behind, table and chairs, blown over by some storm or other, gathering moss and dirt. Some of the structures still partially stood, the shower and the some of the kitchen, caved in a little, the wood rotting. It looked empty, without everyone’s tents.</p><p class="p1">“Reminds me,” Cass said, taking a few steps forward, “Of Christmas.”</p><p class="p1">Finn laughed, and judging by the frown on Lyla and Daniel’s faces, Sean assumed that they were as confused as he was.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck yeah.” Finn was smiling, looking around as he followed Cass into the clearing. “Arm wrestling for the best spots.”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t get it,” Daniel said after a moment, voicing Sean and Lyla’s unspoken questions.</p><p class="p1">Cass and Finn both turned around to look at them, grinning.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry, man.” Cass said, “Just being nostalgic. We’d always get here around Christmas, when other groups and drifters moved on. Who knows where, maybe they had families to spend the holidays with. But every year, we’d show up here for Christmas. Was always so quiet when we got here.”</p><p class="p1">Finn wrapped an arm around Cass. “We used to joke that we were <em>wintering </em>here.”</p><p class="p1">“Bougie,” Lyla grinned.</p><p class="p1">“Exactly,” Finn laughed, pointing at Lyla before turning back around to take in the clearing again. He stretched out his arms, taking in the fading sunlight that trickled through the canopy. “Weird, being here in the summer.”</p><p class="p1">“At least the lake won’t be so unbearably cold.” Sean said.</p><p class="p1">Finn put both his arms in the air and spun round to face Sean. “My boyfriend’s a genius.”</p><p class="p1">“What? No, no way.”</p><p class="p1">“Yes” Cass grinned. “Abso-fucking-lutely, yes.”</p><p class="p1">“Shouldn’t we at least pitch our tents first?”</p><p class="p1">“Time to be boring later, Sean.” Finn was already pulling him by his hand towards the path that led to the lake. The sign was still standing.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, we’re going swimming?” Lyla asked, following. “I didn’t bring a suit!”</p><p class="p1">Cass raised an eyebrow, opening her mouth to speak, but Sean cut her off.</p><p class="p1">“We’re not skinny dipping with my twelve year old brother.” Sean said unequivocally, and even Finn and Cass, who had been eagerly pulling them towards the lake, hesitated at this.</p><p class="p1">“Good point,” Finn murmured, considering for a moment. “Fuck it, underwear. We’ve got spares in our backpacks, we’ll just hang them up to dry after.” Then Finn ran ahead, Cass joining him, calling out to the rest of them over her shoulder to hurry.</p><p class="p1">“Guess we’re swimming.” Sean sighed, throwing his hands up into the air.</p><p class="p1">“Awesome.” Daniel grinned.</p><p class="p1">Lyla laughed. “I’ll race you to the lake, kid. But you’ve gotta win because I don’t know the way.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel and Lyla sped off then. Sean, resigned, jogged after them.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“Guess I was wrong about the lake being warm this time of year,” Sean said, gasping and shivering as the others laughed and cajoled him further into the lake.</p><p class="p1">“It’s plenty warm over here,” Finn called out.</p><p class="p1">“Something something, joke about being hot.” Sean hissed through chattering teeth as he waded in past his waist.</p><p class="p1">“Boy’s so cold he can’t even come up with an actual joke.” Lyla laughed. “Stop being such a pussy and join us, Diaz!”</p><p class="p1">“It’s for the best,” Daniel was sure to speak loudly enough for Sean to hear him. “All his jokes are terrible anyway.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll get you for that.”</p><p class="p1">“You gotta get in the water first.” Daniel stuck out his tongue, and raised his hand, smirking.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel. No. Don’t you- Do not. I will kill you if you-”</p><p class="p1">With the smallest twitch of his fingers, Daniel sent a splash of water heading in Sean’s direction, drenching his exposed head and chest.</p><p class="p1">Sean tried to splash him back, but he was still too far out to be reached by someone with only arms in lieu of telepathy.</p><p class="p1">Already shivering, Sean took a deep breath and flung himself forward, diving straight for Daniel to tackle him under the water, holding him down for a second or two before allowing him up long enough to scream, laugh, or swear, Sean couldn’t quite tell one from the other.</p><p class="p1">Lyla rescued Daniel after a moment, and threw him over her shoulder, making a show of protecting him from Sean, while Finn and Cass played bodyguard for Sean to prevent any telekinetic revenge from Daniel.</p><p class="p1">The sun had set in earnest by then, and the night darkened fast around them, the moonlight shimmering on the surface of the lake, fragmented by the waves and ripples they made as they laughed and swam and fought.</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed louder than he had thought possible - he had almost forgotten the lightness of this feeling. True freedom. Out here, in the woods, surrounded by friends, nobody else around. There was something to be said for the anonymity of the big city, he had found himself missing it at Beaver Creek, where everyone knew everyone and new faces or misbehaviour were noticed. It was part of the reason he felt so stifled there. But this, this was a league of its own. Only the redwoods and the wildlife around to judge, no expectations or time limits. Nothing to do but enjoy their night, for as long as they wanted until they decided to make camp. In a break from the play-fighting, he felt this joy in its fullest form, felt it swell in his chest, and smiled, flipping over to float on his back, the stars smiling back down at him.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">By the time they called it a night, heading back to camp feeling shivery despite the warm California summer night, it was late. They were happy, and exhausted, but mostly hungry. They had snacks and beers that they’d picked up on their last rest stop, but first they changed into spare clothes from their backpacks, shivering as they did, and built a fire before they pitched their tents.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Daniel.” Sean called out. “I’ll pitch a tent for us if you hang up the underwear to dry over the fire.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel wrinkled his nose.</p><p class="p1">“Come on man, you got it easy. You’re the only one who can do it without touching it.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel groaned, but sighed, after a moment. “Throw it.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, balling up his boxers and launching them in Daniel’s general direction, who suspended them in the air before focusing on catching everyone else’s, a look of disgust on his face. Sean tried his best not to laugh when he saw Daniel wince at Lyla’s bra.</p><p class="p1">By the time he was done with the tent, he turned back around to find everyone else gathered around Daniel, who was in turn hunched over something.</p><p class="p1">“What the-”</p><p class="p1">Lyla shushed him. “He’s concentrating.”</p><p class="p1">Sean approached, peering over to see what Daniel was doing. He was holding his own underwear, raised slightly in the air, concentrating very hard.</p><p class="p1">“What are you-”</p><p class="p1">Lyla shushed him again, and Finn snickered.</p><p class="p1">After a moment, Daniel let out a huff of air, and relaxed his furrowed brow. “I need more practice. But, I’m getting better.”</p><p class="p1">“Can I speak yet?” Sean asked, raising a hand.</p><p class="p1">“Can,” Cass smirked, “but should?”</p><p class="p1">Sean threw her a middle finger, and she laughed.</p><p class="p1">“So, what the hell was just happening?”</p><p class="p1">“Something I’ve been working on.” Daniel grinned. “I realised a couple months back that if I spilled water on a table, I could use my powers to pick the water up. So. Why couldn’t I do that from clothes?” He raised his hand, and Sean saw the smallest droplet of water glisten in the light from the fire before Daniel dropped it onto the ground.</p><p class="p1">“So I’ve been practicing sometimes, with laundry or my towel after I shower.” He looked so proud of himself. “It’s still really hard. Harder than anything I’ve tried. I guess it’s harder to move something when it’s all, like, absorbed in. But it’s still pretty cool.”</p><p class="p1">“Pretty cool, Daniel that’s awesome. Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel shrugged. “You were busy. Plus, I kinda wanted to make sure I could actually do it first.” He let out of breath. “It’s pretty exhausting though. I don’t think I can do the rest.”</p><p class="p1">They all agreed, and looked for some branches that they could use to prop the rest of the underwear up over the fire. They sat around the fire a little longer, getting sleepier, but too content to do anything about that. They ate chips, and drank beers, and Sean had picked up a multi-pack of chock-o-crisps for Daniel and a few cans of soda so that he could at least feel like he was joining in the fun.</p><p class="p1">It was a peaceful few hours, just talking about nonsense. Finn was sprawled out, leaning against Sean who was sat up sketching the scene - he had his paints and his big sketchbook in the trunk, but was drawing rough sketches now so that he could paint them in Puerto Lobos. Across from them, Lyla sat with her arm around Daniel, who seemed pretty smug about the situation, and Cass sat cross-legged just a little to Lyla’s side, playing a soft melody on her guitar.</p><p class="p1">There was a natural ebb in the conversation, just the sound of the cicadas, and Cass’s guitar. Sean put down his pencil, taking in the scene, and as full of love and peace as he felt, there was something gnawing at him that he hadn’t been able to pinpoint until that moment.</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry, guys.” Sean said after a long silence.</p><p class="p1">“The fuck for, my man?” Finn said, lifting his head slightly from Sean’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“Fucking it all up. This place. I loved being here, but I forget sometimes. You came here every winter, for years. That stopped because of me.”</p><p class="p1">Finn sat up to look at him. “Well technically the heist was my bad.”</p><p class="p1">Cass put her beer down beside her, slowly, looking at that instead of at Sean. “I’m still not gonna pretend that what you did was cool. But, Big Joe and Merrill have been gone for a year. It would have ended anyway.”</p><p class="p1">The others nodded, and logically Sean knew this to be true, but guilt still lingered at the edges of his gut.</p><p class="p1">“Maybe…” Daniel piped up. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come here. I wanted to enjoy some good memories. But maybe it was a bad idea, I’m sorry.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, Daniel, no worries.” Sean shook his head. “It is good memories, that’s what’s bothering me. We could have had so many more here. Nights like this every night.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh fuck that.” It was Lyla who spoke this time, with a sternness in her voice that shocked everyone. “No, less of that, thank you. You can’t be wasting your life on all this <em>well this was nice, shame we didn’t have more </em>shit. You can’t just take the good without pining over not having more of it? This is the first night I ever spent here, probably my last. You don’t see me whining about all the missed memories, I’m just gonna enjoy the damn night.”</p><p class="p1">Sean opened his mouth, but couldn’t figure out how to respond to that.</p><p class="p1">“She’s got a point,” Cass added, smiling at Lyla. “Kinda sounds like you’re just looking for reasons to be miserable at this point, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">Finn cleared his throat, raising his can. “A toast.” He announced. “To taking the good. And not whining.”</p><p class="p1">That elicited a small laugh from Sean, at least, who raised his can along with everyone else. The tension fizzled out then, everyone falling back into light chitchat, growing sleepier as they did, and Sean tried to take Lyla’s words to heart. She was right, of course. And he had so much time ahead of him to make new memories like this.</p><p class="p1">Daniel passed out first, and Sean carried him back to the tent, calling goodnight to everyone as he went, hearing talk from the others about sleeping soon too as he closed the tent behind him.</p><p class="p1">“Mmmm,” Daniel grunted as Sean lay him down. “You don’t have to share a tent with me yknow,” he slurred.</p><p class="p1">“This is a wolf-brothers road trip, enano, I’m staying.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah,” his eyes were still half closed as he shook his head. “Wolf-brothers summer. But you won’t see Finn for ages after. ‘swhere you had your first kiss, go be with him.”</p><p class="p1">“Have I told you recently how proud I am of you, Daniel?”</p><p class="p1">“Couple times.” He smiled, eyes closed fully now. Sean lent over, kissing him lightly on the forehead, and before Sean was out of the tent, Daniel was already snoring.</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Sean hissed at Finn, catching him just as he was heading to his own tent. “Wanna bunk?”</p><p class="p1">“Hell yeah I do. Lil bro?”</p><p class="p1">“Is considering a career path as a matchmaker apparently. Also out cold. How tired are you?”</p><p class="p1">“Pretty tired, why, you have something else in mind?” Finn raised an eyebrow, smirking as he pulled Sean towards him, who laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Actually, yes.” He took Finn by the hand then, pulling him not towards Finn’s tent, but in the opposite direction.</p><p class="p1">Finn realised where they were heading just before they reached it. It was still there, the large fallen log where they had kissed for the first time. Sean sat, pulling Finn along with him.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck me, we really are going for a trip down memory lane.”</p><p class="p1">“Not that I need to be here to remember it.”</p><p class="p1">“Yup, that night is pretty much carved into my memory. For a lot of reasons, but this one’s the best.”</p><p class="p1">Sean smiled, still holding Finn’s hand.</p><p class="p1">“Wild to think how nervous I was back then. I mean, I hadn’t even been sure I liked boys. Then you came along and, well I was totally oblivious.” he laughed, placing Finn’s hand on his own chest. “Even just being here is giving me nervous flashbacks. This is nothing compared to how fast my heart was beating when you got close to me then.”</p><p class="p1">Finn gave a little chuckle, keeping his hand on Sean’s chest, wrapping the other around Sean’s waist, pulling him closer.</p><p class="p1">“Can I tell you a secret? I was shit scared too.” He shook his head. “And let me tell you I do not get scared about making moves. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but before you, I was something of a maverick.”</p><p class="p1">“It may have come up once or twice,” Sean smirked, leaning in so close to Finn that he could feel his breath on his parted lips.</p><p class="p1">“Wanna know another secret?” Finn whispered after a moment. “When I asked what you were afraid of… it was more aimed at me than anything. Think I’ve figured it out since. I was terrified of falling in love with you.”</p><p class="p1">“And how are you feeling about it now?”</p><p class="p1">In answer, Finn’s hand on Sean’s chest moved, balling up into a fist, grabbing the material of Sean’s shirt to pull him towards him, closing the distance and kissing him hard.</p><p class="p1">When they moved apart, just a fraction, breathless, Finn smiled. “I think I’m good.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, just in case, I’ll make the next move.” Sean whispered, smiling, moving his thumb in circles where his hand still lingered on Finn’s neck. “Why don’t we go back to your tent and finish what we started here all that time ago?”</p><p class="p1">Finn nodded, enthusiastically. And Sean gave a little laugh, standing again, to lead him back to Finn’s tent in the still night.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Coasts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Sean woke the next day, late despite the early sunrise. He groaned and stretched, the sunlight unexpectedly familiar in the unique way it filtered through the material of the tent.</p><p class="p1">He rolled over, feeling the forest ground beneath the tent, and something like panic bubbled up in his chest. He sat up fast, reaching for his shoes, only to find Finn beside him, stirring with the movement.</p><p class="p1">“Y’good?” Finn murmured, still half asleep.</p><p class="p1">Sean took a moment to take in his surroundings, to wake up, to remember, and as he did, he placed his head in his hands and laughed to himself.</p><p class="p1">This seemed to concern Finn out of his sleepiness, and he shuffled upright, watching Sean a little warily.</p><p class="p1">“For a second there” Sean said, removing his head from his hands, still chuckling, “I swear I thought I was late for work. I woke up, and my first thought was just, <em>shit, I’ve overslept again, Big Joe is gonna kill me.</em>”</p><p class="p1">“What do you mean? We did oversleep. Can’t you hear big Joe’s truck out there, honking? We’re so late dude, he’s gonna kill us!”</p><p class="p1">Sean pushed Finn who, still half asleep, fell back into lying down, laughing.</p><p class="p1">“Well, we did oversleep.” Finn shrugged, still chuckling. “And, Big Joe probably would kill us if he saw us. So…”</p><p class="p1">Finn tried to get back up, but Sean pushed him back down again, climbing over him and leaning down to kiss him.</p><p class="p1">“Well,” Finn murmured after a moment, “How bad do we even need that job anyway? We can be late.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, moving back in to kiss him, but they were interrupted by a loud cough that sounded incredibly, <em>unsettlingly, </em>close by.</p><p class="p1">“Uh…” Sean pulled back, the two of them frozen.</p><p class="p1">“Sure hope there’s nothing filthy going on in there,” Lyla’s voice rang out from right outside the tent. Sean put a hand up to Finn’s mouth to stifle his laughter, struggling to contain his own.</p><p class="p1">“Because, I mean, you left a twelve year old unsupervised all night and, well, he’s right here. On the other side of this <em>very </em>thin material, along with the rest of us.”</p><p class="p1">Sean let out a snort then, prompting a cry of “aha!” From Lyla, who burst into the tent. The shock caused Sean’s arms to buckle, so that by the time Lyla was through the tent flap, Sean was no longer propped up over Finn, but collapsed on top of him. She put a hand over her eyes, shouting.</p><p class="p1">“Nope, nope, nuh-uh, not for me thank you, goodbye.” She scurried out of the tent.</p><p class="p1">“Lyla,” Sean laughed, “calm down we weren’t-”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah Lyla, chill out just give us a sec I’m almost finished,”</p><p class="p1">Sean threw Finn’s t-shirt at him, trying to keep the smirk off his face as he scrambled into his own clothes and out of the tent. Cass was packing up hers and Lyla’s tent, and Lyla was over with Daniel, dramatically shielding his eyes and crying “Don’t look Daniel, avert your innocent, innocent little eyes!”</p><p class="p1">“Dude,” he laughed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “Don’t be a dweeb.”</p><p class="p1">She dropped her hands from Daniel’s face, placing them hands instead on her hips, raising an eyebrow.</p><p class="p1">“Me? Your t-shirt is on backwards.”</p><p class="p1">He looked down, just as Finn was also leaving the tent, and Lyla broke out laughing.</p><p class="p1">“Made you look,” she stuck her tongue out, while Sean rolled his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Who’s the real twelve year old here?”</p><p class="p1">Lyla stuck her tongue out harder, while Daniel just shrugged, clearly deciding it was better not to even ask what had just happened, before turning back to his backpack which he was tying to close.</p><p class="p1">“So what’s the plan here,” Finn asked, throwing an arm around Sean. “Where next?”</p><p class="p1">“Coffee.” He said, rubbing his eyes. “And then, San Francisco, I guess. But Coffee first.”</p><p class="p1">“Loving the priorities here,” Finn smirked, turning round to start packing up his own tent. “I feel you, I did <em>not </em>get enough sleep last night.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah? And whose fault is that?”</p><p class="p1">“From what we could hear,” Cass called over, “It was very much a team effort.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They packed up and headed back to the car pretty quickly, though it felt like a long wait for coffee between Sean's exhaustion and embarrassment about being overheard the night before.</p><p class="p1">By the time they found a place where they could get breakfast and caffeine, things looked a little brighter, and it wasn’t long before they were back to driving along the coast, heading south.</p><p class="p1">Their plan was to reach San Francisco before dark, but the drive wasn’t a long one, only about six hours at most, so they took their time, stopping at the occasional beach town for ice cream and bubble tea and to enjoy the sun as they looked out over various piers.</p><p class="p1">As they drove, or walked aimlessly around during rest stops, Sean kept surprising himself by just how happy he felt. It had been a long time since he had even considered that a happiness of this kind was even possible. It wasn’t the euphoric kind of happy that he had felt, at moments, from time to time in his life, but instead a kind of soul-deep contentment. He wondered if this is how he had felt before everything, when he wasn’t stressing about school or a girl or Daniel or something embarrassing he’d said to a stranger. But then, he realised, he couldn’t think of a time when he hadn’t been stressing about at least one of those things. This was something new, for sure. Something that caught him off guard, when a cool breeze hit just right as he drove with his elbow out the open window of the car, or when the whole group fell into a comfortable silence on the beach, nothing but the sound of the surf and the seagulls. He let it sit, he let the feeling wash over him. He didn’t try to grasp on to it, knowing from experience that this only pushed the good feeling away, replacing it with a kind of stress about holding on to the moment. Instead, he let it surprise him, and enjoyed it.</p><p class="p1">“So, heads up my dudes but y’all know San Francisco is fucking cold, right?”</p><p class="p1">Cass’s voice snapped Sean out of a daydream as they approached the outskirts of the city in the early evening.</p><p class="p1">“You’re joking, right?” Daniel asked from, somehow, the passenger seat again. God knows how he kept guilting people into switching with him. “It’s been hot and sunny everywhere we’ve been all day.” He looked up at Sean then, before looking back at Cass, as if to see if Sean was in on the joke.</p><p class="p1">“How would I know man, we’ve never been.”</p><p class="p1">“She’s right,” Finn cut in. “Dunno why. But it’s cold as fuck.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla raised an eyebrow. “They’re messing with you Daniel, don’t worry.”</p><p class="p1">“On god” Cass laughed, “It’s a thing, google it!”</p><p class="p1">Daniel went to reach for Sean’s phone from the glove box but Lyla stopped him. “Dude, no, don’t give them the satisfaction, they’re fucking with you.”</p><p class="p1">Sean genuinely couldn’t tell whether Lyla actually believed they were messing with Daniel, or whether she was messing with Daniel herself. He’d never been to San Francisco, but he had heard it was cooler than most of the state. Something about hills and valleys, he didn’t exactly know the science, but he decided to let this play out rather than get involved. It was more entertaining that way.</p><p class="p1">It stayed entertaining for a while, that is until they got closer to the city only to find themselves stuck in traffic. They had expected to arrive in the city around six, but it was past seven as they sat gridlocked, inching closer far too slowly, none of them having eaten dinner yet.</p><p class="p1">When they finally got there, they ate and checked into the cheapest hotel they could find, cutting costs by finding one room with two beds and a pull-out couch for Daniel. By the time they got to the room, they could have been in the nicest 5-star hotel in the city for all they cared, all they wanted was to lie down.</p><p class="p1">“No fucking way,” Finn said, holding out his arms as he watched Sean, Daniel and Lyla collapse onto the beds as soon as they got to the room. “We’re in San Francisco, you guys have never been here, we’re going out on the town!”</p><p class="p1">“We’ve got a long day of driving tomorrow, Finn” Sean groaned. They had planned to be in LA by tomorrow night, spend the full day there before moving on.</p><p class="p1">“Exactly!” Finn said, crouching a little for emphasis, his arms still outstretched. “So, we’re not gonna be able to explore tomorrow, come on, let’s enjoy the city!”</p><p class="p1">“We drove over the Golden Gate Bridge to get here” Lyla added, faintly. “That counts.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, that was awesome I think we’re done.” Daniel’s voice was muffled from the pillow he was lying head first in.</p><p class="p1">“You know,” Cass pointed out, standing beside Finn smirking at the three of them. “if you can’t hack a few hours of driving, no way in hell you’re backpacking through Europe.”</p><p class="p1">Sean sat up at that, pointing at Cass. “Hey, that’s different.”</p><p class="p1">“You’re right,” Finn smirked, nudging Cass. “It is different, it’s harder. Feel free to pussy out now, if it’s too <em>exhausting </em>for you, we could always just go take a cruise or something instead.” His voice was mocking.</p><p class="p1">Sean jumped up out of bed. “Come on Daniel, Lyla. We’re going to the beach.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m tiiireedddd,” Lyla groaned, at the same time that Daniel whined “it’s cooooolllddddd.”</p><p class="p1">“Beach wasn’t quite what I had in mind but I’ll take it,” Finn laughed. “I mean, we could do that anywhere but sure.”</p><p class="p1">The beach turned out to be pretty much their only option anyway. It was late, and the only places they could think to go would be bars, which they couldn’t exactly take Daniel to. They decided to walk to the beach, forgetting until it was too late that the hills made this something of a bad move. Finn, at least, was thrilled that they were getting to see some of the city on the way. Daniel complained about the cold the whole way there, of course, but they started a small bonfire on the beach and huddled around it, Daniel for once allowing himself to be cuddled by Sean and Finn, while Cass and Lyla cosied up nearby.</p><p class="p1">Sean found himself, despite the sleepiness, hit once more with that feeling of contentment. He smiled, tightening his arm around Daniel as he watched the waves lap against the beach in the darkness.</p><p class="p1">“You ever think we’d get here?” He asked Daniel quietly.</p><p class="p1">“The beach?”</p><p class="p1">“No dude, don’t be-”</p><p class="p1">“Joking, Sean” Daniel laughed, wrapping his arm around Sean in return. “I know what you mean.” He paused for a while, thinking. “I don’t know. I was scared, every day you were in juvie. It didn’t make any sense but I was so scared you’d never get out. Like something would happen that would keep you there.”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded. “I get it. I was too. I didn’t let myself believe it until I was out. Like literally out, like stepping outside and you were there. That was the first second I let myself truly believe I wasn’t going to be locked up the rest of my life.”</p><p class="p1">“I know I’ve said it before, but I’m <em>really </em>glad you did. Get out I mean.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a little laugh. “Me too. But, I wasn’t really talking about juvie. I more meant, as in, happy. I don’t think I ever really thought I’d ever be this happy again.”</p><p class="p1">He felt rather than saw Daniel nod. “I still feel guilty about it sometimes.”</p><p class="p1">“I do too. But not the last couple days. I think Dad would love this.” He smiled. “Yeah, he’d definitely get a kick out of this, watching us finally make this journey legally.”</p><p class="p1">“He’d be happy you’re happy.” Daniel said.</p><p class="p1">“You too, right?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel took a moment to consider. He seemed to genuinely assess the situation before he finally gave an answer. “Yeah, definitely. I’m happy too.”</p><p class="p1">Sean looked down at him then, to see if he meant it. He looked happy. Sleepy, sure. Cold. But he had a look in his eye that Sean realised they’d both had since they left Beaver Creek. A kind of glint in his eye that only someone who had tasted freedom once before, and who now finally had it in full, could have.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They drove for most of the next day, learning from San Francisco to eat before they got into the city, choosing to take a long break for dinner at Santa Barbara, satisfying the urge to explore a little there as they walked around looking for a place to eat, so that by the time they hit the traffic going into LA, they were full and happy, and content to sit in the idling traffic and play voiceovers for the people in the cars around them. They had done some research in advance, deciding to splash out on a hotel that wasn’t exactly fancy, but it wasn’t, for once, the cheapest one they could find. They planned to spend a couple of nights there, make a mini-break of the city while they still had Finn, Cass, and Lyla before their next stop at San Diego.</p><p class="p1">They slept wonderfully that first night, and woke early enough with more energy than they’d had in days, ready to explore the city and the beaches. They walked pretty much everywhere, getting to know the city on foot, dragging Lyla away from all the Hollywood walking tours (and then caving anyway because who could dissuade Lyla from something once she set her mind to it?). By the next day, they were struggling for ideas of what to do, knowing that they wanted to spend at least one more full day in LA before heading down to San Diego.</p><p class="p1">“The Hollywood Sign?” Cass had asked while they made plans over breakfast. “Isn’t it a bit basic?”</p><p class="p1">“Maybe yeah,” Lyla said, “but the hike is supposed to be beautiful, and we can go past the Wisdom Tree on the way there, which the internet speaks very highly of.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, what about sunset?” Sean added, and they all looked at him in confusion. “As in, imagine the view from up there at sunset. Shouldn’t we wait and do it later?”</p><p class="p1">“Wow Sean” Finn shook his head, laughing, “I love you man but you really said <em>how do we make that even more basic, </em>huh?”</p><p class="p1">“I like it.” Daniel said, while Sean nodded.</p><p class="p1">“See? Thank you Daniel.”</p><p class="p1">“We could do a picnic?” Daniel continued. “Head up a little early, have dinner up there.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla gasped. “A genius!” She cried, reaching over to ruffle Daniel’s hair, while he swatted her away half-heartedly. “I knew there was a reason you were my favourite Diaz brother."</p><p class="p1">“Ouch.”</p><p class="p1">“You know that does sound pretty good actually,” Finn conceded.</p><p class="p1">“The perfect romantic last night together for you guys.” Lyla added for good measure.</p><p class="p1">“Pretty sure we’ll still be together tomorrow night in-”</p><p class="p1">“Shhhh” Lyla put a finger to Sean’s lips to stop him talking. “I know but my way sounded cooler.”</p><p class="p1">They decided to spend the morning at the beach, conserving their energy, then after lunch they did a little shopping for supplies, changed into more hiking appropriate gear (or at least Sean Daniel and Lyla did, Cass and Finn were pretty much always hike-ready) and found their way to the trail.</p><p class="p1">The trail was only short, though the incline could be steep at times. It felt good to Sean, feeling the difference in his body’s reaction now, compared to his hike with Daniel before thanksgiving last year. He had gotten stronger since then, fitter, faster. It felt good to exert himself like this and not feel like his body couldn’t take it any more — although the heat certainly didn’t make it easy. The view, on the other hand, as they climbed, was worth it.</p><p class="p1">When they got to the Wisdom Tree, Daniel was first to dive for the box of journals at the base. He plucked one at random, flicking through the pages, sitting off to a spot nearby to read, and Sean planted himself down beside him, reading over his shoulder. There was a huge range of messages across the pages, as unique and eclectic as the handwriting they were scrawled in.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>'I almost gave up, this day seven years ago. Don’t you dare. Life has been a gift ever since.’</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>‘True happiness is finding peace, this place helps.’</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>‘Happy anniversary Paula. In a year's time, when we come back up here, I’ll show you this - will you marry me?’</em>
</p><p class="p1">They went on, some of them taking up whole paragraphs or pages, telling stories of their lives and loves, and pain. Sean was surprised to find himself tearing up as he read.</p><p class="p1">“You wanna add to it?” Daniel turned to Sean after they had read through for a while.</p><p class="p1">“Hell yeah.” Sean said, as Daniel passed him the book and one of the pencils. Sean considered for a moment, not sure what to write. He realised he didn’t have the words. Instead, he drew. A rough doodle of the five of them, smiling on the beach. He signed it then, and handed it back to Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“You don’t want to write anything?”</p><p class="p1">“We don’t have the time for all the stuff I could write” he laughed.</p><p class="p1">Daniel just shrugged. “Well I do, but you can’t see.”</p><p class="p1">Sean thought he was joking for a second, but when Daniel’s face stayed serious, he got up and went to see what the others were up to.</p><p class="p1">“Sean!” Lyla called as he approached, “Please help me convince your awful boyfriend not to draw a dick in the very sweet journal.”</p><p class="p1">“Finn, no.”</p><p class="p1">Finn put his arms up as if in surrender. “Just trying to be my authentic self.”</p><p class="p1">“Your authentic self sucks” Cass countered.</p><p class="p1">Daniel came back then, having already placed his journal back in the box, and they moved on soon after, Sean trying desperately not to ask what he’d written.</p><p class="p1">They had to hover for a while to find a spot up behind the Hollywood sign, lots of people having apparently had the same idea, but when they did, it was perfect. Eating the food they’d bought, as the glow of golden hour dimmed slowly while the sun set on the horizon, the city sprawling out below them.</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t think about how tomorrow he’d be dropping Finn, Cass, and Lyla off in San Diego, or how the next day, he’d be driving away from them, with no plans to see any of them until his birthday in August. He didn’t think about anything at all, except how happy he was to be there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. You Guide Me Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">They left LA the next day, taking as many stops as possible to extend the relatively short drive to San Diego.</p><p class="p1">They got a hotel together for one last night, with plans to go their separate ways the next day — it would be a long drive to Puerto Lobos for Sean and Daniel, and Penny and Hannah would be waiting for the others a little further out east the next day. Sean had offered to drive them to exactly where they needed to be, but Cass had decided that Lyla couldn’t start her time with them by ‘cheating’ in a cosy car trip.</p><p class="p1">Daniel seemed to love San Diego. Sean wasn’t sure what it was about it that made him so much happier than any of the other cities they’d visited along the way, maybe it was just the excitement of being so close to finally reaching Mexico, maybe he genuinely loved the city, but he was the first to drag them along to see the sights when they got there. Sean didn’t care much what they did, he just wanted to make the most of his last day with Finn, Cass, and Lyla. Daniel kept them busy enough that he was able to not dwell on it, he was able to, instead, just enjoy their time together in a new city.</p><p class="p1">The night came too quickly, and though they knew they had an early morning the next day, they stayed up a little too late, unwilling to go to sleep and let the day end. Sean and Finn ended up falling asleep in each others’ arms, mid-conversation.</p><p class="p1">The next morning was difficult, there was no pretending otherwise, but there was a turbulent mix of emotions in Sean’s chest. He was heartbroken to be leaving Finn and Lyla and Cass — more so than he’d thought he could be. He was so used to having to be apart from Finn and Lyla this past year, and he and Cass had barely been on speaking terms before thanksgiving, but having spent the last few days with them, he’d had a taste of what his life could be like with them around all the time, and having that taken away hurt even more because of it. Had he been on his way to do anything else, go anywhere else, he would have said <em>fuck it. </em>He would have been spontaneous for once and gone to spend the summer with them wherever they were going. But he had Daniel to look after. That and, he realised, it wasn’t just a sense of responsibility that was tying him to Daniel, he really wanted to spend this summer with him. Going to Puerto Lobos, finishing this journey at long last, with his brother by his side, felt like the right thing for him now. The only right thing.</p><p class="p1">They had breakfast together, then Finn, Cass, and Lyla walked back with Sean and Daniel to the car. There was a moment of awkward hesitation when they got there, everybody aware that the goodbyes were coming, but unwilling or unsure of how to initiate them.</p><p class="p1">“This is wild,” Lyla said eventually. “We’ve done this a bunch of times. And we’ll be seeing you in like, less than two months for your birthday.” She was clearly trying to pass this off as nothing at all, but her voice broke towards the end, and she swung in for a hug.</p><p class="p1">“I know you’re going to be hard to contact,” she said, her face buried in his neck, “but payphones exist, and don’t you dare forget it.”</p><p class="p1">“I won’t” he said, trying for a laugh that came out mostly as a sob. “You’re right this is wild, why is this so hard?”</p><p class="p1">“Because now we’re <em>choosing </em>to be apart. Which sucks, right?”</p><p class="p1">He nodded, holding her at arms length when they broke apart. “But hey, this amazing road trip we just had? We’re gonna have so much of this after the summer.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m gonna need that in writing, Diaz.”</p><p class="p1">“No worries,” Finn said, stepping in, “I’ll hold him accountable.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla took a step back, gesturing between the two of them. “Go on, have your moment or whatever, I’ll keep the littlest Diaz distracted.”</p><p class="p1">Finn gave a little laugh, stepping close to Sean, resting his forehead against his.</p><p class="p1">“She’s right though,” he said, placing a hand on the back of Sean’s neck. “I don’t know if it’s because it’ll be so long, or because it’ll be hard to stay in touch, or just because I can not fucking believe we’re doing this by <em>choice,</em> but it’s harder somehow.”</p><p class="p1">“I know,” Sean said quietly, closing his eyes. “But in September, we’ll head off and see the country, then after that,” he opened his eyes then, smiling. “The whole fucking world Finn. It’s really happening, we’re doing it. I’ve just got to do this first.”</p><p class="p1">Sean’s smile was infectious, and Finn was unable to keep from mirroring it. Finn moved in then, kissing him so suddenly it was like even he hadn’t expected to do it.</p><p class="p1">“I love you, Sean, go make Mexico your bitch.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed “I don’t think that’s exactly what the goal is but, I like the energy I’ll take it. I love you too.”</p><p class="p1">“Alright boys,” Lyla called out, wiping her eyes. “I’m done saying my goodbyes to Daniel so no more PDA, ok?”</p><p class="p1">Sean hugged Cassidy goodbye then, as Daniel hugged Finn before giving Cassidy the smallest of waves. Yeah, not much hope for those two ever becoming friends.</p><p class="p1">They stayed while Sean and Daniel got back into the car, Lyla blowing them a kiss as they drove off, Daniel leaning out of the window to wave until they disappeared from view.</p><p class="p1">When he got back in his seat, they both gave a long exhale, knowing what was coming. Sean opened his mouth to ask how Daniel was feeling, but Daniel spoke just a fraction sooner.</p><p class="p1">“You doing okay Sean? I know you’ll miss them.”</p><p class="p1">It took him by surprise. He was used to being the one checking on Daniel, not the other way around.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, enano.” He smiled at him, briefly, before looking back at the road. “Thanks. I will, but there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing right now than heading to Puerto Lobos with you.”</p><p class="p1">“We’re really doing this, huh?”</p><p class="p1">“Fuck yeah we are.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">It wasn’t a long drive to the border checkpoint, and as they approached, Sean’s excitement bubbled over to something more like anxiety. His palms started to sweat as soon as they found a lane and began to idle in the traffic for the border crossing.</p><p class="p1">“This looks… Nothing like I thought it would” Daniel said quietly.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. Way fewer police cars. Less barbed wire too.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, no guns pointed at us, it’s weird.”</p><p class="p1">Sean tried to laugh, but it came out strangled and broken. Daniel looked up at him, eyes wide.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. I know. I’m scared too.”</p><p class="p1">Sean’s chest was feeling tight, his vision beginning to squirm. The traffic ahead of him inched forward, and he didn’t trust himself to move the car while feeling this faint. His knuckles turned white against the wheel, and he just stared at them, unblinking, unable to move, until Daniel’s hand came into his field of vision, tightening around his own.</p><p class="p1">“Hey. Sean. We’re here. We’re not there.”</p><p class="p1">He nodded, swallowing as he did, and as he focused instead on Daniel’s grip on his hand, he took a deep breath, his vision clearing a little. He inched the car forward, placating the screeching of the horn from the car behind him.</p><p class="p1">“How are you okay?” Sean asked after a moment, voice still shaky as he struggled to pull his breathing back to normal.</p><p class="p1">“I’m not.” Daniel murmured, dropping Sean’s hand and picking instead at a piece of skin on his own finger. “I’ve never had a panic attack, but I don’t like it here. It shouldn’t remind me of there. It’s way different. But it does.”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded, and tilted his head back a little, focusing on taking deep breaths. He reached out then, placing a hand on Daniel’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry. I shouldn’t have- Yeah. It sucks.” He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them, his breathing felt almost normal. He gave Daniel’s shoulder a squeeze. “Maybe… Maybe this is what we need. Maybe it’ll be easier from now on, because of this. We’ll get through, we’ll see that nothing bad happened. It’ll, I don’t know, re-wire our brains.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, and the car in front moved again, just slightly.</p><p class="p1">Sean inched forward again, sighing as he stopped, barely a yard ahead of where they’d been a moment ago. “If nothing else,” he added, “looks like we’re going to have plenty of time to get used to it.” He gave a laugh, and though it was small and breathy, and fairly obviously a nervous laugh, it was at least a definite laugh this time.</p><p class="p1">“We should play a game. To distract us.”</p><p class="p1">“Dear god, anything but I spy.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel opened his mouth, before closing it again, stumped. After a long moment, he shrugged. “You just vetoed the only car game I know.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, and the genuine sound of it surprised him a little, grounding him. “That’s because you always fall asleep in cars.”</p><p class="p1">“Not this time,” Daniel grinned. “I didn’t fall asleep in the car once this week.”</p><p class="p1">“Actually… Yeah, you’re right. I hadn’t noticed but, yeah, you did good.” He looked down at Daniel, who met his gaze for only a second before breaking into a huge yawn.</p><p class="p1">“Dude!”</p><p class="p1">“It’s only ‘cause you made me think of it!”</p><p class="p1">“Do not fall asleep and leave me at this border on my own.”</p><p class="p1">“Okay okay fine, I have an idea. Might make things worse. But hear me out.”</p><p class="p1">Sean looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “That sounds promising.”</p><p class="p1">“So remember last time, at the border-”</p><p class="p1">“Vividly, yes. This is the problem.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel scowled. “You cut me off again, I was talking.”</p><p class="p1">Sean mimed zipping his lips shut, while Daniel rolled his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Anyway. So last time, when you had to decide, I asked how the story of the wolf brothers ended. but… It didn’t end. It was hard, for a while. Still kinda is. But it didn’t end. So… Tell me about the sequel. Tell me what happens next.”</p><p class="p1">Sean’s throat felt tight again, but it wasn’t a panic attack, it was a different emotion swelling up in him, though he couldn’t name it. He focused on moving the car forward slightly again. When he decided he could trust himself to speak, he said “You were so good at telling it last time. Why don’t you? I’ve got to focus on my breathing.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded. He took a moment to think, then took a deep breath.</p><p class="p1">“With the help of their beaver grandparents, the wolf brothers healed. The older wolf graduated from his,” he hesitated, considering. “From his… training pack, and decided he wanted to explore other forests. But they decided that first, they would finally complete their journey to the home of their papa wolf.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel kept going for a while, choosing his words carefully, and as Sean kept urging the car forward, bit by bit, towards the border, the story had the desired effect. Daniel’s storytelling had changed a lot since November, when he’d first been so excited to tell the wolf brothers story himself. Then, he’d just been so excited to tell it, and he had reeled off things that they had done so easily and clumsily. Now, it was like he was crafting something. Sean wondered if he had been practicing writing stories. He hadn’t mentioned anything since his birthday, when he had told him he was thinking of switching from comic books to novels, but the way he put careful thought into every word suggested that this was something he was working hard at to improve. His brother was becoming his own person, quietly and without Sean even realising it.</p><p class="p1">By the time they reached the border, Daniel was pretty far through in the story, imagining now their future, in which Sean and Daniel were travelling the world together every summer, but he cut himself off as they reached the checkpoint, Sean fumbling for their passports and paperwork.</p><p class="p1">It was easier than they had expected, and once they were done, they were moving again. Properly moving this time, not just crawling along in a line. Sean let out a breath that he hadn’t even known he’d been holding. They had done it.</p><p class="p1">“We’re in Mexico.” He said it so quietly he couldn’t be sure Daniel had heard him.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. We are. We did it.” He glanced over at him, and they both had huge smiles creeping along their faces.</p><p class="p1">“You think this is how we’d have felt,” Daniel asked, a while later as they were speeding out of Tijuana, the sun bright and strong. “Back then I mean. If we had crossed the border. You think it would have felt the same?”</p><p class="p1">Sean assessed how he felt now before he answered. He hadn’t thought it would be possible to feel so — there was no other way to describe it — <em>light, </em>after how anxious he had been feeling back at the border. He felt victorious, euphoric. He felt free. He supposed, if his emotions could change so fast now, then maybe they could have done the same all that time ago too. But he knew it would have been different, somehow.</p><p class="p1">“Maybe.” He said after a long pause. “For a while. I think, when the adrenaline went away, we would have felt like this for a minute. A feeling of having finally reached the goal we had been aiming for for so long. But, it would have been tainted a little. With… A feeling that we were leaving something behind too. But now we’re not, we’re kind of, taking something back instead. You know?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. I know. I think you’re right.” Daniel rolled down the window, warm air cutting through the AC. “This feels way better.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">The drive to Puerto Lobos was a long one, but the new landscape, the excitement of it all, kept them occupied for a time. Daniel had been excited to show off his Spanish when they stopped half-way to buy food and water, and when the shop keeper — who seemed endeared if a little baffled by Daniel — made polite conversation with Sean about where they were headed, Sean found himself feeling at ease. He told him, pleased and proud as he did, that their Dad grew up in Mexico, that they were headed to his hometown for the summer. He added, by way of explanation for Daniel’s less than perfect Spanish, and his own which was getting a little rusty, that they’d been raised in the US, and they were excited to be finally coming here for the first time.</p><p class="p1">He thought about Daniel’s question, earlier. About how differently this would have gone almost exactly two years ago now. He would have been cagey, afraid, slow to trust. Terrified of who might be pursuing them, and who he could talk to. He certainly wouldn’t have had a wallet full of peso notes, pocketing the change that he knew would come in handy later. And he wouldn’t have felt the swell of relief and pride that he did when the shop keeper listened, and smiled, and offered to be the first to tell him, <em>welcome to Mexico. </em></p><p class="p1">It was getting late by the time they approached Puerto Lobos, pulling out the address that they had taken from a copy of their dad’s will, and crawling through the small town to find the house. They got lost a few times, circling the town, until the map took them to a small road right up against the beach. Up ahead, exactly where the map was telling them to go, a house stood.</p><p class="p1">“Is that-”</p><p class="p1">“I think so. God, when he said it was on the beach, he really meant <em>on the beach.”</em></p><p class="p1">Sean slowed the car to a crawl as they approached, taking it in. From the outside, it certainly looked like a house would be expected to look after standing empty for over twenty years. It was a bit of a wreck, chipped paint, some rotting wood, a few broken windows, but behind it all, the place looked like heaven to Sean. A nice house, on a beautiful plot of land. A little haven of peace. A refuge.</p><p class="p1">Sean let out a long breath as he pulled up to a stop in front of the house. “It just hit me that he grew up here.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah," Daniel said quietly. “Like I knew. But it feels more real now.”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded, taking a second to compose himself.</p><p class="p1">“See that garage door?” He pointed to a garage to the side of the house. The metal of the door had rusted beyond salvageability, and it’s not like they had a key to it in the first place. “Can you bust it open?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel raised his hand, but faltered. “And you’re sure this is the house. One hundred per cent sure?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, “This is the address enano. And do you see any other houses nearby that look like they’ve been abandoned for twenty years?”</p><p class="p1">“I guess,” Daniel’s voice was still uncertain, but he raised his hand again anyway, his brow furrowed as he concentrated. Sean watched as Daniel continued to stare the door down, his fingers twitching, though nothing seemed to be happening. Sean opened his mouth to ask if he was okay, why it wasn’t working, when Daniel gave a grunt and a sigh, before leaning back, smiling.</p><p class="p1">“Done.” He said, smugness barely concealed in his voice. Without even moving his hand, the garage door swung upwards and open.</p><p class="p1">“Dude… Sweet. Did you just-”</p><p class="p1">“I unlocked it.” He grinned. “Well, kinda. I don’t know how the lock works. So I think I just busted the mechanism or whatever. So, I don’t think it’ll ever work again. I also broke away some of the parts that were rusted shut. But, it’s open. And it’s not blown up.”</p><p class="p1">Sean returned his grin, patting him on the back before starting the car up again. “Still more than I could have asked for, man. Awesome. And we’ve gotta get the locks replaced anyway so that’s not a problem.”</p><p class="p1">He pulled the car into the garage, which was mostly empty, and incredibly dusty.</p><p class="p1">“We’ll come back for our bags and things in a minute,” Sean said when he turned off the ignition. “Let’s just… Take a look inside first. See what we’re working with.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, and he closed the garage door behind them as they headed out towards the front door.</p><p class="p1">They stood there for a moment, steeling themselves.</p><p class="p1">“You think you can do the same thing to this lock?” Sean asked, placing a hand on Daniel’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">Daniel raised a hand, placing it on the door and closing his eyes. When he opened them, they both heard the click of the lock, and took a deep breath.</p><p class="p1">“You ready to finally do this?” Sean asked, his voice a little breathy as he tightened his grip on Daniel’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1">Daniel reached up, removing Sean’s hand from his shoulder and taking it in his own instead, giving it a comforting squeeze.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah Sean. I’m ready.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Wolf</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The inside of the house was, in a way, exactly what they both expected. It was dusty, and in disrepair, and while it seemed structurally sound enough, it definitely needed some work. When they entered, they found themselves in an open-plan living area, some furniture still remaining, which led on to a kitchen towards the back of the house, where there was a door that must have lead on to the beach. They explored a little downstairs first, though there wasn’t much to find. Everything that wasn’t furniture had been cleared out, and it became clear pretty quickly that they’d likely need to clear the furniture out themselves at some point soon.</p><p class="p1">Upstairs was similar, a master bedroom and a smaller one, with some old bed frames without mattresses, and a dresser.</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Daniel called out, poking his head around the bathroom door while Sean examined the bedrooms. “This isn’t bad!” He beckoned to Sean, who followed him in to the bathroom. The ceramics meant that the bathroom had fared better than the wood and paint of the rest of the house. There was a significant amount of mould, but that could be dealt with easily enough.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Sean said, looking around. “It’s pretty nice. Only problem is…” He reached over and opened the faucet, which coughed and groaned before falling back into an empty silence.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, yeah, that.” Daniel said as Sean closed the faucet again.</p><p class="p1">“It’s alright, we’ve been without power or water before, nothing we can’t handle.” Daniel, however, didn’t look convinced.</p><p class="p1">“Alright, enough moping over this,” Sean added, shepherding Daniel out of the bathroom and down the stairs. “We’re going to get this place decked out with power and water and gas as soon as we can, but in the meantime…” He was steering Daniel by the shoulders, down the stairs and towards the door at the back of the house. He stopped then, just short of the door.”</p><p class="p1">“Uh, Daniel. I’m trying to do a thing here but there’s a locked door between me and the thing.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel rolled his eyes and lifted a hand, unlocking the door with an almost disturbing ease this time.</p><p class="p1">“What?” He shrugged at Sean’s wide eyes. “It’s an easier lock!”</p><p class="p1">Sean shook his head, deciding to worry about that later, and pushed the back door open, hoping beyond hope that they would find what he was expecting.</p><p class="p1">It did not disappoint. The door swung open, and it was like the whole world was on their doorstep. Even Daniel couldn’t feign a cool disinterest at the sprawling ocean ahead of them.</p><p class="p1">They stepped out onto a concrete patio, onto which the house was raised slightly above the sand, but beyond that was just golden beach stretching out on all sides, cut short only by the rhythmic pulse of the surf lapping onto the shore, the water bright and clear.</p><p class="p1">They stepped out on to the patio in a daze.</p><p class="p1">“This is…” Daniel breathed.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. It really is.”</p><p class="p1">“I can’t believe Dad never took us here.”</p><p class="p1">A nudge of discomfort knocked some of the beauty from the moment for Sean. “He, uh, he wanted to. A few years before. I must have been fourteen, fifteen maybe? I didn’t want to go. Lyla and I had made plans all summer, and I didn’t want to be dragged off to Mexico.” He shook his head, squinting in the low sun. “No excuses. I was just a dumb fucking teenager.”</p><p class="p1">“You’re still a dumb fucking teenager,” Daniel pointed out.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel!”</p><p class="p1">“Sorry!” He raised his hands as Sean snapped his head around to glare at him. “Your words, not mine.”</p><p class="p1">Sean turned away again, back towards the sun, so that Daniel couldn’t see the smirk that tugged at his lips. “Well, swearing aside, you’re right I guess. Just now I’m a slightly older, slightly less dumb teenager.”</p><p class="p1">“For what it’s worth,” Daniel said, coming to stand by Sean’s side on the edge of the patio, just bathing in the golden light of the setting sun. “We wouldn’t have appreciated this place then. Don’t get me wrong, I wish we could have come with Dad. But we’d have just complained about… Everything.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a little snort. “God, you’re right. You’d whine about your PlayBox, I’d moan about not having hot water or wifi. We’d be beating the shit out of each other by day two. Man, how bummed would Dad have been. To be so excited to show his kids where he grew up, and he got a miserable teenager and a grumpy kid.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. I think he’s happier seeing us come here now. If he’s watching.”</p><p class="p1">“Let’s just hope he’s got no complaints about our design choices when we do this place up.” Sean laughed. He sat then, on the edge of the concrete patio, feet buried in the sand below, beckoning for Daniel to do the same. They sat arm to arm, listening to the waves lap against the shore for a moment.</p><p class="p1">“He must have had his reasons, for leaving this place.” Sean said quietly after a long silence. “But here, now, I really just don’t understand them.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, laying his head on Sean’s shoulder as they fell back into another peaceful moment.</p><p class="p1">When the sky darkened fully, they took some blankets out onto the beach and built a small bonfire, and using a notepad Daniel had brought, made a list of everything they’d need to get started on the house. Puerto Lobos was a tiny town, with a supermarket, but not much else to get them what they needed.</p><p class="p1">“The nearest big town is like, an hour and a half drive out, so we’ve gotta make sure we’ve got everything,” Sean said, leaning into the firelight to check over the list.</p><p class="p1">“Should we pick up doubles of the cleaning stuff, just in case?” Daniel suggested.</p><p class="p1">“Good call. Will it fit in the trunk if we pick up the patio furniture though?”</p><p class="p1">“Uhhhh, I don’t know Sean,” Daniel lay down on his blanket, closing his eyes. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow, I’m tired.”</p><p class="p1">Sean lay the notepad and pen down, leaning back on his elbows instead, looking up at the stars. “Yeah, we should sleep.” He sighed.</p><p class="p1">Daniel opened his eyes, frowning. “Why’d you say that as if you really aren’t about to let us sleep?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, shaking his head. “No, I didn’t mean… although yeah, actually, just one more thing.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel groaned, but Sean stood and pulled him up, grinning. “Come on,” he laughed, dragging Daniel out towards the ocean.</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t stop when he hit the surf, his pants already rolled up, turning and calling over to Daniel when he hesitated at the waves.</p><p class="p1">Sean waved him over, walking backwards further into the ocean as he did, before cupping his hands around his mouth.</p><p class="p1">Daniel saw, realisation dawning in his eyes, and he ran out to catch up with Sean just as Sean let out the loudest howl of his life. Daniel joined him, something loosening in both of them as they did — almost three years now since they left home. Three years of work, of pain and confusion and trauma, and here they were at last. The wolf brothers, howling at the sea on the coast of Puerto Lobos.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">The next morning, they woke early on the floor of the living room in their sleeping bags and blankets, adding groceries to their list of things to pick up when they realised they’d eaten the last of the food by the campfire the night before.</p><p class="p1">“So, breakfast first?” Sean announced after they had washed using some of their bottled water, and gotten dressed. “There’s bound to be a cafe somewhere in Puerto Lobos right? I mean, it’s a tourist spot.”</p><p class="p1">“I haven’t seen many tourists…” Daniel said uncertainly.</p><p class="p1">“It’s early. Summer vacation has just started, maybe it’ll pick up soon.”</p><p class="p1">“I hope not.” Daniel grabbed his shoes. “I kinda like it quiet.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, let’s just hope it’s not so quiet we can’t get coffee and some food okay?”</p><p class="p1">They grabbed their shoes and Sean’s wallet - he had hidden the majority of the cash under a loose floorboard in the master bedroom, since the locks weren’t exactly functional any more - and headed out. They fumbled with the front door for a moment, trying to make sure it at least looked properly shut.</p><p class="p1">“Ay!” A voice came crying out from across the street. Sean and Daniel both turned towards the sound, startled, to see a woman flying towards them at unnerving speed.</p><p class="p1">The closer they got, the more unnerving her speed became — she was old, incredibly old, frail and hunched looking, her face warped into a rage that was clearly spurring her towards them. Sean raised his hands as if under fire, already apologising despite not yet knowing what for.</p><p class="p1">“Get off, get off this property. This is not your house,” she yelled in Spanish as she approached.</p><p class="p1">Sean opened his mouth to explain, but she shouted over him, repeating herself again and again.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel, use your gift.” Sean murmured in English.</p><p class="p1">“No way dude! She’s tiny, I’d break her!”</p><p class="p1">“Not your powers, man, your other gift. Look at you, you’re adorable.” He hissed, cutting himself off as she reached them.</p><p class="p1">Daniel took a step towards her, hands out as though approaching an angry cat. “Uh… Excuse me, Señora…” He looked up at Sean for confirmation, his clear nervousness working in his favour, and Sean nodded. Daniel continued then, in Spanish. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve had, uh, the pleasure of meeting, we… We live here now.”</p><p class="p1">She flew back into a rage at that. “No, this isn’t yours, this house belongs to someone already, you’re trespassing, both of you!”</p><p class="p1">“It belonged to our father,” Sean said then, loudly enough to cut through her protestations. She stopped then, eyes wide, and he thought it best to continue while he had her attention. “He… He died, and he left the house to us in his…” He realised he had never had a reason to learn the Spanish word for will. “He left it to us when he died.” He finished feebly.</p><p class="p1">The woman’s eyes widened, taking them in, before she frowned. “You’re… you’re not Zacarías’s boys?”</p><p class="p1">“Um, no. Our dad was Esteban Diaz.” Something clicked then, for Sean, and his eyes widened. “Wait, is Zacarías our abuelo?”</p><p class="p1">She nodded, looking between the two of them, sucking in her lips as she considered them. Her brows turned upwards now, no longer angry but, it seemed, sad.</p><p class="p1">“Esteban, the boy. Yes, he was Zacarías’s son. He left when his father died. I didn’t know he had sons.” She took another glance at Sean, sizing him up. “I see the resemblance now, though. You look very alike.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh,” Sean said, brushing aside the swell of pride he felt at the comment about the resemblance, as a hope he hadn’t even been aware had been expanding in his chest burst at her words. “His dad died? And what about- Did you know his mom, our abuela?”</p><p class="p1">The woman’s face contorted briefly to disgust. “She left,” she spat the words out. “Awful woman. Awful. Left a long time ago, when Esteban was just a baby.”</p><p class="p1">“So, when his Dad died,” Sean said quietly.</p><p class="p1">“He was alone, Sean.” Daniel finished, in English. He looked up at him then, eyes wide. “Like us.”</p><p class="p1">Sean nodded.</p><p class="p1">“I- I’m sorry we startled you.” Sean said then, to the woman. “Esteban, our dad, he moved to America a little over twenty years ago when he left here. He raised us there, and we’ve never been here before. But he left us this, when he died. We’re spending the summer here fixing it up. We hope we won’t be a hassle to you.”</p><p class="p1">Her face softened then. “No, of course you’re not a hassle,” she crooned. “I was a neighbour to the Diaz family most of my life. They were good people, Esteban and Zacarías. I get a little overprotective. There have been a few break-ins over the years.” She gestured then toward the broken windows.</p><p class="p1">“I get it.” Sean said. “Thank you. I’m sure our dad would have been grateful too.” He held out his hand for her then, and she shook it, smiling. “I’m Sean, by the way. And this is my brother Daniel.”</p><p class="p1">She looked at Daniel then, who hesitantly extended his hand as Sean had done. She laughed, pulling him instead into a hug.</p><p class="p1">“Bernarda,” She said, all trace of her previous fury now gone, a warm smile on her face, though Sean and Daniel were still a little on edge. “You boys will need a locksmith. And someone to fix those windows, I can give my nephew a call, he lives a little way out but he’s a handyman, I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh.. Uh, thanks. Thank you, really. That is, actually, a huge help.” Sean scratched the back of his neck nervously. He had been worried about how he would go about finding someone to get those things sorted. “Do you also know who I can call about the utilities? power, water. I’m guessing it all got cut off when my Dad left but…”</p><p class="p1">“Of course! I have all the paperwork at home, I live just there.” She pointed to a house just a little down the street, on the other side of the road. “If you give me a little time, I can get everything you need together.”</p><p class="p1">“Woah, thank you. Seriously, it’s a huge help.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh hush,” she waved Sean’s gratitude away. “Come around for dinner some time this week why don’t you? How about tomorrow? I can get my nephew to come around, I can pass on what you need. And you,” she pointed at Daniel then, who looked deeply uncomfortable with the switch in attention, “can get a good meal in you, flaquito.”</p><p class="p1">Sean let out a snort, and Daniel just smiled, a little confused.</p><p class="p1">“What did she call me?” He hissed, after she had gone back inside and they started making their way into town on foot. Sean just laughed. “Sean! What did she call me?”</p><p class="p1">“You know it Daniel,” he chuckled. “Flaco.”</p><p class="p1">“Skinny?” Daniel looked affronted.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah but like, in a cute way.” Sean couldn’t stop laughing. He turned around and tried to pinch one of Daniel’s cheeks, receiving a firm preventative swat.</p><p class="p1">“Awww, don’t be surly…” Sean grinned. “Hey, maybe you’re right, maybe you have grown out of enano. Flaquito has a nice ring to it.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s pout lasted the whole walk into town, and Sean’s laughter redoubled every time he looked over.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They found a cafe in town, making a note of the supermarket when they passed it, but they didn’t linger long. First priority was food and coffee, then they walked back to get the car and make the lengthy drive into the nearest big town.</p><p class="p1">“It’s weird, right?” Daniel said to Sean as they drove. “That Dad never told us. About his parents, I mean.”</p><p class="p1">“I guess.” Sean shrugged. “I always got the feeling it hurt to talk about them. Makes sense now.”</p><p class="p1">“But… He was the same as us Sean. His mom left, and then his dad…”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. That bit is weird,” Sean’s voice was low. “I wish we’d been old enough for him to confide in us, when Karen left.”</p><p class="p1">“You think his mom ever tried to… Make up? Like ours did?”</p><p class="p1">“Probably not.” Sean said quietly. “I’m not sure ours would have either, if we hadn’t been in danger. If Jacob hadn’t reached out.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel frowned.</p><p class="p1">“Don’t get me wrong, Daniel. I’m glad she did. I’m glad she’s back in our lives. I just mean, it doesn’t happen very often. People who run away don’t usually come back.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s voice was faint, so quiet Sean couldn’t even be sure he’d heard him right. “We did.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Roots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">In town, they picked up enough supplies to last them for a good few days of work. Cleaning supplies, some tools, they even found a place where they could buy mattresses for the rusted old bed frames upstairs, though they had to go and buy some rope to tie it to the roof of the car first. They picked up some materials too, wood and plaster to patch up parts of the house that were falling apart. Things like paint would be a job for another day, they decided. The cleaning and repairs alone would take plenty of time before they needed to worry about that. They stocked up on more bottled water, piling the huge bottles into the backseat of the car, and got a takeout feast from a restaurant while they were there. By the time they got back to the house, Sean knew, it would already be getting close to dinner time, and they’d have a long late night of cleaning ahead of them</p><p class="p1">“Alright,” Sean called out as they dragged the last of their haul into the house. “I’m actually pretty pumped for this. How am I so pumped for cleaning?”</p><p class="p1">“It’s because you’re a boring adult now.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, I was a dumb teenager yesterday.”</p><p class="p1">“Two things can be true.”</p><p class="p1">Sean threw one of the newly purchased cleaning rags at Daniel, trying to hide how impressed he was by Daniel’s quick comeback.</p><p class="p1">“Would this help?” Sean grinned, rummaging in the bag he had just brought in from the car. From it, he pulled his old iPod and a pair of speakers he had packed in the trunk when they left.</p><p class="p1">“Battery powered, so we’re good on that front. I’ll even let you choose the music.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, from <em>your </em>music library.” Daniel groaned, but took the iPod anyway, and Sean found himself beaming with pride as he watched Daniel queue up some excellent songs into a playlist. Maybe some of the things Sean had tried to teach him had stuck after all.</p><p class="p1">They blasted the music as they cleaned, scrubbing late into the night as they worked their way through the house, taking breaks for food and dancing, and they sang along and talked intermittently as they scrubbed and dusted. The sun set, and they kept cleaning, and by the time they were too exhausted to continue, the house was mostly clean enough. The bathroom and kitchen would likely need another once — or twice — over before they could even think about things like re-grouting, but it was something at least. They weren’t kicking up clouds of dust every time they moved too fast, and there were no more cobwebs lurking around corners waiting to be walked in to. They summoned up just enough energy to move the mattresses up on to the bed frames which creaked and groaned, but didn’t collapse at least, only for them to realise they hadn’t thought to buy sheets, or pillows, or comforters. They were too tired to care. They each took a blanket, went to their separate rooms, and passed out.</p><p class="p1">When Sean woke the next morning, Daniel was already up, his bedroom door open.</p><p class="p1">“Morning,” Sean groaned as he padded, still half asleep, into Daniel’s room. Daniel was lying in bed reading, glancing up from his book at Sean’s entrance.</p><p class="p1">“God Sean, you’re finally awake? Don't you know what time it is?”</p><p class="p1">“Easy there, <em>mom.</em> No I don’t actually.”</p><p class="p1">“No, me neither.” Daniel chuckled. “My phone died, and I didn’t bring my watch.”</p><p class="p1">“Come on,” Sean waved him over. “Let’s go find out.”</p><p class="p1">Sean hovered in the doorway, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he watched Daniel carefully place a bookmark into the book before adding it to a pile of other books towering beside the bed.</p><p class="p1">“Jesus, Daniel. Why’d you bring so many books? <em>How </em>did you bring so many books? I packed the car, how didn’t I see them?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel shot him a guilty look as he got up to leave the room, following Sean downstairs. “I, uh, I stuffed them under the car seats. I didn’t want to take up too much space.” He saw Sean’s raised eyebrows, and took a more defensive tone. “Hey, there’s no tv, no wifi. I could have brought comics but they’re too short, what else was I supposed to do for two months? Plus,” he added quietly, “They’re new and I was excited to read them.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Sean laughed, leading Daniel out to the back door. “No judgement from me.” Then, quietly, but just loud enough to be heard, added “<em>nerd.” </em>He snorted, as Daniel made a swipe at him, dodging out of the way onto the patio outside.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry, sorry. I’m <em>kidding, </em>Daniel, hey.” He turned to him them, still grinning, but looking down at him with a little more seriousness in his eyes. “Seriously. Joking. It’s cool you’re finding stuff you like doing. I always wished I read more books. You’re already a clever kid, it makes sense.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah,” Daniel rolled his eyes. “Alright you didn’t hurt my feelings that bad, no need to get all mushy, why are we out here?”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, yeah,” Sean walked backwards, facing the house, beckoning Daniel over. He pointed up at the sun. “Uhhh, it’s before noon. That’s all I got.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel squinted. “How do you know?”</p><p class="p1">“This is basic stuff, Daniel. Rises in the east, sets in the west. It’s still pretty far east, so it’s before noon.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, but like, how do you even know that way’s east?”</p><p class="p1">“Dude did you look a single map on the way here?” He pointed at the ocean. “Coast’s west. So, by process of elimination…” He gestured at the sun. “Was I just saying you were clever? Is there time to take that back?"</p><p class="p1">“Nope.” Daniel grinned. “I’m clever now, you already said it so now it’s true.”</p><p class="p1">“Alright, genius, can you use your smarts to get yourself washed and dressed so we can go get breakfast?”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They went back to the same cafe for breakfast, and ate fast, with more work to do on the house before dinner with Bernarda that evening. They continued their work as soon as they got back - or at least, Sean did, on his hands and knees removing mould from the crevices of the bathroom, while Daniel floated a rag around aimlessly without doing much actual cleaning. Sean put up a little show of complaining about Daniel not being any help, but truth be told Sean was kind of enjoying the hard work, and Daniel was doing enough just by keeping him company, chattering on about a little of everything.</p><p class="p1">By late afternoon the house was truly, finally, clean, and the bathroom re-grouted. They realised they had no idea what time Bernarda planned on having them over for dinner, and though Sean doubted she’d waste any time in knocking on their door if they showed up late, he thought it best to be ready just in case. He washed up, a little sweaty from the long day’s work, and they got as close to dressed up as they could with the clothes that they had packed, even making the trip to the supermarket to buy some wine to bring. Sean had never exactly been a house guest before, not in the grown-up dinner party sense at least, but he knew that this was a generally accepted thing to do.</p><p class="p1">Sean had no idea what to expect. He knew that cena was usually eaten quite late, and was often a light meal, but he also doubted that this particular meal would be anything close to light after Bernarda’s <em>flaquito</em> comment to Daniel. They decided to show just as golden hour began, the sun getting low in the sky but not quite setting yet. His idea was to show up, wine in hand, just to ask what time they should be expected. That way, if she invited them in, they were ready, but if not they could always come back later.</p><p class="p1">Bernarda greeted them excitedly at the door when they knocked, Daniel hovering a few steps behind Sean, still hesitant. Sean, however, found her enthusiasm infectious, and she doted over Daniel, apparently unaware that he seemed vaguely afraid of her. She invited them in right away, waving away Sean’s insistence that they could come by later if they were early, ushering them in towards a dining table where a man was already seated, looking a little uncomfortable.</p><p class="p1">He rose to greet them, shaking both their hands and introducing himself as Julián, the nephew. He looked as though he could be slightly younger than their dad, though grey streaks smattered his hair at the temples, and faint lines etched his face.</p><p class="p1">“Julián can get the locks fixed at the house,” Bernarda insisted by way of introduction. “And the windows. He’s agreed to stay here for a few days to help you out.”</p><p class="p1">Julián gave a strained smile that made Sean wonder how much agreement there had really been, and how much had simply been persistence on Bernarda’s part.</p><p class="p1">“That’s brilliant, thank you, seriously. How much do you think it will cost?”</p><p class="p1">“Nonsense!” Bernarda was already shaking her head before Julián could respond. “The Diazes were like family to us, family doesn’t pay.”</p><p class="p1">Julián closed his mouth, whatever he had been about to say dying at Bernarda’s words. He pressed his lips together in a thin line.</p><p class="p1">“No worries.” Sean said quietly as Bernarda bustled back to the kitchen with the wine Sean had brought to finish preparing the food. “We’ll definitely pay.”</p><p class="p1">“Thank you.” Julián sighed, relief washing over his face. “I can come by tomorrow and get you a quote.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, putting a finger to his lips as Bernarda came back in with piles of dishes. Definitely not a light meal then.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">Over the course of the dinner, Sean and Daniel learned pretty much everything about Bernarda’s life, and though she pressed for more about their own story, Daniel was either too afraid of Bernarda or not confident enough in his Spanish to participate, and Sean — apart from being unwilling to bring up their less-than-lawful backstory — was more interested in steering the conversation towards what she knew of his dad and Zacarías.</p><p class="p1">“So you moved here with your husband a long time ago, right?” Sean asked eventually, aware that he wasn’t being exactly subtle about it, but too eager for information to care. He had heard enough about Bernarda’s late husband by now for this to feel like a manageable segue.</p><p class="p1">“Yes, yes, over forty years ago now. Your abuelo and abuela moved not long afterwards. Newly married, young couple. Lovely people. Or at least we thought. Your abuela fell pregnant not long afterwards and then, when Esteban was born,” she lay down her fork to wave a hand in the air. “Poof. Gone, not a trace. So of course we helped Zacarías out with the baby.” She turned to Julián then, who had said very little so far. “You remember Esteban of course, Julián, he was about your age.”</p><p class="p1">“A little,” Julián said, hesitance in his voice. “I think we used to play together, when I would visit here.”</p><p class="p1">Sean beamed at the idea of his dad, playing. The idea of his dad and Julián, both little enough to play — here, on the beach maybe. In the house he now shared with Daniel, or maybe here in Bernarda’s house.</p><p class="p1">Daniel, who had been trying his best to keep up with the conversation, but looking a little lost, perked up at the mention of their dad’s name.</p><p class="p1">“You knew our dad?” He asked.</p><p class="p1">“Well enough,” Julián said, sounding a little uncertain. “I do remember though…” He paused, looking up a little as he seemed to claw at the memory. “He used to talk about running away to America. Even as kids. And a little more seriously as teenagers, though we saw each other less often by then. I’m glad to know he managed it.”</p><p class="p1">However awkward or uncomfortable Julián might have felt at this dinner, or with being harassed into staying here to help them with the house, he shot them both a small smile then, and there was genuine warmth in it.</p><p class="p1">“They were very cute, these two,” Bernarda interjected. “My own daughter never wanted to play with the boys.” Sean had already been told all about Bernarda’s married daughter, who moved all the way to Durango to be near her husband’s family — a snub that Bernarda had clearly not recovered from. “But, these two, they were sweet together. I… Hold on a moment, I think I have…”</p><p class="p1">She pushed out of her seat, shuffling away to another room leaving Sean, Daniel, and Julián blinking in confusional the table. There was a stretch of uncomfortable silence, but before Sean could grasp at some way to fill it, Bernarda returned with a small cardboard box.</p><p class="p1">“Photos!” She announced, arriving back at the table brandishing the box.</p><p class="p1">Dinner was abandoned, and the rest of the evening was spent reminiscing over photos, Sean and Daniel unable to tear their eyes away from the few that showed their dad, or Zacarías.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Daniel, look at this one.” He held up a photo of their dad and Julián as kids, making sand-castles on the beach. “He kinda looks like you here. You a few years ago at least.”</p><p class="p1">“Keep it,” Bernarda smiled warmly. “In fact, keep any you like. I know that if I could get to see more of my lost loved ones again, I’d want them.”</p><p class="p1">Sean accepted gratefully, and they went home that night with a handful of photos, comfortably full stomachs, and a warmth about them.</p><p class="p1">There was a mantlepiece in the living room, built in around a disused fireplace, and though it needed significant repairs, it would do for now. Sean propped the photos up on the mantlepiece, leaning them against the wall, and took a step back to admire them, wrapping an arm around Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“We’re really doing this enano, aren’t we?”</p><p class="p1">“I think so? I’m not really sure what you mean by this.”</p><p class="p1">“As in, living here. Putting down roots. Fixing this place up and spending a full summer here. Hell, we’ve been here like two days and you’ve already gotten yourself a surrogate Mexican abuela.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, that’s not just me, that’s you too.”</p><p class="p1">“Nope,” Sean laughed. “She likes me, but she loooooovvveeessss you, <em>flaquito.</em>”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just rolled his eyes, but couldn’t suppress a laugh as he held Sean closer.</p><p class="p1">“I’m gonna ignore that. But yeah. We’re doing it. You think this could be home someday?”</p><p class="p1">Sean hesitated, realising as he did that he already knew the answer.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. I think it could.”</p><p class="p1">“Woah.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah.” Sean gave his head a little shake. “But that’s not for right now. We’re getting way ahead of ourselves. Right now is about the summer.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, suppressing a yawn. “Yeah. It’s gonna be a really good summer, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">“I know it will.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi all! I have so much more planned for this fic, but I'm taking a semi-hiatus during November to work on my novel during nanowrimo. I'd rather do this than rush to finish it early. I'll still be posting occasionally during November, but not as regularly, then in December I'll be back to posting twice a week :) Thanks for being patient with me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Fourth of July</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Julián made good on his promise, coming round the next day to check out the damages on the locks and windows, Sean and Daniel exchanging guilty looks as he puzzled over the broken locks. He drafted up a quote, which Sean thought might have been severely underestimated, and when Julián worked fast, he threw in a little extra just in case.</p><p class="p1">“I’m glad you kids are fixing this place up,” he told them as he looked around the house before he left. “Your dad really loved it here. I know it might not seem like it,” he gave a nervous little laugh. “He talked about leaving for America all the time. But family was important to him. And I don’t think he’d have ever really done it until his dad died. He’d be happy to see this place filled with family again.”</p><p class="p1">Sean was grateful for that — Julián had been quiet, and a little awkward, and this moment of warmth seemed to come from a genuine place.</p><p class="p1">Once the locks and windows were fixed, they got to work on the rest of the house. Sean did most of the repairs himself, tearing down and rebuilding the rotting or crumbling parts of the house, sanding down the wooden floors and re-plastering and re-painting the walls.</p><p class="p1">Bernada had helped them get running water, though it wasn’t drinkable, so Sean got used to carrying the huge bottles of drinking water back from the nearby grocery store on foot. The houses on the coastal area didn’t have electricity either, though the house was fitted with lights that could be hooked up to a generator, so Bernada showed them where to get the generator and sort it out. This pleased Daniel, who was happy to be able to stay up late reading. Sean, on the other hand, worked so hard during the day, that by the time he made dinner for the two of them, he barely had enough time to sit out on the beach with Daniel and watch the sun set before he crashed hard.</p><p class="p1">The nearest payphone was in town, which they went into every couple weeks to pick up more tools and supplies for around the house, using the time to call Lyla and Finn and the others, as well as Claire and Stephen on occasion. They sent letters and postcards to everyone too — Finn sent them a letter that arrived not long after they did, with a return address of the vineyard they were working the fields for — and though it was hard, being away from so many people, they kept up enough contact to not feel completely isolated.</p><p class="p1">There was something to be said though, for the way the days passed here, in their little bubble on the beach. The world felt further away, here. Sean spent the days fixing the house,Daniel sometimes helping, sometimes just lounging nearby, and they watched the light shift as they worked, until they got tired, or too hot, or too hungry, and when that happened, they’d stop. They’d rest, make dinner, Sean would have a beer and they’d play cards together, make up games, or just sit on the beach and talk before they crashed.</p><p class="p1">It became hard to track time, after a while, and neither brother particularly minded, both content enough in their haven from real life. It was just coincidence, then, that they happened to spot the date on a newspaper while in town picking up some supplies.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Daniel?” Sean called out, pulling Daniel’s attention away from the snacks he’d been investigating. “You see this?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel craned his neck around, examining the front page that Sean was pointing at.</p><p class="p1">“Looks pretty boring,” Daniel shrugged.</p><p class="p1">“No, dumbass. The date.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel pouted for a second, but Sean watched that pout fall away when he registered it.</p><p class="p1">“It’s July 4th? Today?”</p><p class="p1">“I guess so, yeah.”</p><p class="p1">“Weird.”</p><p class="p1">It was, a little. Their Dad had always loved celebrating July 4th, always been so excited to take them out to the fireworks, even when Daniel was too little and the explosions too loud, and they’d have to leave early. It had always been a celebration, until two years ago. Then it became something else. Something between a celebration and, well, a memorial.</p><p class="p1">“Should we do something?” Daniel asked quietly, as he watched Sean consider it.</p><p class="p1">“I think so, yeah. I mean, look at how far we’ve come in two years. I think it makes sense to commemorate that somehow.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, and Sean put a hand on his shoulder.</p><p class="p1">“No fireworks though.”</p><p class="p1">“Why not?”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, we’re in Mexico. Seems a bit… Obnoxious don’t you think?”</p><p class="p1">“I guess,” Daniel rolled his eyes. “Okay, what then?”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know. But we might as well look around, get some inspiration?</p><p class="p1">So they went around, picking up bits and pieces, Sean’s favourite purchase being a small barbecue and a bag of coal, along with enough burgers and sausages to feed a small army.</p><p class="p1">Daniel, however, ran off somewhere else in the grocery store and came back with arms full of baking supplies including — he brandished them proudly — red white and blue food coloring.</p><p class="p1">“Fourth of July cookies,” he said, grinning.</p><p class="p1">“You even know how to bake these?” Sean said, raising an eyebrow.</p><p class="p1">“We’re smart enough, we’ll figure it out.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, and after suggesting a couple of times that maybe they should just buy plain cookies to decorate and being shot down, he caved, and bought them.</p><p class="p1">It took at least two tries to get them vaguely edible, and that was before even attempting to decorate them.</p><p class="p1">“Aren’t you supposed to be an artist?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well, I don’t exactly work with frosting, you know?”</p><p class="p1">“A good artist can work with anything,” Daniel muttered, chuckling as he struggled to decorate his own cookies.</p><p class="p1">“You sure you want to mess with me while I’m holding a piping bag, dude?”</p><p class="p1">“You wouldn’t dare.”</p><p class="p1">He totally would. The kitchen already looked like a horror show after Daniel kept insisting on using his powers completely needlessly while making the cookies. What harm could a little food fight have at this point?</p><p class="p1">“Why not?” Sean smirked, brandishing his piping bag. “We’re all alone out here. Who are you gonna go crying to, Bernada?”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, should we save some for her?”</p><p class="p1">Sean was stumped by that. He was entirely ready to have a good-natured bullying session with Daniel, but there he was. Being sweet.</p><p class="p1">“What?” Daniel asked, defensive, while Sean stared.</p><p class="p1">“Nothing,” Sean shrugged. “Just… I forget how good you are, sometimes.”</p><p class="p1">“Well, you shouldn’t. Because I’m awesome.”</p><p class="p1">Sean knew he was in danger of becoming seriously over-sentimental if he didn’t change the subject, fast, so he turned back to his cookie, chuckling.</p><p class="p1">“Not awesome enough to make that cookie look half-decent though, apparently.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey!”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">It turned out to be a pretty good thing that they’d saved some cookies for Bernada, because they went on to eat their weight in hot dogs and burgers out on the beach. They barely moved all evening, sat out on the sand with only the campfire and the barbecue between them and ocean, full and sleepy and happy even after the sky darkened and the stars came out.</p><p class="p1">“You ever wish we could go back to this time two years ago, and tell ourselves it’d all be okay?”</p><p class="p1">Sean asked, lying in the sand beside Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“Nope,” came the reply, and Daniel just continued staring up at the stars as Sean turned to him, frowning.</p><p class="p1">“If I’d known how much I’d like it here I might have just stepped on the gas for you back at the border,” he explained.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, right,” Sean chuckled, turning his head back up to the sky. “Yeah, that wouldn’t have ended well.”</p><p class="p1">They spent all night out there, on the beach, remembering their dad, thinking about all the possible ways things could have turned out on this day two years ago. This, they decided, was the best option. They had no regrets. Not many. Not about their decision at the border, at least. Sean’s year in prison was, obviously, not ideal. But, he decided, if he’d known then that things would have worked out like this, then maybe it would have been a little more bearable.</p><p class="p1">Not long after the 4th of July, Sean’s work on the house was finished. All the rebuilding, all the repairs, all the finishing touches and decoration. And, as proud as he was of his handiwork, as happy as he was with the end result, he couldn’t help but be a little sad that the work was over. He had kind of enjoyed it, pouring everything he had into this house, his dad’s house. But, he had to remind himself, this was supposed to be a vacation. It was time to finally act like it.</p><p class="p1">So the days, then, were spent out on the beach, or on the patio — Sean painting, Daniel reading, or writing, or talking Sean’s ear off. They did little else with their time, except the occasional dinners at Bernada’s, and they measured time by the sun, their own bodies, their hunger and sleepiness. The only thing that kept them tracking the date was Sean’s birthday in August, the visit they were supposed to be paying to Finn and Lyla and the others, but they found themselves starting to dread it. However excited they were to see everyone, the thought of leaving this bubble, this house, even for a few days, mostly just made them sad.</p><p class="p1">It was the end of July, when they finally caved and called Finn to offer an alternative.</p><p class="p1">“Diaz! What’s up my man, all good down there?”</p><p class="p1">In the background, Sean could hear Lyla scramble over, calling <em>That Sean? Can I speak to him?</em></p><p class="p1">He turned his back so that his smile was hidden by the payphone, so that the people in the street wouldn’t see him grinning like an idiot to himself.</p><p class="p1">“Actually, Finn, can you put me on speaker?”</p><p class="p1">There was a fumbling, and Finn’a voice came again, slightly cracklier than before.</p><p class="p1">“Your wish, my command,” at the same time that Lyla called out, “‘sup, nerd!”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Hey guys. I’m actually calling to ask about something. Do you both have your passports?”</p><p class="p1">There was a moment of silence, then “yeaahhh, why?” From Lyla.</p><p class="p1">“What about you, Finn?”</p><p class="p1">“Not yet, but I applied for one for after the summer, it’s due any day now.”</p><p class="p1">“By my birthday, you think?”</p><p class="p1">“Maaybbee, why, you got an idea you wanna share with the class there, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">“Okay so, hear me out.”</p><p class="p1">“Nope he’s lost me,” Lyla’s voice said.</p><p class="p1">Finn laughed. “Seriously?”</p><p class="p1">“Yep, the second he says hear me out, that’s how I know there’s a bad idea coming.”</p><p class="p1">“Hear the boy out, Lyla,” Cass’s voice came faintly from further away.</p><p class="p1">“Thank you, Cassidy,” Sean said, chuckling, then continued before anyone could interrupt. “Well, Daniel and I are kind of loving it here. And we only really have a month or so left before we have to leave to get Daniel back to school. So, I know we talked about us coming up to visit you guys on my birthday but… I don’t know,” he scratched the back of his neck, wishing he could see their faces to gauge their reaction. “I was wondering if maybe you guys could come down here?”</p><p class="p1">The pause seemed to stretch out for too long.</p><p class="p1">“I thought you’d never fucking ask, Sean!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much everyone for bearing with me while I took a break for NaNoWriMo! I wrote 50k+ for my novel in November, and finally finished the novel I've been working on for over five years now, so I'm happy :) This fic really got me back into the habit of writing every day, I'd never won a NaNoWriMo in all the years I'd been trying it, until this year! </p><p>I'll be back to posting Thursdays and Sundays again now, at least for a while. We're getting close to the end point I had in mind for the fic, but I'm not saying I'm not going to keep adding to it when it's done because I'm having such a good time writing this.</p><p>(P.S, I learned last week that "wriggled" isn't a word in US English??? That's wild???? I've had Daniel "wriggle" away from so many hugs, and none of you even questioned it??? 😂)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Long Distance Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Finn needed to pick up his passport from where it was sent to his brother’s address before crossing, so the day they were due to arrive in Mexico - the day before Sean's birthday - Sean had to drive with Daniel all the way back to the Tijuana border to pick them up. They passed the time as best they could, enjoying the cool air in the speeding car after weeks of the heat becoming stifling down in Puerto Lobos, even despite the ocean breeze, but the drive was long, and had it not been for their excitement at seeing Finn and Lyla, it would have made for a somewhat grumpy few hours.</p><p class="p1">The others couldn’t come, not without passports, which most of them didn’t have. Sean had been disappointed by that, but Finn had reassured him that they were all excited to see him in September, and that they understood why he didn’t want to leave Mexico just yet.</p><p class="p1">Finn and Lyla would be crossing on foot, and Sean parked up as close as they could to the crossing, a parking lot in downtown Tijuana about a thirty minute walk from the crossing point to wait for them. They sat in the car, AC on full blast, tuned into the local radio station, Sean testing Daniel on his Spanish which — after the regular dinners with Bernada and interactions with people in town — was improving fast.</p><p class="p1">“They definitely know to meet us here, right?”</p><p class="p1">“Sure they do. Roughly. They know where we are. They obviously don't know the exact parking lot, because I didn’t know the exact parking lot when I talked to them on the phone but... they know. We’re right at the edge of town, they know to keep walking until they hit the town. So when they do, they’ll find us.”</p><p class="p1">“Sean. They don’t know where we are, do they?”</p><p class="p1">Sean opened his mouth to protest, when a knock on the back window made them both jump a mile.</p><p class="p1">“The fuck?” They both craned to look into the rear view mirror, into which Finn’s face appeared, Lyla just behind him throwing a peace sign.</p><p class="p1">Sean would have liked to pretend he maintained a little dignity at this moment. As it stands, he scurried out of the car as soon as he registered Finn’s face, flying around to where he stood, throwing himself at him.</p><p class="p1">“My god,” Finn murmured, chuckling against Sean’s lips, and Sean pulled away, puzzled. That’s when he realised Finn’s hands were on his arms, on his biceps.</p><p class="p1">Finn took a step back then, eyebrow raised, taking him in.</p><p class="p1">“Damn, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">“What?” Sean laughed, suddenly embarrassed, wanting to close his arms around himself but Finn was still holding them.</p><p class="p1">Lyla, who had been stood to the side with Daniel, the two of them fake retching while Finn and Sean kissed, stopped and assessed him too before letting out a low whistle.</p><p class="p1">“Seriously, what?” Sean looked at Daniel, who just shrugged.</p><p class="p1">“Look at you, Sean, you’re hot. Or, hotter, I mean.” Finn grinned.</p><p class="p1">“Almost enough to turn me, dude.”</p><p class="p1">“Seriously guys,” Sean shook his head, still laughing. “You get bored on the walk, plan this out or something?”</p><p class="p1">“Nope.” Finn’s eyes were still fixed on Sean. “This,” he gestured at Sean, “was a total surprise.”</p><p class="p1">“Sean you don’t see it?” Lyla insisted “Mexico has been good to you.”</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t know what to say to that.</p><p class="p1">He knew he’d grown a little stubble since he got here. He hadn’t been shaving since he arrived, and more stubble than he’d ever previously been able to grown had appeared, but somehow he didn’t think that was it. He had, he realised, gained some muscle over the past couple months, what with all the work on the house. Sanding the floors alone had been a workout. Add onto that all the repairs, ripping out old wood, lifting furniture. He’d started to notice that lugging the giant water bottles back from the supermarket was getting much easier than it used to be. And, it had happened so gradually that he’d barely noticed it, but all those hours spent out on the beach, painting in the sun, had darkened his skin. Daniel’s too, now that he thought about it, but Finn and Lyla were seeing them for the first time in two months. So, he supposed, maybe the difference was more obvious than he’d thought. He’d seen himself every day in the mirror, after all.</p><p class="p1">Finn watched all of this flit across Sean’s face, and smirked, crossing his arms as he lent against the car, tilting his head conspiratorially towards Lyla.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, look at him, he’s got it. That’s the face of a man who knows what he’s working with.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla laughed. “Fine by me, he’s still a dork. Second puberty might catch you up to me on hotness, but you’ll never be my equal in coolness.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, embarrassed, leaning over to push her before realising he hadn’t properly greeted her yet and pulled her into a hug instead.</p><p class="p1">“You done being gross?” He heard Daniel ask Finn as he did, and he heard Finn laugh and scoop Daniel into a hug too.</p><p class="p1">“Okay so we’ve got options,” Sean announced when everyone had been sufficiently reunited. “We can start driving now, get to Puerto Lobos in about five or six hours if we drive fast, and eat there. Or we could eat now, which sounds like a way better option, but it’s Tijuana in tourist season so there’s that.”</p><p class="p1">“Fuck it, let’s eat here. I’ve never been to TJ, never been to Mexico at all, man, so let’s do this.”</p><p class="p1">Finn and Lyla threw their bags in the car, and they walked a little further into town, dodging tourists and wealthy college students on summer break before finding a place for lunch. Sean passed on Finn and Lyla’s orders in Spanish — A place like this, so close to the border, the waitress probably spoke English, but, Sean believed firmly, she shouldn’t have to.</p><p class="p1">“You, my good man, just keep getting sexier.” Finn said when the waitress had left with their orders.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">The drive back after they’d eaten didn’t feel as long as the drive there had done. Not with Finn up front, and Lyla in the back, Daniel talking her ear off about the story he was writing — <em>an </em><span class="s1"><em>X-Men meets Fast and Furious </em>kind of deal.</span></p><p class="p5">Driving back along the same route they had come down only a couple of months ago, Sean realised something. This time around, without the anxiety of what they might find, Sean felt kind of like he was on his way home. And he was taking his family with him.</p><p class="p5">Sean’s excitement built as they pulled up to Puerto Lobos, and he could see the same happening in Daniel, getting hyper in the back-seat, craning his neck around to point out the house as soon as it came into view. They had made this place — their dad’s place — their home, worked hard to make it their home, and they were excited to show it off.</p><p class="p5">“We’re here, there it is!” Daniel was leaning through the space between the front seats, pointing to the house as they approached.</p><p class="p5">“Damn,” Finn said, his voice low. “When you said on the beach<em>…</em>”</p><p class="p5">Sean laughed, remembering his first thought as they approached the house for the first time. “Yep, I really meant <em>on the beach</em>.”</p><p class="p5">Daniel raised the garage door with his powers as they approached. Sean kept telling him off for doing this, but Daniel insisted it just looked like they’d gotten it automated, and Sean just rolled his eyes this time, not wanting to distract from how it so clearly added to Lyla and Finn’s excitement to see the place.</p><p class="p5">“Ignore the garage,” Sean said as they got out of the car. “We haven’t really done much in here. So just, pretend you aren’t seeing this.” He placed a hand on the handle of the door connecting to the house, opening it slowly. “And focus on this instead.”</p><p class="p5">He led them into the house, realising with a pang of disappointment as he did that they hadn’t seen it before, couldn’t tell what a difference had been made over the last two months. He turned to look at them, opened his mouth to explain what it had looked like when he started, but Lyla beat him to it.</p><p class="p5">“Jesus, Sean. This place was standing empty for, what, at least your lifetime? And now it looks like this?”</p><p class="p5">He smiled, he couldn’t stop himself, pride radiating from him as he watched them both take in the wood flooring, sanded and buffed and varnished. The re-plastered and painted walls, the partially re-built and newly tiled kitchen, the new furniture.</p><p class="p5">“No wonder you’re swole, man, the work that must have gone into this.” There was laughter in Finn’s voice, but he was still taking the place in, eyes wide. “This is not the work of the soft boy crying about his poor hands back in Humboldt.”</p><p class="p5">“There was no crying,” Sean protested, while Daniel laughed.</p><p class="p5">“You did complain a <em>lot </em>though Sean,” he pointed out.</p><p class="p5">“Oh, really, you wanna talk about being grumpy in Humboldt Daniel?”</p><p class="p5">Daniel just pulled his tongue out, and Lyla laughed. It was a carefree laugh, with none of the edge it used to have when they would talk about Humboldt, as if she was self-conscious that she’d missed out on that chapter of their lives. It was then that Sean noticed how much she’d changed in the last two months too.</p><p class="p5">When he’d first seen her, he’d noticed how different she looked. She wore her hair differently, the sides shaved into an undercut — probably given to her by Finn — the rest a little greasy, tied into a bun at the back of her head. He noticed she looked a little rougher around the edges, a little scruffier, but he hadn’t noticed how much happier she looked. Like she’d found the life that fit her, finally.</p><p class="p5">While Daniel dragged Finn out back, to see the beach, Sean approached her.</p><p class="p5">“Life on the road looks good on you, Lyla,” he said, softly. She turned, and grinned, fluttering her eyelashes and pretending to flip her hair.</p><p class="p5">“I know,” she laughed. “For real though, it’s been amazing. I mean, don’t get me wrong I’d like to shower more regularly than I do. And god, do I miss beds. But that’s about it. Everything else has been perfect.”</p><p class="p5">“You’re in luck,” Sean said. “We’ve got both of those things here.”</p><p class="p5">As he said it, they stepped out back to join Finn and Daniel, and Lyla’s eyes widened.</p><p class="p5">“Well fuck me, Sean. You’ve got showers, beds, <em>and </em>this view? I see why you didn’t want to leave this place.”</p><p class="p5">He laughed, feeling suddenly embarrassed as he noticed his painting. He must have forgotten to take it in, he’d left it out overnight to dry, held up on the makeshift easel he’d crafted out of the left-over wood from the repairs, and while Lyla was distracted by the ocean itself, Finn was fixated on the painted ocean.</p><p class="p5">“It’s rough,” Sean said, startling Finn out of his examination of the painting. “I’m still practicing using the paints.”</p><p class="p5">“Maybe you’re being modest, maybe I just don’t have an artist’s eye but… that looks pretty fucking awesome to me, Sean.”</p><p class="p5">Sean chuckled, embarrassed. “I guess I’ve gotten okay at painting the beach. Not like there’s much else to paint out here.”</p><p class="p5">“You’ve painted more of these?”</p><p class="p5">Sean nodded, hesitating for a second. Then he reached out and took Finn’s hand.</p><p class="p5">“We’ll be back in a second guys,” he called out to Lyla and Daniel. “I’m just showing Finn something.”</p><p class="p5">“Uh-huh, sure you are loverbird,” Lyla said absentmindedly, already with her shoes off and feet in the sand, tilting her head back towards the sun.</p><p class="p5">Sean heard, distantly, Daniel make a fake retching sound as he led Finn back inside and upstairs.</p><p class="p5">He opened the door to his bedroom. During the renovations, he’d cleaned up the bedframe, replaced some of the worst of the damage, and bought a new set of drawers to keep some of his things in, but other than that the room was empty of furniture. The only things in the room to draw the eye were the paintings, stuck up all over the walls. Dozens of them by now, to various qualities, most of them of the beach, sunsets, campfires, the lighthouse in the distance, mostly just landscapes though a few had Daniel in. There were a couple of others, faces he’d painted from memory. His dad, Finn, the sketch he’d made of the five of them in Humboldt on the road trip here that he’d painted over when he arrived.</p><p class="p5">Finn walked around the room slowly, taking them all in.</p><p class="p5">“Fuck me, Sean.”</p><p class="p5">“Keep it in your pants, Finn, Lyla and Daniel are right downstairs…” Sean grinned, and Finn shook his head, chuckling.</p><p class="p5">“I’m serious man, these are fucking <em>good. </em>Have you thought about selling them? The beach paintings, tourists would eat that shit up.”</p><p class="p5">Sean worked hard to resist his first instinct to scoff at the idea that people would pay for his art. He knew that wouldn’t go down well with Finn. Instead he went for the next thing down on his list of reasons of why this was a bad idea.</p><p class="p5">“What tourists? This stretch of the beach is always pretty much empty, only a handful of people who live here, that’s it.”</p><p class="p5">“Well what about in town then? More tourists there, right?”</p><p class="p7">“I guess.”</p><p class="p7">“Ha.” Finn turned around to face him, running his hands down Sean’s arms before taking his hands in his. “<em>I guess? </em>You all out of reasons not to there, bud?”</p><p class="p7">Sean laughed, curling his fingers around Finn’s.</p><p class="p7">“Against my better reason… I think I am.”</p><p class="p7">“Then it’s settled.” Finn leaned in for a kiss. “Time to start believing in yourself, bitch. Now let’s get back downstairs before Lyla and super bro think we’re up to no good.” He finished with a wink.</p><p class="p7">They spent the rest of the night out on the beach, Sean taking out the barbecue they’d gotten for the fourth of July, sitting out on the sand with food and beer as the sun set.</p><p class="p7">“Now this.” Finn said after they’d eaten, lying down in the sand. “This is the fucking life.”</p><p class="p7">“Better than Costa Rica?” Sean asked. It was a throwaway question — a joke, mostly. But when the words slipped out he couldn’t stop his mind from running away with him. Him and Finn, weary world travellers, ten or twenty years from now, settling down here. It was a ridiculous notion, but picturing it made him so wildly happy. He brushed it away. He was getting ahead of himself. They’d known each other barely more than two years, most of it apart.</p><p class="p7">But as he was thinking about it, he watched something dawn on Finn’s face.</p><p class="p7">“What are you-?”</p><p class="p7">But Finn was already scrambling up, holding up a finger as he hurried back into the house. He was gone for a moment, and when he came back, he was grinning ear-to-ear, this huge, cheesy smile, holding his coconut mug.</p><p class="p7">“Now, it’s perfect. No coconuts here but, that’s fine. I’ve got this.”</p><p class="p7">Sean watched as he poured what was left of his bottle of beer into the mug, looking incredibly pleased with himself as he did.</p><p class="p9">
  <b>* * *</b>
</p><p class="p7">“Happy birthday, how’s nineteen feel on ya?”</p><p class="p7">He woke to Finn propped up over him, giving a little start before his senses caught up with him and he chuckled, pulling him close for a kiss.</p><p class="p7">“It feels pretty damn good.”</p><p class="p7">“Great. Because super bro is downstairs trying to make you breakfast in bed and you gotta get down there and stop him before he burns the dream-house down.”</p><p class="p7">Finn got up then, and offered his hand, Sean groaning as he took it and pulled himself up.</p><p class="p7">“Hey, no, this is supposed to be breakfast in bed!” Daniel called out when he saw Sean.</p><p class="p7">“Yeah but it’s taking a route that passes through hell to get there,” Lyla laughed, sitting on the counters watching Daniel struggling with the frying pan.</p><p class="p7">“They’re not <em>that </em>burned” Daniel whined.</p><p class="p7">The smell of smoke that hit Sean as he approached seemed to suggest the contrary.</p><p class="p7">“You’re just letting this happen, huh Lyla?”</p><p class="p7">“Hey, gotta let the kid learn this stuff for himself, yknow? Plus, I was kind of looking forward to your face when we served you up <em>pancake à la charcoal.”</em></p><p class="p7">Sean snorted, shaking his head. “Here, you got any batter left Daniel?”</p><p class="p7">“Yeah, I made way too much.”</p><p class="p7">“Come on, let’s make some more.”</p><p class="p7">“This is for you, you’re not supposed to help!”</p><p class="p7">Sean laughed then, slotting himself in beside Daniel and taking the frying pan.</p><p class="p7">“I promise, the peace of mind that you aren’t about to burn this house down after all my hard work is the best birthday gift I can ask for.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Departures</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">When they finally finished making a batch of mostly edible pancakes, they took the food out on to the patio to eat. The ocean breeze was always just perfect this time of morning, before the sun could get too hot.</p><p class="p1">Sean pretended not to notice, as he carried the pancakes and the plates outside, Daniel and the others share a surreptitious whisper before Daniel grabbed a package that he’d tucked into the corner of the room.</p><p class="p1">He smirked at their total lack of subtlety, but said nothing, choosing instead to take the food outside in silence as the others scurried around behind him.</p><p class="p1">When they all sat down and everyone helped themselves to food, Sean looked up to see Daniel beaming across the table at him.</p><p class="p1">“You got something you wanna say there, Daniel?” Sean asked with a laugh. Daniel just extended his arms, still beaming, holding out a package wrapped in brown paper.</p><p class="p1">“Presents.” Was all he said as he brandished it.</p><p class="p1">“Kid, let him eat first at least?” Lyla rolled her eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, it’s good, I can open it now.” Sean lay his food aside, reaching over to take the package from Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“Alright well, you’re not getting shit from us until you’ve finished your breakfast,” Lyla added before shoving a huge piece of pancake into her mouth.</p><p class="p1">Daniel might have been more excited than Sean as he watched him unwrap his gift, and Sean toyed with him a little, removing the paper slowly and trying to stifle his laughter at Daniel craning his neck to see Sean’s reaction.</p><p class="p1">When the paper was removed, Sean was holding a backpack — an expensive looking, professional type bag, the kind that hikers use when they’re going to be spending long stretches in the middle of nowhere, with multiple compartments and space to clip on tents and sleeping bags.</p><p class="p1">“How... in the hell can you afford this, Daniel?”</p><p class="p1">“Grandma and grandpa helped.” He looked a bit embarrassed, but shook it off. “I picked it out though,” he said, beaming with pride again. “Do you like it?”</p><p class="p1">“I love it, enano. Thanks.”</p><p class="p1">He took another moment to admire it. “This is going to come in so useful, seriously, it’s awesome Daniel.” Then a thought struck him. “Did you give me this just so you could get Brody’s old bag?” He asked with a grin and a raised eyebrow.</p><p class="p1">“No!” There was a moment of true offence on Daniel’s face, which shifted quickly to sheepishness. “Although now you mention it...”</p><p class="p1">“Sure” Sean laughed, “you can have it.”</p><p class="p1">Once he’d finished eating, Lyla and Finn presented their gifts. Finn first, whose gift was wrapped in newspaper. Inside was a Swiss army knife.</p><p class="p1">“Thought it might come in handy when we’re on the road. And now it matches your new badass self.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, “thanks, Finn, it’s great.”</p><p class="p1">“I already broke it in for you too. I think you left something behind in the paper there.”</p><p class="p1">Sean, frowning, picked up the balled up newspaper he’d torn from it, and when he shook it, something fell into his lap.</p><p class="p1">He picked it up, examining it. A small wooden… Something. Maybe an animal? Those were definitely legs. He tried to be subtle about it, but there was no hiding the way he squinted, turning it from side to side.</p><p class="p1">“Told you I sucked ass at whittling,” Finn said, laughing. “It’s a wolf, man, I’m wounded.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh!” Sean took another look at it. He could definitely make out a snout-like something. And there at the other end was a tail, now that he thought about it. He tried to think of something encouraging to say, but after a moment of silence, he broke out into a loud, uncontrollable laugh. Finn pretended to be hurt, but after a moment, he couldn’t help laughing too.</p><p class="p1">“I love it, Finn,” Sean eventually said, pulling him in for a kiss when he recovered himself. “I mean, it’s… It’s god-awful, but that’s why I love it.”</p><p class="p1">“Words hurt, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">“Here, open mine, Sean. I promise you it wasn’t made while high in a vineyard.”</p><p class="p1">“I wasn’t <em>that </em>high.”</p><p class="p1">“Cass and I thought we were gonna have to confiscate the knife, Finn.”</p><p class="p1">Sean chuckled as he took the box from Lyla and unwrapped it.</p><p class="p1">“It’s… A phone?”</p><p class="p1">“One of those brick monstrosities like Finn has.” Lyla said proudly. “I’d never realised it until I went out on the road myself, but iPhones die after like, a day at best. This way, if you can’t charge your iPhone, you can still call Daniel while you’re away.”</p><p class="p1">They both looked at Daniel instinctively at that, who got a little shifty and embarrassed until they both looked away.</p><p class="p1">“That’s… Super thoughtful, Lyla, thank you.”</p><p class="p1">“That’s me,” she grinned. “Alright, no getting all emo and sentimental on your birthday. What do you want to do today?”</p><p class="p1">Sean shrugged. “Hang out?”</p><p class="p1">Lyla and Daniel rolled their eyes, and Finn scoffed.</p><p class="p1">“What? Seriously, I don’t need to <em>do </em>anything, just having you guys here is-”</p><p class="p1">“Gaaayyyyyy.” Lyla announced, cutting him off.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah don’t be so boring, what do you wanna do?”</p><p class="p1">Sean shrugged again, then, when nobody said anything, tried again. “I guess we could go into the town, get dinner, maybe a few drinks? Except… Someone’s gotta drive.”</p><p class="p1">“I could do it,” Finn raised a hand, and Lyla cocked an eyebrow.</p><p class="p1">“How long has it been since you drove an actual car?”</p><p class="p1">Finn opened his mouth, to respond.</p><p class="p1">“And stealing Merrill’s truck doesn’t count,” Sean added.</p><p class="p1">Finn closed his mouth. Pausing for a moment, before waving away their concerns. “Eh, it’ll be fine, I’ll drive slow, it’s like riding a bike. I’ve got a license, and that’s what counts.”</p><p class="p1">Sean hesitated, biting his lip.</p><p class="p1">“Come on, Sean,” Lyla said finally. “Let him drive, have a little fun. And if you’re <em>really </em>set on the whole ‘hanging out’ thing, we’ve got all day to do that before dinner.” Something dawned on her face then, and she grinned. “And I have the best idea.”</p><p class="p1">Lyla’s idea, it turned out, was swimming. All the time they’d spent on the beach, and Sean and Daniel hadn’t actually gone into the water very often. Walked along the shoreline, sure, but not swimming. They did have trunks with them, however, and Lyla and Finn had packed swimwear too, so thankfully they didn’t have to worry about skinny-dipping in the daylight. They took towels out onto the beach, swam for a while, spent the day alternating between sunbathing and swimming, lying on the sand with salt in their hair, their faces flushed and warm, challenging each other on who could keep their eyes open underwater, what kind of fish they could spot.</p><p class="p1">It was the perfect day, and when the sun began to weaken, they showered, got dressed, and Finn drove them — slowly, shakily — into town where they got dinner. They ate their weight in enchiladas, then Lyla and Sean got lightly, gently, wasted, as Finn and Daniel watched in amusement, poked fun at them as they got increasingly drunk, until the bar closed and Finn helped them stumble back to the car.</p><p class="p1">“Best. Birthday. Ever.” Lyla mumbled, and Sean let out something that could only be described as a giggle.</p><p class="p1">“‘smy birthday, Lyla, not yours.”</p><p class="p1">“I know, but am I right? oramiright?”</p><p class="p1">Finn, who stood between them, each with an arm around him, chuckled, drawing Sean’s attention.</p><p class="p1">“Love you, Finn.”</p><p class="p1">“Is that right?” Finn laughed.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. Lots. Love you a lot. You’re awesome.”</p><p class="p1">“Thanks man,” Finn said, still chuckling. “You know it’s weird, being the sober-”</p><p class="p1">“You too Lyla. You’re awesome too, and I love you. You’re m’best friend. And Daniel! Enanoooo!”</p><p class="p1">Daniel, just a few steps ahead of them, turned, smirking.</p><p class="p1">“Yes, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">“Love you, Daniel.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m so telling mom about this.”</p><p class="p1">“Whashe gonna do?”</p><p class="p1">“Laugh at you for like, twenty years.”</p><p class="p1">“Fair. Fair.”</p><p class="p1">Finn got them back home, and curled up into bed, and the next day, when Sean woke, groaning, Finn asked the same question he’d asked the morning before.</p><p class="p1">“How does nineteen feel on ya this morning, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">Sean threw the pillow at him.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">Lyla and Finn stayed in Puerto Lobos for the next week and a half, right up until Sean and Daniel needed to leave to get Daniel back in time for school. During that time, Finn managed to cajole Sean into going to the town, setting up shop on a corner of the main street, selling some of his paintings. He got a little money for a few of the beach ones, though nothing major.</p><p class="p1">“You’ll do better in more touristy places, for sure.” Finn assured him. “This could be our lives, y’know? Travelling places, you sell your art, I’ll… Get better at whittling.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, but Finn was getting hyped up.</p><p class="p1">“For real, make enough money in each place to move on to the next place. Self-sustaining adventure and shit!”</p><p class="p1">Sean had to admit, he kind of liked that idea. The money he made from these paintings, though, he kept to one side.</p><p class="p1">“This,” he said to Daniel, when he got back and showed him what he’d made, “is going into savings for next summer, when we come back here.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s face split into a grin. “You promise, we can definitely come back here next summer?”</p><p class="p1">“Hell yeah. No way I’m ready to leave this place for good.”</p><p class="p1">“Awesome. Leaving here’s going to suck.”</p><p class="p1">“I feel you. But it’s ours, right? We can come back whenever we want. You’ve got school, for now, but it’s not going anywhere. We can spend every summer here, and it’ll still be here when you’re done with school.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah I guess.”</p><p class="p1">But Daniel’s mood still darkened the last couple of days before they left, and Sean couldn’t exactly argue. He felt the same way.</p><p class="p1">“You know it’s weird, leaving this place.” Sean said, as Finn helped him pack some of their things into the car on their last evening. “Feels…” He hesitated, feeling guilty for even thinking about it. But Finn looked at him, total sincerity in his eyes, and he knew he wouldn’t judge him. “Feels more like I’m leaving home than I did in Seattle.”</p><p class="p1">“Nah, that makes sense,” Finn said after a long moment. “Seattle was only home because it had your dad in it. So, without him…”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. Yeah, that’s it. But here, I don’t know, Daniel and I made this place a home, you know?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I get you, man. That’s not so weird, Sean. Don’t look so beat up about it. And it’s like you said to Daniel, you’ll be back. You could settle down here someday.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I like that idea.” Sean thought back, to the image he’d painted in his mind the first night Finn and Lyla had arrived. Of the two of them, touching base here after seeing the world. Older, tired and happy. “I really like that.” He dropped Finn’s gaze for a second, forcing himself to say his next words. “What about you? Think this place could, maybe, work? Instead of Costa Rica? When we’re done travelling, I mean.”</p><p class="p1">Finn, as usual, met Sean’s anxiety with an easy grin.</p><p class="p1">“Let’s see shall we? Golden sand, check. Miles of ocean, check. Coconut mug, close enough. That pretty much covers it. And the one thing Puerto Lobos has that Costa Rica doesn’t is the love of my life. So I’m pretty sure this place wins out.”</p><p class="p1">“God, I love you Finn.”</p><p class="p1">“You just saying that because you’re drunk?”</p><p class="p1">“Ha ha.”</p><p class="p1">“Just so you know you’re never living that one down.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They got up early the next morning, with a long drive ahead of them, Daniel and Sean dropping by Bernada’s to say goodbye before they left.</p><p class="p1">“I think I’m actually going to miss her.” Daniel said quietly after being pulled into several hugs before she let them leave.</p><p class="p1">“What was that, flaquito? I don’t think I caught that.”</p><p class="p1">“Shut up.”</p><p class="p1">They piled into the car, Daniel taking the passenger seat while Sean drove, the two of them feeling unbelievably sad to be leaving this place behind.</p><p class="p1">There was something more though, lurking beneath that sadness. They weren’t just leaving Puerto Lobos, they were leaving the summer behind. Their wolf brothers bubble. In less than a week, Daniel would be back at school, where he was stuck for the next six years. Because, despite it all, he was still just a kid. He was a kid who’d been through more than most, but he was still a kid. And Sean wasn’t any more. Which meant, when they got back, they’d need to figure out how to work out their lives in a way that fit them both. And that might mean living separate lives. Neither of them particularly liked that idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. I'll Be Good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">They drove back through California, dropping Finn and Lyla back in San Diego along the way to meet back up with the others. They were waiting to hear back about another job, and Finn promised to call and let Sean know when they had any more information. They didn’t say it, not out loud, but everyone knew that when they heard about the job, Sean would be joining them, working the job with them. The rest of the trip home wasn’t much of a road trip, and they drove fast, taking fewer stops than they did on the drive down.</p><p class="p1">Claire and Stephen were expecting them, and had come out to greet them, and Daniel rushed out of the car to hug them. Sean watched in surprise as he watched Daniel tear up, and was even more surprised to find that he’d missed them too, missed them a lot. He hugged both of them when Daniel finally let go, and he felt — he hated to admit it, but he felt safe. Now that he wasn’t trapped here, he was able to appreciate how good it was to have a home, how lucky they both were to have grandparents here who loved them, who looked after them, who fought in their corners.</p><p class="p1">“Brought him back all in one piece, I swear” Sean said with a small laugh, trying to be subtle about wiping his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“We knew you would, Sean.” Stephen said with a small smile. “You know how Claire worries. But she’d have never let him go with you if she didn’t completely trust you.”</p><p class="p1">Sean returned his smile.</p><p class="p1">“So what about you, kid?” Stephen asked quietly as Claire and Daniel went inside, and he went to help Sean out with the bags from the car. “You sticking around long?”</p><p class="p1">Sean reached up a hand to scratch the back of his neck. There was no point pretending. “Probably not. Waiting to hear back about a job, with Finn and the others.” Stephen nodded, like he’d been expecting this. “But, I don’t want to think about that just yet. Daniel’s got a few days before school starts, I think I just want to spend that time with him.”</p><p class="p1">“You aren’t sick of the sight of each other yet?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Honestly, I thought I would be but, I guess not.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">Finn called about a week later, while Daniel was at school. They’d gotten a job on an orchard in Idaho, and Sean would have to leave in, at most, a week to get there in time.</p><p class="p1">He broke the news to Daniel when he got back from school, coming into his room to grab him before he went straight for the PlayBox.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, enano?” He asked, knocking lightly at the door. Daniel knew something was up right away, probably because he’d actually waited to be invited in. “Can I talk to you?”</p><p class="p1">The door swung open, and Daniel was stood near the bed, waving him in. “Did Finn call?” His voice was deadpan, but Sean guessed there was more going on beneath the surface.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Sean said softly, sitting on the end of the bed while Daniel busied himself with opening his bag, taking a little longer than he needed to rummaging inside it, taking out his homework and books.</p><p class="p1">“Idaho,” Sean continued, watching Daniel as he worked at the bag. “They only need us for about a month. So, I can be back for Hallowe’en.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel stopped, then, and looked up. “Yeah?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. I would have come back for the anniversary either way, Daniel, you know that.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, finally putting the bag down and sitting on the bed next to Sean.</p><p class="p1">“So I’ll work for a month, then after Hallowe’en, Finn and I were thinking of going on a little road trip. Maybe to some big tourism cities to see if I can sell some paintings. Just for a couple weeks, so I can come back for thanksgiving, and stay until Christmas.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel didn’t say anything, just picked at his thumbnail, focusing his gaze on that instead of Sean.</p><p class="p1">“How are you feeling about that, bud? You think that works?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel shrugged, then after a long moment, spoke. “Well, you know, I’m not like, happy about it or anything. But it works. A month’s not so bad.”</p><p class="p1">Sean wrapped an arm around Daniel and pulled him close, and said what he knew Daniel was too afraid or too stubborn to say.</p><p class="p1">“It still sucks, though. I want to travel but I hate that you can’t come with me.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel didn’t speak for a moment, but curled into Sean when he put his arm around him. Sean heard him sniff, and wanted to offer him a tissue, but he didn’t think raising attention to his tears was exactly what Daniel wanted right now.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. Me too.” Daniel said eventually. “but I’d rather you go than be miserable here.”</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t know what to say to that, so he just held his brother tighter. God, when did he get to be so smart, and so kind?</p><p class="p1">They sat like that for a long time, until Daniel pulled away, looking up at Sean with a start. “I was just thinking, you’ll get to scratch Idaho off your map. And then I realised, have you scratched Mexico off yet?”</p><p class="p1">“Actually, no. I forgot.”</p><p class="p1">He let Daniel scratch the foil off, he offered him a coin, but Daniel wasn’t having that. He held a hand close to the map that was pinned up over Sean’s bed in the guest room and — in the most impressive show of precision he’d seen yet — used his powers to scratch the golden foil away from Mexico, without damaging the paper beneath or the surrounding countries.</p><p class="p1">Daniel picked himself up after that, returned to normal around Sean, and Sean let himself get excited to head out to Idaho with the others, make camp with them again, but this time with clean clothes and a toothbrush packed with him, a marked improvement on last time.</p><p class="p1">The rest of the week went well, with Daniel at school Sean was able to remember why he was leaving in the first place — there was no point hanging around here, becoming a grown man who lives with his grandparents, just hanging around all day while his brother was at school just to spend the evening with him in between homework and an early school-night bedtime. It was when the weekend came that things got hard. It was hard to avoid the subject of Sean leaving while Daniel could see him packing.</p><p class="p1">Daniel was sat on the end of Sean’s bed, kicking his legs while Sean hurried around the room, trying to figure out the best way to pack as much as possible in his new hiking bag which perched on the desk. Daniel watched with wary eyes as Sean stuffed a pair of socks into one of the compartments before turning around to grab some more from the drawer.</p><p class="p1">“So…” Daniel said when Sean’s back was turned. “You said you’d be back for Thanksgiving until Christmas right? So what’s happening after that?”</p><p class="p1">Sean turned to look at Daniel, clutching an armful of socks, and hesitated.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know,” he tried to shrug, but the socks made it difficult, so he turned back to the bag. The pair he’d already packed was sitting on the desk, beside the bag. He shot a glance at Daniel, who was pointedly staring at the ceiling, and decided not to mention it before re-packing them, along with the other socks he was carrying.</p><p class="p1">“I guess,” he continued, “I’ll just follow them around for a while, go wherever they find work.”</p><p class="p1">He turned to grab a hoodie from his closet, folding it as tightly as he could so it wouldn’t take up much space.</p><p class="p1">“And then, after that… We’ll see.”</p><p class="p1">When he turned back to the bag, the socks, along with the other pairs he’d just packed, were in a neat pile on the desk just beside the bag.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel…”</p><p class="p1">“What?” Daniel’s eyes were wide and innocent.</p><p class="p1">Sean gave him a withering look, but Daniel didn’t back down.</p><p class="p1">Sean repacked them all with a sigh before stuffing the hoodie into the bag.</p><p class="p1">“Either way, like I’ve said, I won’t stay away long.”</p><p class="p1">“So no leaving the country?” Daniel asked as Sean went back to the closet to grab a couple t-shirts.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, not until you’re ready.”</p><p class="p1">When he turned back to the bag, the hoodie and the socks were out of the bag again. He put the t-shirts down, spinning on his heel to glare at Daniel, who continued to pointedly avoid his gaze.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel-”</p><p class="p1">“I think you should go.”</p><p class="p1">That shocked Sean into silence.</p><p class="p1">“What?”</p><p class="p1">“After Christmas, I mean. If you’re going to be away anyway. I won’t miss you any less if you’re in another state than if you’re in another country, you know?</p><p class="p1">“Wait, really?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, but then frowned. “There are rules though.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed. “Of course there are. Claire and Stephen really left their mark huh?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel rolled his eyes, but continued. “You gotta get me a souvenir from everywhere you go. And you have to call, like, all the time. And come home for holidays. And when I’m on break from school you gotta...” he had spoken so confidently, but faltered here. He tried again. “Can I come with you?” He finished finally, his voice low.</p><p class="p1">“Dude, yes. Of course.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel’s head snapped up, as though he hadn’t been expecting such an easy agreement.</p><p class="p1">“I mean,” Sean added, “what’s even the point of me travelling the world if I can’t use it to be your tour guide?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel raised an eyebrow. “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed again, throwing an arm around Daniel and pulling him off the bed towards him. “Safe to assume I am, usually. But not about this. I don’t know how many times I can tell you this, but you’re not the only one who’s bummed about us being apart. I’m pissed I can’t take you with me! So whenever I get the chance, of course I’m going to.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel gave him a brief hug in return before stepping back, looking embarrassed. Sean, enjoying this, briefly considered reaching out and ruffling his hair, but before he could, Daniel took a step to the side and, avoiding looking Sean in the eye, twitched his fingers. The socks and everything else went flying back into the backpack.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">Claire and Stephen drove Sean to the airport where — despite being mocked mercilessly for it by the others — he would be flying to Idaho. It’s not like he was an expert train hopper or anything. Yet.</p><p class="p1">What it did mean, though, was the difficult, awkward moments as he checked in, knowing soon, when it was time to go to security there’d be a painful goodbye. The longer they were at the airport, the thicker the silence between them all became as they anticipated it. He checked his bag, as he’d never have been able to fly with the knife Finn had given him, but that didn’t take long, so he found himself early, unsure about what to do.</p><p class="p1">He wanted to extend his time with Daniel, even if it meant extending this awkward limbo they were in, so they grabbed some fast food in the airport, the only place that was accessible before security. It was an uncomfortable meal, the only conversation topics available were the flight that they were all avoiding talking about, so they ate fast, and the three of them escorted Sean right up to the line for security. There were a handful of groups nearby, all giving tearful goodbyes, and Sean turned to face the others, feeling reluctant to have a tearful goodbye of his own.</p><p class="p1">Claire and Stephen each gave him a hug, telling him to take care, look after himself, keep in touch. They didn’t need to tell him that last one. They knew he’d never drop out on Daniel like that.</p><p class="p1">Turning, then, to Daniel was hard. They both knew it was only for a month. They’d been separated for a whole year not so long ago. But then, that was the problem, wasn’t it? It had only been a year since he’d gotten back. Getting over that had been so hard. So now, even just a month felt hard to handle.</p><p class="p1">This would get easier, with time. And he knew that getting used to being apart sometimes was the only way they’d be able to lead healthy, normal lives of their own. But knowing that didn’t make it any less difficult now.</p><p class="p1">He fell to his knees to hug Daniel tight. He didn’t really need to, any more. Daniel was getting tall now. But it felt necessary nonetheless.</p><p class="p1">“I’m going to miss you, enano,” Sean said quietly when Daniel held him back.</p><p class="p1">“I know. I’ll miss you too. But you’ll call all the time, right? And you’ll be back soon.”</p><p class="p1">“God,” Sean gave a breathy laugh through his tears. “When did you get to be the strong one?”</p><p class="p1">He pulled away, holding Daniel’s shoulders, and they both gave nervous laughs at each other’s tear-streaked faces.</p><p class="p1">“You sure about this, Daniel?”</p><p class="p1">“It’s you who’s going. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”</p><p class="p1">“I guess.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I’m sure Sean. Not happy about it, but you need to get out more dude.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a surprised laugh, wiping his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Serious, Sean. I’ll miss you but I get it.”</p><p class="p1">Sean pulled him back into another quick hug at that.</p><p class="p1">“Love you, Daniel.”</p><p class="p1">“Gross. But, yeah, love you too. Now go catch your flight, dork.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Across the Sea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Sean and Finn pulled into the Reynolds’ driveway, Sean laying into the horn to let them know here was here, but he didn’t have to. He had barely touched it when the front door swung open, Daniel pelting out of the house. Sean fumbled to get out of the car, sweeping Daniel into a hug as he crash-landed in his arms.</p><p class="p1">“Hey enano,” Sean murmured, his voice muffled as he held Daniel tight, his face pressed into his hair. “What, you miss me or something?”</p><p class="p1">“Eh,” Daniel said, still clutching on to him, “from time to time.”</p><p class="p1">They pulled apart then, Sean’s mouth wide with indignance, but tear tracks marked Daniel’s face, and he softened at the sight of them, wiping them away.</p><p class="p1">He still felt awful about not having made it back for thanksgiving, though Daniel didn’t seem to be holding it against him.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, me too buddy.” Sean said quietly, his own eyes filling with tears. “Wait…” Sean’s mouth dropped back open, noticing something. “Daniel… Is that a <em>pimple?”</em></p><p class="p1">“What? No!”</p><p class="p1">Sean’s look of shock turned quickly to a delighted grin. “It <em>is! </em>Daniel that is a zit! It’s happening. Oh my god, it <em>begins</em>!”</p><p class="p1">“Dude don’t be weird, you’re ruining it.”</p><p class="p1">“No way, this is exactly what I’ve been missing.” He hooked his arm around Daniel, pulling him towards his side, realising as he did how much taller Daniel was.</p><p class="p1">Finn, who had been busying himself with getting the bags from the trunk, appeared behind them.</p><p class="p1">“No hug for me, super bro?”</p><p class="p1">“Only if you promise never to take my brother through a snowstorm like, two days before Thanksgiving again,” Daniel’s voice was cutting, but there was a smirk on his face.</p><p class="p1">“Damn, not living that one down any time soon, am I?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel moved to hug Finn before muttering, “I’ll never not be pissed about it,” he said, even as he buried his face into Finn’s chest. “But I know it’s not actually either of your faults.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, don’t say pissed.” Sean hissed.</p><p class="p1">“I’m twelve, I can say pissed.”</p><p class="p1">Sean rolled his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“Well, don’t let Claire and Stephen catch you saying it at least.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Daniel chuckled, pulling away from Finn, “no fear. I know what’d happen if grandma heard, don’t worry.”</p><p class="p1">As if on cue, Claire and Stephen appeared at the front door that Daniel had left flung open in his wake.</p><p class="p1">“Sean, you made it!”</p><p class="p1">“Yep, at long last,” he tried to laugh about it as he greeted each of them with a hug.</p><p class="p1">He’d come back for Hallowe’en, as promised — they’d spent the day on the couch, remembering their dad, watching the home videos they’d packed in Seattle last year, and then for Día de Muertos, they built a real ofrenda for him, spending the day before baking pan de muertos and decorating sugar skulls, staying up late to talk to him, sharing their grief. A few days later, though, Daniel had been back in school, and Sean had left for his road trip with Finn. They’d only intended to be gone two weeks, back in time for Thanksgiving, but they’d gotten carried away and driven too far, gone all the way to New York, and they needed to drive fast for a few days straight to get back in time. They would have made it, too, had they not decided to drive through Wisconsin, getting caught in the first major snowfall of the season.</p><p class="p1">Finn and Sean had spent Thanksgiving in a motel, eating Chinese food and FaceTiming Daniel. It had taken another two weeks to get back.</p><p class="p1">“Look, I’m sorry, guys. About-“</p><p class="p1">“Nonsense,” Claire said, waving his apology away. “As we told you over the phone, you can’t control the weather, nobody blames you. We’re just glad you made it back for Christmas.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave her a small smile, but avoided looking at Daniel directly.</p><p class="p1">“If anything,” Stephen interjected, “we’re sorry you had to spend it in a hotel room without your family.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t feel too bad for us,” Finn said, throwing an arm around Sean. “I mean, he was broken up about missing you guys-”</p><p class="p1">Sean knew he meant Daniel specifically, but loved Finn for not wanting to offend Claire and Stephen.</p><p class="p1">“But,” he continued, “I kept him distracted best I could.” He finished with a wink, just in case they didn’t all already get it. Sean felt himself cringe as he watched Claire go pale and Stephen give a surprised little cough.</p><p class="p1">“Let’s, uh, let’s get you boys inside, shall we?” Claire’s voice was a higher pitch than usual.</p><p class="p1">“I will kill you.” Sean muttered to Finn who was still chuckling to himself as they all turned to go inside.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“When’s Karen arriving?” Sean asked, setting the table for dinner while Daniel sulked because Claire forbade him from using his powers to do it.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, who knows with that girl,” came Claire’s reply.</p><p class="p1">“What she means,” Stephen stepped in, “is she’s on her way, she should be here any day now.”</p><p class="p1">“We’re waiting to put up the tree,” Daniel said proudly, the sulking suddenly forgotten. “We’re waiting for you and for mom, so we can do it together.”</p><p class="p1">“That sounds awesome,” Sean said with a smile. This was strange to him, setting the dinner table, talk of decorating the tree with the family. The idea of a warm bed and shower waiting for him later. Stranger still, that after a month of camping in Idaho, then another three weeks or so of being on the road with Finn, sometimes in motels but mostly sleeping in the car, that this normal, comfortable life was so refreshing. After a year of resenting it, of feeling trapped, now that he was here by choice, being welcomed here as a guest, it felt wonderful.</p><p class="p1">They ate dinner together that night, Claire and Stephen asking Sean and Finn all about their trip, sounding genuinely interested. Sean knew they’d already heard every story, he’d told Daniel everything already, and Daniel wasn’t exactly the type to keep quiet, but he humoured them, recounting the trip to an audience that seemed to really care about catching up on what they’d missed in his life.</p><p class="p1">It gave him hope, for the future. Hope that, no matter what happened, no matter how far he went, he would always end up back here. With Daniel, with his grandparents. Here still wasn’t home, but it did have family, and that was close enough.</p><p class="p1">Daniel still had school for another week or so until Christmas break, and despite much complaining, was sent to bed for an early night not long after dinner. When he went up to get ready for bed, Sean excused himself too, leaving Finn downstairs with Claire and Stephen.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Daniel?” Sean called out, finding Daniel standing in the bathroom brushing his teeth with the door open.</p><p class="p1">Daniel spat, turning to look at him. “Yeah?”</p><p class="p1"><em>Can we talk? </em>He wanted to say. But it felt too formal, too serious.</p><p class="p1">“You wanna scratch some more states off my map before you go to bed?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah!” Daniel rinsed his mouth and toothbrush fast, scrambling out of the bathroom to follow Sean into his room, clambering onto the bed to examine the map.</p><p class="p1">Sean opened his mouth to list off the states he’d stopped at, but Daniel stopped him.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I remember,” he said, raising a hand to scratch them all off, one by one.</p><p class="p1">Sean had nothing he could say to that, to the realisation that Daniel had been so invested in their phone calls that he remembered every state Sean had been to. Instead, he placed a hand on the back of Daniel’s head while he worked, resisting — just barely — the urge to ruffle his hair.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, look, enano. I really am sorry about Thanksgiving.”</p><p class="p1">“I know, Sean.” He said quietly. “Don’t worry, I believe you.”</p><p class="p1">“Do you…” He hated himself a little for his next question, but that didn’t stop him from asking it. “Do you forgive me, though?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel finished with the map, dropped his hand and turned to his brother. “Yeah. Or, more like, there’s nothing to forgive. Really. I- I was pretty, you know, bummed about it. But I’m not mad at you for it. Finn told me how upset you were.”</p><p class="p1">Sean didn’t know they’d been talking without him. He was a little embarrassed, remembering that night in the motel, the light strange as the snow fell hard outside, Sean realising he’d be spending thanksgiving without his brother, the sobbing fit that had taken his breath away, the panic attack it had triggered.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah. You could say I was pretty bummed too.” He said, with a small, humourless laugh.</p><p class="p1">Daniel met his gaze for a moment then, before pulling Sean in for a hug. Sean returned it, surprised.</p><p class="p1">“So, no fight then?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed. “Did you wanna fight?”</p><p class="p1">“Nope, I’m good. Just, surprised.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll be thirteen in a few months Sean,” Daniel’s voice was matter-of-fact. “I’m way mature now.”</p><p class="p1">Sean couldn’t stop the snort that escaped.</p><p class="p1">“Hey!”</p><p class="p1">“Sorry,” he laughed, “you actually are, I shouldn’t have laughed.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel grunted, but let it drop after a moment, his eyes drawn back to the map.</p><p class="p1">“So where next?” He asked.</p><p class="p1">“Depends, you sure you’re still good with me going abroad?”</p><p class="p1">“Stop asking, I already told you, yeah.”</p><p class="p1">“Then… We were thinking… Iceland, Norway, country hop a little around that way.”</p><p class="p1">“In January? It’ll be freezing.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, but it’ll be cheaper. Plus, it’ll be worth it if we get to see the Northern Lights.”</p><p class="p1">“Awesome,” Daniel breathed.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, it will be.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">Karen arrived a few days before Christmas, and they got to decorating the tree right away, the perfect picture of holiday spirit. Claire made Christmas cookies, Daniel helping with his new found — and totally unearned, if you asked Sean — confidence after the fourth of July cookie incident. When the cookies were in the oven, Claire and Stephen dug out a bunch of old tree decorations that Karen had made as a kid, and Karen surprised everyone with a box of decorations that Sean and Daniel had made.</p><p class="p1">“Where did you even get these?” Sean asked, laughing as he and Daniel rifled through the box.</p><p class="p1">“Grabbed ‘em from the basement when I went to clean up the house last year,” she said, looking a little guilty. “I couldn’t resist, they’re adorable.”</p><p class="p1">Finn swooped in, examining something from the box.</p><p class="p1">“Now this,” he said, between bouts of laughter, “is modern art.”</p><p class="p1">It was a plastic bauble, with little stick figures of Sean, baby Daniel, Karen and their dad, all smiling big unnatural grins with the kind of unsettling detail that only a seven year old could paint.</p><p class="p1">“Truly, the beginning of your art career” Karen was laughing too.</p><p class="p1">Sean remembered this. It was Karen’s last Christmas in Seattle. The only Christmas all four of them had spent together. The only Christmas they would ever spend together, now that their Dad was gone. Daniel wasn’t even one yet, and before his first birthday, just a few months later, she’d have already left. Daniel, sat beside Sean, must have figured it out, too. He obviously couldn’t remember it, but the fact that he was in the painting, as a baby, he must have pieced it together. He shot a glance at Sean, who gave him a small, sad smile.</p><p class="p1">“At least the three of us are here, now.” Sean said, quietly, unheard by the others through their laughter.</p><p class="p1">Daniel nodded, smiling back as he twitched a hand, the bauble rising from Finn’s hands onto one of the branches of the tree.</p><p class="p1">Those few days before Christmas were hectic in the best way, Daniel off school, Karen back on the air mattress on the floor of her old room, Chris in and out the house constantly while Claire and Stephen flittered around the house decorating and preparing for the biggest Christmas dinner they’d hosted in a long time.</p><p class="p1">The dinner, it turned out, was turkey — to make up for Sean and Finn missing thanksgiving, and Chris and his dad joined them for food, the radio playing Christmas songs that were drowned out by loud conversation and laughter.</p><p class="p1">Neither Sean nor Daniel worried about what would happen in January, about the distance or the time zones or how long they’d be apart, because they knew that as long as this was here — warm evenings under blankets in the limbo between Christmas and New Year’s, the whole family laughing when Claire let Daniel take his first sip of bubbly only to watch him gag and scrunch up his face, snowball fights and building whole snow families in the back yard, watching the fireworks together on New Year’s Eve — as long as this was here, everything would be okay. All of this was here now, and it would always be here, in some form. They would always have moments like this, days and weeks where Sean and Daniel were together, surrounded by family. No amount of distance could take that away forever.</p><p class="p1">It would be easier, this time, Sean realised. To say goodbye. Not just because he had Finn this time, to hold his hand as they walked away, to comfort him on the plane, but because he knew — they both knew — that they could do it this time.</p><p class="p1">The night before Sean was due to leave, Daniel crept into the room where Finn and Sean slept, sandwiching himself between them like it was the most normal thing in the world.</p><p class="p1">“Imagine having privacy” Sean muttered as he woke, groggy.</p><p class="p1">“Nope,” Finn groaned with a sleepy chuckle. “Can’t.”</p><p class="p1">“Shut up, you’ll both miss this.” Daniel said smugly as he lay on his back, wedged between them.</p><p class="p1">“I also miss getting a good night’s sleep.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel chose to ignore that. “Iceland’s eight hours ahead. I googled it.”</p><p class="p1">“Yup.”</p><p class="p1">“So, that means you’ve gotta go see them at 11:30.”</p><p class="p1">Sean sat up a little, frowning.</p><p class="p1">“Full sentences, dude.”</p><p class="p1">“The northern lights, duh.” Daniel looked at him like he was an idiot. “You’ve gotta see them at 11:30, or later, so that you can FaceTime me and I’ll be out of school.”</p><p class="p1">Sean gave a little laugh when he realised what Daniel meant.</p><p class="p1">“Sure, enano.”</p><p class="p1">He sunk back down, resting his cheek on the top of Daniel’s head.</p><p class="p1">“You’re right.” He said after a long pause. “I will miss this.”</p><p class="p1">“Course you will.” Daniel spoke matter-of-factly, but he could hear the smile in his voice.</p><p class="p1">“If I know any two people who could make this work,” Finn said quietly, his voice husky with sleep. “It’s you two.”</p><p class="p1">“He’s right,” Daniel said. “It’s our superpower.”</p><p class="p1">“You don’t think you’ve got enough superpowers?” Sean laughed.</p><p class="p1">“This one’s not all mine though. It’s a Wolfbrothers thing. We won’t ever be apart. Not really.”</p><p class="p1">“Not even if I go all the way to… Where’s the furthest place from here? South Africa or somewhere?”</p><p class="p1">“Not even if you went to space.”</p><p class="p1">Sean had to smile at that.</p><p class="p1">Tomorrow he and Finn would be leaving, flying not just to another state, but an ocean away. He wouldn’t be coming back for a while. After Iceland, he’d be moving on to Norway next, maybe Sweden from there. A couple of months ago, he’d have been terrified at the thought of leaving Daniel. Terrified of how Daniel would cope, terrified of how he’d cope. He still knew it wouldn’t be easy, being apart, but he knew they’d get through it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>alright lads, next chapter we'll be making a bit of a time jump, I'm so excited for you all to see these next few chapters :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Me & My Dog</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <em>Five and a half years after the events at the border</em>
</p><p class="p2">*</p><p class="p1">Daniel read the postcard one last time before he pinned it up on his wall. This one was from London, where they had stayed longer than planned, because Sean’s paintings sold so well there. The postcard was brief, just re-confirming the date and time they’d be arriving back, and a line about how excited he was to be reunited. He’d also included a few doodles of Sean and Finn at different landmarks. Daniel's favourite was the one of him and Sean, hugging at the airport.</p><p class="p1">He pinned it up, next to the Edinburgh postcard. Sean had promised to send one from every country, <em>at least,</em> ideally from every city. They didn’t really need it to communicate, they talked over the phone whenever Sean had wifi, but Daniel’s collection of world postcards now dominated most of his bedroom wall, and he was proud of it.</p><p class="p1">He took a step back, admiring the latest addition, when his phone buzzed from his back pocket.</p><p class="p1"><em>You out tonight? </em>The text from Luke read. A few seconds later, <em>Ava’s coming ;)</em></p><p class="p1">Daniel ignored the uncomfortable warmth around his neck at the second text before replying.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Can’t, Sean’s back tonight remember?</em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Oh shit yh, forgot sorry</em>
</p><p class="p1">Daniel agonised for a second before typing out his reply.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>Make it up to me by convincing Ava to come tomorrow?</em>
</p><p class="p1">He hit send fast before he could change his mind, and he took Luke’s eyeball emoji as a yes before putting his phone back in his pocket.</p><p class="p1">Tomorrow was going to be weird. Sean was flying back today so that he could be here for his birthday on Sunday, and though the family-sanctioned celebrations were taking place on his actual birthday, he’d be celebrating Saturday night with his friends with a small party in the woods. He had played it cool with Sean over the phone — told him he was welcome to come but it was cool if he didn’t want to — but the relief he’d felt when Sean had enthusiastically agreed was palpable.</p><p class="p1">His friends knew all about Sean. He’d talked him up to them for years. Some of his old friends from middle school had met him, but the new friends he’d made in high school saw him as a kind of legend. If Sean found out how much he’d been bragging to them, he’d be mortified. He’d have to warn them all to keep it cool.</p><p class="p1">He took one more look at the wall, before finally sighing and collapsing on the bed. As he did, he whistled, and he stared up at the ceiling for a moment as he waited. It was only a second before he heard her coming up the stairs, the bell around her collar jingling in time with the padding of her paws.</p><p class="p1">Toadstool leapt onto the bed, accosting Daniel, her tail wagging at full force as he laughed, trying to pet her while keeping her from licking his face.</p><p class="p1">“Hey girl,” he calmed her down enough to scratch her belly. “You excited to see Sean tonight, Toad?”</p><p class="p1">Her ears pricked up at the name <em>Sean</em>, like they do at the words <em>walk </em>or <em>treat. </em>He suspected it was because Sean fed her under the table when he visited, but either way, she loved him. Grandma and Grandpa had gotten her not long after Sean left. He assumed it was to cheer him up. He had been so pissed at the time, mostly because he had tried to hide so hard how upset he’d been. Not angry, necessarily, or at least not at Sean. He had understood Sean’s reasons, and he had known, deep down, that it wasn’t about him — he believed Sean when he insisted that he would take him with him if he could. But, he had still been bummed. He missed his brother. So, they got him Toadstool.</p><p class="p1">She’d helped a lot, given him a friend in the house that wasn’t a grandparent. After that, he’d started spending more time with his friends, not just Chris, but friends from school too. For the first few weeks, every time he spoke to Sean on the phone, he’d be miserable for hours after, missing him even more, but soon it got easier. Sean came back to visit often, and it started to hurt less when he left, knowing that he’d be back soon. Smartphones helped too, Sean was usually in hostels that, if nothing else, had wifi, meaning they could FaceTime or text the vast majority of the time. By the time he got to high school, he had bigger stuff to worry about. New friends, AP classes, a job, and people talking to him about college way before he thought he’d ever have to think about it.</p><p class="p1">This weekend was going to be the first time those two worlds were meeting, his friends and his brother. Yep, it was definitely going to be weird.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel!” It was grandma’s voice calling up from downstairs, easily audible through the door that Toadstool had pushed open.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah?” He called down, knowing full well she wouldn’t answer until he came to her. He still waited a moment for the response that didn’t come before hauling himself up, Toad getting excited again and yapping as he moved. He gave her another scratch behind the ears before ushering her downstairs with him.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, grandma?” He said, as he made his way to the living room.</p><p class="p1">“Are you ready to leave? Remember, we were going to leave early to pick up a few things on the way.”</p><p class="p1">“Ah yes,” he said with a smirk, “the secret errand that absolutely has nothing to do with my birthday in a few days.”</p><p class="p1">She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop herself from returning his smile, warmth in her eyes. “Hush, you. Now go get your shoes.”</p><p class="p1">He didn’t even have to raise a hand, but after a beat, she was already onto him.</p><p class="p1">“Not like-”</p><p class="p1">But the shoes had already flown from his bedroom, descending over the railing to land softly beside him in the living room. His face split into a grin that he knew full well had gotten slightly less adorable with age, but still seemed to do the trick.</p><p class="p1">“You might as well get Stephen’s while you’re at it, then,” she said finally, her voice thick with exasperation.</p><p class="p1">The mystery errand didn’t take too long — they parked in a side street, leaving Daniel in the car while they went off for a few minutes before returning with a few paper bags that went straight into the trunk. Daniel found it hilarious, and he thought about texting Sean, but realised he’d be on the plane. By the time he turned his phone back on, he’d be with him. It was this realisation, more than anything, that made him impatient the rest of the drive.</p><p class="p1">The arrivals area of Portland International Airport had become like a second home to Daniel over the last five years. It was so familiar to him now, and with it, the familiar buzz of excitement in his stomach, peering over heads at every influx of passengers, checking to see if Sean’s face would be among them.</p><p class="p1">Soon, Sean’s face appeared in the crowd, spotting him almost instantly, a huge smile splitting across his face as he picked up his pace. When he reached Daniel, he dropped his bag to his feet and pulled him into a hug.</p><p class="p1">It had been about a year earlier when Daniel realised that his brother was <em>short. </em>He’d never really noticed before, he’d always been taller than him. He knew Finn had towered over Sean, but had always just assumed that was because Finn was freakishly tall. But no, because by age fourteen, Daniel had already pretty much caught up to Sean in height. Granted, Daniel was one of the tallest in his class, but still. Now, he was just about to turn sixteen, and he was hugging his brother back and he was laughing because his face was buried in his shoulder and, well, they were at least the same height. Daniel was, maybe, slightly taller.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, what are you laughing at?” Sean said, pulling away, tears still in his eyes but his voice thick with suspicion.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, nothing,” Daniel said, still chuckling, before making a point of looking him up and down. “… enano.” He finished quietly.</p><p class="p1">“No way, man, we’ve been through this, you’ll always be enano to me, even if you are some weird gargantuan teen.”</p><p class="p1">“<em>Teen,” </em>Daniel repeated with a snort. “You’re so old.”</p><p class="p1">“Uh, twenty-two is not old, dude.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah sure, now go hug your grandparents, grandpa.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel smirked, knowing that stepping aside to clear the space between Sean and their grandparents would give him the last word — Sean wouldn’t continue to argue when he hadn’t greeted them yet.</p><p class="p1">It worked, Sean scrunched up his nose but let it go, moving to hug their grandparents.</p><p class="p1">“No Finn?” Grandpa asked after they’d all greeted each other.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, he wanted to go visit the others, and I wanted to be able to focus on just Daniel, so when we landed in New York we got different connecting flights.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel didn’t look at Sean. He was about to turn sixteen. It would be embarrassing to admit how happy that made him. So he didn’t admit it. But he couldn’t keep the smile off his place completely.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“So this summer,” Sean was saying over dinner back at the house, “I was thinking Germany.”</p><p class="p1">“That sounds awesome, why there?”</p><p class="p1">“We loved it so much there. We spent most of the time camping, out in the black forest, so it’s affordable. And you’re a storyteller, so it’s perfect — there are loads of places to visit that inspired settings for the Grimm Brothers’ fairytales.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh man, yeah let’s do that.”</p><p class="p1">“Affordable is good,” Claire added, “we’ve been trying to convince him to quit his job at the diner.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel rolled his eyes before she’d even finished, and Sean, spotting this, held back a smirk.</p><p class="p1">“Why’s that?”</p><p class="p1">“AP classes and shi… stuff.” Daniel corrected himself quickly, shooting an instinctive glance towards his grandma. “It’s all kind of piling up. It’ll only get worse in the next two years.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh man, yeah, I keep forgetting you’re a nerd. I mean, genius.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel didn’t even bat an eyelid, he simply moved to take a bite out of his chicken while a single pea flew from his plate right into Sean’s face.</p><p class="p1">“Daniel!” Grandma called out while both Daniel and Sean chuckled. God it was good to have him back.</p><p class="p1">Later, after they’d eaten, Sean and Daniel were hanging out on the couch after their grandparents got an early night.</p><p class="p1">“You fed her people food, didn’t you?” Daniel asked, covering his nose when the smell that came from toadstool hit him.</p><p class="p1">“I can’t help it,” Sean crooned, scratching behind her ears, “she’s too cute.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah she’s cute now, wait until she’s whining at me to feed her from the table when you leave.”</p><p class="p1">“Alright, Mr. Sensible, go off,” Sean laughed when Daniel rolled his eyes at him. There was a beat of silence while Sean continued scratching Toadstool, her tail wagging furiously, even as her eyes started drooping in contentment.</p><p class="p1">“So how come Claire and Stephen are nagging you to quit your job? Surely if it was all getting too much, you’d want to quit yourself, right?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel ran his hands through his hair, realising as he did that this was a nervous habit he’d picked up from Sean over the years. He let out a long exhale before he answered.</p><p class="p1">“Uh, kinda. They’re sort of right — it is getting too much. They’re worried my school work is slipping.”</p><p class="p1">“So, quit then. It’s not like you need to pay for college, you’ve got Dad’s money for that. And you’ve been stashing away that money for like, a year, right? Without a car or bills to pay. So I’m sure you’ve got enough to tide you over for a while.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel couldn’t think of a better way to explain it than with another question. “How much do you make with your paintings?”</p><p class="p1">Sean looked a little surprised by the question, but recovered after a moment. “It varies. But enough to keep us going day-to-day.”</p><p class="p1">“Enough to cover your flights?”</p><p class="p1">“Not quite,” Sean said, his brow furrowing. He must be realising what Daniel was getting at by now.</p><p class="p1">“So, you and Finn work some jobs off the books to cover it, right? But you can’t always get the work, or you have to work for ages, and it stops you from travelling for a while. So, how long before you stop coming back, because you’re making enough money to live off but if you fly back for a visit, you won’t be able to afford to leave again?”</p><p class="p1">“Daniel, that won’t-”</p><p class="p1">“I know it won’t happen any time soon. Or you don’t want it to happen, or whatever, but I think it will eventually. And I don’t want it to. So I’m trying to save some of my own money, so you can use some of Dad’s.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, no.” Sean sat up a little straighter, his serious face on. Toadstool let out a whine when he stopped petting her. “That’s not your responsibility, enano. You don’t need to worry about that sort of thing.”</p><p class="p1">“I do, though. Worry, I mean.”</p><p class="p1">“Shit, Daniel. I’m sorry. That’s not on you. You gotta quit that job if it’s getting to be too much. Seriously, I’m not touching your college money whether you give me permission or not, so you can forget about that.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel wanted to argue, but he focussed instead on hiding the smile that threatened to appear at Sean’s fierce protectiveness. It didn’t come out so often, any more. It didn’t really need to. But Daniel still liked that it was there.</p><p class="p1">“How about-” Daniel started, but shook his head. Sean didn’t need to know he’d been thinking about this. He felt heartless just considering it, let alone saying it out loud.</p><p class="p1">“No, go on,” Sean nudged him.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, it’s nothing.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, don’t be a dick, just say whatever you were going to say.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ve been thinking about, maybe, I don’t know. Like, do you think selling the Seattle house is an option?” He’d mumbled the last part, but Sean seemed to hear it just fine. To Daniel’s surprise, Sean was nodding, not looking horrified at all.</p><p class="p1">“I’ve kind of been thinking the same. I didn’t want to say anything though.”</p><p class="p1">This gave Daniel some of his confidence back.</p><p class="p1">“I mean. It’s not like either of us really wants to go back there. I know there are a lot of memories of Dad, there. But, we’ve still got Puerto Lobos. And it’s not like the memories of Seattle are all, you know, good ones.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I get you. Why don’t we take a trip back at some point? We can empty the last of the stuff out, and that way we can decide when we’re there whether we’re ready to let it go.”</p><p class="p1">“Sure, that’s a good idea.”</p><p class="p1">Sean relaxed then, making to pet Toadstool again. “But you’re not allowed to worry about that right now, your only job this weekend is to have a good birthday. Weird that you’re turning sixteen. You’re still a baby.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel scoffed at that, glad for the break in the tension. “I’m only a baby if you were a baby when we left Seattle.”</p><p class="p1">Sean’s mouth fell open as he realised. “Oh, god. You’re the age I was?”</p><p class="p1">“Yup,” Daniel grinned. “Weird right?”</p><p class="p1">“Fucking wild.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed at that. “You’ve been spending too much time with Finn, for sure.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is the switch to Daniel’s pov an intentional literary device used to portray Daniel’s personal growth re his independence and ability to perceive himself as the protagonist in his own story? Or did I just think it’d be neat? Nobody knows!!</p><p>(P.s, sorry this one's a day late, things are gonna be a little out of sync over the holidays, but I'll try to post as close to the normal schedule as possible)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. For You to Be Here, pt.1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi guys, I'm so sorry about how long it's been since I last uploaded a chapter! Lockdown 3.0 here on Plague Island has been, uh, not great for the ol' mental health. But I've been working on it and I've got a backlog of a couple of chapters ready to go now, and a roadmap for the last few chapters. I might not be updating as regularly as I used to, but I promise I won't abandon this fic without finishing it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The night before Daniel's birthday, Daniel and Sean hiked up into the woods with Chris, making their way to the usual spot, where he knew Luke and the others would already be — probably slightly drunk already, though they’ll have saved plenty for him. Sean knew that Daniel drank sometimes. It’s not like he could judge, he was already drinking by his age. But it’d still be weird, drinking in front of his big brother.</p><p class="p1">“You ready for the onslaught?” Chris asked, a little breathless from the uphill walk among the trees. Sean chuckled, and Daniel wondered what Chris must look like to him now. Sean hadn’t seen him grow up, not as closely as he’d seen Daniel grow up, at least. He hadn’t seen Chris grow to be confident, and funny, and honestly a little too charming for his own good.</p><p class="p1">“Onslaught?”</p><p class="p1">“You’ll see,” Chris laughed, patting Sean on the back with a wink. Sean just looked at Daniel with alarm, and Daniel had to chuckle at the confusion on his face, despite the concern that was starting to build in his stomach at Chris’s words. He didn’t have time to second guess it too much though, because they stumbled into the clearing before he could decide that, actually, maybe this was a bad idea.</p><p class="p1">“Eyyyyy, Diaz! And Bigger Diaz! The legend at last!”</p><p class="p1">Oh, god.</p><p class="p1">It was Luke, who had called out, standing from his place on the ground to pull Daniel towards him, thumping him on the back in the way he did that always winded everyone but they all allowed because it meant you were <em>in </em>with Luke. He pulled Chris in too, before turning to greet Sean next, with an overly-formal handshake that made Daniel snort.</p><p class="p1">“Alright man? I’m Luke. That’s Heather” he pointed towards Heather, who was sat cross-legged on her jacket beside where he’d been sat. She shot a peace sign toward Sean, then a <em>happy birthday Danny </em>towards him. He saw Sean’s face twitch at the name Danny, but neither of them said anything. “Then there’s the rest of these losers,” Luke gestured to everyone else scattered around, some on the ground, some perched on fallen logs, a couple on fold-out chairs, most with a beer in hand. Someone was playing music from their phone.</p><p class="p1">A couple people chuckled at Luke’s lacklustre introduction, and some of Daniel’s closer friends called out birthday wishes and introductions. Lou, and Allison, Other Dan, and Ollie all introduced themselves to Sean, while most of the others just gave a small wave and a nod.</p><p class="p1">“Nice to meet you Sean” one last voice came, a beat later than the others. “I’m Ava. We’ve heard a lot about you.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel tried to ignore the swooping in his stomach. Something about his brother meeting Ava was mortifying to him. He <em>had </em>asked Luke to invite her, he knew that. But still. He had just been hoping to see her, steal glances out of the corner of his eye like always — he hadn’t fully registered that she might <em>introduce herself.</em></p><p class="p1">Sean gave a small laugh as he and Daniel sat themselves down on a log that someone had cleared for them when they arrived.</p><p class="p1">“Not all bad, right?” Sean asked. Oh god, they were having a <em>conversation</em> now.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, you know, just that you’re a hardened criminal and all that,” Ava said, and Sean’s face fell into shock for just a second before he realised she was joking. “Nah, don’t worry,” she added, eyes sparkling, “we won’t tell you all the good stuff Danny says, he’d kill us. It’d ruin this whole ‘<em>chill vibes’ </em>thing he’s got going on. That’s my birthday present to you, Danny,” she said, grinning, before shooting — god help him — a wink in his direction. He felt his whole face grow warm, and he tried to come back with something cool and snarky, he really did, but nothing came out. Sean glanced over at him, his expression unreadable, before turning back to Ava with a snort.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, you guys think Daniel is <em>chill?”</em></p><p class="p1">Daniel wanted to take offence at this, but Heather doubled over laughing at Sean’s response, calling out, “I think I’m gonna like you, Big Diaz,” and if nothing else, at least it took the spotlight off Ava.</p><p class="p1">It was one thing Sean meeting all his friends, but the thing is, Daniel remembered just how ruthless he’d been whenever Sean had crushes — he highly doubted that Sean would show any more mercy now the roles were reversed.</p><p class="p1">Thankfully, the atmosphere relaxed as the sun started to set, people splitting off into smaller conversations, occasionally calling out over groups. Everyone got a little drunk, Sean shooting him a glance when he took his first beer, but not commenting.</p><p class="p1">He made the decision to not get too drunk tonight. And he definitely would not be getting high. Even though Luke was passing a pipe around.</p><p class="p1">When Luke offered it to Daniel, he shook his head fast. He couldn’t help but glance involuntarily at Sean, whose eyebrows were raised, but he was smirking at least. He knew Sean would be in no place to judge. Hell, when he was Daniel’s age he didn’t just smoke pot, he took them to work on a pot farm for god’s sake. But smoking it <em>in front </em>of Sean was an uncomfortable line to cross somehow.</p><p class="p1">“Not tonight, Luke,” Daniel tried to say as quietly as he could. Luke just shrugged, before offering it to Sean, who shook his head more firmly than Daniel had been expecting him to.</p><p class="p1">“Oh shit man, sorry, I thought I remembered Danny saying you smoked.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Sean laughed, “don’t worry, no judgement, you guys go ahead. I just left Amsterdam like a month ago and I’m off the stuff for a while. Too much of a good thing, you know?”</p><p class="p1">“<em>Amsterdam</em>,” Heather breathed. “Oh my god, how was it?”</p><p class="p1">“Kind of amazing” Sean said, with a slightly nervous smile. Daniel could tell Sean felt strange being involved, and he wondered if Sean had only expected to be an observer tonight, among this group of people who didn’t know him. Daniel could have told him from the start that his friends would never let someone feel left out, but especially not him, who they all already kind of knew by proxy.</p><p class="p1">“It’s a gorgeous city,” he said. “Awesome nightlife.”</p><p class="p1">“I know your kid brother is here and all,” interjected Miles, a friend from his biology class who Daniel wasn’t actually that close with, and who was annoyingly wasted already. “But red light district? Blink once for yes, twice for hell yes.”</p><p class="p1">“He’s gay, asshole,” Luke hissed.</p><p class="p1">“Uh, bi-erasure, <em>again, </em>Luke.” Heather groaned. “We’ve talked about this.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel watched as Sean gave a surprised little laugh, beaming as his eyes flicked between Daniel and his friends, watching the back-and-forth.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, I’m bi,” Sean said, scratching the back of his neck. He did that when he was nervous, Daniel knew. Or awkward. He realised Sean had always been a little nervous about coming out to new people. Even to him. He probably should have warned him in advance that his friends a) already knew, and b) were mostly queer as hell themselves.</p><p class="p1">“But,” Sean continued, “I was with my boyfriend of about…” He hesitated, lips moving as he counted silently. “Just over four years now? Yeah, Jesus, four years. So yeah, no lights of any kind for us,” he laughed.</p><p class="p1">“He mostly just sold paintings of tulips from the side of a canal and then spent the money getting high in Vondelpark,” Daniel pointed out.</p><p class="p1">“But it was a super pretty canal, at least,” Sean grinned at Daniel, who smiled back.</p><p class="p1">“Danny showed us some of your paintings,” Ava said then, eliciting more embarrassment from Daniel — although whether it was talking to Ava, or her mentioning that he’d been showing off about Sean, he couldn’t be sure. “There was one, god it was gorgeous, where was that, a forest I think?”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, man, that could be anywhere. I’ve painted a lot of forests, I got pretty attached to them since…” He trailed off then, looking at Daniel with alarm.</p><p class="p1">“Don’t worry about it, they all know about our time on the road. We were pretty big on the news back in the day, it’s hard to hide it.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh,” Sean said, relief on his face. “Then, yeah, ever since we were on the road together I guess. We spent some time in a redwood forest in Humboldt and since then painting trees has always kinda been, I don’t know, like a comfort thing, I guess?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel had been scrolling through his phone while Sean spoke.</p><p class="p1">“This one, right?” He held the photo out to Ava, who nodded.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, that’s the Black Forest in Germany,” Daniel said, showing the photo to Sean. “We’re spending next summer there.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, yeah, I remember that one. God, I loved it there.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude, Germany?” Chris breathed. “That’s gonna be awesome, Danny.”</p><p class="p1">“So no Mexico this summer?” It was Ava who’d asked, and Sean shot another glance between them, the exact kind of knowing smirk that Daniel had been dreading growing on his face.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, Puerto Lobos will still be there whenever we wanna go back, I’m buzzed for some camping.”</p><p class="p1">“Speaking of camping,” someone else called out from the group — Allison, maybe? — “It’s getting dark, should we get the campfire going?”</p><p class="p1">A few people dove into action then, but Ava was still looking at Daniel.</p><p class="p1">“It’ll be great for your novel there.” She said, over the commotion, and a few of the people building the campfire, standing between where she was sat and where Daniel was sat, turned to look at her delayed addition to the conversation. She looked uncharacteristically shy. “For inspiration, I mean. There’s all that fairytale stuff there. You’ll get loads of material.”</p><p class="p1">Sean was still smirking, but Daniel couldn’t hide his own grin.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” he said, dropping his gaze for a second. “I’ll get loads of writing done.”</p><p class="p1">“You’ll send me updates, won’t you?” Her voice was quiet, this time, just barely carrying over the newly built campfire. He noticed some of the others smirking at him now. Luke, Heather, and Chris, the ones that knew about his crush. And, a few others who had — let’s be honest — probably guessed at this point. “I find it always helps when you’ve got someone waiting for updates, keeps the motivation to create, y’know? And also…”her voice got even quieter. “So I don’t miss you so much.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel wished he’d had a better response than choking on his beer, which caused Sean to do a pretty poor job of suppressing a bellow of laughter.</p><p class="p1">“I’ll make damn sure he does,” Sean said through his laughter as he thumped the choking Daniel on the back.</p><p class="p1">Ava smiled then, her face redder than usual, and as the fire was fanned, the group split off into separate conversations for a while.</p><p class="p1">Sean and Daniel both got their breath back, and when Daniel had mostly recovered from his embarrassment, they fell into a kind of comfortable silence, listening to the conversations around them.</p><p class="p1">Sean leaned close to Daniel after they had both spent some time sipping their beers without speaking.</p><p class="p1">“You’ve got good people here,” Sean said quietly.</p><p class="p1">“I know.” And he did, he really did know this already, but he couldn’t stop the grin that split across his face at Sean’s confirmation.</p><p class="p1">“So, uh, you gonna tell me the deal with this Ava girl, or?”</p><p class="p1">“You shut your mouth.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, while Daniel shot a surreptitious look over at Ava to make sure she hadn’t heard. She was too far away, but she locked eyes with him when he looked and he felt himself get warm and flustered again.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Sean,” Luke called out then, a few of the other conversations tapering out as the attention shifted to him. Daniel was just relieved to have something to switch his attention to — that is, he was, until Luke continued. “Settle this once and for all, okay? Danny. Bleach blond. Thoughts?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel groaned as he watched Sean’s face pucker with disgust.</p><p class="p1">“Solid no.”</p><p class="p1">“See?” Luke pointed at Sean, but looked directly at Daniel. “You can ignore us, but you cannot ignore Master Yoda here. Trust us, Danny. We only want the best for you.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just rolled his eyes, while Sean stared at him, eyes wide.</p><p class="p1">“Wait you’re actually considering-?”</p><p class="p1">“No! Not really,” Daniel grumbled, suddenly regretting this little crossover of spheres. “I just thought maybe…”</p><p class="p1">“Yes, really,” Luke insisted while Heather snickered beside him. “He bought the bleach already. It’s under his bed. He’s one tricky AP exam away from using it, this is an emergency, man."</p><p class="p1">“Daniel, <em>No.</em>” The others burst out laughing at the look of horror on Sean’s face.</p><p class="p1">“We’ve tried an intervention,” Chris chuckled. “He won’t hear it.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude,” Sean shook his head. “The second we get home I’m throwing that shit <em>out.</em>”</p><p class="p1">Daniel sputtered, indignant. It was his own hair, after all. Who were they to say it’d look <em>that </em>bad? He tried to voice as much to Sean, but he cut off his protestations.</p><p class="p1">“You’re so lucky to have me, Daniel,” Sean smirked, wrapping an arm around him too tightly to squirm away from. “Clearly you need me. To talk you out of shit like this.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Heather called out. “Maybe if I had an older brother I wouldn’t have gotten that undercut that took two years to grow out.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, I thought that undercut looked cool,” Daniel pressed.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, exactly” Luke’s voice was dripping with smugness. “This is why you can’t be trusted on these kinds of things.”</p><p class="p1">He tried his absolute best not to look at Ava throughout all of this, but he couldn’t last long. She was laughing, not unkindly, along with everyone else at Luke’s joke.</p><p class="p1">As mortified as he was — and as personally offended that he felt that they couldn’t just trust him that he would look good blond — he finally squirmed away from Sean’s grip and tried to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t keep from letting out an exasperated laugh along with the others. This was, he had to admit, really nice. And while he disagreed with Sean’s reasoning, he had to agree that he was lucky to have Sean in his life. It’s not like he was alone any more, Sean wasn’t his whole life, he had good friends and a future to plan that didn’t revolve around his brother — but god his life was better with his brother in it, and that night it was pretty much perfect.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. For You to Be Here, pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">They stayed out by the campfire for a long time. It was way past curfew for Daniel — not that Daniel often stuck to curfew, something that was a regular source of arguments with his grandparents — maybe it was because he was with Sean, or maybe just because it was for his birthday, but for whatever reason, he didn’t get any angry texts or missed calls from Claire as time stretched on.</p><p class="p1">As it got later, people started leaving, first the people who Daniel didn’t know all that well, then the people that Daniel considered friends, but not necessarily part of the <em>core group. </em>Ava, for some reason, hung on a little longer, but after a while, when the warmth of the campfire began to meld softly and wonderfully with the warmth in their chests from the quite significant amounts of beer they’d been drinking, she made her move to leave, too.</p><p class="p1">Not before, however, getting up from where she was sat across the campfire from Daniel, and stumbling across to sit next to him.</p><p class="p1">She lay her head on his shoulder, and he felt his whole body tense up. He wanted to blame his awkwardness on the fact that Sean was directly next to him, but a part of him knew that this was mostly just who he was as a person. He remembered, though, that Ava was pretty drunk, too. That she was, albeit more confident and less awkward than him, rarely this forward. She’d probably be just as embarrassed as he would have been if he’d have done this after a few beers, so he relaxed into it, safe in the knowledge that if she cringed about it tomorrow morning, she’d be cringing at herself, not him. He rested his head slightly on hers, her box braids soft and sweet smelling beneath his cheek — not that he noticed, or anything. She gave out a small sigh, for no apparent reason, that made Daniel’s breath hitch in his throat.</p><p class="p1">“I gotta go.” She murmured after a moment, despite making absolutely no moves to leave.</p><p class="p1">“Thanks for coming, Ava.” Was all he could think to say, and she stirred then, pulling away from him slightly to look at him, her face uncomfortably, wonderfully, close to his, her deep brown eyes glassy with drink but glittering in the light of the campfire.</p><p class="p1">“I forgot your present.” She whispers.</p><p class="p1">He didn’t know what he’d been expecting her to say in that moment.</p><p class="p1">“Oh. That’s- that’s cool. I wasn’t expecting anything-”</p><p class="p1">“No, no, I have something for you, just not with me. So, I’ll have to see you again soon to get it to you.” She smiled, something meaningful in her eyes that took Daniel a moment to recognise.</p><p class="p1">“Oh. Oh! Well, I mean. We could… Hang out? Soon? I mean, go out. Somewhere. Next weekend, maybe?”</p><p class="p1">“Sounds perfect.” She said, softly. Then, “happy birthday Danny.” She moved to kiss him softly on the cheek, and Daniel’s whole body — heart, brain, everything — froze for a moment. For far too long. Luckily, she didn’t stick around long enough to notice, spinning on her heel to leave, stumbling as she did, with a “bye everyone!”</p><p class="p1">Heather scrambled up after her.</p><p class="p1">“I’m gonna walk her home. She’s a mess. I’ll be back.”</p><p class="p1">The two girls left, noisily, and as soon as they were out of sight, they heard loud laughter coming from Heather, and shushing form Ava.</p><p class="p1">It took another moment for the feeling to come back to Daniel’s face, enough for him to turn back around and see Chris, Luke, and Sean all staring at him, eyes wide. A few of the remaining stragglers also pretended not to have been staring.</p><p class="p1">“So. Uh. Were either of you aware you had an audience for the entire…” Luke waved his hand generally towards Daniel. “Whatever that just was.”</p><p class="p1">There was another moment of strange, heavy silence, until —with a jolt of surprise from Daniel —Sean let out a howling belly laugh that had him doubled over, tears in his eyes, a laugh so genuine and booming that it only took a second before Chris and Luke had joined in too, Daniel hiding his face in his hands, feeling it growing hot against his palms.</p><p class="p1">“The fuck,” Sean managed to get out between tears and peals of laughter, “was that?”</p><p class="p1">“I <em>will </em>kill you.”</p><p class="p1">“I'd love to see you try, loverboy,” Sean gasped between laughter that showed no signs of abating.</p><p class="p1">“You know I could take you.” Daniel hissed, aiming for cool and blasé but knowing that it would maybe be more effective if his face wasn’t still burning up. It didn’t help that Sean only redoubled his laugher.</p><p class="p1">“Okay, okay, <em>flaquito, </em>no need to show off, she's gone already.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just groaned. He really thought they’d retired that nickname. He heard Luke repeat the word between his own snorts of laughter.</p><p class="p1">“Seriously, Danny.” Chris said, fighting to get his breath back. “I think you just asked her out but in like, the least cool way possible.”</p><p class="p1">“Wait, wait no,” Sean chipped in wiping tears from his eyes. “The <em>second </em>least cool way. Did he ever tell you guys about a girl called Sarah-Lee and a drawing I found underneath his pillow one time?”</p><p class="p1">“This is fun. Isn’t this fun? I love that we can joke about these things now,” Daniel groaned, his voice thick with sarcasm.</p><p class="p1">Sean slung an arm around Daniel, still chuckling.</p><p class="p1">“I know you’re being sarcastic, but you’re right. This is so much fun, and I <em>do </em>love that we can joke about these things now.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel rolled his eyes, but didn’t push Sean away, eliciting coos and <em>awwww</em>s from his friends.</p><p class="p1">“See? Maybe if I’d had an older brother it’d keep me humble.”</p><p class="p1">“Nothing could keep you humble, Luke,” Chris interjected, stretching out on the ground.</p><p class="p1">And the conversation moved on to gently humiliating Luke instead. Just like that, easily, no fanfare. Daniel felt the heat lifting from him, Sean’s arm still around him, and he felt instead slightly embarrassed that he’d even taken it all so much to heart. Because this was friendship, wasn’t it? Or, at least, it was the kind of friendship he had with Luke, Chris, and Heather. They'd mock each other, mercilessly, but they’d fight to the death if anyone outside the circle tried anything. Most people weren’t lucky enough to have their brother be part of that circle. Daniel’s brother, who had at various times had been to him an annoyance, a guardian, a bully, a protector — and now, he realised, a friend. It felt good as all hell.</p><p class="p1">Didn’t mean he had to enjoy being made fun of, but it definitely made it sting less.</p><p class="p1">“Ava’s home safe,” Heather called out as she returned. “Hilariously drunk, and absolutely mortified, but safe.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah she’s not the only one who’s mortified,” Daniel murmured.</p><p class="p1">“Aww, lil Danny is embarrassed that he finally made a move after two years of making moony eyes at her from a distance?” Heather countered as she reclaimed her spot by the fire.</p><p class="p1">“Two years?” Sean said, his eyes lighting up.</p><p class="p1">“You wanna talk about Jenn, huh, tough guy?”</p><p class="p1">Sean chuckled, but pressed his lips shut and held his hands in the air in peace.</p><p class="p1">As it got later, people started leaving, and soon it was just the core group left. Him, Chris, Luke, Heather — the usual setup, though with the unusual addition of Sean. The stars were out, and still no angry texts from Claire asking when he’d be back.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, pass me another can, will you Danny?” Heather called out from the other side of the campfire. Daniel didn’t think twice before he glanced lazily at the remaining beers, sending one in her direction without even needing to raise his hand any more.</p><p class="p1">Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sean twitch with unease, as if moving to stop him.</p><p class="p1">“It’s fine, Sean,” Chris said, noticing it too. “Everyone here knows.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel glanced up to see Sean’s reaction. He looked concerned.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, no stress. None of us are going to go around telling anyone. We’re not ready to be involuntarily committed to the psych ward just yet,” Luke smirked.</p><p class="p1">“Or get our best friend shipped off to Area 51,” Heather added. “Not until he agrees to our plan to break us in from inside, at least.”</p><p class="p1">The others laughed at that, but Daniel still watched Sean’s face warily. To the untrained eye, his expression looked painstakingly neutral, but Daniel knew him well enough to see the range of emotions flickering just beyond his expression.</p><p class="p1">“You good, Sean? Seriously, I trust these guys. They won’t tell.”</p><p class="p1">Sean seemed to process that for a second, before eventually giving a small, but warm, smile. “Yeah. I trust your judgement.” He said after a minute. “Like I’ve always said, you’re good with that kind of thing.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, except that one time.” Heather snorted.</p><p class="p1">“Dude!” Daniel threw her a glare.</p><p class="p1">“I’m just saying,” Heather laughed, raising her arms defensively. “People with good judgement don’t let themselves get sucked into a cult.”</p><p class="p1">“I was <em>nine.</em>” He’d given this defence a thousand times.</p><p class="p1">“Sure buddy, whatever helps you sleep at night.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel threw an empty can near, but not directly at her, and he chuckled, shaking his head just slightly as she continued laughing at her own joke. Sean, again, was looking surprised, though it wasn’t laced with concern this time. Instead, it was the kind of half-amused shock of someone who had just heard a wildly inappropriate joke that they weren’t sure they were allowed to laugh at. It made Daniel laugh even harder.</p><p class="p1">“So, you guys know…”</p><p class="p1">“Literally everything, dude.” Heather confirmed. “Seriously big bro, don’t worry about it. We’ve known the ins and outs of it for like, what, a year now?” She looked around, and the others nodded. “And we haven’t told anyone yet. And we joke about getting committed to the psych ward but like, you think if one of us ever did go rogue and decide to break Danny’s trust, anyone would actually believe us?”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed at that. “Yeah that’s… Fair enough. I mean, I’ve known for over six years now and I’m still not sure I believe me.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel tried not to be too obvious with his sigh of relief that this had gone down so well with Sean, and brushed it off with a roll of the eyes. “Alright, I get it already, I’m a freak of nature.”</p><p class="p1">“But you’re our <em>favourite </em>freak of nature,” Chris said with a grin.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“You think you can act sober in front of Claire and Stephen when we step inside?”</p><p class="p1">“Pfft, it’s way past their bedtime Sean.”</p><p class="p1">“Daniel, if you don’t think Claire’s waiting up for you, you do not know them at all. Aren’t you the one who lives with them?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel hesitated for a moment. Let out a small burp as he considered this.</p><p class="p1">“You’re right? But I’m not that drunk.”</p><p class="p1">“Sure, dude.” Sean snickered as he unlocked the front door.</p><p class="p1">Sure enough, Claire called out from the living room.</p><p class="p1">“You kids have a good night?”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, Claire, it was great. We’re exhausted though, just going to head to bed,” Sean called back, ferrying Daniel up the stairs before she could see him. “G’night!”</p><p class="p1">Daniel let out a snort of laughter that possibly gave them away a little.</p><p class="p1">“Thoughts?” Daniel asked groggily when Sean managed to get him to his room without incident, sitting him down on the bed with a thump.</p><p class="p1">“On?”</p><p class="p1">“The others. Y’know, Luke, Heather, Chris. You knew Chris already but. Yeah.”</p><p class="p1">“I like them.” Sean said, smiling. “They’re, well, they’re sixteen. So, not exactly my crowd. But I think they’re good for you, and-“ He rubbed the back of his neck, and Daniel couldn’t keep the pout off his face at the familiar gesture. Whatever he had to say next, he was nervous about saying it.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah, go on, say what you gotta say.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude,” Sean gave him a little push, enjoying how unsteady it made Daniel. “I was only going to say, I mean, I’m glad you’ve got them. I hated leaving you here on your own. I’m glad you’ve found your people. People you can trust.”</p><p class="p1">“Ohhhhhh, this is about the powers” Daniel waved his hands through the air as he said it, with a sarcastic emphasis on the word <em>powers </em>and an eye roll, but he shot a glance at Sean afterwards, a nervous darting look.</p><p class="p1">Sean just scoffed. “Yeah you’re damn right it’s about your powers, asshole. Just that I’m glad you’ve got people that you can be honest with, you don’t have to keep some part of yourself secret. That’s all I wanted for you.”</p><p class="p1">“Mmmm,” was Daniel’s response, slumping back against the bed.</p><p class="p1">“Get some sleep enano,” Sean said, chuckling. He stood to leave, but Daniel spoke up before Sean reached the door.</p><p class="p1">“You’re still my people too, you know,” he mumbled, too drunk and sleepy to be as embarrassed as he thought maybe he should be.</p><p class="p1">“Good,” Sean said, and Daniel’s eyes were closing but he could hear the smile in his voice. “Take your shoes off before you fall asleep. <em>Danny.”</em></p><p class="p1">Daniel felt like he should maybe have a comeback for that, but instead he let his eyes close fully, his shoelaces untying themselves as he did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Places We've Roamed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">“Morning,” Sean called out, loudly, the door opening the instant he knocked. Daniel groaned.</p><p class="p2">“Kill me,” was all he said before pulling the covers over him, but Sean wasn’t deterred, laughing as he sat down on the bed beside Daniel, tugging the covers away.</p><p class="p2">“If I did, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my little brother’s first hangover.” Sean chuckled.</p><p class="p2">Daniel, after a moment of resistance, gave up, letting the covers be pulled from him, staring up at the ceiling, head throbbing.</p><p class="p2">“’s’not my first,” he mumbled, unconvincingly. In truth, it wasn’t. Not completely. He’d gotten tipsy before, had a few beers. He still remembered the first time he drank, the groggy feeling the next day, the dry mouth. But this was the first time he’d been really <em>drunk. </em>“I don’t know what happened,” he whined after a moment, not pleased by how much Sean seemed to be enjoying this. “I didn’t even mean to drink that much. In fact, I was actively planning to <em>not</em> drink much.”</p><p class="p2">“You took a sip every time you got nervous,” Sean snickered. “Whenever you didn’t know what to do with your hands. And you got nervous a lot.”</p><p class="p2">“I did <em>not.</em>”</p><p class="p2">“Yup. You were scared of your friends embarrassing you in front of me, you were scared of me embarrassing you in front of your friends, and you were just straight up scared of Ava.”</p><p class="p2"><em>Ava. </em>“Fuck.”</p><p class="p2">“Yep. That happened.” Sean said, throwing his head back in redoubled laughter at whatever flashed across Daniel’s face</p><p class="p2">Daniel had been struck at times, over the last few years, by how carefree Sean had become. He’d loved it. He’d loved seeing Sean grow and thrive and chill the fuck out. Right now, though, he’d have appreciated it if Sean could be thriving a little less off this particular misery of Daniel’s.</p><p class="p2">Daniel tried his best to ignore it as he scrambled for his phone.</p><p class="p2">
  <em>Oh god. I’m so sorry for last night.</em>
</p><p class="p2">One text from Ava read, early that morning.</p><p class="p2">
  <em>Please don’t feel like you ever have to look me in the eye again.</em>
</p><p class="p2">The second had come fifteen minutes later.</p><p class="p2">“Call her back,” Sean said, still chuckling as he stood and made for the door. “But be down soon, don’t want Claire to figure out you’re hanging.”</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p2">Toadstool came yapping at Daniel’s feet as soon as he managed to drag them downstairs, the sounds of chatter reaching him from the kitchen.</p><p class="p2">“Hey girl,” Daniel said, grunting with the effort of squatting down to pet her.</p><p class="p2">“Food’s almost gone Daniel, much like the daylight hours,” came the singsong call from Grandma in the kitchen. He rolled his eyes. It was barely eleven on a Sunday. Hangover or no, he should be allowed to sleep in on his birthday.</p><p class="p2">“Morning,” he grumbled as he turned the corner into the kitchen.</p><p class="p2">“Just barely,” Grandma said in lieu of a greeting, at the same time that Grandpa called out “happy birthday, Daniel,” from the couch.</p><p class="p2">“Let him be, Claire,” Sean said kindly, the charm and confidence Sean had gained over the years more obvious than ever in the way Grandma softened at his words, instead of bristled. “Being a teenager is hard work,” Sean added with a grin. “Not as hard for him as it was for <em>me, </em>but, still hard.”</p><p class="p2">“Pfft,” Daniel shot back “You had an easy childhood, so fair trade. And thank you Grandpa. At least someone’s being nice to me.”</p><p class="p2">Grandma looked horrified at his and Sean’s little sparring match, but Sean just chuckled as Daniel settled down to help himself to breakfast.</p><p class="p2">“And, uh, thanks for breakfast Grandma.”</p><p class="p2">She clicked her teeth, but smiled. “You’re welcome. Happy birthday.”</p><p class="p2">“So how’d it go?” Sean whispered when Grandma went to busy herself with dishes, and Daniel was sat next to him shovelling eggs into his mouth.</p><p class="p2">Daniel winced.</p><p class="p2">“Awkward,” he murmured after a beat, the word muffled by the eggs. “But we’re going to go out. Not until after you leave though. You’re the, priority or whatever.”</p><p class="p2">“Aww, that’d be sweet if I believed you,” Sean crooned. “You’re just shit-scared to go on a date with her though aren’t you?”</p><p class="p2">“I am <em>not</em>” Daniel hissed, but Grandma’s return cut the conversation short. Sean just slapped a hand on Daniel’s back, grinning.</p><p class="p2">“So, who’s coming today, then?” Sean asked at a normal volume this time.</p><p class="p2">“Well, your mother of course.” Claire jumped in, and Sean and Daniel both nodded, they both kept in contact with her, but hadn’t seen her for a while, and were looking forward to her arrival. “Chris next door, and his dad, you remember Chris, Sean?”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah he does, grandma, he was out with us last night remember?”</p><p class="p2">“Woah, look who entered moody teenage mode while I’ve been away,” Sean teased.</p><p class="p2">“Except this moody teenager can slam doors with his mind,” they all turned to Stephen as he spoke, chuckling to himself quietly from the couch without once looking up from his book.</p><p class="p2">“You guys don’t know how good you’ve got it. I’m an angel.”</p><p class="p2">Claire beamed at him. “You’re quite right,” she said, planting a kiss on the back of his head as she moved to collect his plate. “Now if this angel could go pick the socks up off his bedroom floor before the guests arrive, that’d be wonderful.”</p><p class="p2">“The guests won’t be in <em>my room.</em>”</p><p class="p2">“Your mother will.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh. Oh yeah. You got me this time.”</p><p class="p2">She just shooed him away, calling after him as he left. “And open a window! It smells like teenage boy in there!”</p><p class="p2">The answering groan had them all chuckling to themselves.</p><p class="p2">Karen had arrived by lunchtime, the door opening with a “where are my boys!” That had Sean and Daniel scrambling downstairs, letting her pull them both into a hug at the same time.</p><p class="p2">“God look at you, how are you both so much taller than me?” She laughed, doing her best to subtly swipe the tears from her eyes.</p><p class="p2">“Don’t look at me,” Sean said, “it’s this freak who’s going to outgrow us all.”</p><p class="p2">“Show me the postcard wall?” Karen asked then, taking them both by surprise. “I need to take my bags upstairs anyway, I want to hear about everywhere you’ve been since we last spoke.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel pulled Sean back a moment as Karen made her way upstairs.</p><p class="p2">“How long’s it been since you called her?”</p><p class="p2">Sean at least had the good sense to look guilty.</p><p class="p2">“Been using most of my free wifi time to call you.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel could hardly argue with that, so he just followed Karen upstairs, Sean behind him with his head bowed.</p><p class="p2">“London,” Karen was saying by the time they caught up to her, touching her hand to the postcard. She moved her fingers along to the one beside it. “Edinburgh before that, Amsterdam before that.” She let out a small breath, “You’ve got to tell me the family friendly version of <em>that.”</em></p><p class="p2">“Why does everyone keep assuming-“</p><p class="p2">“Oh, and Germany before that, oh <em>Switzerland</em>. You called me from there, right?”</p><p class="p2">“Yep,” Sean said quietly, still looking a little guilty, but Karen didn’t seem to care. Her eyes were wild and excited as she took in the wall of postcards. She loved hearing about Sean’s travels. Daniel called her every week when he could, and he tried to nag Sean to call her more often, but he knew she didn’t hold it against him — he was out there, doing what she had wanted to do so long ago, wandering, seeing the world. She understood more than anyone that sometimes that desire to keep moving kept you away from the people you love.</p><p class="p2">“And you, Daniel, did you two decide where you’re spending the summer?”</p><p class="p2">He told her about their plan for Germany, what Sean had told him about the Black Forest and the Brothers Grimm, what Ava — though he didn’t mention her by name — had said about it being good for his novel.</p><p class="p2">“It’ll be amazing,” she sighed after he’d told her. “And you’re good for money? Because I know you do well with your paintings Sean but, Daniel, I don’t have much but if you need something to help I can see what I can do.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel shook his head firmly. He understood now, more than he had when he was younger, exactly how little money his mom had. He couldn’t ask her for anything like that.</p><p class="p2">“Actually Karen,” Sean started, Daniel looking up at him with a frown. “Not money,” he added quickly, more to soothe Daniel’s frown than anything, “but we did want to talk to you about something.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel realized. Of course. They’d talked about selling the Seattle house. It wouldn’t be right not to talk to her first.</p><p class="p2">“Sounds serious,” she said, sitting on Daniel’s bed. “Shoot.”</p><p class="p2">The doorbell rang before Sean could continue, and all three of them winced.</p><p class="p2">“Raincheck, I guess?” Daniel suggested, even as his Grandma was calling him downstairs.</p><p class="p2">The guests came quickly from then. It was a small town, and most of the guests were his grandparents’ church friends, so they were all fairly punctual. Pretty much the only friend of his that had come was Chris, but he was fine with that. He’d had his friend party. This was for his family. And Chris had been his best friend too long not to have a right to be there for things like this.</p><p class="p2">“I guess we’re too old to sneak off to the treehouse during shit like this any more,” Chris said quietly with a grin when they’d gotten a moment away from Marie, the woman who lived down the street and would only ever ask about their grades and if either of them had girlfriends yet.</p><p class="p2">“Nah, never too old for the treehouse, or for avoiding responsibilities.” As he grinned back at Chris, he noticed, as he had been more and more recently, Chris’s eyes drop from his quick, his face turn a little pinker. That was one thing Daniel loved about Chris — the poor guy was always too pale to hide a single emotion. Though he couldn’t always tell what emotion his friend was failing to hide.</p><p class="p2">“We’d have to smuggle Sean up with us though,” he added. “He’s only here for a few days.”</p><p class="p2">“Nah, don’t worry about it Danny, I was kidding. Spend time with your brother. Did I mention Luke and Heather are like, obsessed with him?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel snorted at that. “Why?”</p><p class="p2">“Badass older brother who you never shut up about, shows up all ripped and tan with one eye completely white, after travelling the world post-prison from all the car-stealing and drug-money-heisting?”</p><p class="p2">“Uh, hey, I was also there for the car stealing and heisting. Most of it at least.”</p><p class="p2">“Well yeah but everyone’s already obsessed with you, that’s not news.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel had no idea what to say to that, so he rounded back to an earlier comment.</p><p class="p2">“Please never call my brother ripped again,” he said with a grimace.</p><p class="p2">“Just a factual observation,” Chris laughed, hands in the air. “I’m gonna go rescue my dad from Marie, go find Sean and your mom, I’ll catch up with you later.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel nodded, placing a hand on Chris’s shoulder for just a second before he turned to find Sean.</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, so we got the overnight ferry from Amsterdam to the UK, it took twelve hours but it only cost us like, fifteen euros each so, you know, no complaints here,” Sean was telling Karen when Daniel approached. “It took us just outside of Newcastle, which, honestly was kind of amazing. It’s right at the northeast of England, loads of college students who could drink us under the table, and a bunch of gay bars with a huge drag scene, so we stayed there a weekend before we went on to Scotland.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel had heard all of this before. He’d texted Sean at what he’d known would be early hours of the morning for him, and when the message had been read instantly, he called, answered by Sean’s loud, drunk voice telling him he and Finn were in the smoking area of a club called <em>Powerhouse, </em>and that he’d just watched a show in which a bunch of half naked men had taken angle grinders to some kind of metal underwear and sent sparks everywhere. He grinned, realising that maybe it was best not to tell their mom that part.</p><p class="p2">“Hey,” Daniel said, before Sean was made to recount his every move in Scotland.</p><p class="p2">“The man of the hour,” Karen beamed as he approached. “Have my parents relaxed their rule on <em>no presents until the guests have left </em>for their beloved grandson?”</p><p class="p2">“It’s grandma and grandpa. I don’t think relaxed is in their vocabulary.”</p><p class="p2">“Well, let’s do this one in secret then,” she said, grinning as she stood and scurried him towards the front door while his grandparents weren’t looking, Sean following with a smug look on his face like he knew what was happening.</p><p class="p2">“I’m sure they’re not gonna be so mad that we have to go <em>outside</em> to open a present, you know.”</p><p class="p2">“You’d think for someone in so many AP classes he’d be a bit smarter,” Sean said with a chuckle as he stepped out into the driveway behind them.</p><p class="p2">“Don’t be mean to your brother on his birthday,” Karen said, swatting him gently over the head.</p><p class="p2">“Oh, so any other day is fine?” Daniel interjected. Karen ignored him, turning him by the shoulders to face the side of the road.</p><p class="p2">“There. Happy birthday.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel blinked at the road for a moment.</p><p class="p2">“The car, enano,” Daniel wasn’t looking at Sean, but he could practically hear the eye roll.</p><p class="p2">“No way,”</p><p class="p2">Karen just laughed.</p><p class="p2">“No seriously, mom, you can’t afford this, I can’t-“</p><p class="p2">But he was already hugging her, even as he objected.</p><p class="p2">“Hey, hey, that’s twice in one afternoon you’ve told me what I can’t afford. Plus I bought it cheap, fixed it up. It’s what your dad did for Sean, I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss out just because, you know, because your dad’s not here.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel hugged her even tighter, not even worrying about whether she or Sean noticed the tears falling.</p><p class="p2">“I think that’s <em>thank you </em>in Daniel,” he heard Sean say with a small laugh.</p><p class="p2">“Oh, yeah,” Daniel sniffed, pulling away from his mom and swiping an arm over his eyes, “thanks.” He beamed.</p><p class="p2">“You’re always welcome,” she said, holding his face in her hands, her own eyes welling up a little too.</p><p class="p2">She gave herself a little shake, wiping her eyes quickly before putting a hand back on her hip. “So, speaking of things you think I can’t afford. What were you going to ask me earlier?”</p><p class="p2">Sean opened his mouth, probably thinking it was his big brother duty to have this conversation, but Daniel jumped in first. It was because of him that they had to do this.</p><p class="p2">“I want to go to college out of state.” He blurted out. “San Diego, actually.” He added, quieter. “I’ve been thinking about San Diego. And, it’ll cost a lot, and I don’t want Sean to have to stop travelling, so, we were thinking of…”</p><p class="p2">“We were thinking of selling the Seattle house. Dad’s house.” Daniel gave Sean a grateful look for finishing the sentence he couldn’t. “I mean there are good memories there, yeah, but there are too many bad ones.” Sean continued.</p><p class="p2">There was a long pause between all three of them as Karen blew out a puff of air.</p><p class="p2">“You’re sure?” She asked finally</p><p class="p2">“Not completely,” Daniel said. “We were thinking we might go back, empty the last of the stuff out, see how we feel about it while we’re there. Before we make a decision.”</p><p class="p2">“We just wanted to talk to you first. I mean, it was your home too. For a while.”</p><p class="p2">His mom was already shaking her head. “No, I gave up my right to that place a long time ago. This is your home, your decision to make. I’ll help you however you need, whatever your decision.</p><p class="p2">So they made a plan, the three of them would go up there during the first week of summer and empty the place out and make their decision then so that they didn’t have it hanging over them during their trip to Germany.</p><p class="p2">It was later that afternoon, Daniel, Sean, and Chris hiding in Daniel’s bedroom as the last of the older guests sought him out to say their goodbyes — goodbyes that would inevitably involve uncomfortable kisses that he was probably too old for and pinched cheeks that he was definitely too old for, followed by demands that he get some more cake down him. It wasn’t until then, that Sean asked him.</p><p class="p2">“Why San Diego?”</p><p class="p2">The question seemed to have come out of nowhere, and Daniel and Chris both started.</p><p class="p2">“You hadn’t mentioned it, until we were talking to Karen. Just wondering why you want to go there?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel shrugged.</p><p class="p2">“Danny’s shrugging like he hasn’t been talking about California for years,” Chris throws in, all casual. Traitor.</p><p class="p2">“Wow thanks dude,” Daniel muttered, and Chris just shot him a smile, all dimples and innocence. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve thought about it a lot. We’ve been so many places. I mean, I haven’t been as many places as you, obviously,” he gestured to the wall of post cards. “But still a lot, right? And I’ve liked a lot of them, I’ve loved some of them. but, I don’t know why, none of them called to me in the same way San Diego did, on that one road trip the first time we went to Puerto Lobos for real.” Nobody said anything, so he carried on, unsure of what else to do. “It felt like. All the freedom of Humboldt, but all the big-city vibes of Seattle that I never got to experience having as a teenager. I guess I thought, when you’ve seen so many places, it makes sense to trust a gut instinct like that, right?”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah. No that makes sense. Have you looked into it? Any colleges with good creative writing courses?”</p><p class="p2">Daniel loved that he knew to ask that.</p><p class="p2">“There’s one,” Chris said quietly, “that’s got good creative writing for him, and good animation classes for me.”</p><p class="p2">“Oh,” Sean’s gaze moved between Daniel and Chris, something indecipherable in it that Daniel couldn’t figure out. “You’re planning on going to the same college, that’s awesome.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah,” Chris said, beaming again. “It is.”</p><p class="p2">Daniel couldn’t help but return the smile.</p><p class="p2">They soon had to make their appearances back downstairs, Chris and his dad the last to leave, the leftovers eaten and presents handed over. Sean stayed a few more days, but Daniel was back at school, and he didn’t stick around long.</p><p class="p2">“Where this time?” Daniel asked, as he was seeing Sean out to his car. When he was abroad, Sean left his car in the Reynolds’ driveway, but he was staying in the country for a while, it seemed.</p><p class="p2">“Picking up Finn and the others first, then to New York. Just chasing some news of some potential work there.”</p><p class="p2">“In New York? City?” Daniel asked, frowning when Sean nodded. “That’s uh, not your usual kind of place. What kind of work is it?”</p><p class="p2">“Nothing set in stone yet,” Sean said, his hand reaching for the back of his neck. Daniel couldn’t help but notice he hadn’t answered the question in the slightest. “I’ll let you know when I know more.”</p><p class="p2">They all said their goodbyes. It hurt less and less these days. He’d be FaceTiming Sean and Finn within a day, he knew. And he’d see them all soon. And tomorrow morning, when he woke up in a house that Sean wasn’t in, he’d go to school, where he’d see Chris and Heather and Luke, and deal with the aftermath of the Ava situation. His life didn’t revolve around his brother any more, which always helped when he left, but this time there was something different about it. His life and his brother’s life had now intertwined in a way they hadn’t for a long while, and it was nice. Sean had left, but he had his friends, his own world, and his brother was now a part of it too, in some small way</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. To Build a Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">The weeks leading up to summer had stretched out, long and heavy with impatience. The closer he got to Germany, the harder it got to wait. But the last few days of school seemed to speed by as he remembered he and Sean had a layover to make before they could leave for the summer.</p><p class="p2">Sean came to meet him at Beaver Creek, and they drove up together. Daniel drove his new car, though he was still a little nervous behind the wheel, so they switched often. He could tell Sean was enjoying it, playing at being Dad for a while, pretending to shield himself when Daniel went anywhere close to the speed limit, doing the sign of the cross whenever other cars came near. It’s exactly what Dad would have done. And Daniel found himself letting him, enjoying it in return. A little reminder that even though life for them couldn’t be anything like the life they’d had in Seattle, it could be good in its own way.</p><p class="p2">“You sure you’re good with this?” Daniel asked when they got close, Sean at the wheel for a while. The scenery was beginning to look familiar, and with it a tightening of grief in Daniel’s chest. He knew it’d be even harder for Sean.</p><p class="p2">He watched Sean tighten his hands on the steering wheel a few times as he thought about his answer. “Yeah,” he said after a pause that was just long enough to make Daniel doubt the truth of it. Sean seemed to realise, relaxing a little.</p><p class="p2">“I mean, I’ll deal,” he said, shooting Daniel a small smile. “There’s a good reason we don’t come here often. So, it’s not great, sure, but I’ll be fine.”</p><p class="p2">That reassured Daniel. It always did, hearing an imperfect truth over an upbeat lie.<b></b></p><p class="p4">Pulling into their street was a strange feeling. They had walked from the bus station last time, and being in the car brought with it another wave of familiarity, of Sunday afternoons in the back of their dad’s car, coming home after a long day out, being driven home late on weekdays after spending the afternoon cheering Sean on at one of his track meets. The whitening of Sean’s knuckles on the wheel suggested he felt it too.</p><p class="p4">“Mom’s already here,” Daniel said, hoping to break the tense silence and the spell it seemed to have cast over him. Sean followed the nod of his head towards Karen’s car parked on the sidewalk.</p><p class="p4">Sean let out a long exhale as he examined the spot where their mom had parked. As he pulled into the driveway, Daniel remembered, all those years ago, Sean, silent and empty-eyed, staring at that same spot, Daniel cheerfully oblivious, just excited to be back at the house. She couldn’t have known that’s where it happened. Daniel wanted to say as much, or at least something comforting, but while he grappled for the words, Sean murmured to himself.</p><p class="p4">“It’s been over six years.” Sean hissed to himself as he pulled the handbrake. “Six years, and countless therapy sessions. I can do this.” There was a look in his eye that suggested he absolutely couldn’t do this. Daniel placed a hand over his where it still gripped the handbrake.</p><p class="p4">“It’s okay if you can’t. Or, if, maybe you can, but you can’t keep it together all the time. You don’t have to keep it together for my sake, anyway. It’s not gonna screw me up to see you struggle, okay? It didn’t back then and it definitely won’t now.”</p><p class="p4">Sean held his stare for a long moment, before he tilted his head back against the car seat with a small, weak laugh.</p><p class="p4">“God you’re right. How <em>aren’t </em>you more screwed up?”</p><p class="p4">Daniel shrugged, a small smile growing. “Guess I’m just built different.”</p><p class="p4">Sean snorted.</p><p class="p4">“That, and I had you looking out for me. Taking all of the hits yourself.”</p><p class="p4">He could tell Sean didn’t know what to say to that. So instead, Daniel made both the front doors of the car swing open.</p><p class="p4">“Come on,” he said softly. “Mom’s waiting. Think you can do it?”</p><p class="p4">Sean answered by getting out of the car, breath held.</p><p class="p4">It was weird, seeing mom in the house. Weirder, maybe, for Sean. Or at least, weird in a different way, he assumed. These were two distinct notions of family that, for Daniel, had never come together before. His childhood home, his dad’s home. And his mom, his safe haven when he was far from home. He hadn’t realised it until then, but that’s what she’d been, ever since they first went to Away. That’s what she’d stayed to him. Too carefree to be an anchor, per se, but a touchstone, a safe place whenever he felt he’d strayed too far from his roots.</p><p class="p4">But, he had been a newborn when she’d left. And he didn’t remember ever seeing her here. It hit him just how <em>wrong </em>it felt, and he wondered if it had felt this wrong for her, the whole time she’d lived here.</p><p class="p4">When she saw them, she pulled them both into a hug before spinning around to a box on the kitchen counter, accosting them with it before they even had a moment to be hit by being in this house again. Maybe that was her intention.</p><p class="p4">“Post-its?” Sean asked.</p><p class="p4">“Mom’s been watching <em>Hoarders</em> again.”</p><p class="p4">“Stanley and Arthur have gotten me into it. But no, that’s not the point. One colour for trash, one for keep, one for sell.”</p><p class="p4">“Yep, definitely too much <em>Hoarders.”</em></p><p class="p4">She crumpled up one of the post-its and threw it lightly at Daniel’s face. He scrunched his nose, letting it hit him before he raised it into the air, making it hover menacingly.</p><p class="p4">“Try me, I’ve got a boxful.”</p><p class="p4">He laughed, sending it instead to one of the many trash bags lying around the house.</p><p class="p4">“You’ve made a start already?” Sean asked, taking in the scene. Daniel couldn’t help but notice a little judgement slip into his tone.</p><p class="p4">“God no,” she said, clearly noticing it too. “Not my decisions to make. Just, setting everything up. In case you wanted to get stuck in. Instead of, y’know, letting it get…”</p><p class="p4">“Overwhelming?” Daniel finished for her when she trailed off. She nodded.</p><p class="p4">Sean took a second, before nodding too. They dove right into it, labelling furniture first, deciding what could be sold with the house, what could be thrown out, what could be put into storage for when Daniel moved out for college. It’d be nice, he decided, having this armchair, that coffee table, slices of his childhood home untouched by everything that had happened since.</p><p class="p4">They moved on to their own rooms, throwing out most of the contents. They’d packed most of the important stuff the last time they were here — which, Daniel realised with a small start, was a little over four years ago now.</p><p class="p4">They packed a lot of stuff for Daniel’s hypothetical future apartment in San Diego. Some dishes and cutlery from the kitchen, some of the basement junk — a toolbox, blankets, an old lamp — things Daniel probably wouldn’t have thought about accounting for when he considered the cost of moving out.</p><p class="p4">They didn’t discuss it, but there was a mutual silent agreement to leave their dad’s room for last. When they got to it, there was very little they could bring themselves to sell or trash, and they kept most of his clothes and belongings, dividing them amongst themselves. It didn’t really matter much, who got what. As long as one of them had something. </p><p class="p4">They busied themselves with packing things up and labelling them all day, they’d had an early start that morning, unsure how long they’d be willing or able to stay in the house, wanting to arrive early enough to get most of it done in a day if they needed to. They’d covered most of the house by the time they collapsed in the living room, their mom ordering takeout for them all.</p><p class="p4">Daniel, stretching out on his stomach on the living room floor, checked his phone for the first time since he’d left his grandparents’ house that morning.</p><p class="p4">
  <em>How’s the old house?</em>
</p><p class="p4">The text had come from Chris, sent three hours ago. An hour later, another had come through.</p><p class="p4">
  <em>Oh god, you crashed the car didn’t you. I’ve seen your driving lessons from my house, remember. I should have warned Sean. Poor guy had so much life left to live.</em>
</p><p class="p4">Daniel laughed, moving to text him back and let him know neither of them had died horribly while he was behind the wheel.</p><p class="p4">“…Chuckling at his phone like we can’t both see him,” he heard his mom whisper to Sean, who laughed.</p><p class="p4">“Definitely texting Ava.”</p><p class="p4">“Someone’s <em>got</em> to tell me who Ava is.”</p><p class="p4">Daniel rolled his eyes, putting his phone in his back pocket.</p><p class="p4">“I’m not texting Ava. Ava is… Nobody, any more. A friend, I mean.”</p><p class="p4">Sean frowned. “Well, now you definitely need to fill us in.”</p><p class="p4">He shrugged, rolling over on to his back instead so that he could stare at the ceiling instead of the two of them, watching him.</p><p class="p4">“Just… We went out a few times, and I realised there was nothing there.”</p><p class="p4">“After, what was it, a year of pining after her?”</p><p class="p4">“Two.” He grumbled. “But yeah. I guess it’s pretty easy to maintain a crush on someone you’re too afraid to speak to, y’know?”</p><p class="p4">“I feel you.” Sean chuckled.</p><p class="p4">“Do you think…” Daniel trailed off. He wondered if it was a bad idea to say this out loud. He wasn’t even sure why it would be, but it had been bothering him ever since he and Ava had called things off. “Do you think it’s weird that all the girls I like are, like, completely unattainable? Like Lyla, who was way too old for me. And Sarah-Lee, who I temporarily shared a super-religious cult with. Then my middle-school English teacher, then Ava. Who I was into, until she became, I dunno, a real option, I guess?”</p><p class="p4">He couldn’t see Sean’s face, but he wanted to. He wanted some idea of what Sean thought about this in the silence that followed.</p><p class="p4">“Plenty of kids get that, I think.” His mom chipped in after a moment. “You get crushes, but you’re not ready for a real relationship. So you crush on, let’s call them, safe people.”</p><p class="p4">He considered that for a moment. It checked out. He rolled back onto his stomach, and Sean’s eyes were narrowed, just slightly. He saw Daniel meet his gaze, and relaxed his face.</p><p class="p4">“So, uh, if it wasn’t Ava’s text that had you smiling at your phone, then who?” His voice was casual, but it felt forced somehow. Daniel didn’t know what to make of it.</p><p class="p4">“Oh, just Chris,” he said, with a dismissive wave. “He wants to make sure I didn’t get us both killed on the drive here. Actually…” He sat up, swivelling around, flipping to the front-facing camera and throwing a peace sign. The picture, with Sean in the background, cross-legged on the floor behind him, was taken before Sean could object.</p><p class="p4">“He’ll just keep joking that I got you killed with my <em>terrible driving</em> until I show him proof you survived.” Daniel explained in response to Sean’s stunned silence as he sent the photo to Chris.</p><p class="p4">“Hmm,” was all Sean said in response.</p><p class="p4">Daniel thought he knew his brother pretty well. But what in <em>the hell </em>did that mean?</p><p class="p4">Food came shortly after that, and with it, a welcome change in conversation. They asked where the food had come from, and she told them it was a place she used to order from all the time when she lived here. It was a warm feeling, sitting on their living room floor. Their day’s work, the rearranging and packing they’d done, made the room seem so like their old home, but not exactly. It matched their conversation, reminiscences of Seattle, but reflected differently in their mom’s memories, of Seattle as a young adult, newly married and carefree. Their home, yes, but rearranged through different eyes.</p><p class="p4">“You’re both sure you’re not going to miss this place?” Their mom asked, once they were all full and sleepy and, at least in Daniel’s case, slightly misty-eyed at their nostalgia trip.</p><p class="p4">“I will. I do.” Sean said, quietly. “But it’s not the same place it was, before.”</p><p class="p4">Daniel nodded.</p><p class="p4">“I don’t remember that day. So I don’t get it completely. But I’m never going to live somewhere Sean can’t feel comfortable visiting.”</p><p class="p4">His mom seemed to get that, but Sean’s head snapped up towards him. He didn’t say anything right away, but from the intensity of his stare, he knew some kind of lecture would be coming eventually.</p><p class="p4"><em>Let’s get this over with, </em>Daniel thought.</p><p class="p4">“Well,” he said, sending all the empty food cartons into one of the trash bags. “It’s been a long day, and we’ve got more work to do tomorrow. So we should sleep, I think.” He stood, and Sean stood with him. Karen wished them a good night, and they went off down the hall towards their bedrooms. Daniel didn’t even have to look over his shoulder to know Sean had followed him into his.</p><p class="p4">“Tell me you’re not doing this just for me.” Sean said, quiet but stern, leaning against his doorframe. Daniel turned to look at him, hit by a pang of memories, of all the times Sean had stood in that very spot, bothering him, all the things he’d thrown at him, back when throwing things took considerably more effort. He’d been living with his powers for so long, and they had become so second-nature, that he sometimes forgot he hadn’t always had them.</p><p class="p4">“I’m not doing this just for-“</p><p class="p4">“I don’t believe you.”</p><p class="p4">Daniel threw his arms up, before turning his back to Sean and digging around in his backpack for his overnight things.</p><p class="p4">“I don’t know what you want me to say then. I’ve told you I want to do this, believe me, or don’t, but that’s where I’m at.”</p><p class="p4">“Even after coming back? You’re sure?”</p><p class="p4">Daniel turned to face him again, then, toothbrush in hand. He sighed.</p><p class="p4">“Especially after coming back, Sean. This was closure. Closure that I think I needed. Wouldn’t be closure if I had the option to come back.”</p><p class="p4">“You don’t have to do this, you know.”</p><p class="p4">“I know.”</p><p class="p4">“No, really, please, if this is just about the money, you really don’t have to do it.”</p><p class="p4">“You <em>know </em>it’s not just about the money. But, that sounded like it meant something, so, spill.”</p><p class="p4">It was Sean’s turn to sigh, and he ran a hand through his hair. “So that job, in New York?” He started, his voice even quieter than it had been before. “It was an offer from Max. Remember, Chloe’s girlfriend, David’s step-dau-”</p><p class="p4">“Dude, I’m not about to forget the only other person I’ve met with powers. I know who Max is.”</p><p class="p4">“Well, she’s got her own gallery, in New York. She’s doing well. Like, really well. And she’s renting out space, she wants to, I don’t know, diversify a little from photography, draw more people in. She’s given me a few spots. I’ve already sold a couple paintings. Nothing miraculous, obviously but, it definitely pays better than quickie street art for tourists. Way better, actually.”</p><p class="p4">Daniel softened a little, pride welling in his chest. “That’s awesome, Sean, seriously. So why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p class="p4">“Didn’t want to jinx it, I guess?”</p><p class="p4">“Will you stop, with this whole humility thing? Your paintings are awesome. You’re in a gallery man. Like an actual, New York art gallery.”</p><p class="p4">“Well, I mean, I’ve only got enough space for like, three paintings. And, the time it takes me to make one good enough to display is, well, it’s not a quick turnaround. So I’m hardly flush with cash or anything, but my point is, it’s income. I need you to be <em>enano</em> again for a minute and not worry about me okay?”</p><p class="p4">Daniel sat down, slowly. After a moment, he nodded.</p><p class="p4">“I get it. But I’m not your responsibility any more, not in that sense, you get that right?”</p><p class="p4">Sean didn’t hide the look of heartbreak on his face fast enough, and Daniel let out a small groan of frustration.</p><p class="p4">“I didn’t mean it like that, okay, just- can you just stop hovering and sit down please?”</p><p class="p4">Sean did, and Daniel collected his thoughts.</p><p class="p4">“You get to be my big brother in all the normal ways.” Daniel managed after a beat. “You get to bully me about girls, and let me call you when I’ve fought with grandma, and throw away the hairdye in my room — don’t deny it, I know it was you.”</p><p class="p4">Sean, who had opened his mouth to object, let out a small laugh, nodding just slightly.</p><p class="p4">“But you don’t have to be my guardian.” Daniel continued. “You don’t have to be dad. You never should have had to. You stepped up and, dude, I’m grateful for that, seriously. But, just be my brother now, okay? And my friend or whatever.”</p><p class="p4">Sean nodded again, more firmly this time, and afterwards, he cocked his head slightly, considering.</p><p class="p4">“You didn’t tell me about Ava.” He said, after a moment. The statement took Daniel by surprise. Clearly Sean had taken some leap to get there that Daniel hadn’t followed.</p><p class="p4">“I guess I was embarrassed. I’d been so <em>obsessed </em>with her, you know? Felt weird to admit that it just… went away.”</p><p class="p4">Sean nodded again, considering.</p><p class="p4">“Well, next time something big happens,” there was some emphasis in there, some meaning that Sean was trying to convey that Daniel couldn’t work out, “tell me, please. I’ll stop parenting you. But if we’re still brothers, still friends, you can tell me stuff.”</p><p class="p4">Daniel nodded, resting his head on Sean’s shoulder like he hadn’t done for years. Sean leant into it, and they sat quietly for a moment.</p><p class="p4">“I was thinking,” Sean said, eventually. “You could bring a friend to Germany, if you wanted. I mean, Finn’ll be with us. So you could bring someone too. Chris, maybe?”</p><p class="p4">Daniel liked the sound of that.</p><p class="p4">“I don’t know. We’re leaving in like, two days. He’s got a summer job, he can’t just… y’know?”</p><p class="p4">He felt Sean nod.</p><p class="p4">“Just saying. If you want to invite him, you can. He’s always welcome.”</p><p class="p4">“Sure. Thanks, Sean.”</p><p class="p4">They went to bed not long afterwards, taking their turns in the bathroom, careful not to wake their mom who — despite tentative reassurances from both of them — had refused to sleep in the bed she had once shared with their Dad, choosing instead to sleep on the couch. The next morning, they started work again, taking trips to the junkyard to throw out the things they didn’t want, packing everything they’d keep in the car. Anything that was going into storage for Daniel went with Karen, who had found a storage unit in California that she’d detour to on her way back to Away. Daniel thought that was putting a lot of faith in his plans not falling through, but he didn’t argue.</p><p class="p4">“Thanks for this, mom,” he said, hugging her tight as they prepared to get in their separate cars to go their separate ways. “I’ll call you when we land in Germany.”</p><p class="p4">“You’d better,” she murmured into his hair. When the hug ended, she kept her arm wrapped around him as they turned to face the house. “I’ll ask one more time, just in case,” she said quietly then. “You’re sure about selling?”</p><p class="p4">“Yeah,” he said, without hesitation. “It was home. But it’s not any more.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Forests on the Way There, pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Daniel was grumbling about the lack of wifi again.</p><p class="p1">“We’re in the wilderness, little man, what did you expect?”</p><p class="p1">Finn was pretty much the only person who could still get away with calling Daniel that, these days. He didn’t exactly like it, but he allowed it. Right now though, he groaned, throwing his head back a little as if that would fix anything.</p><p class="p1">“Can you believe this is the same kid that lived out on the road with me for nine months?” Sean chuckled into Finn’s shoulder. Daniel shot him a death glare.</p><p class="p1">“That kid didn’t have twitter. Or, like, friends to keep in touch with.”</p><p class="p1">“Ohhh,” Finn’s voice was teasing. “This is about-“ Sean cut him off with a not-so-gentle nudge.</p><p class="p1">“Just one more night,” Sean’s voice was soothing. “We’re hiking up the last of the trail tomorrow and then we’ll be back in the land of German Starbucks and B&amp;Bs for a few days before we head back out.”</p><p class="p1">Rationally, Daniel knew this. He knew, rationally, that he was — for the most part — having an amazing time. That the scenery was magical, the days and nights in the woods stretching out, his body worn out in the best way by the hiking, the evenings peaceful andwarm. This was the longest stretch of time he’d had with Sean and Finn in months, and he loved how easy it was to forget the rest of the world and fall back into natural, companionable conversation.</p><p class="p1">It was harder to forget the world, though, when Chris had been about to tell him something important before the last of his international data ran out.</p><p class="p1">Harder, still, when he’d managed to get his hopes up back in Seattle about bringing Chris along. But Chris didn’t have an inherited house to sell to pay for college, and summers were an excuse to move up to full-time at work to save some money away.</p><p class="p1">“Well what was he going to tell you?” Sean had asked, when Daniel explained, all grumbles and groans.</p><p class="p1">“Well, if I knew that, it wouldn’t be an issue, would it?”</p><p class="p1">“You must have had some idea, to know it was important.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel rolled his eyes, which prompted a laugh from Finn, who murmured something that sounded like “fuckin’ dweeb” between his chuckles as he stretched out beside Sean on the forest floor.</p><p class="p1">“I think…” Daniel’s voice was thin and quiet, his eyes fixed on the campfire. “I think he was about to come out to me?”</p><p class="p1">Sean’s mouth just formed a quiet <em>oh.</em></p><p class="p1">“What… Makes you think that?” Finn asked, his words slow and drawn out as he made a rare attempt at diplomacy.</p><p class="p1">Daniel looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. They both just blinked back in the light of the campfire.</p><p class="p1">“I mean, dude likes boys. That much we knew.”</p><p class="p1">“…Did we?” Sean asked, tentative. Finn, however, lacked any such tact.</p><p class="p1">“I did,” he said, raising a hand into the air, looking smug. Sean leant over him to pull his arm down, rolling his eyes, and Finn responded by laying a small kiss on Sean’s shoulder as he did. It always gave Daniel a warm feeling, seeing his brother so comfortably in love with Finn. But now was not the time.</p><p class="p1">“Well, it was obvious to us at least,” Daniel continued as if there had been no interruption, assuming it was clear that <em>us </em>meant him, Heather, and Luke. He held out a finger with every item he listed. “Never had a girlfriend. Never even had a crush, at least not one he told any of us about. Totally refuses to watch RuPaul’s drag race. But in like, a nervous, <em>no homo </em>kind of way? Oh and is completely obsessed with Miles Morales. You know, Spiderverse? Like, I mean, he says it’s because he loves the animation and, I get it, animated superheroes is kind of his whole thing, but there are way cooler animation styles to focus on in that film than just pictures of Miles Morales’ face all over his bedroom wall, you know?”</p><p class="p1">Sean and Finn were both stifling laughs.</p><p class="p1">“My <em>point</em>,” Daniel pressed on, ignoring their suppressed giggles, “Is that we’ve all just been kind of patiently waiting, letting him figure it out and tell us on his own terms.”</p><p class="p1">“Sounds like someone else I know,” Finn murmured into Sean’s hair. Sean swatted at him.</p><p class="p1">“So you think now was when he was gonna tell you?” Sean asked, once Finn had been shushed away.</p><p class="p1">“He seemed really nervous on FaceTime. And, there’s a guy, I think.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh!” There seemed to be much more genuine surprise in Sean’s voice this time, and even Finn sat up a little straighter.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah,” Daniel said, the grumpiness edging back into his voice. “Some guy he has math class with. He keeps, like, walking Chris to lunch then not spending lunch with us. Like they’re spending time together but in secret, you know? And he <em>keeps </em>mentioning him. Lewis said the funniest thing last week. Lewis has this awesome collection of Funko Pops. It’s a lot.”</p><p class="p1">“Huh,” was all Sean said.</p><p class="p1">“Unexpected,” Finn added.</p><p class="p1">Daniel groaned, and lay down on his back. Of a night, when his eyes had adjusted to the light of the campfire, he could look up at the tree canopy and the Black Forest could feel truly and completely black. It wasn’t a stifling kind of closeness, but a comforting one. He loved the stars, it had always been one of his favourite things about camping, but this had a kind of beauty to it too.</p><p class="p1">“Sorry for whining,” he said after a long moment. “I don’t know why it’s getting to me. You know I’ve never had any problems before about being off the grid.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey, you’ve got ties now, it’s not a bad problem to have. You’re allowed to miss home. Even if that home is a person, or- or people. Not necessarily a place.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel turned onto his side to give Sean a small smile. “Yeah. And it’s weird, because I love it here. Part of me never wants to leave.”</p><p class="p1">The laugh Sean gave in response was small and humourless. “Welcome to my whole goddamn life,” was all he said.</p><p class="p1">Something clicked into place for Daniel then. Something he’d understood before, but never fully. Sean’s conflicted life. Wanting to travel, wanting to spend the rest of his life in places like this. Versus not wanting to be away from him. From Lyla and Cass, from his family and friends. He had known it to be true, he had understood even at twelve years old that it wasn’t ever a case of Sean choosing one life over the other. But for the first time he felt the truth of it for himself. It was a case of wanting both, but knowing that one needed to be sought out, and the other would always be waiting for him when he came back.</p><p class="p1">“Chris can wait. He knows I was running out of data. He knows I didn’t just freak out on him. He’ll get it.”</p><p class="p1">Sean seemed content with that.</p><p class="p1">“Can we sleep now?” Daniel asked after a moment. He didn’t want to bring the mood down with his own irrational grumpiness. But he didn’t have a tent that he could go sulk in right now either. Wild camping was illegal in Germany, but the loophole in the law meant you could sleep anywhere for one night without a tent. So on nights they expected rain, they headed to private campsites, but on nights where the sky was clear, the chill of the open air just barely cutting through the warmth of the summer day through the canopy overhead, they slept in just their sleeping bags. Daniel had kind of loved it, but just then, it robbed him of the privacy he needed to figure out why he was so stressed about this.</p><p class="p1">“Fuckin’ A” Finn said, readying himself for sleep, and Sean held his gaze for a little while longer, that same, puzzling look that he had worn back at the Seattle house lingering over his expression for a moment. He shook it off, and they slept.</p><p class="p1">The rest helped, a little at least. Enough that, when Sean tentatively suggested they take <em>one more </em>night before leaving the woods so they could take a detour to these beautiful waterfalls that were just under a day’s hike away, Daniel didn’t immediately bite his head off.</p><p class="p1">There was no way to say no without being petulant. And he had, after all, already said out loud that everything was fine — that Chris would get it — so he had no <em>real </em>reason to still be worried about it. So they went, and they hiked it out, the pounding of his feet on the dirt replaced the anxious flutter in his chest with the rhythmic steady beat of exercise, and Daniel cheered himself up by occasionally sending bugs at Finn when he wasn’t looking. He denied it profusely when he questioned him, the innocent smile he shot him when Sean’s back was turned the most enjoyable admission of guilt. Hey, the guy wanted to date his brother, he opted in for all the perks of having a younger sibling.</p><p class="p1">“You’re being a dick,” Sean called out from a few paces ahead. Daniel hadn’t even known Sean had noticed Finn slapping his neck when the bugs hit him, let alone realised it was him. Daniel picked up his pace, skipping ahead a little to throw an arm around both Sean and Finn at the same time, keeping stride with them on the trail.</p><p class="p1">“Yes, Sean. Yes I am,” he said, with the same charming smile that he’d given Finn, the same one that always got him out of trouble with adults.</p><p class="p1">“Someone’s cheerier today,” Sean said with a bemused laugh.</p><p class="p1">“Being a dick helps, I think.”</p><p class="p1">“Glad I could help, asshole,” Finn said, but he didn’t seem to take it to heart.</p><p class="p1">They kept walking, the crunch of the underbrush and debris on the trail beneath their feet therapeutic, and his legs, tired from a summer of hiking, ached in the best way, the kind of hurt that felt like an achievement.</p><p class="p1">“I still can’t believe this is your life,” Daniel said after a while, when the sun was high in the sky, the canopy thinner here and the heat settling in around them. They had stopped, gasping, for a rest and some water. “Like, I can barely believe this is my summer. But you seem so at home here.”</p><p class="p1">Sean shrugged. “You get it. All that time on the road, it was like, how amazing and freeing would this be if we weren’t being chased by cops for,” he gestured vaguely, “murder.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel gave a snort of surprised laughter at the casual way he’d said it.</p><p class="p1">“Guess I just chased that feeling,” he continued, chuckling a little at Daniel’s reaction. “And found it fit me so well.” He hesitated then, and for some reason looked at Finn, who gave him the smallest of nods. Sean opened his mouth, closed it, shook his head just slightly, then spoke again. “Won’t be forever, though. We were talking about settling down, eventually. Still travel, sometimes, but spend more time touching base than not. Maybe while you’re in college.”</p><p class="p1">“You wouldn’t get bored?” Daniel asked, wiping his hand with the back of his mouth before he put his water bottle back in his pack.</p><p class="p1">“With me around?” Finn said, throwing his arm around Sean, batting his eyelashes in a way that Daniel supposed Finn thought was cute. Sean certainly seemed to think so.</p><p class="p1">“Never,” Sean grinned, leaning in to kiss him.</p><p class="p1">Daniel retched, loudly and theatrically. Finn eyed him, a challenge in his eyes, and kissed his brother harder.</p><p class="p1">Daniel turned around, and when Sean had extracted himself from Finn, he was laughing, and Daniel didn’t have time to duck out of the way before Sean was ruffling his hair.</p><p class="p1">“Never change, enano,” he chuckled.</p><p class="p1">“I’ll do my best.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I started writing this fic as soon as I finished playing the game twice back to back last year, but never really got immersed in the fandom other than just writing this. But with the announcement of LiS3, I've been really missing that community of people to get hyped with, so I'm back to using tumblr after being inactive on it for ages. So, I'm looking for some LiS blogs to follow, my URL is nowletsfixthismess, pls hit me up so I can follow you, or feel free to rec some blogs I can follow. You've all been so lovely and supportive on here and I just want back into fandom so badly bc of it &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Forests on the Way There, pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The hike took longer than anticipated in the unexpectedly warm day, and they couldn’t truly pick up the pace until the sun got low in the sky. By the time they reached the waterfalls Sean had talked about, it was getting dark.</p><p class="p1">“Don’t worry, we’re not far from the nearest town here. We can find our way out in the dark and, seriously, trust me. They’re way cooler at night.”</p><p class="p1">The falls were huge, breathtaking, the rushing of the water so deafening it almost overwhelmed him. Daniel had seen so much beauty in his travels with Sean over the summers, but sights like this never got any <em>less.</em></p><p class="p1">Sean, however, seemed disappointed.</p><p class="p1">“Dude, what the fuck, this is… It’s… Look at it. How is your face looking like this right now?” Daniel asked when he saw.</p><p class="p1">“We’re early,” was the only explanation he gave. “Uh, hang on, I’m gonna…” He trailed off, Daniel looking after him, puzzled. “I’m gonna go ask, stay here.” And he turned, heading off in the direction of a small crowd. The place was kind of a tourist trap by the looks of things, plenty of people milling around despite the low dusk light.</p><p class="p1">Daniel just threw his hands up in question, but Sean was already disappearing, so he let himself be entranced by the falls again, barely moving his eyes off them as he made his way over to an outcrop of rock. He sat, slowly, barely noticing as Finn sat beside him.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, super bro?” Finn whispered, his voice a little tighter than his usual carefree drawl.</p><p class="p1">“Mmm?” Daniel still didn’t take his eyes off the falls.</p><p class="p1">“You’re bummed as all hell.”</p><p class="p1">That shocked Daniel out of his reverie a little.</p><p class="p1">“I… What?”</p><p class="p1">Finn wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into a half-hug that Daniel didn’t quite return, a little stunned.</p><p class="p1">“What… Are you doing?”</p><p class="p1">“Comforting you. Doesn’t happen often, kid, so make the most of it.”</p><p class="p1">He was right. He’d seen Finn act like this, but only with Sean, and only when he thought nobody was watching. He knew Finn had sincerity in him, but he rarely doled it out.</p><p class="p1">“Why?”</p><p class="p1">“Did I fuckin’ stutter? You’re bummed. As all hell.”</p><p class="p1">And, somehow, he was right again. Though Daniel barely knew it himself. He’d made excuses, that he was grumpy and hungry and tired. That he was overreacting. But somehow Finn had noticed even before him that Daniel was miserable about, well, <em>something. </em>He’d joked, in the past, about Finn rubbing off on Sean, but maybe Sean was having a certain effect on Finn too.</p><p class="p1">He relaxed a little, hugging Finn back, feeling the sadness well in his chest as he did.</p><p class="p1">“Why?” He asked again, and he was horrified to hear his own voice break.</p><p class="p1">Finn’s lengthy pause meant that he knew that this <em>why </em>was different.</p><p class="p1">“If you don’t know little man, I can’t tell you. You gotta figure that one out yourself.”</p><p class="p1">That was frustratingly cryptic, but when Finn pulled away, slapping a hand on his back as he did, Daniel realised it had helped nonetheless.</p><p class="p1">“You know,” Daniel added quietly, after an awkward little cough. “What Sean was saying last night, about people being home. You guys are my home too. Both of you.”</p><p class="p1">Finn was quiet for a moment, staring out at the falls.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know if you remember this. But, when Sean had just got out, and you were having nightmares, you said once that we were both your brothers. You know that meant the fuckin’ world to me, right?”</p><p class="p1">He barely remembered it. He believed he’d said it. As a kid, he was much less embarrassed about his feelings — something that being a teenage boy had taught him to be more guarded with — but it had definitely been true. Even since Humboldt, before Sean was even aware he liked Finn, before Finn was even aware he was able to love so deeply. He’d spent so much of that time being pissed at Sean, had turned adoringly instead to Finn, the cooler, edgier one. But even then Finn and Sean had been an item, working as a team to do what they could to keep Daniel the least fucked up as possible.</p><p class="p1">“I do now.” Daniel said, with a small smile. “Don’t tell Sean I got all emo,” he added. “Please.”</p><p class="p1">“Would I be the cool brother-in-law if I did?” Finn shot him a grin, and it was that easy, casual grin of Finn’s that let Daniel know the emotional moment was over, and he relaxed.</p><p class="p1">“We really need to come up with a better term than <em>in-law </em>though. How fucking lame does that sound?” Finn added, his voice back at a normal volume.</p><p class="p1">“Brother outlaw?” Daniel suggested with a smirk. Finn beamed.</p><p class="p1">“Well fuckin’ A! Look at you go, college-bound. I like it.”</p><p class="p1">Sean came back shortly afterwards, looking pleased with himself. The sky had darkened in earnest now, and Sean sandwiched himself between Finn and Daniel on the rock.</p><p class="p1">“Should be any minute now,” he said, oblivious to the rush of emotion Daniel had just felt.</p><p class="p1">“Should I ask, or…?” Daniel started, but as he did, the falls lit up.</p><p class="p1">He was silent a long moment. The falls glowed and sparkled, a yellow light seeming to come from the very water itself. There must have been floodlights or something, but in the darkness, he found himself ignoring the logic of what had caused it. Instead, he stared up at the towering rush of molten gold in front of him, and felt tears sliding down his face.</p><p class="p1">They stayed there for a long time, Daniel staring up at the waterfall. From the corner of his eye he saw Sean, an overexcited puppy, alternating between staring at the water, and watching Daniel for his reaction.</p><p class="p1">“I’m definitely writing this into my novel,” Daniel breathed eventually.</p><p class="p1">That night, they made it to a bed and breakfast in the nearest town, an adorable little village straight out of a fairytale, and Daniel called Chris back on the WiFi. He beamed when Chris told him he was gay, he gushed about how happy he was for him, how proud, and when Chris confirmed that he was dating Lewis, the guy from his math class, he didn’t falter, only giving the reassurances that Chris clearly needed — that he loved his best friend, that he was thrilled he’d been able to tell him. When he hung up, he was able to spend one night, and one night only, feeling down on himself for no discernible reason. In the privacy of his room in the bed and breakfast, he let himself be miserable and accept that he didn’t know why. Then, in the morning, he pushed it down. He’d felt his feelings. He vowed to enjoy what was left of his summer.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“Dude, you’re getting faster!” Sean called out, his voice teasing.</p><p class="p1">“Actually, I am,” Daniel said, between quick shallow breaths as he caught up to Sean and Finn, “So one more patronising comment from you and I throw a tree at you,” he smiled sweetly.</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, one loud carefree laugh, the kind that he only ever seemed comfortable giving in the middle of empty woods.</p><p class="p1">“After the shit you gave me when we went hiking when I was fresh out of prison?”</p><p class="p1">“You get yard time in prison.”</p><p class="p1">“Look who’s seen two seasons of Orange is the New Black.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel had to put his retort on hold while he caught his breath, and Finn and Sean snickered.</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” he said eventually. “I’ve got the brains of the family. And the superpowers. Can’t have it all.”</p><p class="p1">But Sean had been right — the summer was nearly over, and during his weeks of hiking, he had gotten faster, and stronger too. He found himself less prone to just straight passing out at the end of a long hiking day now, enjoying his evenings by the campfire with Finn and Sean more and more. He loved this about his summers. When they got to travel, that was great, but he loved it just as much when they went to Puerto Lobos, got to spend weeks just sitting on the beach together, doing nothing together.</p><p class="p1">“You know a few weeks ago,” Daniel asked as he considered this, trying to keep his voice chill and casual so that the switch in topic wouldn’t seem too alarming. It didn’t work, Sean’s eyebrows shot up. “You mentioned, uh, settling down somewhere soon.” He pushed on. “You weren’t thinking of doing that in like, Japan or something, right?”</p><p class="p1">There was a beat of silence, then Sean stopped walking altogether, turning to Daniel with a big, annoying grin on his face.</p><p class="p1">“Why, would you miss me?”</p><p class="p1">“Actually no, I was just hoping I’d never have to see you again,” Daniel scrunched up his nose.</p><p class="p1">Finn, who hadn’t stopped right away when Sean did, and was a few steps ahead, turned to face them, rolling his eyes.</p><p class="p1">“For two brothers who love each other more than any bros I’ve ever known? God you’re annoying as fuck.”</p><p class="p1">They both laughed a little at that, and Sean kept walking.</p><p class="p1">“Obviously the point is for me tosettle down somewhere close to you, idiot.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah, okay, just checking.”</p><p class="p1">“Awww, you <em>would</em> miss me.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t make him say it Sean, you asshole,” Finn groaned. “You know he would, stop teasing.”</p><p class="p1">“God, look at you, Finn,” Sean said. “Being the mature one.”</p><p class="p1">“Please don’t make out again,” Daniel groaned.</p><p class="p1">“No fear,” Finn grinned, “I’m gonna go up ahead and grab some water, we can set up camp around here to boil it. You boys just stay and enjoy the view,” he gave a little bow as if he was their sever for the evening, before striding off in the direction of what sounded like a small stream in the distance.</p><p class="p1">The view was definitely something. They’d hiked up pretty high, and there was a break in the trees where they stood, a clearing perfect for camping, and an outcrop of rock a little way up that gave way to an expanse of forest beneath them. Daniel wasted no time in clambering up, grabbing his notebook from his pack, and writing.</p><p class="p1">Sean came up and sat beside him in silence for a while.</p><p class="p1">“So, what scene did this just inspire?” Sean asked, when Daniel’s pen had begun to slow.</p><p class="p1">“I’m… not sure yet. Just writing down a description, in case I want to use it.”</p><p class="p1">There was a beat of silence, and Daniel was about to start writing again, but Sean spoke again. “What about… During the chapter from the witch’s point of view, when she’s flying out, looking for the girl? This could be what she sees.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel gaped up at him.</p><p class="p1">“I expect full credit,” Sean added, looking smug.</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed a little, scribbling down a note so he didn’t forget Sean’s suggestion — he’d definitely be using that — before closing the notebook.</p><p class="p1">“You know, if I finish this, it’ll be the first full draft of a novel I’ve ever finished,” Daniel said, a hint of embarrassment in his voice. “And I know it’s only a kids book, so it’s shorter than most, but still. Like, a real, book-length novel. Not just stories I wrote as a kid or whatever.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel enjoyed seeing the obvious fight Sean had with himself to bite back the words <em>you’re still a kid.</em></p><p class="p1">“Well clearly this place is working for you,” Sean said instead, “you’ll have to tell me where your next novel is set, we can go somewhere to match it again. You’ve never been to Iceland yet, right? You can write about the northern lights. Magical talking polar bears and shit.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed. “I hate to break it to you but that book definitely already exists. As does the movie, and the tv show.”</p><p class="p1">“Yours’ll be better.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel gave a small laugh.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, I wanted to ask you something,” Sean started after a beat.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, so you weren’t just flattering me for no reason? Good to know,” Daniel teased, grinning, but Sean looked serious. Nervous, even. “Shoot,” he prompted, feeling suddenly anxious himself.</p><p class="p1">“Well. You brought up me settling down.”</p><p class="p1">“Not a question. And you actually brought it up first.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah sure, well I chickened out the first time so I’m taking advantage of the fact that you brought it up just now.”</p><p class="p1">“O… Kay?”</p><p class="p1">“Me and Finn have discussed, maybe, wanting to spend some time in Puerto Lobos. Live there full time.”</p><p class="p1">“Awesome. Not as close as I’d like but, honestly I couldn’t picture you living anywhere else. What’s the question?”</p><p class="p1">Sean blinked silently for a moment. “That’s okay with you?”</p><p class="p1">“Is there a reason it wouldn’t be?”</p><p class="p1">“I mean. It’s as much your place as mine. And I’d essentially be claiming it as my permanent home. I- dude, I’ve been so nervous about asking you this, you’re so chill right now?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed. “I could pretend to be pissed if you like? Seriously, as long as I can visit whenever, I’m good.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, no shit Daniel, your bedroom there will always be your bedroom.”</p><p class="p1">“Then I’m good.” He leant over to give Sean a small nudge with his shoulder. “Seriously. I’m good. Although…” He hesitated, grinning, “Clearly you think this is a huge deal. So I should definitely be negotiating better here. I get one massive rager in the house per year. Take it or leave it.”</p><p class="p1">“Hard no.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed, but after a moment his eyes widened as he realised something. “I do actually have a real request. You said you wouldn’t settle down until I’m in college, right?”</p><p class="p1">“That’s the plan. We’ve got more places to see first.”</p><p class="p1">“Then — and I hate that I’m thinking about this already — but, we’ve been talking about college a lot, you know? And me and Chris want to go to San Diego but Luke and Heather are talking Ivy League shit. East Coast. We’ve already been talking about how awesome our last summer together needs to be.”</p><p class="p1">“I see where you’re going with this.”</p><p class="p1">“You think it’d be cool, if we spent that summer there?”</p><p class="p1">“Hell yeah, man. Is this becoming like, a Diaz family rite of passage?”</p><p class="p1">“The post-graduation Mexico trip? I’ll be sure to tell my kids about it.” Daniel beamed, and Sean pulled him close, wrapping an arm around him. They shared a moment, taking in the view, before Sean stood.</p><p class="p1">“We should start building a fire, so we can boil the water when Finn comes back.”</p><p class="p1">“Have you learned <em>nothing </em>this summer, Sean?”</p><p class="p1">A collection of large logs and small twigs for kindling flew out from around them and fell neatly into a pile.</p><p class="p1">“I will literally never get used to that.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel grinned.</p><p class="p1">Finn came back not long after, carrying multiple bottles of water.</p><p class="p1">“Good news and bad news my dudes,” he said as he approached the brothers who were sat stoking the growing campfire. “Good news, I got water. Bad news, there’s more coming.” He looked up, and the others followed his gaze to the dark cloud approaching.</p><p class="p1">“Ugh, the nearest campsite is ages away,” Sean groaned.</p><p class="p1">“Wait, I got an idea.” Daniel reached out to stop Sean from standing. “Finn, sit with us.”</p><p class="p1">“Is super bro about to pull some super shit?”</p><p class="p1">Sean looked concerned.</p><p class="p1">“I literally never get a chance to try out the big stuff unless I’m in the middle of nowhere like this, man, let me give it a shot?”</p><p class="p1">Sean had barely given his reluctant nod when the first drops began to fall, and they came thick and fast then, but Daniel closed his eyes, turning his face to they sky.</p><p class="p1">There was a trick to this kind of big-scale usage of his powers. When he had first started lifting things, there was a kind of energy that he would push with, like an invisible hand reaching out to lift it, but after a while, when it became more second-nature, it became more like a field, an extension of himself to the world around him, and when he concentrated, he could access everything in that field. He focussed now, on the area around them, feeling the space above him for the droplets of rain. He felt all of them as they fell, extending his field a little higher so that he could feel those about to fall, and when he found them, he pushed.</p><p class="p1">He stopped feeling the rain on his face, and smiled. When he opened his eyes he found the rain drops moving away around them, like they were falling on a glass dome that covered their patch of woods. Once he got a handle on each drop, catching the next as it fell became easier, and he exhaled.</p><p class="p1">“Crushed it,” he said, grinning at Sean and Finn.</p><p class="p1">“Can we keep him?” Finn stage-whispered to Sean.</p><p class="p1">Sean let our a burst of surprised laughter. “I wish."</p><p class="p1">“Maybe after college,” Daniel grinned. “I mean, I know I’ll have to settle down and get a <em>real job </em>someday, but if I ever want to at least try to be a published writer, we know now that this shit works.”</p><p class="p1">“Holding you to that,” Sean shot back.</p><p class="p1">Daniel knew that he would.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Such Great Heights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <em>Eight years after the events at the border</em>
</p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p4">“So, remind me again, what a salut-salutatata-“</p><p class="p4">“Salutatorian,” Daniel prompted, rolling his eyes. Sean was playing dumb on purpose.</p><p class="p4">“Yeah, what one of those does.”</p><p class="p4">“You graduated from the same school as me. There was one at your graduation?” Daniel watched as Sean considered it, his gaze floating upwards as he tried to remember.</p><p class="p4">“Yeah,” he said, unconvincingly, “I totally remember, but for Finn’s benefit.”</p><p class="p4">Finn snorted.</p><p class="p4">“I basically just introduce the valedictorian, and I get to wear a sick sash.” Daniel said, with another eyeroll.</p><p class="p4">“He’s also second in the class, he keeps trying to undersell that, don’t let him.”</p><p class="p4">Daniel hadn’t seen Chris approach until he’d swung an arm around him and spoken.</p><p class="p4">Finn and Sean both exchanged looks.</p><p class="p4">“Hello,” Chris said with a grin to Daniel, his arm still slung around his neck.</p><p class="p4">“Hey.” He didn’t realise until he turned his head to smile back how close Chris’s face was to his.</p><p class="p4">“Let’s go find our seats,” Sean said, tugging on Finn’s arm.</p><p class="p4">“Mhm, good plan, we gotta work on our embarrassingly loud cheers,” Finn shot them a wink as Sean pulled him away.</p><p class="p4">“What’s up with them?” Chris asked, his eyes following them as they scurried away, until his gaze fell on someone else. He removed his arm from Daniel fast, ducking slightly to hide behind him — it wasn’t hard. Daniel was considerably taller than him by now.</p><p class="p4">“Uh, what’s up with <em>you</em>?” Daniel asked, swivelling around to face his crouching friend, watching with amusement as Chris adjusted his stance to remain blocked from view by Daniel.</p><p class="p4">“Lewis,” he hissed, eyes darting over Daniel’s shoulder.</p><p class="p4">“Explain?” When Chris said nothing, he added, “or I step aside and call him over.”</p><p class="p4">Chris mumbled something incoherent.</p><p class="p4">“Hm?”</p><p class="p4">“I said I broke up with him. Couple weeks ago”</p><p class="p4">Daniel wasn’t sure what that swooping feeling in his chest was, but he didn’t stop to question it. Or why Chris hadn’t told him right away.</p><p class="p4">“Uh, why?”</p><p class="p4">“College, mostly.”</p><p class="p4">“Oh, so you’re avoiding him because he’s pissed. Which, honestly, fair. After, you know, throwing away a two year relationship because of long distance.”</p><p class="p4">“Not just that,” Chris grumbled. “Just, these past few months I wasn’t really in it. Like, I kept picturing my future and none of it had him in it. Not because he was far away but because, I didn’t want him there.”</p><p class="p4">Definitely working hard to ignore the feeling in his chest.</p><p class="p4">“That’s… Fair.” He softened, warmed by the pained look of stress that scrunched Chris’s face up. “Hey, come on, let’s find our seats,” he said, pulling Chris close and hunching over him like he was his bodyguard, which at least elicited a small laugh from Chris. They were seated alphabetically by surname, but a lot of the seats were still empty, and they quickly did some rearranging — moving the name cards of a Doherty, an Egan, and an Ellis down the line a little so that Chris could sit next to Daniel.</p><p class="p4">“Chill out, man,” Daniel laughed when he saw Chris glancing over his shoulder once he’d sat dow. “He’s not out to his parents, right? So he’s not gonna cause a scene here. And tomorrow, we’re gone. We are. Outta here. For a whole summer of just the four of us. So, don’t let him ruin this.”</p><p class="p4">Chris’s whole face softened, and he stopped looking over his shoulder. They watched Luke and Heather each take their seats at various points in the second row, and the crowd started to settle. The principal got up on stage and addressed them all, and Daniel began to shift in his seat.</p><p class="p4">“You’re gonna kill it,” Chris whispered, sensing his nervousness. When the principal called him up, welcomed the salutatorian to the stage, Daniel wiped his palms on his robe before he stood, and as he did, Chris reached out and gave his arm the smallest squeeze.</p><p class="p4">There were cheers — more cheers than he had expected — when he stepped up to the podium.</p><p class="p4">“Hi guys,” he said, a little too quietly as he positioned himself in front of the mic. Well. Not a great way to start a speech, was it? He stumbled his words a little, and in a panic, glanced at the front row, where Chris was smiling up at him, his arms crossed across his chest. Their old Spirit Squad team signal. God, it had been a while since either of them had done that.</p><p class="p4">“And welcome,” he said, louder this time, the confidence back in his voice. “To the class of 2025, and to the friends and family who are here to watch us all cross this stage today. Especially — he’ll kill me if I don’t say it — to my brother, Sean.”</p><p class="p4">There was a low rumble of laughter from the crowd as Daniel shot an embarrassed wave towards Sean, and a wolf whistle came up from somewhere in the crowd too. Luke, for sure.</p><p class="p4">“I won’t bore you for too long up here, that’s Heather’s job. She gets the wonderful but difficult task of running you through our memories here at Beaver Creek High, of sending us all off into the future pumped and inspired. I get to sit back, relax, and enjoy the way easier task of just welcoming you all, and her, to the stage. I just want to say first that every single one of us has achieved something awesome today. I know that a lot of us here have it drilled into us that this is just the first step in a long line of things we need to do to become well-rounded individuals and all that, and that the next step is college, or jobs, or any number of difficult things. But let’s just appreciate for a second what we’ve done here. High school is <em>hard, </em>man. And we crushed it.”</p><p class="p4">Another rumble of appreciative laughter, accompanied by a few whoops and cheers.</p><p class="p4">“But, I’ve overstepped,” he grins “That part is definitely supposed to be for Heather. So, let me leave you with this. Being beaten to Valedictorian by Heather Marquez was the greatest honour of my life, and I will definitely be bragging about it to my grandkids one day when she’s the first woman to step foot on mars. Everybody please give her a huge welcome!” He stepped back from the podium, joining in with the applause as Heather stepped onto the stage, pulling him into a quick hug before she reached the podium.</p><p class="p4">“That sucked,” she whispered into his ear as she did. But she didn’t whisper quietly enough, or maybe just not far enough away from the mic, and his laughter as he stepped down from the stage was echoed by the crowd’s.</p><p class="p4">He sat back down next to Chris, feeling lightheaded but buzzing with pride, and Chris’s beaming smile and tight hug only made him happier. Heather gave the rousing speech that would have been expected of her — he had been telling the truth when he’d talked about being honoured to have been beaten to valedictorian by her. She deserved it. He’d always been smart, when he had arrived in Beaver Creek to start school again after everything he was surprised that he found the work pretty easy, even despite the missed classes, but he’d never particularly cared for trying. Heather, though, smartest in her class, studying the hardest, had noticed him. And she had hated it. She was furious that he had been such a fierce competitor without even realising they were rivals, without even trying to beat her. So she had walked up to him at lunch one day, face scrunched up and hair tucked furiously behind her ears, and demanded that they set up a study group, because — in her words — she would win, and when she did, she’d be able to say she’d beaten a worthy adversary. He’d agreed, despite not fully understanding that they had even been in competition, mostly because he was terrified of her. But they’d become friends quickly. The day they found out that she’d gotten valedictorian, and he’d gotten salutatorian, he’d gotten her a card that said <em>congrats! </em>And scribbled underneath, <em>you won! </em>He’d signed it, <em>a worthy adversary. </em>Nobody deserved it more than her. And without her, he’d never have tried hard enough to get second in the class at all.</p><p class="p4">When the time came to stand, to cross the stage and collect their diplomas, Chris did a little shuffling to get back in alphabetical order, and Daniel started to feel the sense of achievement he’d talked about in his speech for real. As the kids in front of him crossed the stage, beaming with pride, he remembered Sean’s graduation, how proud they’d all been that Sean had graduated given everything he’d been through. It all applied to Daniel too, even though he didn’t feel like it sometimes, even though he’d felt so <em>normal </em>these past few years — with the obvious exception of his powers of course — but even they had been made to feel normal by his friends.</p><p class="p4">“Daniel Diaz,” the principal called. There was polite applause from the crowd, a few cheers from his friends, and a shrieking ungodly whooping coming from — of course — Sean and Finn. He looked over, and beside them his mom was standing with them, beaming but making less noise, and his grandparents seated looking somehow both proud and mortified at the same time.</p><p class="p4">He thought about telekinetically pantsing Sean to get his revenge for intentionally embarrassing him, until he realised that wasn’t what he was doing. He was being Dad for him. Dad would have done this too, been overenthusiastic, over-the-moon proud of him, and Sean was being that for Daniel. That brought an unexpected lump to his throat, so he collected his diploma, shook the principal’s hand, and left the stage, chest swelling with too many emotions, pride, and love, and grief, and joy. And he tilted his head down so that the cap would hide his tears, an overflow all of the emotions, good and bad.</p><p class="p2">* * *</p><p class="p4">He waited until Chris’s dad was distracted by his grandparents to start messing with him. Chris’s dad didn’t know about his powers exactly, and he’d been watching Chris — all pride and love — all day. But now, he was bonding with Daniel’s grandparents about how they’re all going to miss their boys when they leave for college, and Heather and Luke were taking a bunch of photos, trying to get the perfect cap-throwing photo of Chris. Except the cap kept flying just slightly too far astray, too high up, hanging in the air for just a moment too long.</p><p class="p4">“You truly are an asshole,” his mom said quietly, creeping up behind him, startling him out of his concentration, letting the cap finally fall neatly down into Chris’s hand. He grinned.</p><p class="p4">“But a college-bound asshole.”</p><p class="p4">She laughed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her gaze following his to Luke, Heather, and Chris.</p><p class="p4">“Have I told you lately how glad I am that I was able to be around for this?”</p><p class="p4">“Only a couple hundred times mom,” he said with a chuckle. “But I am, too. And you know my couch will always be open in San Diego. You moved it there for me after all.”</p><p class="p4">“Ha, my grand plan succeeds. But for now, you’re wanted over there,” she nodded towards his friends, who were waving him over.</p><p class="p4">“There and everywhere else,” he sighed, as if it was such a hardship to be so popular, and she gave an unflattering snort as he walked away.</p><p class="p2">* * *</p><p class="p4">“I can’t believe this thing is still standing,” Sean said, looking around at the, granted, wobbly-looking treehouse they were in.</p><p class="p4">“I’m not entirely convinced Danny isn’t just holding it up with his powers and sheer force of will.”</p><p class="p4">“Trust me, not even I could manage that.”</p><p class="p4">They were lying down, the four of them, cramped in the treehouse. Finn and Daniel, in the middle, allowed their legs to hang out the opening in the front, and Sean and Chris — the shorter two — on either side, lay with their knees up. The graduation party downstairs wasn’t showing any signs of dying down, but there was nowhere Daniel would rather spend his last night in Beaver Creek before his summer road trip than up here, with these people, passing around the bottle of champagne they smuggled up.</p><p class="p4">“I dunno,” Finn said, “I’ve seen you pull some shit, I think you could manage it.”</p><p class="p4">“See, my powers can only move, like, material stuff. Whereas this place,” he gestured above him, his arms extended. “Is held together by nothing but nostalgia and, I don’t know, some kind of sorcery.”</p><p class="p4">Chris laughed, and pressed the champagne bottle into one of his outstretched hands. He sat up to take a sip.</p><p class="p4">“Now I feel unsafe,” Sean pointed out.</p><p class="p4">“Eh, I’d catch us all if we fell.”</p><p class="p4">“There goes the modesty,” Chris chuckled.</p><p class="p4">“Nah, this kid doesn’t need any modesty,” Finn said, taking the bottle from Daniel, “neither of you do. Look at you little fuckers go! You’re killing it, you’re gonna go on to be the next Kerouac,” he nodded towards Daniel, then in response to Sean’s incredulous stare, “hey, I read. And Chris is gonna be the next Walt Disney or some shit.”</p><p class="p4">“Kerouac was a creep but I love the energy,” Daniel countered with a grin. “Plus, I write children’s books. So maybe more like the next Terry Pratchett.”</p><p class="p4">“Yeah, and I’m definitely leaning more towards animating video games than Disney stuff. I’d animate the hell out of a Wolfbrothers video game if Danny would ever cave and write the script for me.”</p><p class="p4">Sean scoffed, “my condolences to the poor suckers who’d choose to play that for fun.”</p><p class="p4">“Whatever, nerds,” Finn groaned as he lay back down and handed Sean the bottle. “My point is you’re gonna do great shit, take the compliment.”</p><p class="p4">“To doing great shit,” Sean called out, raising the bottle in a toast.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright guys, so I finished writing the last chapter of this fic last week, so I'll be uploading more frequently now because they're just sitting there, ready, waiting to be posted and I've never had an ounce of patience in my life lmao so enjoy! We're nearly at the end now so I hope the last stretch of the fic brings you as much joy as it brought me to write &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Where Happiness Lives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“Got everything?” Heather called out from the backseat when Daniel was finished forcing the trunk closed.</p><p class="p1">“And then some,” Chris chuckled, his feet up on the dashboard.</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Daniel said sharply as he got into the driver’s seat, playfully swatting Chris’s feet down, “I <em>told </em>you there are conditions to us using this place for the summer. We need all that shit for my plan.”</p><p class="p1">“What about this shit?” Heather asked, prodding Luke beside her in the backseat.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, him we can throw out on the freeway sometime,” Daniel grinned, pulling out of the driveway, an excited swoop in his stomach at finally setting off on this long-planned road-trip. He’d said his goodbyes back in the house, and he didn’t glance back as he turned off onto the next street.</p><p class="p1">“I vote we throw Chris out onto the freeway,” Luke suggested. “I distinctly recall calling shotgun. It’s only fair, the punishment for flaunting time-honoured shotgun tradition is, after all, death.”</p><p class="p1">Heather nodded solemnly, like of course she’d miss her friend, but rules were rules.</p><p class="p1">“It’s a long-ass drive, there’s plenty of time for Eriksen to lose his shotgun privilege,” Daniel pointed out, even as Chris grinned, slowly putting his feet back up on the dashboard.</p><p class="p1">He was right, it was a long drive. They’d be stopping often, but a part of him felt a strange connection to his brother as he realised he didn’t want to stop until he was at least out of Oregon. He remembered complaining, all those years ago, the first time he’d made this same road trip with Sean, Finn, Lyla, and Cass. He hadn’t understood the urgency Sean had felt to be somewhere, anywhere, else.</p><p class="p1">He got it now, though. And he knew Chris, Luke, and Heather did too. Beaver Creek got stifling, after a while. And since he’d gotten his car, they’d taken every opportunity to spend their free time literally anywhere else, but they rarely left Oregon. He felt himself getting reckless with the accelerator, the others cheering him on, as California, and the freedom that came with it sped closer.</p><p class="p1">They drove for about four hours straight, only breaking once to pee and stretch their legs, eat some of the food that Chris had had the forethought to pack for them, and they were back, hitting the state line before the sun had even gotten low in the sky.</p><p class="p1">“Home sweet home?” Chris asked quietly, beaming as they drove further into California.</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed. “Summer first, man. Then the future.”</p><p class="p1">But he couldn’t help his heart from swelling with excitement as they drove, the day stretching on, the light becoming soft and golden.</p><p class="p1">Luke and Heather, who had both been on the verge of falling asleep in the backseat, perked up. Luke let out a low whistle.</p><p class="p1">“And you’re absolutely sure,” Luke said, his voice thick with irony, “that we can’t convince you to come to college with us in the cold grey city?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed, taking in the ocean on one side, lush woods on the other. “I’ll pass, I think. Although, you say cold grey city like you aren’t going to be in New York City. Like, the city that never sleeps? Like it isn’t full of colour, and packed with people and concerts and broadway and all of that?”</p><p class="p1">“Of course the token straight friend is the one that brings up Broadway,” Heather said with a chuckle. “How about that, Luke? Chris? Danny is hate crimeing us with his stereotypes.”</p><p class="p1">“I, for one, love musicals” Chris pointed out.</p><p class="p1">“Then you, my friend, are part of the problem,” Luke’s voice was heavy with mock disappointment.</p><p class="p1">Daniel was bristling a little at being called the token straight friend, though he couldn’t have said why exactly. Chris shot him a strange look, head cocked slightly, brow furrowed almost imperceptibly.</p><p class="p1">“I’m just bummed you guys are going to be so far away.” Chris said, and if he noticed the way Daniel relaxed at the change of subject, he didn’t acknowledge it. “I’m going to miss this. All the adventures and the teasing each other. Putting up with Luke’s terrible taste in music, listening to Heather go off about whichever bad decision she’s currently making with romantic partners. Pretending we like Danny.”</p><p class="p1">“Shut up, you love me.” Daniel shot back. He had meant all of them in general, but because Chris had been in the passenger seat, he’d only been able to look at him. He heard Luke snort, and the distinct sounds of heather kicking him, and saw Chris’s face redden by at least three shades.</p><p class="p1">Well, that was weird. He decided to brush over it as quickly as he could.</p><p class="p1">“Can we not get all bummed out about September right now, though?” He said, his voice more tense than he’d been aiming for. “That’s the point of this road trip. One last big summer adventure. We’ve got three months to <em>not </em>get sad yet.”</p><p class="p1">“I’ll do a better job of being happy when I’ve eaten.”</p><p class="p1">“Well then let’s eat!” Daniel said, louder than he’d meant to. “Come on guys, we’re adults now! High school graduates! This is our first summer of <em>true </em>freedom, and our last summer before we move to opposite sides of the country. We can stop whenever we want, <em>do </em>whatever we want.”</p><p class="p1">And it worked, hyping them all up as much as he’d hoped. Daniel wondered, sometimes, how he’d come to be something like the leader of their friend group. He felt it sometimes. They’d joke, and tease, but he felt the magnetism at times, of them drawn to him, following where he went. He kind of liked it.</p><p class="p1">They stopped to get food at the next place they saw, and the rest of the drive south was a lazy, meandering thing. They grabbed fistfuls of brochures at every motel, poring over them over breakfast each day, leading to a long list of detours delaying their destination but giving them a sense of lightness as they rambled wherever they pleased. That <em>true freedom </em>Daniel had mentioned.</p><p class="p1">When they finally reached the Mexican border, weeks had passed, and they were happy, and a little exhausted, but in the warm contended kind of way that can only come after weeks of filling the days with nothing but whatever they wanted to do that day.</p><p class="p1">It was lucky, then, that they still had over two months of ocean breeze and lying in the sun ahead of them.</p><p class="p1">Chris, Luke, and Heather were suitably impressed by the house, which Daniel enjoyed, and Bernada was suitably impressed with how tall he’d gotten since his last visit, which the others definitely enjoyed. There were two double beds between them, so Daniel and Chris took his, and Luke and Heather took Sean’s, and whenever anybody complained about having to share, Daniel reminded them to enjoy it while they could. Sean and Finn would be arriving in time for Sean’s birthday in August, and things would get a lot more cramped then.</p><p class="p1">They had an amazing time doing, in truth, absolutely nothing. They bought beers. Lots of beers. And they sunbathed, and they swam, and they talked, and laughed, and listened to music. Daniel often read, or wrote, and the others did their own things too, but they did them all together, even on days when they were mostly independent, they were always nearby for when Daniel needed to shout out something like “what’s uh, another word, kind of like reliable but…” and one of them could call back “dependable?” And another, “unwavering?” It was a taste of what their lives could have been had they been able to live it out together, if they hadn’t been about to move apart in September. But it wasn’t bittersweet, it didn’t come with any tinge of sadness for what would come. Instead, it was just contentment, a sense of being fortunate that they got to taste that life here and now, even for a short time.</p><p class="p1">“So this is what adult life feels like, huh?” Chris said, one day as they lay on their backs on the beach, towels between them and the hot sand, Daniel’s skin dark from the sun, Chris’s red and freckled. “It’s not bad,” he said, and Daniel saw him shoot a grin his way out of the corner of his eye.</p><p class="p1">“Sure beats Beaver Creek,” Daniel agreed. “And I mean, I obviously know that the rest of my life isn’t going to be like,” he gestured vaguely to the ocean, “this. But, it’s nice to — and I love my grandparents don’t get me wrong — it’s nice to not feel constantly <em>monitored, </em>y’know?”</p><p class="p1">Chris sounded like he was about to agree, but he was interrupted by Daniel, sitting bolt upright with a gasp, a glint in his eye as he realised exactly what options this newly found freedom held for him.</p><p class="p1">“Oh god,” Chris groaned. “What galaxy brain idea have you just had?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel beamed back. “An idea I’ve had for like. Eight years. One I always said I’d do. And now I can.”</p><p class="p1">It dawned on Chris then.</p><p class="p1">“Danny <em>no.”</em></p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Danny, yes.”</em>
</p><p class="p1">He scrambled back into the house, grabbing his shirt and throwing Chris his own.</p><p class="p1">“Heather, Luke, we’re heading into town, taking the car, be back soon!”</p><p class="p1">Chris followed after him, half concerned, half delighted.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">“Danny Diaz?” The guy called, poking his head around the door to see Daniel and Chris sitting on the hard metal chairs in the waiting area.</p><p class="p1">It turned out, even in sleepy beach-side towns, walk-in appointments at tattoo parlours were frowned upon. The wait, in the cool dark of the waiting room, had squashed some of the initial fire from his plan, and all that was left now was the fear, nibbling at the edges of his mind.</p><p class="p1">Daniel clutched Chris’s hand on instinct, a moment of panic, not thinking about what he’d done.</p><p class="p1">“C’mon, man.” Chris said with a quiet chuckle. “This was your idea. Don’t wuss out now, you’ve been through way worse. You escaped a literal cult.”</p><p class="p1">“Cult never tried to stick needles in me though,” Daniel mumbled, petulant.</p><p class="p1">“Come on,” Chris laughed, standing, giving his hand a squeeze. Daniel thought he might let go, but he didn’t. He just pulled him in towards where the tattoo artist waited for them, looking impatient, and Daniel followed reluctantly.</p><p class="p1">“Last chance to back out, kid.” The guy said, watching Daniel with raised eyebrows. “If you’re nervous, this shit’s forever. Don’t come crying to me when you want it removed.”</p><p class="p1">He knew Chris’s Spanish wasn’t bad. He’d been teaching him since they were twelve. But he surprised Daniel with how easily and confidently he responded to the tattoo artist.</p><p class="p1">“He’s been talking about getting this done for years. The second he turned eighteen, he’s always said. He’s just scared of the needle.” Chris was still holding his hand as he spoke. Daniel had a giddy thought that maybe the guy thought they were a couple. It gave him a weird squirming feeling in his stomach, one that might have been the nerves or might have been something else. That was something to file away for later, he decided.</p><p class="p1">Daniel settled in on the chair, The artist pulling up beside him, Chris grabbing a seat on his other side, taking his hand again as he watched the guy taking out his equipment.</p><p class="p1">“Upper arm, right?” The guy asked.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, uh, right…” He dropped Chris’s hand, moving to pull his shirt off. “Here.” He pointed to the spot on the side of his arm, just below his shoulder.</p><p class="p1">He saw, from the corner of his eye, Chris avert his gaze too quickly, grow a little pink. “I mean, you could’ve just… rolled your sleeve up, but sure.”</p><p class="p1">He’d taken his shirt off a bunch of times in front of Chris, especially since they arrived here in the summer heat, but something about the position they were sat in, Daniel realised, made it hard for Chris to glance away without looking obvious. He grabbed Chris’s hand again, finding he actually kind of enjoyed the nervous look in his eyes as he tried desperately to look anywhere but at Daniel’s bare chest.</p><p class="p1">“You’re smiling. Why are you smiling? You’re about to get stabbed.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel just shook his head, but his smile dropped when he heard the buzz of the tattoo gun start up on his other side. He instinctively moved to turn his head, to look at the source of the sound, at the needle, but Chris was faster. He moved his free hand up to the side of Daniel’s face, stopping him from turning his head.</p><p class="p1">“Don’t look, okay? Talk to me.”</p><p class="p1">But no words could be more distracting right now than the squirming feeling in his stomach, the one that only got stronger the longer Chris’s hand stayed on his face. After along moment with no response from Daniel, Chris seemed to notice it too, and removed it fast.</p><p class="p1">Daniel realised he missed it when it was gone.</p><p class="p1">And it was there, in the tattoo parlour, the needle in his arm hurting less than he’d expected, that he realised what had been going on.</p><p class="p1">Years ago, before Chris was out, Daniel had had an idea — just a sliver of a suspicion that he couldn’t be sure wasn’t just an inflated ego — that Chris had a crush on him. He’d ignored it. Because he was straight, wasn’t he? And because Chris was his best friend. And because, then, Chris had gotten a boyfriend. And it had <em>bothered </em>him. More than he had ever cared to admit. And he’d dismissed it. He’d liked being liked, that was all. And he had a long history of only being into unavailable people, so that’s all this was. He missed the validation of being liked, and whatever twisted part of him chased unattainable people had turned its attention to Chris. So he’d pushed it down even deeper. Because Chris deserved better than to be one of those people.</p><p class="p1">The rest of the tattoo was awkward, and so was the drive back. Something had surfaced in Daniel that couldn’t be taken back. Because now Chris wasn’t so unattainable, but the attraction hadn’t died. And maybe he wasn’t bi, like his brother, or like Heather. Maybe, he’d only ever chased unattainable women because he’d thought that’s what he should want, but the reality of it scared him because, well, maybe he didn’t really like women at all.</p><p class="p1">Things relaxed, a little, around Heather and Luke. They weren’t in the business of awkward silences, and it helped, but at night, Daniel couldn’t sleep. The bed he’d shared with Chris since he’d gotten here suddenly felt too small, and every accidental brush of his fingertips against Chris’s, every sleepy sigh that stirred Daniel’s hair, it felt <em>more </em>now, it felt dangerous. So he waited until Chris fell asleep, went out to the back patio, and read in the moonlight until his eyes grew heavy enough that he could stumble back upstairs and pass out too quickly to notice the body beside his.</p><p class="p1">He did this for three nights, before he was caught.</p><p class="p1">“Couldn’t sleep?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel jumped in the seat, his book almost flying out of his hands. He gave a small <em>mm </em>of agreement as he turned his head around to look behind him to the screen door where Chris’s voice had come from, but he was already making his way over. As he passed by Daniel to pull out the chair beside him, he pressed a casual hand onto his shoulder. It was the kind of thing they used to do all the time, but now, Daniel tensed under his touch. Chris faltered just slightly as he noticed.</p><p class="p1">“Three nights in a row?” He asked, softly as he sat down beside him.</p><p class="p1">Daniel just shrugged, unable to meet Chris’s eye, but Chris stared him down, and after a moment, gave a sigh of resignation.</p><p class="p1">“You’ve figured it out, haven’t you?”</p><p class="p1">“Which bit?” The words had surprised Daniel, and confused Chris, a crease appearing between his eyebrows when Daniel could finally bring himself to look at him.</p><p class="p1">He wasn’t planning on saying anything. Wasn’t planning on risking their friendship. They were about to sign a lease together for god’s sake. But there was a pounding in his chest, a sweatiness to his palms, and a lump in his throat. An anxiety that suggested that his body knew the words were coming before he knew it himself.</p><p class="p1">“I mean, are you asking if I’ve figured out that you like me? Or… That I like you too?” He watched Chris’s face for a long moment. Maybe it was only an instant, but it stretched out forever. Analysing the infinitesimal shifts in his expression, the deepening of the crease between his eyebrows, the twitch of surprise, the tightening of understanding, then all at once, a flurry of movement.</p><p class="p1">Chris’s hand was on the back of his neck, and he was kissing him. Daniel was kissing him back. It felt like home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. The Greatest Gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“Seriously,” Daniel said, the word unconvincing through his laughter, “we <em>really </em>need to get up now.”</p><p class="p1">Chris, still half asleep, arms wrapped around him, head buried in the space between Daniel’s neck and shoulder, just clung on harder. “Nope.”</p><p class="p1">Despite himself, Daniel smiled, freeing an arm to push some blond hair out of his friend’s face — no, his <em>boyfriend’s </em>now, still weird. His hair had darkened over the years, but after two full months in Puerto Lobos, the sun had lightened it again. It still didn’t feel real, that he was able to do this now, able to even admit to himself that he wanted to.</p><p class="p1">“Come on,” he said, with another small laugh. He pressed a kiss to Chris’s head, and hauled himself upright, despite groans and protestations from Chris. “Sean and Finn get here <em>tonight. </em>We’ve still got work to do.”</p><p class="p1">“Exactly,” Chris groaned. “And when they do get here, we won’t be able to do this.”</p><p class="p1">“We’ve got four years of college to share a bed,” Daniel pointed out, standing up, enjoying the dramatic way Chris starfished across the bed in his absence.</p><p class="p1">“That’s <em>weeks </em>away.”</p><p class="p1">“We’ve waited this long.”</p><p class="p1">“And whose fault is that?” Chris asked, his voice teasing.</p><p class="p1">In lieu of a response, Daniel used his powers to pull the covers off Chris, who groaned again.</p><p class="p1">“You baited me into that,” Daniel laughed, heading to the door. He hesitated, just before leaving, and turned on his heels. Darting back to kiss Chris one more time. “That too,” he grinned, before turning back to leave again. He left the door open as he did, just to be annoying.</p><p class="p1">Heather and Luke were already downstairs, sipping coffee, when he got there.</p><p class="p1">“Whatever happened to <em>busy day today?” </em>Heather asked, eyebrow cocked.</p><p class="p1">“Soooo much work to do today,” Luke taunted, his voice a poor imitation of Daniel’s.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, so, I slept in,” Daniel said, evasive.</p><p class="p1">There was a beat of silence between all three of them, until Heather put her coffee mug down on the table with more force than necessary.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, I’m done, I want my ten bucks.” She announced.</p><p class="p1">“I… What?”</p><p class="p1">“Fess up. You and Erikson. For weeks now, right?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel said nothing, but he knew the look of dumbstruck surprise on his face wasn’t exactly doing him any favours. Nor was the appearance of Chris behind him on the stairs, who had clearly heard enough to turn his face a previously unseen shade of beetroot.</p><p class="p1">“Nope,” Luke protested, “not a confession, I’m not paying.”</p><p class="p1">Chris shot Daniel a look, and gave him a small nod with a poorly concealed smile.</p><p class="p1">“Anything to cost Luke ten bucks,” Daniel grinned, entwining his fingers through Chris’s.</p><p class="p1">Luke groaned, while Heather fist pumped.</p><p class="p1">“Last time I have faith in you traitors. <em>They’d have told us, </em>I said. <em>They wouldn’t hide it.”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“</em>Yeah, why did you hide it?”</p><p class="p1">“This was <em>our </em>summer. All four of us. I didn’t want to, like, divide us,” Daniel admitted. They’d discussed it already, and the plan was to tell them a few weeks into college. Make it seem like it had happened then.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, but mercilessly bullying you for how long it took you to figure it out is <em>exactly </em>what is gonna bring us closer together,” Luke crooned. Even Chris laughed at that one.</p><p class="p1">“Okay but that, by the way, is exactly why we’re not telling my brother. I have a feeling he’s known for a while, and if I tell him now he’s gonna be <em>insufferable </em>the whole time. And we only get to see him for like, less than a week.”</p><p class="p1">“Well <em>we </em>can keep a secret,” Heather pointed out. “But you two better stay on opposite sides of the room at all times. Just in case."</p><p class="p1">That was, well, a pretty good point actually. They clearly weren’t as subtle as they thought. Daniel didn’t have too much time to think about it though, because Sean’s arrival meant work.</p><p class="p1">Sean’s birthday was the next day, and Daniel had a surprise in place, both a birthday gift, and a house-warming gift of sorts. This would be Sean and Finn’s official moving-in to the house, and in a few days, Daniel, Chris, Luke and Heather would be driving back to give themselves enough time to say goodbye to their families and pack up for their own moves.</p><p class="p1">“You guys are good to get started in the bathroom, right? You know what a bathroom should look like?”</p><p class="p1">“Obviously. You want us to smear blood on the walls and fill the bathtub with sand. Right?”</p><p class="p1">“Yes, Heather, that’s <em>exactly </em>what I want, how did you know?”</p><p class="p1">She scrunched up her nose at him, but stood, grabbing Luke to go get some of the stuff Daniel had packed from the car.</p><p class="p1">“We’re headed to the bedroom,” he said, taking Chris’s hand.</p><p class="p1">“Nice.”</p><p class="p1">“<em>Sean’s </em>bedroom,” Daniel laughed, pulling him in the direction Heather had gone to grab the rest of the stuff from the car.</p><p class="p1">It didn’t take long — honestly, it had felt more impressive when Daniel had planned it, packing the stuff up before the trip. They were just finishing up around the time that Sean arrived, and with all the stuff he’d brought spread out around the house, it didn’t feel as awesome as he planned.</p><p class="p1">He put the finishing touch on the front door as they saw Sean’s car coming down the road, and Daniel closed the door behind him, standing outside and beaming as they approached.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, Daniel,” Sean called out, hurrying out of the car as soon as he’d pulled up, enveloping Daniel in a hug. Daniel held him back, tight. Over the years, he’d come to associate summers with Sean, warm weather becoming linked in his mind to spending long periods of time with the brother he so often missed, and this had been the first in a long time that they’d spent apart.</p><p class="p1">It was worth it, though, for the look on Sean’s face when they pulled apart, and he spotted the front door.</p><p class="p1">“What… Is this?”</p><p class="p1">Daniel beamed, stepping aside to give him a closer look.</p><p class="p1">“This is your birthday gift.”</p><p class="p1">He’d fixed a big red bow on the front door. Above it, a banner that read <em>welcome home, Sean and Finn.</em></p><p class="p1">“There’s more inside” he added, nodding to the door, “but so are Chris, Heather, and Luke. So, uh, watch yourself if you don’t want them to see you cry.”</p><p class="p1">Sean laughed, but he already sounded a little choked up, and as he stepped inside, he let out a small ‘<em>oh.</em>’</p><p class="p1">Daniel took in the scene through Sean’s eyes, and all his worries about it not being impressive enough disappeared. He saw Sean take in the rug, the one he’d taken from the Seattle house, along with a couple of framed family photos from the Seattle house, too, lining the walls. Alongside them, he’d gotten some photos of Sean and Finn blown up and framed, as well as some of the three of them. He’d stocked the kitchen with more than just the bare essentials they’d acquired over the years. Actual, matching cutlery sets and dishware.</p><p class="p1">“You wanted to make this place a home,” Daniel explained, watching as Sean tried and failed to keep his shit together. “So, uh, I made a start for you.”</p><p class="p1">“Dude.” Sean’s voice was soft.</p><p class="p1">“There’s still more.”</p><p class="p1">“<em>enano.” </em>Sean’s voice was dangerously close to breaking.</p><p class="p1">“Go say hi to everyone first,” Daniel said with a laugh, “give yourself a second.”</p><p class="p1">“Hola, super-bro!” Finn called out from the doorway, throwing his and Sean’s bags down at the door as Sean moved on to greet the others. From the corner of his eye, he noticed how easily Sean pulled Chris into a hug. Like he was family already. Daniel only had a second to realise how much he liked that before Finn did the same to him.</p><p class="p1">“Sick tat kid! Or uh, I mean, bueno, uh, como se dice…?”</p><p class="p1">Sean spun around to face them “tatuaje?” he finished for him.</p><p class="p1">“Awesome. That.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel laughed. He knew Finn’s Spanish had been improving — Sean teaching him in preparation for the big move — but his accent not so much.</p><p class="p1">“Thanks Finn,” he grinned.</p><p class="p1">Sean strode over, noticing the tattoo for the first time.</p><p class="p1">“Holy shit.”</p><p class="p1">“Good holy shit? Or-“</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, man, it’s. Woah.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel turned so that Sean could get a closer look at the wolf on his shoulder. He’d always planned to get one that matched Sean’s, and it was close, but not exact. Instead, he’d gotten two wolves, side by side, one big, one small. The meaning was clear, and Sean took a moment before he spoke again, clearing his throat a little before he did.</p><p class="p1">“I mean. <em>I </em>love it. But what do Claire and Stephen have to say about it?”</p><p class="p1">“Nothing if I can help it. Why do you think I waited ‘till now? I’ll wear sleeves for the next couple weeks, they never have to find out.”</p><p class="p1">Chris snorted. “Your brother’s too much of a wuss to tell his grandparents, is what he means, Sean.”</p><p class="p1">Sean pointed at him. “Now that checks out."</p><p class="p1">“Alright,” Daniel began shepherding Sean up the stairs, “this little friendship was great until you started ganging up on me.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, that’s <em>our</em> job,” Luke said, earning a fist bump from Heather.</p><p class="p1">“Speaking of our job, wait till you see the bathroom, that was all us, baby.”</p><p class="p1">“Now I’m afraid,” Sean chuckled. But the bathroom looked surprisingly good. It was mostly stuff that Daniel had gotten from Bed Bath &amp; Beyond using coupons that <em>of course </em>Claire had been storing up and had been about to expire. A new shower curtain and bath mat and even a little toothbrush holder.</p><p class="p1">“Your bedroom’s my proudest work though,” Daniel said, when Sean and Finn had taken in the bathroom. He led him to his room, unable to keep the pride off his face when he opened the door.</p><p class="p1">He’d taken some items from Sean’s old bedrooms, both in Seattle, and Beaver Creek. The scratch-off map hung front and centre over the bed, and on the wall facing the bed, hung some more old photos and sketches of Sean’s, including as many of Finn as he could get his hands on. He’d even managed to lug along an old nightstand from Sean’s childhood bedroom, and stacked it with his old art books.</p><p class="p1">“How did you even get this all down here?” Sean asked, swiping a hand over his eyes, but not quickly enough to hide the tears that threatened to fall.</p><p class="p1">“Car,” Daniel shrugged.</p><p class="p1">“It was not a comfortable ride,” Heather added.</p><p class="p1">“You like it?”</p><p class="p1">“Nah man I’m getting all choked up because I hate it,” Sean laughed, swiping another hand across his eyes before pulling Daniel into another hug, which was cut short by a loud and unexpected sob from the doorway. They all turned to stare at Finn.</p><p class="p1">“Fuck off,” he muttered, as everyone’s eyes fell on him, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “Nobody’s as surprised as me.”</p><p class="p1">Sean bit his lip, biting back a small laugh, and moved towards Finn, hand rubbing small circles on the small of his back. While both of their backs were turned, Chris took Daniel’s hand, just briefly. “Nice job,” he whispered.</p><p class="p1">“You know how long it’s been since I’ve had a home, man?” Finn was saying. He turned to Daniel, and Chris dropped his hand fast. “Thanks, dude. Thank you. This is awesome.”</p><p class="p1">“I feel like you need a beer, man,” Daniel said with a small laugh.</p><p class="p1">“Sure, give us a minute, though?” Sean was ushering the still-emotional Finn to the bed where he could sit. Daniel nodded, closing the bedroom door behind him as the four of them made their way downstairs and out onto the beach with some beers, the sun almost set by now, and the air still warm.</p><p class="p1">“That’s a really awesome thing you did for them, Danny,” Luke said, in an unexpected moment of sincerity. Chris and Heather were nodding in agreement.</p><p class="p1">“Not just me. You guys helped. Thanks.”</p><p class="p1">“That means we get to come back here whenever we want, right? Like, that’s how that works?” There was the old Luke again.</p><p class="p1">“Only seems fair,” Heather added, shrugging.</p><p class="p1">Daniel made to throw a little sand at them, but Luke and Heather — already prepared for this now familiar side-effect of letting someone with telekinesis onto the beach — just lazily covered the top of their beers. Daniel had to stop to laugh at that.</p><p class="p1">“I dunno” he sighed eventually. “Not my call to make any more. It’s Sean’s home now. But he likes you guys. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”</p><p class="p1">“I’m actually only dating Danny for the beach-house privileges,” Chris said, casually. “You guys should up your game.”</p><p class="p1">“And I’m okay with that,” Daniel said with a grin. He moved in for a kiss, but before he did, he checked over his shoulder, and Finn and Sean were making their way out of the house toward them.They pulled apart fast, Luke and Heather snickering.</p><p class="p1">Daniel sent a couple cans flying their way. “Feeling better?” He asked, only the slightest teasing note in his voice. But Finn and Sean ignored the floating cans, swooping in and picking him up from where he sat on the sand, the two of them hugging him.</p><p class="p1">“Thanks, enano.” Sean said, softly.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah,” Daniel’s face was warm when they all separated. “Happy birthday or whatever.”</p><p class="p1">They stayed a couple more days after that, but as much as Daniel wanted this summer to stretch on forever, the excitement for college, for California, for what came next was starting to build as well. And he was sure Finn and Sean wanted some time alone in their new house. Plus, with Sean and Finn now sleeping in Sean’s room, Luke and Heather were sharing Daniel’s room with him, and it wasn’t exactly ideal.</p><p class="p1">Mostly, though, he could see how restless his friends were becoming. Daniel was used to being far away from the people he loved. He’d figured out ways to deal with it, ways to reduce the feeling of distance, but his friends had never lived anywhere but Beaver Creek. They’d never been apart from their families, they’d graduated high school with the same people they’d gone to elementary school with. They needed time to adjust to their futures of dealing with the same problems that Daniel had already grown accustomed to. So, Daniel wanted to get them back home to give them the time they needed to say goodbye to that, even if it meant saying goodbye to his brother again a little earlier than he’d hoped.</p><p class="p1">They packed up the car again, this time with considerably more space to spare, and Chris drove, insisting that Daniel shouldn’t have to. Daniel thought maybe it was because Chris expected him to cry. Between the move, and starting new classes, he knew he probably wouldn’t have time to visit Sean for a while, not until thanksgiving break at least. But Daniel didn’t think he would cry. It didn’t hurt, pulling away from his hug with Sean and climbing into the passenger seat. He knew by now that distance didn’t mean they were alone. He was heading on to his future, and Sean was staying behind to start a future of his own. And they would do it together.</p><p class="p4">—</p><p class="p5">Sean watched Chris drive his brother and their friends away, and where he expected to feel sadness, he felt only hope. Hope about the teenager his kid brother had grown into and the man he was becoming. Hope about the relationship that had gone through so much and that they knew they’d always have.</p><p class="p5">There was only one thing to do to let the feeling out of his chest. He ran out into the road, jogging behind the car, cupped his handsover his mouth, and let out an almighty howl.</p><p class="p5">It didn’t even take a second for Daniel to return it, hanging out of the passenger side window with a howl of his own, a laugh breaking through when he caught his breath.</p><p class="p5">Sean stopped running, letting the car disappear into the distance. He was home, and Daniel was headed to a new home of his own.</p><p class="p5">They’d see each other again soon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this was, originally, supposed to be the fic's official ending. And I was going to upload just one more epilogue chapter with a few mini snapshot scenes of them going about their lives. But then each mini snapshot ended up being chapter-length on its own, so there are still a few more to come. oops.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Epilogue, pt. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <em>Eight and a half years after the events at the border</em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">“Fuck, it’s Sean.”Daniel glanced at the incoming call, reluctantly pulling his face away from Chris’s. “And of course it’s FaceTime.”</p><p class="p3">Chris’s hands around Daniel’s neck pulled him back for one last kiss.</p><p class="p3">“I’d say ignore it but I know you,” he murmured against his lips, mouth forming a smile. “So keep it short?”</p><p class="p3">Daniel nodded, but had to pull away to clear his head, moving to the other side of the couch, flattening his hair before he answered, Sean and Finn smiling back at him.</p><p class="p3">“Hey, guys,” his voice was tense.</p><p class="p3">“Hey enano, did we catch you at a bad time?”</p><p class="p3">Daniel cleared his throat, “nah, I’m good, just sitting on the couch.” Chris let out a small snort of laughter. “Chris is here also,” Daniel added in response, turning the camera to face him, and Chris, thinking fast, shot a peace sign that covered the majority of the flush that hadn’t yet faded from his neck.</p><p class="p3">“Sure… Hey, Chris” Sean sounded unconvinced. “Hey, how’s that one creative assignment going?” He asked when the camera was back on Daniel</p><p class="p3">“Ugh,” Daniel groaned. “The professor’s still an asshole. He <em>hates </em>that I write fun, adventure, children’s stuff. He just wants a short story of some guy standing on a train platform wearing a beret and smoking a cigarette, y’know?”</p><p class="p3">Sean laughed, “I promise I definitely don’t know. This sounds so specific.”</p><p class="p3">“Nah, I just mean like, the vibes. He wants high-art, pretentious stuff.”</p><p class="p3">“Which Danny is totally talented enough to do if he stopped being stubborn about it,” Chris chimed in from the other end of the couch. Daniel shot him a look.</p><p class="p3">“No he’s right,” Sean added, “you could totally do it, why not just go with what the professor wants and get the grade?”</p><p class="p3">“That’s what I’m saying!” Chris moved over on the couch, pushing up against Daniel to get in the frame. “It’s only his first creative writing class in a four-year college, he’s got time to follow his own <em>creative vision.</em>”</p><p class="p3">Daniel scrunched his nose up at the sarcasm in Chris’s voice. He didn’t have a comeback, so instead he sent a cushion flying Chris’s way, but Chris was used to it by now, knew to react fast even when Daniel didn’t move an inch, and he batted it away, chuckling.</p><p class="p3">“I’ll go to my room then, I guess, since a guy can’t make a single call in this place without being eavesdropped on.”</p><p class="p3">Sean and Finn exchanged a look, and Daniel stood, making his way towards his room but not going inside. Instead, he fumbled the camera a little, closed his bedroom door for the dramatics, and leaned against it, grinning past the camera over at Chris.</p><p class="p3">As soon as he thought Daniel was in his room, Sean started up.</p><p class="p3">“How’s uh, how’s it been, living with Chris?”</p><p class="p3">“Oh, that? We’re just joking, don’t worry, it’s going great.”</p><p class="p3">Finn snorted. “Nobody’s <em>worried</em> you guys aren’t getting on-”</p><p class="p3">Sean nudged him, cutting him off. “Oh, I forgot.” Finn said with an exaggerated eye roll. “We’re letting him figure it out on his own.”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, subtle as hell dude,” Sean groaned. “Thanks.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel bit back a laugh, watching Chris do the same over on the couch. He’d been enjoying this more than he’d expected. Originally, he’d been wary of telling Sean, knowing with hindsight how <em>obvious </em>his crush on Chris had been, and embarrassed about how long it had taken for him to realise. After a while, once he and Chris had time to figure it out, they’d planned to tell him. Their plan had been to be a little more obvious with their closeness whenever Sean FaceTimed, so that it wouldn’t feel like such a big deal when he ‘came out,’ but they found themselves finding it hilarious. Casual touches to the back of each others necks, holding hands, basically everything short of kissing, and each time Finn and Sean would exchange a glance but say nothing. They didn’t tell them right away because it was too much fun messing with them. Sean couldn’t poke fun at Daniel for being oblivious in high school now that he and Finn had been so oblivious for the last couple months.</p><p class="p3">But, he had remembered his promise to Sean, way back when, that he would tell him, if anything big had happened. It was starting to feel too much like keeping a secret.</p><p class="p3">“Actually,” he said, struggling to keep the smile off his face. “I do have something I wanna talk to you about. But uh, you’ll be up for thanksgiving soon, right? We’ll talk more then.”</p><p class="p3">“Wait dude- no, don’t leave me hanging like that-”</p><p class="p3">Daniel hung up.</p><p class="p3">Chris, who had been smothering his laughter, removed his hands from his mouth and threw his head back when the call ended.</p><p class="p3">“You’re evil, you know that?”</p><p class="p3">Daniel grinned, returning to the couch and wrapping his arms around Chris’s neck. “Yes. But you love it.”</p><p class="p3">“I sure do.”</p><p class="p1">—</p><p class="p4"> </p><p class="p3">“It’s got to be, right?” Sean was whispering to Finn in the elevator, as if Daniel was already in hearing range. “They’ve been <em>all </em>over each other, if this hasn’t triggered something in him by now, he’s never gonna figure it out.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel had made him wait a week for whatever he’d been planning on telling him, and it had been bothering him <em>a lot.</em></p><p class="p3">“I dunno,” Finn shrugged. “Maybe we were wrong. Time’s a-changing, man, straight dudes touch each other now. Can’t believe you’re so blinded by patriarchal bullshit.”</p><p class="p3">Sean opened his mouth to protest, but the elevator doors opened onto Daniel’s floor, and Daniel was already stood in front of his apartment’s open door, beaming and ready to run at them, pulling them both into a hug.</p><p class="p3">“Hi,” Sean laughed, “it has only been three months, right? I didn’t black out for a while and miss a bunch of time did I?”</p><p class="p3">“Nope, just three months. Just excited to show you my new life,” Daniel grinned, doing a little spin, as if he’d changed at all in appearance since moving to San Diego. In fairness, he had a little. The Puerto Lobos sun had darkened his skin over the summer, and the California sun had kept that going through the fall. He’d also let his stubble grow out a little, which made him look slightly older, and made Sean feel <em>way </em>older. But mostly he just <em>seemed </em>different. In an almost invisible sense. Less in his appearance and more in how he held himself, how he moved. He seemed more himself, more free.</p><p class="p3">Sean let himself be pulled into Daniel’s new apartment along with Finn, chuckling a little as he did.</p><p class="p3">“Welcome to our favourite shithole in California,” Daniel said, extending his arms to the apartment. Sean took it in. It was, yep, a little bit of a shithole, for sure. It was tiny, the living room and kitchen pressed in on one another, three doors visible, the bathroom and the two bedrooms. If those doors had been opened, he’d be able to see every inch of the apartment from where he stood. But every inch was Daniel’s. It was <em>his brother’s </em>shithole. And he could tell from Daniel’s face how proud of it he was.</p><p class="p3">“Just, don’t look at that stain on the ceiling, or uh, the gaps in the floorboards over there, and, it’s awesome, right?” Daniel was still beaming.</p><p class="p3">“It’s uh, well it sure beats the woods if nothing else,” Finn laughed.</p><p class="p3">“I’ll take it,” the voice had come form behind them, and Sean spun around to see Chris standing in the doorway, keys in one hand, coffee in the other.</p><p class="p3">“Sorry I’m late, I had one last class before the break.” He put his things down on the coffee table and strode over to hug Sean. Sean had been struck by how much more confident and charming Chris had seemed when he’d seen him at Daniel’s sixteenth, and since then it had only become more evident. He was wearing a denim jacket, rolled up at the sleeves, a variety of coloured patches lining the front, and a pair of sunglasses pushed back his dark-blond hair. He really seemed in his element here.</p><p class="p3">“Hey, Chris,” Sean said, grinning as he let himself be pulled in, watching as Chris then moved on to pull Finn in for a hug just as confidently. Then, his brain just a few steps behind his sight, he watched as Chris strode purposefully towards Daniel, touching a hand softly to his face, and kissing him.</p><p class="p3">“Hey babe,” Daniel said, and though his eyes were fixed on Chris, there was a glint of mischief in them that seemed aimed at Sean and Finn somehow.</p><p class="p3">Sean just gaped.</p><p class="p3">“See,” Finn chuckled, clapping a hand on Sean’s back. “Just two dudes, bein’ bros.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel moved to look at Sean, smirk growing on his face, a challenge.</p><p class="p3">“Fuck off,” was all Sean could think to say, eliciting a laugh from Chris.</p><p class="p3">“Told you this’d be fun,” Daniel murmured to Chris.</p><p class="p3">“How long?” Sean stammered, still gaping. Then, before anyone could answer, turning to Finn, “you knew about this?”</p><p class="p3">“Yup,” Finn said, at the same time Daniel and Chris both said “nah.”</p><p class="p3">Sean looked between the three of them.</p><p class="p3">“We… Didn’t tell him,” Daniel said, frowning slightly at Finn.</p><p class="p3">“Yeah dude but I’m also not, like, blind. I could see you guys messing with him the last couple months. So, I did a little messing of my own.”</p><p class="p3">Sean took offence to that. “Well I mean, I <em>saw </em>it. Like, come on, it was obvious. But it had also been obvious for years. It’s not like I missed it, I just thought, you both had missed it. Or at least, no offence Chris but you’ve been all-out in love with my brother for years but like. Daniel didn’t know, for sure.”</p><p class="p3">He didn’t have to worry about Chris taking offence, Chris who smothered a hand against his mouth to hide how hard he was laughing, then, when that didn’t work, buried his face in Daniel’s shoulder, peals of laughter escaping him.</p><p class="p3">“And that’s why,” Daniel said, one hand reaching out around Chris still laughing into his shoulder, the other pointing at Sean. “That’s why we didn’t tell you right away. You had the jump on us <em>years </em>ago. This time we had the jump on you. Now we’re even,” Daniel shrugged, smiling.</p><p class="p3">“Let’s, uh,” Chris resurfaced, wiping his eyes, still chuckling, “let’s go sit, things are easier to process when you’re sat down.” He guided Sean and Finn to the couch, and when theysat down, Sean still dumbstruck, Chris went to find snacks in the kitchen.</p><p class="p3">“Oh, and for what it’s worth,” Chris called into the silence as he rummaged through one of the cupboards, “you got it exactly right, Sean. I’ve been hopelessly in love with Danny since I was like fourteen. So really, he’s the only <em>truly </em>oblivious one in this room.”</p><p class="p3">The pout on Daniel’s face then was what pushed Sean finally out of his state of shock, and he let out a short, surprised laugh.</p><p class="p3">“Have I said how happy I am for you yet?”</p><p class="p3">“Not yet,” Daniel pointed out.</p><p class="p3">“Well, I am. I’m thrilled. I do wish I could have been thrilled for you, like, how long ago?”</p><p class="p3">Daniel had the sense to look sheepish, at least. “Since before your birthday. At Puerto Lobos.”</p><p class="p3">Sean took a deep breath. “Well, I wish I could have been thrilled for you <em>three months ago, </em>but yeah, you guys are perfect for each other, seriously.”</p><p class="p3">“Thanks,” Daniel said, his voice small but his face bursting with pride, when Chris returned with bags of chips, sitting next to Daniel, who took his hand. There was clear love in his eyes when he did, and Sean couldn’t have been happier for his little brother.</p><p class="p3">“So, you have a label, or?”</p><p class="p3">“Oh, well, yeah. We’re boyfriends. I mean we already knew each other so long it seemed stupid to not go straight to being in a relationship, you know?”</p><p class="p3">Sean had to laugh at that, “no I mean, like, your sexuality dude. Bi, or gay, or what?”</p><p class="p3">“Oh,” Daniel’s face reddened slightly, “yeah, no, gay. For sure.”</p><p class="p3">“Called it,” Sean muttered to Finn.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Epilogue, pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <em>Eleven years after the events at the border</em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">“I’m just saying, I’m older now, I’ve got more of a jawline thing going on, I think I can pull it off!”</p><p class="p3">Daniel was sat up on the floor of the Puerto Lobos house, Chris’s head in his lap, and he was absentmindedly playing with Chris’s hair while Sean and Finn curled up on the couch. The chorus of <em>no </em>that came from everyone in the room was disappointing, but unsurprising.</p><p class="p3">“We’ve been through this Daniel,” Sean said, chuckling. “You’ll be a college graduate in a year, you should have enough sense to know that you would <em>not </em>look good blond.”</p><p class="p3">“Plus,” Chris added, grinning up at him from his lap, “it would take the spotlight off me. I like being the blond in this relationship.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel considered this, watching Chris close his eyes as Daniel played with a lock of his hair. He smiled, briefly, then shrugged, enjoying the frown that formed between Chris’s eyebrows when he stopped, removing his hands so that he could lean back on his elbows.</p><p class="p3">“You’re just worried I’ll look better than you.”</p><p class="p3">Chris had the decency to bite his lip, suppressing any unflattering laughter that might have been threatening to break out, but Sean and Finn had no such decency. Finn let out an almighty snort, and Sean laughed out loud.</p><p class="p3">“I promise you, enano — because Chris is too nice to say it — that’s definitely not what he’s worried about.”</p><p class="p3">“Alright, alright, I get it,” Daniel grumbled, trying to distract from the embarrassed warmth on his neck by raising a hand, opening the fridge from across the room and pulling four beers out, letting them cross the room towards where they all sat.</p><p class="p3">“None of you deserve these,” he muttered as he did, “but I’m an amazing person, so.”</p><p class="p3">“Ahh, see, I can’t drink this super-bro,” Finn sighed, looking forlorn at his can. He didn’t have to explain further — Daniel rolled his eyes, bringing the coconut mug over, and Finn beamed, reaching out to grab it from the air before pouring his beer into it.</p><p class="p3">“One of you have mine,” Sean said, hauling himself up from the couch, “I’m heading to bed.”</p><p class="p3">“Aww, too pooped after a day of hauling that little brush over the canvas?” Finn crooned.</p><p class="p3">“Oh you mean the painting that pays the bills?” Sean laughed, leaning back down to kiss Finn.</p><p class="p3">Chris and Daniel both averted their eyes at the same time, snickering as they locked eyes with each other instead. “Night,” they both called out as Sean made his way upstairs.</p><p class="p3">Finn watched him go, and when they heard the bedroom door close, sat up straight on the couch, elbows on his knees to lean over and look at Daniel.</p><p class="p3">“I need your help, dude,” he whispered, his voice conspiratorial.</p><p class="p3">“Ooh, intense, I love it,” Chris whispered.</p><p class="p3">“Well, you guys are only here for another week before you go back to college, right? And your asshole brother — absolute love of my fuckin’ life that he is — is <em>always </em>here. So, we’re running out of time. But I need your help proposing.”</p><p class="p3">He wasn’t quite sure he’d heard right, but Chris sat up so fast he almost collided with Daniel.</p><p class="p3">“No fucking way.” Daniel breathed.</p><p class="p3">Finn shrugged, “I live to surprise,” he said, grinning at the two of them, staring back at him wide-eyed from the floor. “I assume that was surprise, not you actually saying no.”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah,” Daniel let out a long breath, “no, just surprise.” Chris, beside him, ever the hopeless romantic, was still staring moony-eyed at Finn, but Daniel felt his own eyes narrow.</p><p class="p3">“This seems… not very <em>you</em>.”</p><p class="p3">“Nah but, as much as he tries to be cool and chill about shit like this, it’s Sean.”</p><p class="p3">“And as much as I want my brother to be happy, you’re not doing this just for him, right?”</p><p class="p3">Finn seemed to seriously consider this for a moment.</p><p class="p3">“It’s a big part of it, man, I won’t lie. But there’s a way it could work for both of us. We’ll sign some legal shit someday, makes sense to have rights and whatever. But right now, I just wanna throw the biggest fuckin’ party you’ve ever seen, and make the whole goddamn world listen to me talk about how much I love the guy.” His grin grew wider, and in spite of himself, Daniel was smiling along with him. “Y’all know that if there’s anything I love even as close to as much as I love Sean, it’s putting on a show.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel had to laugh at that. He remembered, years ago, Sean asking Finn to his senior prom. He remembered how embarrassed he’d been to ask, thinking Finn would think it was stupid or juvenile. He remembered how into it Finn had gotten, how him agreeing to something that seemed so unlike him didn’t mean Finn was compromising who he was, it meant he was finding a way to work with Sean’s world without shrinking himself. Instead he put on a show, made himself bigger, and Sean’s world with it, and Sean had enjoyed the night even more because of it.</p><p class="p3">“Seriously, little dude. I love the concern for your bro, but I’m feeling good about this. For real.”</p><p class="p3">“Fuck it,” Daniel said, his smile growing. “I’m in. What’s your plan?”</p><p class="p1">—</p><p class="p5">“You know Daniel and Chris are only here for another few days,” Sean said, torn. He was <em>really </em>into the idea of a private walk down the beach with Finn — finding a moment alone was a rarity after a whole summer of having his brother and his brother’s boyfriend in the house. But at the same time, Finn would still be here, come September. Daniel and Chris not so much.</p><p class="p5">“Chris had a migraine,” Finn shrugged, “Daniel’s looking after him. They need some alone time too.”</p><p class="p5">That was fairly convincing. Plus Chris sometimes got sick when he had migraines, and Sean didn’t particularly want to be around for that. He let Finn pull him close, falling into stride together as they walked slowly along the beach.</p><p class="p5">“You ever think you’d see Daniel looking after his sick boyfriend?” Sean chuckled, after a moment.</p><p class="p5">“Which part of that is shocking to you?” Finn shot back with an easy grin. “Him being selfless or him being gay? Because I think you were a pretty good role model to him on both fronts.”</p><p class="p5">Sean snorted. “I try. For real though, you ever think about what your younger self would think of your life now? I’d pay good money to see the look on little fifteen-year-old Sean’s face if I showed him a picture of you and told him that actually, you’re my boyfriend and we’re taking a stroll down a Mexican beach because we’re tired of travelling the world.”</p><p class="p5">Finn let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back. “Fuck, you’re right, I’d pay to see that, too. Couldn’t say the same about me though,” he stopped in his tracks, spinning Sean around to face him, examining him.</p><p class="p5">Sean knew what he was seeing. He’d filled out over the years, his beard had come in. Between this, his glass eye, and the thin tapestry of scars on his sun-darkened skin, he looked considerably more badass than he had when Finn first met him.</p><p class="p5">“Past me would just high-five me,” He smirked. Sean couldn’t help leaning in to kiss him just briefly before pulling on his hand, continuing on their walk.</p><p class="p5">“You’d have to show your past self a photo of me when we met,” Sean said with a chuckle. “Tell younger Finn that not only would you fall for that suburban dweeb, you’d actually <em>commit </em>to him.”</p><p class="p5">There was a pause, then Finn let out a small breath, a sort of surprised exhale that built, slowly, to a rumbling laugh.</p><p class="p5">“You have no idea, sweetie,” Finn said in response to Sean’s puzzled look, “just how right you are.”</p><p class="p5">They walked a while longer, the sun getting lower over the ocean, the heat thinning a little with the cool of the ocean breeze, and they stopped to smoke before they turned back.</p><p class="p5">It still dawned on Sean, sometimes, at unexpected moments, how much he loved his life. He’d like to get back out there someday — they had plans to travel with Daniel and Chris after they graduated next summer — but he was surprised to find how peaceful these last three years had felt. It hit him again, then, sitting on the beach as the sky turned golden, their smoke curling up slowly into the air while they sat in that perfect silence you can only share with somebody you love.</p><p class="p5">When they’d returned to the house, Finn stopped short of the back patio, and Sean found himself being tugged back a step by his hand.</p><p class="p5">“What-” he trailed off, following Finn’s pointed gaze to the sand just ahead of them, where an X was drawn, neat and deep into the sand.</p><p class="p5">
  <em>What.</em>
</p><p class="p5">He stared blankly at Finn for a moment, who just nodded his head, all casual mischief, towards the X.</p><p class="p5">Sean dropped to his knees, Finn following suit as Sean dug his hands tentatively into the sand at the centre of the X. Finn’s eyes stayed fixed on him the whole time, until his hands found something that felt like leather. He wrapped his fingers around whatever it was and pulled, unfurling his fist when it was free of the sand to reveal a leather pouch. He stood slowly, bemused, as he examined it. It was drawn together with string, and when he opened it he let the contents fall into his palm. A small metal ring. Nothing extravagant. It matched his and Finn’s thumb rings, but it was smaller. He’d barely registered what that could mean when a whoosh of air behind him startled him out of his confusion, spinning on his heels to see what it was.</p><p class="p5">The first thing that he saw when he turned to face the ocean was that Finn, behind him, hadn’t stood when Sean had. He was still on his knees in the sand. On one knee.</p><p class="p5">Fucking <em>what?</em></p><p class="p5">The next thing he noticed was the source of the whoosh of air. Behind Finn, a cloud of sand had been swept from the beach by a gust, but instead of settling back on the ground, the particles of sand hovered, building still, forming words that sprawled out in the air as he watched.</p><p class="p5">
  <em>Let’s get hitched</em>
</p><p class="p5">Below it, two checkboxes presenting his two options: <em>hell yeah</em>, and <em>fucking A</em>.</p><p class="p5">Sean choked on his own surprised laugh, thick in his throat.</p><p class="p5">He stared down at Finn for maybe a beat too long, everything they’d built together the last ten years swelling inside him, warm and ecstatic and too big to contain in his chest, blocking him from providing the yes he hadn’t even needed to think about.</p><p class="p5">So naturally, when his voice returned to him, giddy sarcasm was the first thing that spilled out.</p><p class="p5">“Oh uh, this is awkward, but is there a third option?”</p><p class="p5">And if he hadn’t been one hundred per cent certain of Finn already, the glimmer in his eyes at Sean’s words, the growing smirk, so confident in Sean’s true answer that this hadn’t even thrown him off for a second, would have been what cemented it.</p><p class="p5">“Well I guess we could add a fuck yeah-”</p><p class="p5">But Sean had already flung himself at him, feeling Finn’s smile against his lips match his own.</p><p class="p5">“So just to be clear,” Finn murmured after a beat. “That’s a yes?”</p><p class="p5">Sean pulled away just far enough to laugh, his forehead against Finn’s, hands wrapped around his neck, he nodded.</p><p class="p5">“It’s a pretty solid yes, dude,” he breathed.</p><p class="p5">He leaned in to pull him back in for another kiss, but a new gust of air caught his attention. Pulling back, he saw the sand behind Finn that had spelled out the proposal reform into a new word. This time, it just read <em>gross</em>.</p><p class="p5">Sean laughed, louder this time, and Finn craned his neck to read it.</p><p class="p5">“Daniel?” Sean called out to nowhere in particular. The sand dropped, and Daniel emerged from the side of the house, beaming. Chris stepped out beside him, not even bothering to wipe away the happy tears streaming down his face.</p><p class="p3">“I’m going to give you one hug each,” Daniel said, his voice cautious as he approached, “because I’m very happy for you both. But then Chris and I are going to go to our room, and put our headphones in, and if you guys are going to celebrate tonight, you’re going to do it very quietly so your baby brother doesn’t have to think about it."</p><p class="p3">“Shut up,” Sean laughed, pulling him into a hug. “It’s not our honeymoon, stay and celebrate with us.”</p><p class="p3">“I… Actually went into town picked up some bubbly, earlier today. Assuming you’d say yes, I mean,” Chris’s voice was small, and Daniel clearly hadn’t known about this because he turned to face him with so much adoration in his eyes. He and his brother had each fallen for two very different people, but by the look in Daniel’s eyes at Chris’s thoughtfulness, they had both fallen just as hard.</p><p class="p3">“You, my man, are my new favourite,” Finn pointed at Chris, who looked pleased with himself. “Let’s fuckin’ celebrate!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Epilogue, pt. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <em>Twelve years after the events at the border</em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">“You think it’s weird that we both ended up with the first guys we ever kissed?” Daniel asked, straightening Sean’s tie. Their dad’s tie. It felt weird. Sean hadn’t worn a tie since high school prom.</p><p class="p3">He quirked an eyebrow at Daniel. At the implication that he and Chris were in it for the long-haul. It didn’t surprise him, really. They’d been together for four years, but they’d known each other since they were kids. He trusted Daniel’s gut on most things, but in this in particular he had no doubts.</p><p class="p3">“The Diaz men love hard, I guess,” Sean shrugged, examining the tie in the bathroom mirror as Daniel stepped aside.</p><p class="p3">“Could be that. Could also just be that we lucked out. Found the perfect people to love.”</p><p class="p3">Sean smiled, but as he looked in the mirror for another moment, he shook his head. Daniel frowned.</p><p class="p3">“No, I agree with you, it’s this tie I’m against.” He tore it off, handing it to Daniel. “It’s more you than me.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel looked like he might refuse, then stopped himself. “I guess it’s fitting that I wear his tie today, given my role.”</p><p class="p3">It was unconventional that the groom be given away at all, let alone by his younger brother. But what about this wedding was conventional?</p><p class="p3">Sean beamed, undoing his top button as Daniel fixed the tie under his own collar.</p><p class="p3">When Finn had proposed, and the initial thrill of the question passed, Sean had been worried. A wedding, a <em>marriage, </em>had seemed so unlike Finn. He’d pestered him, wanting to make sure that he genuinely wanted this, and Finn had admitted that sure, the traditional route wasn’t always for him, but this wedding didn’t need to be traditional in any sense of the word. So they’d planned it out, what they each wanted out of the wedding, and Finn’s description had been something along the lines of — <em>I want this party to be to traditional weddings as drag is to femininity.</em></p><p class="p3">They’d kind of nailed it, on that front.</p><p class="p3">Sean took one last look in the bathroom mirror before turning, on a sharp exhale, to face Daniel.</p><p class="p3">“Ready, enano?”</p><p class="p3">“Aren’t I supposed to be asking you that?”</p><p class="p3">They made their way downstairs, approaching the screen doors that led onto the beach. The blinds were half-closed, for the purposes of a dramatic entrance, but Sean peered between them. There wasn’t so much an aisle to walk down as there was an empty stretch of beach that people had left bare, whether consciously or not, for his entrance. People were scattered around, some on fold-out chairs, others stretched out on towels or just cross-legged on the sand.</p><p class="p3">He knew everyone here. Most were family to him and Finn alike. Hannah and Penny and Jake, Cass and Lyla. Chris sat with them, surprisingly at ease even in Daniel’s absence. Karen was there too, along with some others from Away — Stanley and Arthur, Joan, and Max and Chloe. There were only a handful of people he didn’t know very well. Kareem, Finn’s old probation officer. Finn’s brother, the only one he still kept in touch with, the one he’d stayed with in San Diego while Sean was in prison. Both he’d met only a few times. Both had saved Finn’s life at various points. So they already meant the world to him.</p><p class="p3">Just beyond them all, he knew, Finn was standing, waiting for him, but he didn’t let himself look. Not yet. Beside him, he felt the blinds twitch for Daniel, who tilted his head just slightly towards Cass.</p><p class="p3">He watched as Cassidy’s guitar pick floated gently into the air, catching Lyla’s attention. Lyla grabbed it, handing it to Cass, and seemed to call out into the crowd as Cass began strumming.</p><p class="p3">“That’s our cue,” Daniel said, taking the crook of Sean’s arm with a grin.</p><p class="p3">Sean gave the smallest of nods, and the door slid open at Daniel’s command.</p><p class="p3">Of course Finn was wearing a kilt. Of fucking course he was. Sean let his head fall back in a surprised laugh when he saw him, standing at the shoreline, clutching a bouquet with a wide, almost goofy grin.</p><p class="p3">Sean approached, Daniel at his arm, while Cass strummed some melody that may have been a distant cousin of a wedding march.</p><p class="p3">Behind Finn, beaming back at them, was Joan. Who would be officiating. Because she was, for reasons nobody was quite sure of, ordained. She’d married Arthur and Stanley back in Away, who were sitting in folding chairs somewhere around him, already teary-eyed along with Karen, Sean was sure. Now wasn’t the time to check, though. Right now, he couldn’t take his eyes off Finn.</p><p class="p3">Joan scrunched her nose affectionately when Sean got to where Finn stood, and Finn had a shocking sincerity in his eyes when he took him in. This, Sean realised, had not been part of Finn’s plans for the day. To put on a show, sure, to be the centre of attention, definitely. But this? To stand here and feel like everything had suddenly clicked into place in the world? Sean was sure that’s what was happening just then, because he could feel it happening to himself. And Finn’s eyes, unguarded and genuine, seemed to echo that feeling exactly.</p><p class="p3">He’d almost forgotten Daniel was even standing there beside him when he felt his hand on his shoulder — one gentle squeeze before he turned to sit with the rest of the crowd. There were no groomsmen today, no best man or maid of honour. Their guest list was so small that everyone here could have been in the running, everyone here important enough to stand up beside one of them. So, for equality’s sake, nobody did. Daniel gave him away, in Dad’s place, then sat with Chris on the sand, his face all smiles and pride.</p><p class="p3">Joan knew them well enough to keep it short. Nothing religious, nothing spiritual, only an introduction, a couple of jokes. Then it was time for their vows.</p><p class="p3">Finn let out a long exhale, looking around at the crowd before his gaze settled back on Sean.</p><p class="p3">“Nervous there, bud?” Sean chuckled, his voice low — though apparently loud enough to warrant a rumble of faint laughter among their guests. “Thought being in the spotlight was kind of your whole thing?”</p><p class="p3">“Yeah man,” Finn groaned, seeming horrified to hear his own voice crack. “I’m just no fuckin’ good with words. Thought I’d come up here, crack a few one-liners, spit in the face of tradition while letting all these bitches know how madly in love with you I am. But… Shit. I can’t even- It just. Feels too big. I’m not good enough with words for that.”</p><p class="p3">Sean felt the self-consciousness of standing in front of all those people slide away as he raised a hand to the back of Finn’s neck, pulling him close enough to rest his forehead against Finn’s.</p><p class="p3">“I think that about says it all,” Sean said, his voice soft and breathy through his smile. From somewhere in the crowd, a wolf-whistle pulled reality back into the moment, and they both laughed.</p><p class="p3">“Your turn, Sean,” Joan prompted.</p><p class="p3">“Uh, I’m not so good with words either,” Sean said, after a beat. “And Daniel refused to write them for me because apparently <em>that’s the kind of thing a guy should do for himself.</em>” A few chuckles from the crowd. “But I’m good with pictures. And I don’t need depth perception to see pretty clearly what our futures look like. You and me. Old and happy, on this beach. Together. And I don’t need a ring or a legal paper for that to be true, but I think having the people we love here to hold us to it is a good thing, because that’s us, isn’t it? We’ve seen the world together, and we’ll see more of it. But when we come back, it’ll be us, and the people we love.”</p><p class="p3">“Damn Sean.” Finn breathed. “The fuck you talking about <em>not good with words</em>? That was goddamn beautiful.”</p><p class="p3">More laughter from the crowd, but this time it was softer, punctuated with sniffles and breathy sighs. Sean felt himself struggling to keep it together, too, and he gave a small smile as he took a step back from Finn to swipe the back of his wrist across his eyes hastily.</p><p class="p3">Joan took that as her cue.</p><p class="p3">“Nicely done boys,” she beamed, before continuing. This wasn’t a legal ceremony, not really, so when Joan came to ask the ever-important final question, she asked first, if he, Sean Diaz, took Finn McNamara to be his partner, both in law and in crime, in sickness and in health, till death do them part. Sean’s grin grew as she spoke, chuckling at the phrasing, and he wasted no time in giving his answer. <em>I do. </em>When she asked Finn the same question, she’d barely finished speaking when he’d responded with <em>fuckin A’, I do.</em></p><p class="p3">Finn was already leaning in to kiss him, and Joan hurried to announce, “you may now kiss the groom,” stepping back and laughing as she added, “not that you need my permission.”</p><p class="p3">Finn had already cradled Sean in his arms, swinging him down into a low-dip in a telenovela style dramatic kiss that if Sean didn’t know any better, he’d have guessed he’d practised.</p><p class="p3">There was an embarrassed laugh from some of the people watching, whoops and wolf-whistles from others, and Sean found himself not feeling embarrassed at all, wrapping his arms around Finn’s neck as he smiled into the kiss. Not self-conscious of the eyes on him, because every person watching today knew exactly who he was. He was in love with the most carefree, most unchained person he’d ever met. And over the years he’d taught him to lose some of his own chains. They’d tasted freedom together, and it had changed him.</p><p class="p3">“Hang on,” Finn murmured after a moment, pulling apart just an inch, a smile splitting across his face as Sean caught his breath. “Gotta deal with these fuckers.”</p><p class="p3">Sean laughed as Finn hauled him upright again, Finn’s hand still on the small of his back as he turned to address their people.</p><p class="p3">“Alright, my dudes, I don’t know what you’re waiting for, we don’t have any church to walk dramatically out of. Party starts here and now!”</p><p class="p3">There was a moment of stillness, their guests staring up at them from the sand, apparently unsure how to transition from <em>wedding </em>to <em>party </em>when it’d all be taking place on the same stretch of sand.</p><p class="p3">“Alright, fuck it. Up, everyone, you need some official shit, I’ve got you.” He gestured over at the crowd, bouquet in one hand, encouraging them to stand.</p><p class="p3">Sean stifled a laugh as he watched Finn herd the bemused guests to an empty stretch of sand, gathering them all into a small group. Without all the restrictions of convention, they had been able to explore and play with wedding traditions, and one such tradition had been the bouquet toss. Finn had surprised Sean with that suggestion. Sean could be given away, if Finn got to throw the bouquet. He’d been pretty adamant about it. He did love to be the centre of attention, after all. Problem was, throwing flowers wasn’t actually all that similar to throwing knives.</p><p class="p3">When Finn turned his back to the crowd, people seemed to realise what was happening, Finn waving the bouquet a few times as he made a show of figuring out the best angle. There were hands reaching out from the crowd when Finn tossed the bouquet over his head, but his angle was all off. The flowers went flying in entirely the wrong direction, wildly out of reach of their small crowd.</p><p class="p3">Sean laughed, about to put his head in his hands until he saw the bouquet stop, mid-air. He turned, automatically, to look at Daniel, whose eyes glinted with mischief as they followed the bouquet back to the crowd, directly into Chris’s hands. Sean saw his brother wink when Chris looked in his direction, and he saw Chris’s face redden despite his growing smile.</p><p class="p3">Sean’s heart swelled. He had high hopes that his brother had found the same kind of happiness he had.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Epilogue, pt. 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Finn and Sean were dancing, terribly. Adorably so. The song blaring from the speakers an unrecognisable indie song that seemed so typical of Sean, the beat fast and irregular, the flurried and clumsy movement of Finn and Sean’s feet even more so. Daniel, reclining in the sand with his arm around Chris — who cradled his bouquet like it was his prized possession — watched with enjoyment.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, yeah, he looks happy as fuck,” Hannah said, rolling her eyes. “Almost enough for me to forgive him for ditching his family. <em>Almost.</em>”</p><p class="p1">Daniel had never been particularly close with Hannah. He’d always gotten the feeling she hadn’t like Sean much, and Daniel even less. But at her words, Daniel realised they had more in common than he’d thought.</p><p class="p1">“Nah,” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips as he watched Sean and Finn laugh when they stumbled an attempted spin. “Finn didn’t ditch you guys. Same as Sean never ditched me. You guys visit here all the time, right? But you could never settle down here. Finn knows that, and he’d never ask you to, however much he’d like to live here with all of you. I know because Sean’s the same with me. They’re just living the closest they can to their perfect lives without asking you to compromise yours. They just have more than one home now, but we’ll always be one of theirs.”</p><p class="p1">Penny let out a low whistle. “Deep, man.”</p><p class="p1">“I can’t believe how old you make me feel,” Jacob added, a small self-deprecating smile finally playing across his face where shock had been for a moment after Daniel finished speaking. “You’re still just a little kid in my head. But here you are, in a tie, departing wisdom.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel gave a small laugh of surprise at that, and Chris, smirking, put his bouquet down in the sand so that he could straighten the tie in question. “Those <em>are </em>his only two personality points after all. Looking hot and being wise.”</p><p class="p1">“And he’s got himself a witty boyfriend too,” Cass said, reclining into Lyla’s arm. “Definitely feel old.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey now,” Lyla shot back, “While the boyfriend might be a more recent development, our Daniel has <em>always </em>been cute and wise.” Lyla unhooked her arm from around Cassidy to reach out and ruffle Daniel’s hair. Because it was a wedding, and for old time’s sake, he didn’t swat her away. Even if he was twenty-two.</p><p class="p1">Chris reached out to fix the hair that Lyla had ruffled out of place, smiling. “Actually, I didn’t say cute, I definitely said hot. And now the hot boyfriend is gonna come dance with the witty boyfriend.” Chris stood, tugging on Daniel’s hand, trying to pull him up into a twirl with some difficulty, as Daniel wouldn’t budge.</p><p class="p1">“I’m… Good.”</p><p class="p1">But the others booed and heckled, Lyla and Penny pushing him towards Chris, and he gave in, letting Chris pull him, stumbling, into the empty patch of sand that was being used as a makeshift dance floor. Lyla and Cass followed close behind, and soon others were joining — his mom pulling up Joan to dance, Arthur and Stanley, Max and Chloe — and Daniel didn’t feel quite so ridiculous.</p><p class="p1">When the music changed, couples found their way to others, Lyla spinning Chris away — the two good friends already despite having met only a few times. Chris had thoroughly enjoyed teasing Daniel over his past crush on her, and she’d enjoyed egging him on. Daniel was only alone for the briefest of seconds when Finn approached, and Daniel looked around to find that Sean had been accosted by their mom, who was beaming with pride.</p><p class="p1">“Enjoying yourself, super-bro?” Finn asked as he tried to pull him into something that might have been waltz-adjacent, which felt suitably <em>wrong </em>for the upbeat electro-monstrosity that was currently pulsing through the speakers. Daniel laughed, letting him pull him along.</p><p class="p1">“Definitely. Proud to have you as my brother outlaw officially,” he said with a grin.</p><p class="p1">“Saw that little stunt with the bouquet,” Finn shot back after a moment, his voice low and a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. “Had fun explaining that one to Kareem and my bro,” he chuckled.</p><p class="p1">Oh, shit. Daniel had forgotten that there were people here who didn’t know. Seeing his expression, Finn gave a small laugh.</p><p class="p1">“You’re good. They bought my explanation of coastal winds and shit. What else do you expect them to believe, that Sean’s little brother was using telekinesis to basically announce his betrothal?”</p><p class="p1">“Betrothal!” Daniel scoffed, but it came out like more of an embarrassed cough, and the warmth that spread over Daniel’s face only made Finn laugh harder. He chanced a glance over at Chris, who seemed to be having a similarly hushed conversation with Lyla. His face was an adorable shade of red, and he watched as Chris glanced over to the bouquet that lay in the sand where they had been sitting, then over to Daniel, blushing deeper when he saw that Daniel had been watching.</p><p class="p1">“Take your time, man, you’ve got plenty of it,” Finn drawled, having watched all of this go down. “We’re all headed out together soon, you’ll figure out your future somewhere along the road.”</p><p class="p1">He was right, Daniel knew. They had timed the wedding perfectly. Him and Chris had just finished classes and exams for their last semester of college. They’d stay here a few weeks, while Sean and Finn went on their honeymoon — Costa Rica, where else? — and when their grades were released, they’d all go back up together for their Graduation. After that, the road. A gap year of sorts. Time for Daniel and Chris to see some of the world, to work on building creative portfolios for themselves while they travelled. Time to taste the life that Sean and Finn had led before going back to the real world.</p><p class="p1">The party stretched out even when the sun got low in the sky, the orange and pinks of the sunset falling on them as they drank and ate and danced and talked, a campfire being built slowly, lazily, like it was only an afterthought of people enjoying themselves too much to worry about the rapidly darkening sky.</p><p class="p1">Max had been taking an insane amount of photos throughout the day, and they were passing the polaroids around, laughing at some, sighing over others.</p><p class="p1">“You kids really nailed this one,” Joan was saying as she examined one of Daniel walking Sean across the beach. She stretched out on a towel, most of them gathered together on the sand, tired of dancing for now. “You went out there, said fuck the traditions and ceremony that so many people get so hung up on. You did this your own way and it was amazing.”</p><p class="p1">Sean smiled, and Finn gave a little huff of pleasure as he pressed Sean’s hand, entwined in his, to his lips.</p><p class="p1">“Does it go against some kind of etiquette to say I’m surprised, though?” Karen added, looking a little embarrassed.</p><p class="p1">“Nah, we’re all with you there,” Cassidy chipped in.</p><p class="p1">“When he asked me to help him propose I thought I’d heard him wrong,” Daniel added, and he felt rather than heard Chris, beside him, chuckle at the memory of it.</p><p class="p1">“Don’t get us wrong, Sean, it’s not like we’re surprised someone wants to marry you,” Lyla jumped in, even as Sean laughed. “Just that, y’know, Finn has always seemed…” She trailed off, and Finn filled the silence with his own laughter.</p><p class="p1">“Un-marriable?” Finn suggested, helpfully, and Lyla pressed her lips together, embarrassed.</p><p class="p1">Daniel watched as Sean smiled. “Yeah. He’s, uh, pretty anti-institution. And I’ve not always had the best outlook on marriage myself.” Sean took great care not to look at their mom as he spoke, but Daniel saw, and their mom seemed to as well. “But, hey, we’d already done the commitment part. We already knew we’d spend the rest of our lives together. We talked about it and thought, well, we might not buy into the institution or, the societal expectations or whatever, but why the hell shouldn’t we get an epic party out of it like everyone else does, right? Why not be able to celebrate it in front of our people?”</p><p class="p1">“I can vouch for that.” Daniel piped up. “They’re big fans of PDA.”</p><p class="p1">“Hey,” Sean called back cheerfully, “you haven’t retched or gagged once today, though, proud of you enano.”</p><p class="p1">“I try,” Daniel smiled sweetly.</p><p class="p1">“And it’s like you said, Joan,” Finn continued as though there had been no divergence from the original topic. “We did it our way. Except we didn’t so much say fuck tradition as we got to fuck <em>with…</em>” As he trailed off, his eyes widened. “Shit.”</p><p class="p1">“What?” Sean asked, a little alarmed.</p><p class="p1">“Cake, Sean! We forgot cake!”</p><p class="p1">Sean tried to echo the seriousness on Finn’s face, but failed, smothering his laughter badly along with everyone else at the dissonance between the words Finn was saying and the urgency with which he said them. After such a laid-back day, it was hard to keep serious when Finn seemed so intense about this small detail.</p><p class="p1">Daniel leant over to whisper to Chris. “Hey, I’d use my power but… I’ve already been told off once today.”</p><p class="p1">“I got you,” Chris said with a grin, sneaking off back into the house while the others were distracted with trying not to laugh. Daniel watched him leave, then turned back to Sean, who locked eyes with him briefly. Daniel gave him a thumbs up behind Finn's back.</p><p class="p1">“Hey, man,” Sean said to Finn, his voice soothing, “it’s okay.” Sean’s gaze darted quickly to the house, where Chris was now heading their way, something bulky in his hands. “I let you forget the cake on purpose. We got you.” He was grinning, and Finn turned to follow Sean’s line of sight, seeing Chris close in on them.</p><p class="p1">“It’s coconut cake,” Daniel added, watching Finn’s face go soft and bright with surprise. “We thought you’d like that.”</p><p class="p1">“We made it,” Chris said, beaming. “Or, you’ll be pleased to know it was mostly me. The Diaz men can <em>not </em>cook.”</p><p class="p1">Daniel didn’t even try to argue. “I can get us some paper plates though,” he grinned, turning back to enjoy Finn’s face, warped with way more emotion than was really warranted over a homemade coconut cake, before darting back to the house.</p><p class="p3">* * *</p><p class="p1">They camped outside that night, most of them. There wasn’t enough space in the house for everyone, and they gave the beds up to some of the older guests who weren’t quite up to sleeping in the sand.</p><p class="p1">“I’m going to hate the answer to this,” Daniel started, when they were all a little drunk and warm, laying down to sleep beneath the stars. “But are you guys <em>sure </em>you don’t want a little more privacy on your wedding night?”</p><p class="p1">“Eh, we’ve got our whole honeymoon for privacy,” Sean shrugged. “We’ll only be here with everyone tonight. We can wait.”</p><p class="p1">“Plus,” Finn added with a smirk. “Costa Rica’s not gonna know what hit it.”</p><p class="p1">“Can I pretend to puke now?” Daniel asked Chris quietly.</p><p class="p1">“I think you’ve earned it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Epilogue, pt. 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <em>Fifteen years after the events at the border</em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">Their gap year had turned into three. And not one of them had regretted a single second of it. Though, over the last six months or so, their aimless world rambling had become less aimless. Routes had been made to plan whether they’d be able to access WiFi, charge their phones. Nails were bitten while emails were refreshed, waiting to hear back from agents and publishers, waiting for calls from job applications.</p><p class="p3">Their final decision to call their extended gap year to an end came when Daniel got an offer of representation from a literary agent, and Chris got a call inviting him to interview with an indie games developer based in California. Thank god for SoCal indie start-up attitudes — when they found out Chris was in Italy when he took their call, they told him there was no rush. They set the interview for just over two weeks later, giving them time to travel back to the states, for one last Californian hiking trip. Time to say goodbye to the road.</p><p class="p3">Running out of money, and restless for different kinds of adventures, Daniel and Chris knew they needed to head back for solid ground. They wanted to pursue careers, put to use the work they’d created while on the road, start a home of their own, maybe even a family. It didn’t matter what, just yet, only that, after three years on the road with Sean and Finn, they truly felt they could do anything from here on out.</p><p class="p3">Didn’t make parting ways any easier, though.</p><p class="p3">“Checks out, doesn’t it,” Daniel said as they sat up on high ground, watching someone else’s distant firework display from a spot where the trees were thin enough to see swathes of small-town California sprawling out before them. “That our last day on the road would be the fourth of July.”</p><p class="p3">Beside him, Sean gave a small laugh.</p><p class="p3">“Yeah, it does kind of check out, doesn’t it?”</p><p class="p3">Finn took a long drag on a joint.</p><p class="p3">“Life’s circular and shit,” he said through an exhale. He passed the joint to Sean, who shook his head and tried to pass it to Daniel, who shook his own head.</p><p class="p3">When Chris reached out over Daniel to take it, they all looked at him. It wasn’t that Chris was completely straight-edged, just that he so rarely took what was offered, that they’d sort of stopped offering.</p><p class="p3">“What?” He asked, taking a small drag on the joint. He shrugged, his voice becoming smaller. “I‘m nervous.”</p><p class="p3">His interview wasn’t until the day after tomorrow, but Chris had been growing increasingly anxious about it for days. Daniel lay his head on Chris’s shoulder, feeling his boyfriend relax even as he did. He entwined an arm in his.</p><p class="p3">“You’re gonna be great. I know you have trouble trusting yourself, but trust me. They’re going to love you.”</p><p class="p3">Chris didn’t say anything, but took another drag with one hand, the other tightening against Daniel’s arm. They watched the fireworks a little while longer in silence.</p><p class="p3">Daniel felt his stress. He believed in Chris, but he was anxious for him. He knew how perfect this job was for him. How devastated he’d be if he didn’t get it. It felt strange to be worrying about something as normal as a job interview after the past three years. He felt wild. An echo of how he’d felt the first time, slot into suburban life after so many months of being a wolf, free to roam. It was different, this time, though, because he’d chosen it. Both the departure, and the return. He’d tasted that freedom in its truest form, and now in his return back to the real world he’d still carry that within him.</p><p class="p3">The firework display they’d been watching had stopped, but another two, further away, had begun. Bursts of lights across the landscape below them reminded them that they weren’t the only four people in the world. Not any more. It was a nice reminder. A reminder that the world had remained, waiting for them to reclaim it.</p><p class="p3">Chris passed the almost finished joint back to Finn, who took one last drag and stamped it out, exhaling on a sigh.</p><p class="p3">“Come on, Blondie. Let’s leave the brothers to talk on their last night.” He heaved himself up, placing a kiss on Sean’s head as he did, then reaching out over Daniel to help Chris pull himself up to his feet. They disappeared into the tree-line behind them, back where they had made camp.</p><p class="p3">Daniel and Sean’s gazes were both fixed on the horizon, but each knew the other’s thoughts well enough, because they were the same thoughts.</p><p class="p3">Thoughts of gratitude for their time together. Sadness that it was coming to an end. Hope for their futures.</p><p class="p3">“Back to Puerto Lobos, right?” Daniel said then, as if they had already been having a conversation about what they would both be doing after tomorrow.</p><p class="p3">Sean nodded. “For now. Another few years, maybe. Until we get restless again. It’ll take a while, I think. It’s not like we’re stuck in one place. We’ll be travelling up to visit you all the time.”</p><p class="p3">It was Daniel’s turn to nod.</p><p class="p3">“If Chris gets this job, he’ll be tied down a little. But I won’t be. Not if my agent can get this deal she’s been talking about. I can write anywhere. Come visit you guys too.”</p><p class="p3">They were reassuring each other, as if either of them needed it. As if they didn’t already know that they could do this, had done it before, were stronger still, now.</p><p class="p3">“You know, before Brett’s testimony, they talked about the possibility of me getting fifteen years.” Sean said, quietly.</p><p class="p3">Daniel did the math in his head quietly for a moment.</p><p class="p3">“Oh,” he said, his voice low and breathy as he realised what Sean had meant. It was fifteen years, today. “I can’t imagine…” he began, but trailed off. He <em>could </em>imagine. He could imagine how their lives might have turned out if Sean was being released from prison today. Daniel having missed out on all those years with him. He just didn’t want to.</p><p class="p3">“Yeah. Me neither.” Sean said. “We did good though, right? I mean. We did <em>really </em>well with what we were given. Two lives that shouldn’t have been compatible, and we made it work.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel smiled, turning to look at his brother instead of the horizon, his memory forming the shape of the kid he used to be beneath the man he was now.</p><p class="p3">“Mostly you.” Daniel said, then. “It would have been so <em>easy </em>for you to just. Up and leave. Never come back. Be the kind of brother I see every couple of christmases and that’s it.”</p><p class="p3">But Sean was just shaking his head. “Nah, it wouldn’t have been easy. And it wasn’t just me. You could have gotten pissed about me leaving. Could have shut me out, but you didn’t.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel let out a snort that went some of the way to dispelling the solemn mood that had fallen on them since Chris and Finn left. “Dude. I <em>did </em>get pissed.”</p><p class="p3">Sean laughed too, “but you were always pissed, you were twelve.”</p><p class="p3">“True, true,” Daniel snickered as he ran a hand through his hair, exhaling any tension that still remained. “Fifteen years, huh? And look at us now,” he elbowed Sean, who let himself be pushed, swaying where he sat with a grin before he pushed back.</p><p class="p3">“Been a long-ass fifteen years that’s for sure.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel pictured them both at the border. Him, still a kid. Like, not even a teenage kid but a <em>child. </em>Even if he hadn’t felt like one for a while. And Sean, who had seemed so old to him at the time, so adult, practically a child himself still.</p><p class="p3">“Wonder where we’ll be in another fifteen,” Daniel said, his thoughts occupied with how big a difference fifteen years could make, the difference it had made to them.</p><p class="p3">“Oh, god,” Sean said, lying back on the ground to stare up at the stars, the fireworks done for now. “I’d be…” He squinted a little, thinking.</p><p class="p3">“Forty-six?” Daniel supplied helpfully as he lay on the ground beside him. He enjoyed the contortion of disgust on Sean’s face as he said it.</p><p class="p3">“Oh. Oh no. I do not like that.” Sean said, Daniel started to laugh, until Sean added, “so that’d make you forty.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel scrunched up his nose. “Gross.”</p><p class="p3">“I cannot imagine us in our forties. I mean hell, I can barely believe that I’m currently in my <em>thirties.</em>”</p><p class="p3">When he’d pushed past the initial revulsion of just how <em>old </em>forty was, Daniel kind of warmed to the idea. He smiled, considering for a second, before he spoke.</p><p class="p3">“I can,” he said finally. “You and Finn will still be married, that’s a given. And me and Chris too, by then, almost certainly.” He side-eyed Sean, to see if there was any surprise on his face, but his brother just nodded. “And kids, maybe?” Daniel added. He’d turned it into a question.</p><p class="p3">“God no, not for me and Finn. Besides, I’m a better brother to you than I ever was a guardian. So, stands to reason that I’d be a better tío to your kids than I would be dad to my own.”</p><p class="p3">“You’d be the best tío.” Daniel grinned. “Just… Maybe don’t let Finn teach my kids to throw knives. At least not until they’re in high school.”</p><p class="p3">Sean let out a loud, barking laugh. “Good luck fighting that fight. Didn’t go so well with you.”</p><p class="p3">Daniel chuckled, then paused. “I think… No, I definitely know I want kids. Someday soon. Me and Chris, with a house and a dog and some kids. I like that. They’d call me papí and Chris dad.”</p><p class="p3">Sean turned his head to look at Daniel. “That’s the most adorable shit you’ve ever said. And you said some pretty adorable shit when you were little.”</p><p class="p3">“I try, I try,” Daniel said with a small laugh, the two of them sinking into companionable silence again after a moment.</p><p class="p3">“I’m really lucky,” Daniel said after a while. “To have you as my brother.”</p><p class="p3">Sean looked at him then, and Daniel could tell that he’d understood everything that had gone unsaid there. Lucky to have him looking out for him, all those years ago. Lucky to have been loved and protected so fiercely. Lucky to have come out the other side with Sean still alive, still here, still in touch. Lucky to have him as a best friend, even now, when most people he knew loved their siblings but didn’t always like them. Lucky as all hell to have spent the last three years travelling the world with him.</p><p class="p3">They’d had their share of bad luck. Enough for a lifetime. It just made sense that the universe had balanced out for them.</p><p class="p3">“Me too, enano.” Sean said then, his smile soft, misty-eyed. “But it wasn’t luck. We’re the wolf brothers. We fought for each other.” He shot Daniel a grin, big and silly and endlessly joyful, and Daniel could think of no better way to respond than to cup his hands around his own mouth and howl into the night.</p><p class="p3">Sean howled with him.</p><p class="p3">A little way in the distance, hidden by the trees, Finn and Chris howled back.</p><p class="p3">Tomorrow they’d go their separate ways again, and it would hurt. It always did. It might even hurt more now, after so much time together. But they’d survive. They always did.</p><p class="p3">He remembered what he’d told Hannah at Sean and Finn’s wedding, about not leaving people behind, about finding the perfect life for you without asking the people you love to compromise theirs.</p><p class="p3">They both knew their lives wouldn’t be perfect all the time. But they also knew that they had fought hard for the lives they were building and for the people they loved, and it was easy to feel confident that their lives — at least — would be as close to perfect as they could be, as often as they could be.</p><p class="p2">*</p><p class="p3">
  <em>“So how does the story of the wolf brothers end?”</em>
</p><p class="p3">
  <em>“It doesn’t. Not right now, at least. Not here.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this is the last chapter. Thanks so much for all your lovely comments, writing this the last eight months or so has been wonderful &lt;3 I'm gonna take a lil break from writing fanfic now this is done, BUT I have an idea for a teenage Chris x Daniel Superhero AU based loosely on TJ Klune's The Extraordinaries, so watch this space for that once I've had a little time away.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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